Women, did/would you change your name upon marriage?

[Rau]

I believe Asian women generally do not change their name upon marriage.

I’ve no objection to persons taking the view that adopting husband’s name is a symbol of family unity. But it’s an optional symbol. A decision to not adopt the husband’s name is not a sign of some crack in their unity.

 

[AdamP88]

Irish tradition (and I think most of Europe too) is that the wife takes the husband’s name upon marriage. I like the idea of the family having one name. I suppose it makes little difference what that name is. My wife posted earlier on in the thread I think. She wanted to take my name and I asked her if she was happy to give up her maiden name as it’s quite a unique one. I think part of it for her was that she wants to become an Irish citizen at some point and it’s easier for her to be called Mrs. Jones than Mrs. “Foreign sounding name that no Irish person can pronounce”.

 

[Xantippe]

Irish tradition (and I think most of Europe too) is that the wife takes the husband’s name upon marriage. I like the idea of the family having one name. I suppose it makes little difference what that name is. My wife posted earlier on in the thread I think. She wanted to take my name and I asked her if she was happy to give up her maiden name as it’s quite a unique one. I think part of it for her was that she wants to become an Irish citizen at some point and it’s easier for her to be called Mrs. Jones than Mrs. “Foreign sounding name that no Irish person can pronounce”.

There is that.

Of course, if the situation were a little different (she was Irish and you were Eastern European), you might hesitate to become the “Foreign sounding name that no Irish person can pronounce” family if you were going to be living in Ireland.

 

[SusanneT]

Yes, because the Lord says that we become one. That we leave and cleave to each other and become one flesh.

Family names are what identify the clan so to speak. In marriage two people choose to become one family.

When a woman hangs on to her own family name are they really committing to becoming one, or hanging on to part of the old self?

I agree and in our culture taking your husband’s name is a symbol of that joining your husband under Christ.

 

[AdamP88]

There is that.

Of course, if the situation were a little different (she was Irish and you were Eastern European), you might hesitate to become the “Foreign sounding name that no Irish person can pronounce” family if you were going to be living in Ireland.

The tradition in both countries is the same though. I wouldn’t object to her keeping her name if she really wanted to. (I can pronounce it correctly )

Both of us are happy with the tradition though and both of us want to have one family name.

 

[Xantippe]

The tradition in both countries is the same though. I wouldn’t object to her keeping her name if she really wanted to. (I can pronounce it correctly )

Both of us are happy with the tradition though and both of us want to have one family name.

Right–but the inconvenience factor of becoming the Rozhdestvenskii or Preobrazhenskii family in Ireland would be a substantial burden. (I picked Russian names because it was easy to think of ones that look scary in print.)

 

[AdamP88]

Right–but the inconvenience factor of becoming the Rozhdestvenskii or Preobrazhenskii family in Ireland would be a substantial burden. (I picked Russian names because it was easy to think of ones that look scary in print.)

Can you pronounce O’Dubhghaill?

 

[Xantippe]

Can you pronounce O’Dubhghaill?

GAH!

I’m not googling–but is that what in the US would be O’Doole?

I have a bit of a language background (but no Irish), but I know enough to know that you need to discard 80% of the letters to pronounce them.

Georgian is also good for surnames–but I suspect they say almost all of the letters:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Georgian_surnames

I like “Khidirbegishvili”–rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?

 

[AdamP88]

GAH!

I’m not googling–but is that what in the US would be O’Doole?

I have a bit of a language background (but no Irish), but I know enough to know that you need to discard 80% of the letters to pronounce them.

Georgian is also good for surnames–but I suspect they say almost all of the letters:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Georgian_surnames

I like “Khidirbegishvili”–rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?

Yeah…Irish names are easier to say than to spell. But still, I suspect the Russian names are perfectly understandable to the Russians.
To be honest I wouldn’t be that bothered if people couldn’t pronounce my name. I don’t think that was my wife’s main concern either. She wanted to take my name as the family. It’s just the thing most people do here. Neither of us thought that much of it. I am happy she took the name though.

