Woman and hormones

[Anglewannabe]

I have started this thread so as to not derail another thread.

Basically, the topic on the other thread was about how women shouldn’t get a free pass to do what they want because they are pregnant. And a lot of women posted about what they went through while pregnant.

Now, first I want to say, I have never been pregnant so I can not speak from experience. And I am sure that it can be very difficult with the sleepless nights, back pain, morning sickness and just worry about the baby. I also think the only reason it can be bearable for some women is the hope for the day they will finally see their bundle of joy.

With that being said and done, there are a few things that offend me about these discussions.

1-) sometimes I get the impression people are saying that all pregnant women are ‘nutso’ all the time. I find that offensive because I have seen several pregnant women behave in very competent manners in the office. So obviously pregnant women can do a lot of things right. That’s not to say they don’t need more rest, but they still can function just maybe not at 100%

2-) As a woman, there have been times I have been short tempered or made a thoughless action and I was not going through PMS. Why can I not fall into the category ‘humans make mistakes’? Why is there an insinuation that if a woman isn’t hormonal, she needs to be perfect

3-) If a woman is pregnant, why can’t people simple be nice to her (ie offering her a seat on the bus, carrying her boxes) for the simple reason of being nice to a pregnant women? Why is there all of this psycho-analysis about hormones?

By the way, it is NOT my intention to start a heated thread (even though I fear this is what it may turn into). My intention is to try and solve what I consider to be one of the main problems that has always plague all societies across all times ie the disrespect of how women were created. And I don’t think this is a problem that men are causing, I think it is a problem that society (ie even women) cause

 

[pensmama87]

I do think an effort should be made to accommodate the needs of pregnant women without infantalizing them. It seems very difficult for people to do this with other issues, though (disabilities, old age, not a native speaker of a language, for instance) so perhaps it’s not surprising it happens to pregnant women, too.

 

[E_7]

This reminds me of the long waiting line to use the bathroom in Church after Mass on my third trimester. Not a single person thought of my state and I fairly waited for my turn. Now if I happen to see a pregnant woman behind the line, I would definitely let her go before me.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

My wife, pregnant 5 times remained a logical professional person throughout. With the exception of about 6 months ppd after our third. I would expect nothing less from her.

 

[Anglewannabe]

My wife, pregnant 5 times remained a logical professional person throughout. With the exception of about 6 months ppd after our third. I would expect nothing less from her.

Well… you bring up another point. You are the father so you do have more responsibility. For example, (just an example). If I see a pregnant woman at the grocery behind me in line at the cash, I will offer to lift her big bag of potatoes for her. However, I will pay for my order and leave. At some point, I think it is the father’s responsibility to make sure she gets home OK

 

[Anglewannabe]

This reminds me of the long waiting line to use the bathroom in Church after Mass on my third trimester. Not a single person thought of my state and I fairly waited for my turn. Now if I happen to see a pregnant woman behind the line, I would definitely let her go before me.

When I first read that post my initial though was

But after thinking about it, I realized that having never been pregnant myself, I would not have know what you were going through so I probably would have been a guilty party if I was in the line.

Not sure what the solution would be though. A polite ‘May I please cut since I am in my third trimester’ may have been accepted by most.

 

[Xantippe]

This reminds me of the long waiting line to use the bathroom in Church after Mass on my third trimester. Not a single person thought of my state and I fairly waited for my turn. Now if I happen to see a pregnant woman behind the line, I would definitely let her go before me.

During my first pregnancy in the DC metro area, I had to ride public transportation a lot as we didn’t have a car then. I kept track, and only four people on the bus or metro ever gave up a seat to me, three of them being women, and the only guy being both Russian and prompted by his wife. So, not a great showing for US men…And I get HUGE while pregnant, so it wasn’t as if nobody could tell. There was one guy who was really, really lucky I didn’t sit on his lap…

 

[Xantippe]

My wife, pregnant 5 times remained a logical professional person throughout. With the exception of about 6 months ppd after our third. I would expect nothing less from her.

So, why the exception for postpartum depression?

Also, come to think of it, there’s a pregnancy version of postpartum depression.

