Woman and hormones

[Hoosier_Daddy]

AdamPeter:
Grand, that answers my question. And also confirms what I kind of thought already. That yes, pregnancy, time of the month etc… should be taken into consideration by the man and he should make an effort to be tolerant and loving toward his spouse.

I don’t believe that to be true. I don’t treat my wife any different no matter the time of month. I could, if there was some sort of medical issue that incapacitated her mentally to some degree. That can happen. It did with ppd. I think it depends on the woman. But I don’t think it’s fair to put extra expectations on the man in all situations.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I don’t believe that to be true. I don’t treat my wife any different no matter the time of month. .

I hope that means you treat her like gold 365 days per year

But I don’t think it’s fair to put extra expectations on the man in all situations.

No one said all situations. I am saying times when your wife is carrying YOUR child. I am saying times when your wife is hormonal due to pms a function women need to go through so they can give men children.

Stop and think of the 9 months constant extra expectations that was put on your wife for every kid she gave you

 

[pensmama87]

I’m pretty sure HD’s wife is always treated as a queen.

 

[AdamP88]

I hope that means you treat her like gold 365 days per year

No one said all situations. I am saying times when your wife is carrying YOUR child. I am saying times when your wife is hormonal due to pms a function women need to go through so they can give men children.

Stop and think of the 9 months constant extra expectations that was put on your wife for every kid she gave you

Women don’t “give men children”. Men and women come together to have children together. It’s not like a child is a gift from the wife to the husband. It’s a gift from God to both spouses.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Women don’t “give men children”. Men and women come together to have children together. It’s not like a child is a gift from the wife to the husband. It’s a gift from God to both spouses.

It doesn’t change the fact that for the first 9 months the woman is doing all the child bearing and a man should be considerate and extra helpful during that time

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I hope that means you treat her like gold 365 days per year

No one said all situations. I am saying times when your wife is carrying YOUR child. I am saying times when your wife is hormonal due to pms a function women need to go through so they can give men children.

Stop and think of the 9 months constant extra expectations that was put on your wife for every kid she gave you

Your post is quite offensive.
1). As has been pointed out women do not “give” men children. That is incredibly demeaning to say. My wife didn’t carry MY children, she nurtured gifts from God that are thier own entities.
2). My wife fights stereotypes and sexism every day on a very real level. She did so when she was employed as a genetic scientist. She did so while pregnant with our fifth and getting her masters while working full time and she does so now as a business woman. The idea that I would treat her different or expect less from her because she is “hormonal” is infantilizing and disrespectful.

 

[pensmama87]

Women don’t “give men children”. Men and women come together to have children together. It’s not like a child is a gift from the wife to the husband. It’s a gift from God to both spouses.

It is a gift from God to both spouses, of course…however, women have to deal with some unique aspects that men don’t have to deal with. It’s wise for husbands and fathers to keep that in mind (which I think most do, but again, how to best approach it will depend on the couple, and it can take time to figure out).

Also, there are LOTS of things associated with pregnancy, childbirth, and child rearing that are not really discussed in the culture at large. Morning sickness and sleepless nights are known. But some of the other stuff? Not so much. (Some of it is kind of gross so I will spare you the details for now. )

(There’s also a worrying tendency among some medical professionals to be dismissive of pregnant/recently postpartum women’s pain - my sister-in-law probably had SPD and other issues, and was in horrific pain during the latter part of her pregnancy, but her OB just kept chalking it up to typical aches and pains and she was only crying because she was “hormonal.” I think that’s an awful way to treat any person in pain. As soon as I mentioned pelvic pain during my second pregnancy, I got a script for physical therapy and was helped enormously. My SIL had to beg for one because her OB wanted her to just “tough it out.”)

 

[Allegra]

Your post is quite offensive.
1). As has been pointed out women do not “give” men children. That is incredibly demeaning to say. My wife didn’t carry MY children, she nurtured gifts from God that are thier own entities.

