st lucy writes:
“*When you state that ‘men do not have any choice when it comes to childbearing’ I am sure there are many many men who would disagree with you here, my husband included. When my husband and I became pregnant we were both equally involved in the pregnancy. His responsibility didn’t stop at what is your is name, as you so kindly put it.” *
Your interpretation of my post is precisely why I italicized the syllables “bearing” in the word “childbearing”. I guess you must have thought I meant “the joyous expectation of a wonderful bundle coming to join the family.” What I meant was that men cannot physically carry a child in their uteri, since they have no uteri. That’s all there was to it. Why build this up to the perception of an offense?
You also misread these words: “Their responsibility, as is women’s responsibility, begins with ‘What’s your name?’ or ‘Do you come here often?’” I did not imply that your husband’s responsibility stopped at “what is your name?” If you have a husband whose responsibility carried through the niceties of courtship, then that makes you a winner. That was my precise point: that ideally men *should *carry their responsibilities and respect for their partners all through every facet of their relationships. Here you have argued my point for me. Why are you so anxious to jump all over my post without considering the words and ideas that I have chosen, and chosen carefully, so as not to confuse you? It’s like the bell rings and the fighters come out of their corners and they don’t even know what they’re fighting for.
“As a mother I have to continually reinforce to my young son that men are not the evil monsters our society (and especially the very unkind, name calling feminist movement group) would like them to be.”
Yes, there are some women who think all men are despicable. I do not. But please do not lay the utter destruction of your child’s ego at the feet of feminists. I don’t know any woman who considers herself to be a feminist who would consider a young boy fair game in the “war between the sexes”. What is to be gained by taunting and tormenting a kid? The women who want to make untraditional strides in their careers generally go toe to toe with the big boys in environments which would be conducive to their winning points, arguments, credit.
Have you been on a playground lately? In a locker room? In a frat house? If your child feels bad about himself, look at his relationships with his peers.
“They are told that all they are good for is sex but that they cannot have a say on wither or not they can be a father unless the women okays it. What kind of message are you sending here.
It is very frustrating to hear these statements.”
If this is truly the way you understand feminism, and you honestly believe that the feminist mind considers all men to be good for sex and sex only, then perhaps a bit of updating is in order. I don’t mean read Betty Freidan. I mean come down from there and re-read what I have said and try to truly comprehend it. All I see is that you have jumped to conclusions, partially read my post and decided that the ideas are evil, and/or cannot admit that maybe every woman who adheres to a feminist stance isn’t treacherous or conniving. There are many schools of feminist thought. Educate yourself.
I am a parent myself. My daughter is 21 years old. It’s very difficult to walk the line between solid, supportive parenting and encouraging her to form her own ideas about men, particularly since her own father is a cad who has been utterly uninvolved with her on any level since the day we came home from the hospital. And he lived in the same house with us, hiding behind a door in a small room on the computer, day in and day out, week in and week out, until I filed for divorce 15 months later. There was never a single intimate moment between us after the birth. He has been worse than hateful to her: he’s been indifferent. I haven’t had to give her any ideas about his character. She’s a smart young woman.
If some guy wants to exit from his partner’s pregnancy, that’s cool. She’s better off. If he wants to hang in, that’s cool. If they have a disagreement over abortion/no abortion, they had better get it straight because it is a time-sensitive issue. And all I’ve been trying to say all along is this: the best time to reveal one’s values, regarding children, abortion, how to raise children, who will work, should the mom stay home, should the dad stay home and the mom work, etc. - this should be discussed way in advance, long before it’s necessary to call for an appointment at the abortion clinic. If the couple is unwilling to discuss these things, then why are they together in the first place?
marietta