 

[Xantippe]

Yeah…Irish names are easier to say than to spell. **But still, I suspect the Russian names are perfectly understandable to the Russians. **
To be honest I wouldn’t be that bothered if people couldn’t pronounce my name. I don’t think that was my wife’s main concern either. She wanted to take my name as the family. It’s just the thing most people do here. Neither of us thought that much of it. I am happy she took the name though.

Right. Rozhdestvenskii is the Russian adjectival form for “Christmas.”

 

[wheelie]

I kept my surname and we gave/will give our children both our surnames.

My surname or rather our direct line dies with me (I’m an only child and was raised a priest, therefore the only grandchild etc) and it was vitally important to me to pass that on.

Choosing to do that and choosing to keep my name has no bearing on the strength of our relationship

 

[Rau]

I kept my surname and we gave/will give our children both our surnames.

Do you mean a hyphenated surname combining yours and your husband’s? IMHO, this is the strangest practice of all. It may be viable for you to do this, but it becomes increasing impractical for your children to do the same.

 

[wheelie]

Do you mean a hyphenated surname combining yours and your husband’s? IMHO, this is the strangest practice of all. It may be viable for you to do this, but it becomes increasing impractical for your children to do the same.

Why?
Hyphenated surnames are more and more common where we are.

(I didn’t hyphenated and have no part of my husbands surname in my name, I correct people if they call me Mrs X)

 

[UpUpAndAway]

I’ve often wondered…what happens when two people, each of whom has a hyphenated last name, get married and then wish to combine their family names? Would we then be looking at four family names joined with three hyphens?

Being neutral on the topic of double-barrelled surnames, I assure you that I’m not trying to be flippant or dismissive. I’m genuinely curious.

 

[Rau]

Why?
Hyphenated surnames are more and more common where we are.

(I didn’t hyphenated and have no part of my husbands surname in my name, I correct people if they call me Mrs X)

So your children will be Mr/Ms X-Y. Would you think it reasonable for their children to be Mr/Ms X-Y-Z, should they adopt the same practice as you propose? Do you see how this becomes unworkable almost immediately? You are asserting the value in preserving your surname in the name of your children, but (say) your daughter, can’t realistically do the same in respect of her children.

 

[pensmama87]

I’ve often wondered…what happens when two people, each of whom has a hyphenated last name, get married and then wish to combine their family names? Would we then be looking at four family names joined with three hyphens?

Being neutral on the topic of double-barrelled surnames, I assure you that I’m not trying to be flippant or dismissive. I’m genuinely curious.

Right. Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg is quite the mouthful, for instance.

 

[library1]

It’s easier to have one name when the children come. Also, in my case, my dad was adopted and the surname I grew up with wasn’t his birth surname and I didn’t feel any
great genealogical or other attachment to it. I was working as a teacher when we married, but children are adaptable and had no problem learning my new name. There isn’t that much paperwork attached to changing it. Most companies are set up for this sort of change.

 

[Rau]

I’ve often wondered…what happens when two people, each of whom has a hyphenated last name, get married and then wish to combine their family names? Would we then be looking at four family names joined with three hyphens?

Being neutral on the topic of double-barrelled surnames, I assure you that I’m not trying to be flippant or dismissive. I’m genuinely curious.

That’s my point. It’s really a one-shot, self limiting proposition. The very definition of an “unsustainable practice”.

 

[wheelie]

So your children will be Mr/Ms X-Y. Would you think it reasonable for their children to be Mr/Ms X-Y-Z, should they adopt the same practice as you propose? Do you see how this becomes unworkable almost immediately? You are asserting the value in preserving your surname in the name of your children, but (say) your daughter, can’t realistically do the same in respect of her children.

I didn’t say we hyphenated, just that it was common where I am and our children have both surnames.

There are many families that just pass on the X-Y and don’t add to it (Mountbatten-Windsor for example)
Or they could do the Spanish practice of only passing on one.
Or they may decide to use their partners name etc

By choosing to pass on both we aren’t making a choice for our future children.
I just felt that it was something I needed to do, because both my parents are dead

 

[Maryse17]

I legally hyphenated it. My last name is uncommon and my husband’s is very common. At work, I get called by my maiden name with “Mrs.” in front and at church, etc. we are known as "the [husband’s name].