Women Converts to Islam...how to find a spouse?

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StMarina303ad

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On one of these forums a post had a link which directed me to the testimonies of several women converts to Islam. It made me think about now what? How will they ever find a spouse?

My daughter and I are close friends with a Muslim Family. The parents are responsible to find a spouse for their eldest daughter before their son can marry. They are the ones who find eligible men, if the men are interested - they ask their daughter if she wants to pursue him or not and she then decides.

So how would a Muslim Woman Convert find a husband since her parents are not Muslim?

Things that make you wonder…hmmm
 
Why are you posting this on a Catholic site?
There are not that many that come here.
Maybe if you go to your local Catholic church and learn about the true God, he might help you find a wonderful Catholic husband. 😉
 
In most cases that I’ve ever known, the same way most people find spouses - getting to know the person, becoming close friends, maybe a little dating to see how well they work as a team and have shared interests, and lastly but not leastly, are they really drawn to this person, both before and after close examination.

Sure, dating agencies, or perhaps an ‘omiai’ type matchmaker (doesn’t translate all that well to English, so I used the Japanese) are an option too, especially for the particularly shy, both men and women.

Muslims aren’t space aliens. Sheesh! 🙂

And there are, in fact, quite a few practicing Muslims here of various stripes and personalities.
 
dolphinlove said:
Why are you posting this on a Catholic site?
There are not that many that come here.
Maybe if you go to your local Catholic church and learn about the true God, he might help you find a wonderful Catholic husband. 😉
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This is the Non-Catholic Forum and I’ve seen many Muslims posting here.

I’m not asking for myself…I wondering about those women who have converted to Islam.

Personally, I would only accept an Orthodox man for a husband. If he were Catholic, he’d need to become Orthodox before I’d marry him - religion is too important an issue to have a difference in the Mystery of Marriage.
 
A convert lady should pray to Allah. She should attend the muslim functions regularly. She will come in contact with other ladies who will understand her problems. There is no need to go running after men any more. Patience will be rewarded.

it is exactly like a good practicing christain lady who is chaste. They do get married. If the convert will attend all the necessary functions, Juma prayers, Eid prayers, she will find new friends.

She has much to do beside marriage, i.e. read Quran, the last testament brought by the last prophet of Allah, i.e. Muhammad. Then Allah will help her and she won’t suffer.
 
A catechumen I instructed once said that she had read the Coran and could not understand why ANY woman would want to be a Mahometan.

I bear witness there is NO GOD but Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and Jesus is God Incarnate risen from the dead!
 
Maybe converts don’t have enough time to worry about it. How long do female muslim converts last on average before calling it quits?
 
Salaam/peace
Nepenthe said:
… dating agencies… are an option too, .
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dating is not allowed in Islam . The act that may lead people to adultery is forbidden. Surely dating is one of Satan’s dirty trick to mislead people from God’s path.

Br planten already mentioned she should be patient & ask God for a pious life partner.
 
StMarina303ad said:
So how would a Muslim Woman Convert find a husband since her parents are not Muslim?
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If that Muslim woman were in a secular country, then maybe she should check with her local Mosque or Islamic marriage sites.
And if that Muslim women were in an Islamic country, then there is a special women called “Khataba” (the women who finds a Muslim women for a Muslim man for the purpose of marriage), she can contact her to find a Muslim husband.
 
Oh, pardon me Muslim Woman! I am aware that ‘dating’ in the sense most American people use the term is indeed not acceptable in Islam - although of course some Muslims, like some Catholics, are more relaxed (as in, not entirely segregated and extremely old fashioned) than others.

But I was thinking of so-called ‘dating agencies’ more as a means of finding other Muslims of one’s age or interest group, particularly in the US when there may not be many others in some communities, not just for finding potential spouses but for finding a circle of friends of both sexes, and being able to at least get to know them, whether online, or perhaps meeting in a group at a coffeeshop or suchlike. That would be acceptable, I would think, among adults, yes? That isn’t ‘dating’ in the rather depressing way many Americans consider it; it’s making friends, encouraging intellectual and personal rapport.

So many people feel somehow lesser if they aren’t engaged/married, have a partner, and all that. And Planten had a very good point. Neither men nor women need to ‘chase after’ others in order to live a fulfilling life. But we are social creatures, and do indeed need each others’ company, and for those who are shy and uncertain about how to go about these things, I was simply thinking of possible options, not suggesting cheapening relationships of any sort at all. Reading groups would be very good as well, or even casual sporting clubs. That last would be really nice, for say, a hiking or rock-climbing group activity, since that is a very good way to both get to know others by conversation and working as a team, as well as the fun and satisfaction of accomplishing a shared goal. 🙂

Oh, and if rock-climbing sounds as if it could be potentially ‘immodest,’ well, anyone who could be too distracted by the fact that ‘omg there are WOMEN IN PANTS climbing rocks around me!’ would definitely NOT be a good candidate for marriage, since that would present an immediate danger both to themselves and the entire group. Yep, that would quickly winnow out the stupid, shallow, and immature right there. 😉 Having known a few rock climbers, believe me, they are NOT concerned about such matters while climbing - they know they have to behave responsibly, and it should be quite ‘safe’ in that sense. Just throwing a few ideas around, that’s all.
 