Really, HD? What would you say to a man who tried that line in a paternity court hearing? “They’re God’s children, your Honor! Not mine!” If they have your DNA, they’re your responsibility. A pregnant wife is indeed physically carrying her husband’s child, 24/7, day and night, taking 100% of the physical discomfort and responsibility for a safe gestation for nine months. It is not possible, for obvious reasons, for the husband to be of much help in this endeavor. The most he can do is take on some of the other essential responsibilities to care for HIS home and HIS other children (Also gifts from God but his responsibility nonetheless), while his wife temporarily is taking on 100% of the needs of the unborn child. And of course, to have a reasonable, patient attitude regarding any an increase in emotional and mental symptoms his wife may experience.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Really, HD? What would you say to a man who tried that line in a paternity court hearing? “They’re God’s children, your Honor! Not mine!” If they have your DNA, they’re your responsibility. A pregnant wife is indeed physically carrying her husband’s child, 24/7, day and night, taking 100% of the physical discomfort and responsibility for a safe gestation for nine months. It is not possible, for obvious reasons, for the husband to be of much help in this endeavor. The most he can do is take on some of the other essential responsibilities to care for HIS home and HIS other children (Also gifts from God but his responsibility nonetheless), while his wife temporarily is taking on 100% of the needs of the unborn child. And of course, to have a reasonable, patient attitude regarding any an increase in emotional and mental symptoms his wife may experience.

I think you missed the point.

 

[Xantippe]

It is a gift from God to both spouses, of course…however, women have to deal with some unique aspects that men don’t have to deal with. It’s wise for husbands and fathers to keep that in mind (which I think most do, but again, how to best approach it will depend on the couple, and it can take time to figure out).

Also, there are LOTS of things associated with pregnancy, childbirth, and child rearing that are not really discussed in the culture at large. Morning sickness and sleepless nights are known. But some of the other stuff? Not so much.** (Some of it is kind of gross so I will spare you the details for now. )**

(There’s also a worrying tendency among some medical professionals to be dismissive of pregnant/recently postpartum women’s pain - my sister-in-law probably had SPD and other issues, and was in horrific pain during the latter part of her pregnancy, but her OB just kept chalking it up to typical aches and pains and she was only crying because she was “hormonal.” I think that’s an awful way to treat any person in pain. As soon as I mentioned pelvic pain during my second pregnancy, I got a script for physical therapy and was helped enormously. My SIL had to beg for one because her OB wanted her to just “tough it out.”)

Yeah–one thing to bear in mind is that everybody is so eager not to hurt the baby that pregnant women don’t get the benefit of drugs that non-pregnant people are able to take for health problems. For instance, being pregnant may mean having to go off of much-needed psychiatric mediation.

I had a little taste of that my last pregnancy. In my second to last pregnancy, I’d had bad heartburn, my doctor OKed heartburn medication late in the first trimester, but then I had a late miscarriage early in the second trimester. Those two things might have been totally unrelated, but out of an abundance of caution, I skipped the medication with my last pregnancy and just did TUMS, despite having raging heartburn (along with nausea). Imagine having heartburn for months and not being able to take effective medication for it…

Speaking of squicky things, I don’t know the medical name of it, but a friend of mine had a condition during pregnancy where she had genital varicose veins (like hemorrhoids, but genital). I didn’t inquire deeply into her symptoms, but it was very painful and the doctor told her to only be on her feet half an hour a day so as not to aggravate it. Rather a good trick, as she was home with a 1-year-old…

Among many other bad things (a subchorionic hematoma and then gestational diabetes), I had a brief spell of sciatica late in my last pregnancy.

mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sciatica/basics/definition/con-20026478

There’s a wide range of pregnancy outcomes (including those ridiculous people who run marathons in their third trimester), but hormones aside, it’s reasonable to expect at least substantial discomfort, of the sort that makes normal people crankier than usual.

I feel like there’s a lot of denial going on of the physical impacts of childbearing.