“Depression, the most common mood disorder in the general population, is approximately twice as common in women as in men, with its initial onset peaking during the reproductive-age years. Therefore, it is not surprising that perinatal depression, which includes major and minor depressive episodes that occur during pregnancy or in the first 12 months after delivery, is one of the most common medical complications during pregnancy and the postpartum period, affecting one in seven women)”.

acog.org/Resources-And-Publications/Committee-Opinions/Committee-on-Obstetric-Practice/Screening-for-Perinatal-Depression

 

[pensmama87]

This reminds me of the long waiting line to use the bathroom in Church after Mass on my third trimester. Not a single person thought of my state and I fairly waited for my turn. Now if I happen to see a pregnant woman behind the line, I would definitely let her go before me.

Well, part of it too is that you don’t know what other issues people have. At our parish, pretty much anybody who’s using the bathroom there is a pregnant lady, elderly person, or child, who could all have fairly urgent needs.

During my second pregnancy I had SPD and I was in a lot of pain. I got really cranky about other people not making allowances. But in my other two pregnancies I felt fine, so I didn’t need help (and sometimes got irritated by offers to help).

I think I’m pretty fortunate because I live in an area where people will go out of their way to help older people or a mom. A passerby helped me through a door with a stroller this week even though he wasn’t going into the same building I was. I wasn’t looking for that but it was very nice.

 

[Lorelei12]

Hormones do different things to different women. Personally, I felt better when I was pregnant, because I get terrible migraines that are primarily due to hormonal fluctuations. I still had morning sickness and bad fatigue and some other issues, but for me none of it was as bad as my “normal life”. Other women have a much harder time during pregnancy. Some get emotional, and some, like me, are actually more even-tempered when pregnant.

Being pregnant isn’t an excuse for poor behavior, but sometimes it can be an explanation. I don’t really know what it’s like to be totally off-kilter while pregnant, but I know what it’s like to be that way postpartum and due to hormone issues in general, and sometimes I say things I don’t mean to my husband or other people and it’s not something I would normally do. Or I cry for seemingly no reason. I look at my chart, and I know that it will pass in a couple of days. So, I agree, we all make mistakes and say things we don’t mean, and have off-days, and for some of us that can be explained because we’re a little off because of hormones. It’s not an excuse by any means, but just a reason.

 

[heidi_storage]

During my first pregnancy in the DC metro area, I had to ride public transportation a lot as we didn’t have a car then. I kept track, and only four people on the bus or metro ever gave up a seat to me, three of them being women, and the only guy being both Russian and prompted by his wife. So, not a great showing for US men…And I get HUGE while pregnant, so it wasn’t as if nobody could tell. There was one guy who was really, really lucky I didn’t sit on his lap…

People riding on Metro tend to be looking out for No. 1. People on the commuter buses were much nicer.

 

[Allegra]

I think there are reasonable allowances that a pregnant woman ought to be able to expect. (More frequent bathroom breaks, occasional forgetting, minor irritability due to discomfort and fatigue, not being able to lift or haul large objects) I don’t feel that pregnancy is carte blanche to do whatever one wants, particularly if “one” wants to be cruel or disrespectful to others.

 

[AdamP88]

I think there are reasonable allowances that a pregnant woman ought to be able to expect. (More frequent bathroom breaks, occasional forgetting, minor irritability due to discomfort and fatigue, not being able to lift or haul large objects) I don’t feel that pregnancy is carte blanche to do whatever one wants, particularly if “one” wants to be cruel or disrespectful to others.

I would agree with this. I don’t think it’s “offensive” to ask a genuine question about something like this. (Which was actually being done in the thread the OP is talking about, if it’s the same thread I’m thinking of)

The question wasn’t whether women should “suck it up”…it was a question about to what extent should certain behaviour be tolerated because of the way women are made by God and what is the line where someone (a spouse perhaps) can say…“hold on a second, that was uncalled for”.

I admit that, as a man, I will never understand some of these things completely. But the whole point of my question was to try to understand a little better.

 

[Allegra]

I would agree with this. I don’t think it’s “offensive” to ask a genuine question about something like this. (Which was actually being done in the thread the OP is talking about, if it’s the same thread I’m thinking of)

The question wasn’t whether women should “suck it up”…it was a question about to what extent should certain behaviour be tolerated because of the way women are made by God and what is the line where someone (a spouse perhaps) can say…“hold on a second, that was uncalled for”.

