Woman and masterbation

[s4angel]

I have been trying to do some research but seem to have come to a brick wall.

I can find so many helpfull links to battle impurity for men but am having a hard time finding any for woman that are catholic. I know that this is a touchy subject so if any one has any knowledge of a place that woman can go to to get info on this subject and maby some help I would be appreciative. Also I cant remeber the books name but I think it was by St Frances? about purity? If any one can help all info for a catholic woman battling this would be sooooo apreciated.
Thank You,

 

[Gerard_Nadal]

Try this.

porn-free.org/masturbation_roots.htm

Don’t beat yourself up over this. Work through it slowly and patiently. Get to confession and receive the Eucharist frequently.

God Bless

 

[rskempf]

Gerald’s response was great. Getting the grace to combat our faults is very helpful.

I have not looked into this issue before. I have found helpful information for me on other topics at www.omsoul.com. Dr. Janet Smith and her friends have a lot of good material and have covered a lot of ground. Since she is female, she might have some great insights.

I searched their site and did not get results. I would send her a note by e-mail. If anyone has some good leads, it would be her.

God bless you!

 

[Roman_Army]

I think there is more focus on male masturbation because it is much more easier for men to do it, much more tempting, and therefore much more of a challenge than it is for women. I guess it is also because men tend to do it more frequently than women as well. But, I agree there ought to be more material catered towards women on this topic. However, I think that women can use the same basic methods that is used for men. The material that I’ve seen can be used equally for women and also can address some other types of sins that have become a habit. I don’t see what would be different for women. Perhaps they could keep themselves busy with a traditional womanly hobby like sewing, cooking, rosary making, etc. or avoid watching those adulterous soap operas and comedies (e.g. Desperate House Wives, Grey’s Anatomy, Days of our Lives, etc.). I don’t know.

 

[Huiou_Theou]

I don’t know of books; though I am sure there is spirituality on the subject.
To the poster who commented it is easier for men, I have been told that isn’t so – for a woman may simply cross her legs as was once considered proper manners for those in skirts, and even that can place pressure in the proper place to cause trouble.
For those, it is a matter of willpower not to intensify the pressure, vs. other things.
This is not a universal problem for women, but some are susceptible.

Angel, I am not sure if you have a particular woman in mind; and the circumstances do make a difference as well as age and previous sexual activity. I hear most about this in the young “teens” – but that is not where the problem becomes the most difficult.

Men are visually oriented; and for many the problem is both the normal cycle of the body, and exposure to promiscuous postures via. media, etc. For a woman visual stimulation (except for anoreia/bolemia…) is usually not the cause – I assume this is frustrating to you when seeing the information for men, because it does not apply to whom you are seeking help.

Often, advice revolves around ideas such as heavy exercise, cold showers, etc. and those often do not succeed – though they are worth a try. Individuals vary in their resistance and tolerance levels – eg: younger men are usually more susceptible – and middle aged women.

One piece of physical advice, which is universal to both sexes, is that often the strongest feelings are evoked by being lonely. Hence: some people’s fascination with keeping hands busy with work…

But, often people do not recognize how they are reacting to this kind of feeling – or why sexuality is important to them such that they become fixated on the feelings. I have some opinions there which would require probing the problem in more depth/detail of the person’s general circumstances to be really helpful – but I think it best to speak in general for now.

I can suggest a couple of things which may help during the night, when one must rest and the mind does wander. The first is that affection, such as hugs, are often one of the things missed by a person suffering the temptation. A general mistake, is that in a depressed state of feeling (just blue, not medical depression), there is a tendency to cross ones arms across the chest. In effect, hugging one’s self while feeling sad – but rather than making the person feel better it rather intensifies the desire to be ACTUALLY held for it is an empty simulation.

One way to combat this, is to use the other highly nerve oriented part(s) of the body – eg: the stomach – you can look up “stomach” breathing to combat anxiety before presentations for public speakers. This is also valuable in reducing the intense feelings of being lonely; also – keeping ones arms UN-CROSSED while trying to sleep is a help – and especially, placing them together with interlocked fingers, in sort of a prayer position and placing them directly on the stomach (belly button)!

Sometimes placing the hands flat on one’s legs just above the knees – palms down and fingers slighly spread can bring relief.

For me, as a married man, being held by my wife – fully and physically – was sufficient to relieve the tension – oddly it had the opposite effect on her.
So I am not sure this is helpful for women – but perhaps getting long hugs from a father, son, or daughter can be an aid. I know that in the midst of the worst times between my wife and I – that when my son Philip came up and hugged me in my “sulking” moments of grief, that it greatly relieved all temptations in that direction.
He’s a sensitive boy, and he knew I was hurting, and just the knowledge that I am loved by my kids makes a world of difference to lonliness and the temptations toward physical intimacy (illicit) or thoughts along those lines.

I also know that there is a general resistance of many people to “chemical” intervention – though herbs and naturopathic substances are really just impure forms of them – but in extreme cases, esp. where depression over what one had done or been through – there are several medications which have a side effect of reducing blood engorgement in the difficult places. A person could speak to a doctor about depression, and Prozac – and other SSRI’s – definitely reduce the temptation.
That may seem drastic to the one you wish to help – but sometimes a person has nothing to loose for nothing else works.