“although of course some Muslims, like some Catholics, are more relaxed (as in, not entirely segregated and extremely old fashioned) than others.”

Nepenthe, can you help me out with this one? Can you spot an entirely faithful muslim or catholic just by looking at them?
What do you mean by entirely segregated? Do faithful muslims or catholics have any rules that prevent them from leaving the house?
 
Certainly not! Although if they habitually wear extremely traditional clothing to telegraph such, perhaps, though of course they may be dressed that way for a formal occasion and usually wear jeans/skirt and a sweater, or maybe they just really like the look. You can’t tell any such thing about anyone by their dress, skin tone, or any such externals! I mean, I look really nice in a saree or kameez, but that doesn’t make me Hindu or of Indian descent.

Some Muslims are fairly serious about keeping men and women separate in most activities in life - but many are not, and that’s all I was referring to. When I was in Morocco, for example, a very religious country, sure, a few people kept that tradition of women staying apart in their ‘quarters’ and working areas (though from the two I did manage to converse with, such was their own personal preference even when their families thought they were being a little overzealous - but they did love chitchatting through the screens ^^), but overall, not very many. I really liked it there - people were very tolerant and fun to be around, regardless of ancestry (many different tribal affiliations as well as Euros, central Africans, a whole huge pageant of various traditions), faith, gender, and so on.

One of the people I happened to be traveling with for a few days, a young Australian woman, was so utterly bold it startled even me. She was walking through the old quarter, and met a guy who had just THE coolest pants ever, and what do you know, he really envied her very nice blue jeans…so they simply nipped off behind a building for thirty seconds and traded pants! :whacky: But hey, that wasn’t about sex…they just REALLY wanted to exchange items they couldn’t have gotten otherwise, and well…Allah didn’t strike them blind or anything, and we all had a good chuckle, especially the guy, who said 'I can’t believe i did that, but my friends at school will be SO jealous of these, and they fit great! ^^"

I happened to be there in the hottest part of the summer (and in the Sahara, whoa…that is HOT) when people from all over the deep desert come up to trade in Fez, and met all sorts of people - even the tribe often known as the 'Blue People, since the indigo of their clothing stains them blue from head to toe, who come up to trade with great slabs of salt lashed to their camels. It was just great! I made friends with a couple of young Berber ladies about two years younger than myself, with chin tattoos and clothing that could have stepped straight out of the pages of the most ancient texts, and luckily we all spoke enough French to converse - a little nervously at first, but before long we were having a blast shopping in the medina. 😃

Okay, way too much anecdote/travelogue, but I really do love people, and am happy to report that so do most human beings, no matter where they’re from, and that’s all I was trying to communicate. I thought a little bit of tales from far places and fairly remote people would just be fun as examples of how friendships get made.
 
Salaam/peace

that’s really sad . Those who created the dating sites/ agencies , may God guide them , Ameen.
I’ve been out with a Muslim girl when younger, ok she was not exactly devout
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She committed a major sin & must offer sincere repentance before death approaches. Don’t know about you . May be because of Jesus (p) , you don’t have to be repented for anything.
no means all young Muslims do not date.
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I never said that . Normally in a Muslim majority country , parents don’t allow children to go to late night parties where surely many unethical acts will take place. Secretly some or many young Muslims may have boy/girl friend when Islam is against it.
The majority of younger Muslims here DO date
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Are you saying majority young Muslims have illegal sex partners ? I doubt . I have some relatives in London. Never heard that my young cousins are doing so . After school , they are not allowed to go to friends house / any party.
 
Salaam/peace

God told us in Quran : don’t go ** near** to adultery. So ,not only adultery is forbidden, anything that may lead to this immoral act is forbidden. Surely dating is an easy way that lead people to commit that major sin.
Kissing yes, holding hands yes.
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as I mentioned already , warning is ’ don’t come near to adultery.
I don’t see why she would have anything to repent of
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lol , she went out with you , allowed you to kiss her …these are all sins in Islam . If she dies without repentance , she is supposed to be punished on the last day & You won’t be able to save her from God’s anger.
many young Muslim girls and boys who do have sexual partners.
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Just because they are living in the west , does not mean that they are out of God’s kingdom & are free to do all they want to do.
may God guide them & their parents , Amen. It’s sad that many parents are not giving proper religious education to their kids .
 
Is all this fear of dating being “near” to adultery a result of the high sex drive of Muhhamed?
I agree that we ought to take seriously putting our children at risk for sinning, but I am not worried about my child suddenly sexually desiring a 9 year old when they are adult.
 
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