 

[Xantippe]

Here’s another thing that makes pregnant women moody–one of my OBs told me that pregnant women have much more volatile blood sugar. So during pregnancy, women are much more vulnerable to the effects of low blood sugar, which as we all know, can have nasty effects on the ability to stay emotionally on an even keel.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I think you missed the point.

I think you missed the point as well. In the other post where you said something to the effect ‘treating my wife different because she is hormonal is infintalizing (SP)’ is not the point I was making.

Pregnant women are not meant to be treat like children. But there needs to be recognition for what they are going through and extra help for every day things that are not as easy on a women when she is pregnant.

As much as children are a gift from God, women do have free will and it is a totally acceptable option for a Catholic women to use her free will and remain celibate. Marriage is the gift of laying down your life for your spouse. A gift that is to be freely given, so in that sense, yes a woman is giving herself to her husband and thus giving him children. Should the man not be willing to give to his wife?

 

[Allegra]

I think you missed the point.

I must have. My point was that a father-to-be has a certain obligation to be patient and understanding when his wife is undergoing the many possible mental and emotional side effects of being pregnant with HIS child. A coworker or fellow public transit riders do not have this same level of obligation to indulge moodiness and irritability. You said that stating the obvious biological fact that the woman was carrying the man’s child was “demeaning” and implied that saying so was some sort of attack on the child’s autonomy.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I think you missed the point as well. In the other post where you said something to the effect ‘treating my wife different because she is hormonal is infintalizing (SP)’ is not the point I was making.

Pregnant women are not meant to be treat like children. But there needs to be recognition for what they are going through and extra help for every day things that are not as easy on a women when she is pregnant.

As much as children are a gift from God, women do have free will and it is a totally acceptable option for a Catholic women to use her free will and remain celibate. Marriage is the gift of laying down your life for your spouse. A gift that is to be freely given, so in that sense, yes a woman is giving herself to her husband and thus giving him children. Should the man not be willing to give to his wife?

I think it’s different for each marriage.

Extra help? Do you have any idea who you are talking to!?

 

[Allegra]

Here’s another thing that makes pregnant women moody–one of my OBs told me that pregnant women have much more volatile blood sugar. So during pregnancy, women are much more vulnerable to the effects of low blood sugar, which as we all know, can have nasty effects on the ability to stay emotionally on an even keel.

That’s one of a few dozen reasons a pregnant woman may be moody, excluding “hormones”. Even if a pregnant woman had no difference in hormones, she can’t eat what she wants, she’s in mild to major physical discomfort, she’s worried about peeing, farting, barfing, or water-breaking in public, she’s worried about the possibility of a miscarriage, she’s worried about the possibility of complications of childbirth, she’s exhausted because her body is using all of it’s resources constructing a new human being, she can’t sleep at night because of discomfort and heartburn, she’s feeling guilty about not giving her other children and husband as much attention as normal, she’s annoyed that her house isn’t as clean, depending on the situation she could be worried about the financial aspect of childbirth and adding another member to the family, and her shoes don’t fit anymore.

 

[Convert_in_99]

HoosierDaddy: Your mistake was posting as a male on a thread debating women’s hormonal issues with a bunch of hormonal women. You are not going to win here.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Extra help? Do you have any idea who you are talking to!?

umm… I can only go about on what I know from your posts and there have been times where you were not very sympathetic to me. So, no I don’t know how much you do around your house, but I do know how some of your comments can be unsympathetic

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

umm… I can only go about on what I know from your posts and there have been times where you were not very sympathetic to me. So, no I don’t know how much you do around your house, but I do know how some of your comments can be unsympathetic

Surprise. The thread turns emotional…

 

[Sarcelle]

Surprise. The thread turns emotional…

So what is the correct answer to the question you just asked Anglewannabe?

 

[Xantippe]

So what is the correct answer to the question you just asked Anglewannabe?

I suspect HD means that he’s a homeschooling SAHD, so he probably feels like he’s got the “helping wife” box checked.

He still can’t be pregnant for her, though…