I would suspect – but don’t have any direct knowledge – that antihistimines would have the same effect when they operate on constricting the capilaries. Prozac, strangely enough, is a modified form of one such item – which many fear the side effects of, though really the media esp. Christian Science which make their money from depressed people are the source of most the negative attention. Actual statistics compared with depressed people not on medication show that Zoloft is the next safest item on the list (Just repeating literature I have seen on that score).

But none the less, I do know that good old Benadryl – which has the effect of reducing blood flow and is used in allergy attacks – might have the desired effect TEMPORARILY. It can’t be used on a continuous basis, because the body builds up an immunity to its effects … but if used occasionally during the most difficult times to break the strength of the temptation – it might be enough. I wish I knew for certain, but I never thought to try it when I was in difficulty – (Lack of knowledge). Unisom might also be a help there.

Love and Prayers for the one you with to help.
Your brother in Christ, Andrew.

 

[s4angel]

The reason I ask this question is that my sister is always telling me how healthy it is to “please yourself” and after about the 10 time telling her that it is against what I believe I feel as if I need to turn the tables on her so to speak and let her know just how bad it is. I can’t use my religion to much with her as I have been busy feeding her it by teaspoon any more and she rebels and this is something we have debated. I was hoping to find info on how it could be bad for a woman health wise as she seems to be of the mind that it is healthy for her physicaly.

I need to understand this better both the spiritual side as well as the physical implications of this act so I can better debate it with her. I have tried using “I dont want to talk about this” or changing the subject but she likes to see me go red:blush:

 

[Seeker100]

The reason I ask this question is that my sister is always telling me how healthy it is to “please yourself” and after about the 10 time telling her that it is against what I believe I feel as if I need to turn the tables on her so to speak and let her know just how bad it is. I can’t use my religion to much with her as I have been busy feeding her it by teaspoon any more and she rebels and this is something we have debated. I was hoping to find info on how it could be bad for a woman health wise as she seems to be of the mind that it is healthy for her physicaly.

I need to understand this better both the spiritual side as well as the physical implications of this act so I can better debate it with her. I have tried using “I dont want to talk about this” or changing the subject but she likes to see me go red:blush:

As a man I wish women would masturbate more and develop their sexual fantacies.

 

[Huiou_Theou]

The reason I ask this question is that my sister is always telling me how healthy it is to “please yourself” and after about the 10 time telling her that it is against what I believe I feel as if I need to turn the tables on her so to speak and let her know just how bad it is.

If this is a biological sister of the same parents, you likely experience some of the temptation yourself. I bring this up, not as a point of shame, but rather as something of a resource for understanding her actual motives. – eg: why she bothers you about it or brings it up.

Here is a starter quote, which is associated with my OCD/Anxiety – the “deep” limbic system when abused, in the sexual sense, and processing fear in the same system leads directly to depression. I have different views, less mechanistic than Dr. Amen, author of “Change your brain, change your life” – but his studies of the brain, and in particular sexuality when compared with the way men and women think – shows clearly that “love” in christian sense is that which properly fulfills the design of the human brain; and that dovetails with the negative side-effects of artificially simulating “love” or erotic love; and the idea of an addiction vs. a love or moderate pleasure.

I am just going to quote a short bit here, copyright conscious, and individual questions can be answered in different posts:

Chapter 3: The deep limbic system lies near the center of the brain. Considering its size, about that of a walnut, it is power-packed … this is an older part of the brain … allowing animals to experience and express emotions. It freed them from stereotypical behavior … This part of the brain is involved in setting emotional tone. … When it is heated up or overactive negativity can take over … This finding surprised my collegues … over activity correlated with the subject’s depression and negativity.

It is this part of the brain which processes smell from your nose – which you might have noticed can evoke STRONG memories; eg – a particular food smell might remind you of a certain day in the kitchen with your mother, etc.
Traumatic memories are also partially connected to this system – fight or flee.

During orgasm, the limbic system experiences about the equivalent of an epileptic fit. Hence the euphoria felt afterward is because the limbic system has EXHAUSTED its chemical supply. The less the limbic system is active, the HAPPIER one feels – but stimulation, sexual, actually activates it , hence the urges and also the bonding or closeness feelings. It is a complicated little bit of brain. But I would think that masturbation would have similar effects to “casual” sexual encounters which are popularly seen as non-bonding, free of responsibility – pleasure – and the universal result of that erroneous belief is that the purpose of the limbic system is being violated; inevitably it makes a person more susceptible to depression.

I’ll stop here for now on the physical order, and let you think of the kind of questions – or objections that this new idea brings up. No hurry, I like to give people time to think.

I need to understand this better both the spiritual side as well as the physical implications of this act so I can better debate it with her.

The “spiritual” side as you call it – what does you sister believe and to what extent? The spiritual and the physical are inextricably intertwined, God’s law is designed to punish those who violate the purpose of their body. A human being is BOTH body and spiritual soul. They are not completely seperable.

Pax Christi,
–Andrew.