I admit that, as a man, I will never understand some of these things completely. But the whole point of my question was to try to understand a little better.

Oh, I see. I didn’t read the other thread. I was under the impression that we were focusing on a public or professional environment. Sorry to burst the bubble, but the bar is set a little higher for husbands regarding accommodations, since the pregnant lady is carrying his child.

 

[Xantippe]

People riding on Metro tend to be looking out for No. 1. People on the commuter buses were much nicer.

That’s an interesting point. I can’t remember now, but I think you might be right.

 

[Xantippe]

Oh, I see. I didn’t read the other thread. I was under the impression that we were focusing on a public or professional environment. Sorry to burst the bubble, but the bar is set a little higher for husbands regarding accommodations, since the pregnant lady is carrying his child.

…and the child may be making her very sick and uncomfortable.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I would agree with this. I don’t think it’s “offensive” to ask a genuine question about something like this. (Which was actually being done in the thread the OP is talking about, if it’s the same thread I’m thinking of).

Well, depending on tone asking question can be innocent or offensive. Yes it was your question and since I did not want to derail that thread I started a new on

The question wasn’t whether women should “suck it up”…it was a question about to what extent should certain behaviour be tolerated because of the way women are made by God and what is the line where someone (a spouse perhaps) can say…“hold on a second, that was uncalled for”.

Well, my answer to that question is the woman can not use it as an excuse to treat others badly. For instance if someone is tapping their fingernail on the pew at church, I usually pray for tolerance and keep my comments to myself. If I was pregnant I would hope I would do the same.

If the husband pushes the pregnant wife’s buttons, he can NOT say ‘hold on that is uncalled for’. However if he forgot to take out the trash and the women growls ‘you forgot to take out the trash’, the husband should be more apologetic and let it slide more than if she weren’t pregnant.

If the woman out of the blue screams an unprovoked insult, then the man can be more vocal about asking her to calm down.

I admit that, as a man, I will never understand some of these things completely. But the whole point of my question was to try to understand a little better.

 

[AdamP88]

Well, depending on tone asking question can be innocent or offensive. Yes it was your question and since I did not want to derail that thread I started a new on

Well, my answer to that question is the woman can not use it as an excuse to treat others badly. For instance if someone is tapping their fingernail on the pew at church, I usually pray for tolerance and keep my comments to myself. If I was pregnant I would hope I would do the same.

If the husband pushes the pregnant wife’s buttons, he can NOT say ‘hold on that is uncalled for’. However if he forgot to take out the trash and the women growls ‘you forgot to take out the trash’, the husband should be more apologetic and let it slide more than if she weren’t pregnant.

If the woman out of the blue screams an unprovoked insult, then the man can be more vocal about asking her to calm down.

I admit that, as a man, I will never understand some of these things completely. But the whole point of my question was to try to understand a little better.

Grand, that answers my question. And also confirms what I kind of thought already. That yes, pregnancy, time of the month etc… should be taken into consideration by the man and he should make an effort to be tolerant and loving toward his spouse.

 

[Anglewannabe]

AdamPeter:
Grand, that answers my question. And also confirms what I kind of thought already. That yes, pregnancy, time of the month etc… should be taken into consideration by the man and he should make an effort to be tolerant and loving toward his spouse.

oops. I was thinking of semi retracting my answers

Actually would this not be like any other issue in marriage where the couple should talk about it? The man should still be more giving than usual but communication is to remain open and not swept under the rug because of pregnancy

 

[Convert_in_99]

It should be made clear that pregnancy, post-pregnancy, “that time of the month” can vary in levels of uncomfortable from one woman to the next. “That time of the month” was a living hell for me that progressively became a cycle long battle with a debilitating illness that slowly took over my body multiple times until I just recently got everything yanked out via a hysterectomy. Other ladies have periods so heavy they literally faint from blood loss. Others have a very light period and no pain at all. pregnancy is similar. Some women wind up hospitalized due to dehydration from “morning” sickness, while some women don’t experience anything.

You just never know what a woman could be going through just being a woman.