Women and modesty in Confession

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Personally I would have thought that men would be more comfortable confessing with each other what with the acceptance of locker room speak type mentalities etc in society?
 
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no, men keep us accountable. women try to coddle and keep us kids
 
Rozellelily said:
but the Catholic Church doesn’t allow gay (chaste) men to become priests as far as I’m aware.
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There are gay (chaste) priests. Some of them have come out of the closet after ordination. There are probably more of them still in the closet.

However, many priests do not announce their sexual orientations to their parishioners or otherwise publicly, so in most cases you will not know the orientation of your confessor.
 
Theo2 said:
I had a priest tell me once that women feel so much shame in confession and men just want to get over it quickly. Maybe part of the problem is women want to tell mitigating facts.
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Um, that’s kind of a contradictory generalization.
 
Men with “deep-seated” homosexual tendencies are supposed to be excluded from the priesthood. What constitutes “deep-seated” is up to whoever is in charge of admitting men to a seminary and/or to Holy Orders. A man who had been actively living the gay lifestyle before deciding to be a priest seems likely to be rejected, but it’s not as clear whether a man who had SSA but either not acted on it, or just had some isolated encounter once or twice, would get rejected.
 
AlruwhAlquds said:
But that degree of discomfort is there.
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That’s understandable. It can be awkward, no doubt. The thing is, there’s not really a way around it. Given that we don’t have female priests, your only options are to do stuff like go to a different parish, keep it as general as possible while still being specific enough, remember the priest has heard it all, etc. I don’t think anyone means to be dismissive of the idea that it can be uncomfortable, just that there aren’t really any options besides just gut it out.

I was initially confused with your OP because framing it as women being “immodest” in confession made it sound like women who confess sexual sins are somehow being crass or breaking decorum, which strikes me a weird thing to worry about. The confessional is kind of a “safe space”, as much as I hate that term. It’s like talking to your doctor. Things that might be impolite or crude to say to an acquaintance at a party are fine to share in that context.
 
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In terms of the question of being brief versus being detailed. I tend to skip on the details and just stick to the big picture unless it is the details that matter. Then I tell the details.
 
twf said:
Ok maybe sister rather than mom? I’ve always found it easier to open up to platonic female friends than male friends.
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Actually, I disagree.

When I discuss personal problems with female freinds, they often try and suggest solutions and I end up being asked why I don’t try this or that, even though I’ve thought of that myself so I end up having to go on the defensive and explain to them why I’m not doing that and then just wishing I’d never started on the topic and trying to talk about something else…

Male friends tend to just listen and say, yeah, life sucks. So I just feel undertood without having to carry that forward into some uncomfortable analysis.
 
Depends on what you mean by “vague.” If you are so vague that no reasonable person could know what type of action you’re talking about, then no, that won’t work. If you say “I did something I shouldn’t have done,” that literally describes every single sin you ever commit, so I’ll have to ask you to narrow it down. But you don’t have to go into tons of detail. Number and kind. Just the facts. Give me a first person singular pronoun and a properly conjugated verb to accompany it. This is very important because you can’t and shouldn’t talk about other people’s sins, and you don’t have to give details. If I need clarification I’ll ask, but rarely do I need it if you just state what you did plainly and in a way that most reasonable people would understand.

-Fr ACEGC
 
I’ve never met a priest who says “I just wish that people would go into more detail in the confessional”. Every priest I knows encourages brief and to the point.
 
First, since the 1990"s the seminaries have been doing a much better job. The vase majority of offenses in Penn. were from 1960 to 1989.
So the cases since 1990 need to be looked and see if the line of who gets admitted needs to be change. This exercise needs to be data driven.

Second, the new issue is the fact that this was all help in secret and I am confident that is being addressed. If the Bishops don’t release their data, the court will force the issue.
 
LadyofFaith1978 said:
If it’s any consolation, as a woman, I can relate. I’ve done face-to-face confessions and behind the screen. The “impure” thoughts as they say is difficult to confess. I’ve too been told be detailed but then other times it seems best to not be so detailed. It’s good that you pushed through anyway, nice job on going to confession regularly.
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I know you are only looking for women, but I wanted to answer this.

As a MAN, I too often find it difficult to confess the “impure” sins face to face, and I find it much easier to do that behind the screen. I also prefer to confess at another parish since I know my priests so well.

I know many women who work at parishes & for the dioceses, and they all go to confession at another parish too, preferring not to confess to their boss.
 
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