 

[Gerard_Nadal]

The reason I ask this question is that my sister is always telling me how healthy it is to “please yourself” and after about the 10 time telling her that it is against what I believe I feel as if I need to turn the tables on her so to speak and let her know just how bad it is. I can’t use my religion to much with her as I have been busy feeding her it by teaspoon any more and she rebels and this is something we have debated. I was hoping to find info on how it could be bad for a woman health wise as she seems to be of the mind that it is healthy for her physicaly.

I need to understand this better both the spiritual side as well as the physical implications of this act so I can better debate it with her. I have tried using “I dont want to talk about this” or changing the subject but she likes to see me go red:blush:

s4angel,

This clears matters up a bit more. Masturbation is often linked to porn watching. I won’t go into it all myself, but the following links may help a ton. Father John Harvey is a psychologist who deals in homosexuality and other sexual disorders. Below I link to some of his materials.

Don’t try secular source material. The official position of the medical community is that masturbation, homosexuality and abortion are all consequence-free lifestyle choices. Father Harvey witnesses to the truth. Print out his articles and leave them for your sister to read. Let HER* lead the discussion with you* IF SHE SO CHOOSES. Certainly she will see herself in his writing. The words will sink in deeper if there is no confrontation with you looming on the horizon. When you leave the articles, leave a note telling her that you love her and that these may help to clarify where you are coming from, that you will wait for her to talk with you,** IF** she decides to talk with you about it.

Leave room for the Holy Spirit. That’s a greater act of love than anything else.

Many priests will also tell her that there is nothing wrong with masturbation :banghead: :hypno: :doh2: :tsktsk:

So you may want to do your homework and see if there is a chapter of COURAGE in your area (that’s a support group founded by Father Harvey for homosexuals seeking to live a chaste life). The priest chaplain would be the one person whose name and number you could write on the bottom of the articles in case she wants to discuss it with a priest and possibly go to confession.

Remember, Angel, low key is the best approach. When you talk, she will be defensive. The articles, she can approach in her own time and reread them as the Holy Spirit leads her. In this, you will have spoken thousands of more times more effectively than direct conversation/confrontation.

Don’t go red If she tries to bait you. Show the dignity of sex as you are trying to witness it by calm, quiet assurance of what you have read. If she seems to be trying to get a rise out you, simply state that the articles say it all, and that there is the number of a knowledgeable Priest if she has further questions. Anything beyond further, sincere questions is your sister trying to ridicule you, which is part of the rebellion against the authority you are witnessing that comes along with and through masturbation. At that point, the most effective witness is to terminate the discussion until she agrees to treat you and the topic with the respect you and the topic deserve.

Here are the links :flowers::tiphat:

couragerc.net/PIPMasturbation.html

lpca.us/The%20Pastoral%20Problem%20of%20Masturbation.pdf

religioustolerance.org/masturba10.htm

 

[Huiou_Theou]

Don’t try secular source material. The official position of the medical community is that masturbation, homosexuality and abortion are all consequence-free lifestyle choices.

Dr. Daniel G. Amen, M.D. is Catholic at least as a youth, yet his publication is secular. There is no “official” position of the medical community as a whole. For example, there is the the “Catholic Guild of Psychiatry”. I agree with you that popularized medical opinions which are usually media delivered and Governmentally encouraged have a tendency to be immoral – as our president’s stances clearly show in contrast to Catholic morality.

Father Harvey witnesses to the truth. Print out his articles and leave them for your sister to read.

Fr. Harvery has clearly studied the subject, but I can also see myself in his writing as a person having OCD/Anxiety and yet – masterbation is not at all my problem;
unless you count the definition of the sleeping emissions, which I have no control over and don’t personally call “masturbation”; The last medication I had to take “Remeron” made that a living hell…It caused it often during sleeping, to the point where I got REALLY annoyed with changing my clothes at three in the morning…waking up at the last moment when it is too late anyhow.

Fr. Harvey does do a good job discussing several common aspects of the problem, but I think he has missed certain factors; or perhaps emphasized others tot he extent that he will not address a certain segement of the community – eg: He presupposes a religious attitude, which Angel is suggesting her sister is lacking in to some degree.

Many priests will also tell her that there is nothing wrong with masturbation :banghead: :hypno: :doh2: :tsktsk:

sigh

Don’t go red If she tries to bait you. Show the dignity of sex as you are trying to witness it by calm, quiet assurance of what you have read.

If this is your advice, dear brother, I think you have an obligation to pray for the necessary grace for Angel; Feelings are not under ones direct control – only what one does with them is.

Here are the links :flowers::tiphat:

couragerc.net/PIPMasturbation.html

lpca.us/The%20Pastoral%20Problem%20of%20Masturbation.pdf

religioustolerance.org/masturba10.htm

Quite long, the first two – but with valuable information similar to that which I am pointing to intuitively; I enjoyed seeing an affirmation of my suspicions regarding what I have witnessed in others; and can add some of what was said to my own understanding. Thank you.

The last link, though, is dealing with many subtle points and may not be very suitable for angel’s sister – I in fact have difficulty with the phrasology of certain parts of it. eg: it lacks direction and clarity of easily confusable points.

Pax.