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jdavani
Guest
And do you think it’s appropriate for a man to approach a woman before or after mass to get to know her
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
Guest
Nope. I’d find it weird unless there was a social time or something.
Ironically, before we met hubby and I often went to the same masses. He thought I was much too young, and because of his hair I thought he was much, much older than he was.
We “met” online. I’m actually a teeny bit older than him. I was really the best way.
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jdavani
Guest
That’s what I thought too. One of my friends told me he approaches women after mass and I think it’s wrong. There’s a time and place and I don’t think meeting in the pew is the place
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
Guest
Wrong?
No…but I’d say not really a good idea. You make many assumptions about age and availability. When I was 17 or 18 I had the hots for a snazzy looking lector who was just the CUTEST!
Turns out he was a babyfaced 40yo with a kid nearly my age. He didn’t look over 21, not a scrap of facial hair. Fortunately, I found out because his daughter joined the youth group.
Although to be fair to me I was far from the only teen/college aged woman who made eyes at him. It was VERY common apparently.
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1ke
Guest
I don’t recall anyone ever doing that when I was single. And I attended a very large church. I think if it is at a meet and greet, social event, coffee and donuts, or that sort of thing it is fine. Otherwise it’s somewhere between awkward and creepy.
Just because someone is alone that does not mean they are free to date or wanting to date. For example, neither my husband nor I wear wedding rings. Many couples go to different masses due to schedules.
Just because someone is alone that does not mean they are free to date or wanting to date. For example, neither my husband nor I wear wedding rings. Many couples go to different masses due to schedules.
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Irishmom2
Guest
I did sit next to a guy once at mass and we smiled at each other as if to say hello when we made eye contact. There were refreshments after mass, and we ended up walking over to the church hall at the same time and starting up a conversation about the homily. I don’t think that was creepy. But if he hadn’t been sitting near me or I had never seen him before I might have thought it was odd.
And yet, no reason to be rude. No harm talking to other parishioners.
Oh, and yes, we did go out a few times.
And yet, no reason to be rude. No harm talking to other parishioners.
Oh, and yes, we did go out a few times.
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Roseeurekacross
Guest
Yes, I am kind , polite, and will share a coffee and explain I am not annulled and really , apart from that, have no calling to marriage again.
But it’s all networking, my fellow parishoner might be interested and want to get to know this person.
But it’s all networking, my fellow parishoner might be interested and want to get to know this person.
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fin
Guest
I would like it if somebody approached me after Mass. Nothing wrong with it. Everyone keeps on saying you have to be open and all that, but when it comes to this, everyone gets contradictory and says don’t. Can’t have it both ways.
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
Guest
I think because if you’re focused on catching someone after Mass, as opposed to say, a social event, it is different.
Mass is incredibly holy and our focus should be 100% on God unless we are caring for children or the elderly. It should not be about keeping track of the hottie three pews down.
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fin
Guest
I agree that the Mass should be solemn. I hate it when the Mass becomes a social event, others are not bothered by it at all. I am talking about after the Mass, i did not say during.
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
Guest
So when does Mass end to you? I’d say that while the priest declares the final blessing the act of worshiping at Mass does not end until a person has gotten up, left the pew and is in the vestibule–maybe with everyone else, maybe after praying, maybe even as soon as Father speaks the blessing.
So how are you going to ensure you are able to keep eyes on this person and speak to them after Mass if you do not either cut your experience short or totally ignore Mass etiquette all together?
It really can’t be done well. Not unless there is a social time after Mass. Even when I have to speak to a fellow parishioner after Mass about something mundane but important (ie come to Mom’s club) it does diminish from my experience. My focus is on catching that person not Jesus.
I suppose it would be easier at a small, Daily Mass as opposed to Sunday, but my feelings on the matter are very much that it’s inaproprate to ask someone on a date. Maximum, I’d say it was ok to catch a fellow parishoner and tell them about a parish event but dating is a whole different territory.
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Irishmom2
Guest
? 
No one should speak after mass until when? When they are in the parking lot? Or not at all? I don’t understand what you are trying to say, or why it is being directed at fin. I think she was just saying it might be nice to meet someone from her parish, as opposed to somewhere else.
No one should speak after mass until when? When they are in the parking lot? Or not at all? I don’t understand what you are trying to say, or why it is being directed at fin. I think she was just saying it might be nice to meet someone from her parish, as opposed to somewhere else.
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Xantippe
Guest
I think Xanthippe was just addressing the logistics of trying to chase somebody down in a milling group of hundreds of people, if there isn’t a coffee hour to slow down the person you’re looking for.
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Irishmom2
Guest
But she (fin) wasn’t talking about chasing anyone down. The question was asked whether being approached has ever happened to women.
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
Guest
My point was more along the line that mass is different from other things like bible study or a speaker because we have our own ways of exiting…and it’s not ok to cut that away to ensure you can get the chance of a date.?
No one should speak after mass until when? When they are in the parking lot? Or not at all? I don’t understand what you are trying to say, or why it is being directed at fin. I think she was just saying it might be nice to meet someone from her parish, as opposed to somewhere else.
I’m 100% fine with meeting at church…but Mass is not just another parish event.
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Rau
Guest
Some people may find the word “approached” in some sense sinister. (Is the one “approaching” a serial pest?). Others may be concerned the “approaching” is happening in the church, as opposed to outside while people stand around and chat. There is a time and a place - being in the proximity of the church, or of the mass, does not rule out socializing, while being in the midst of either might.
Tis_Bearself
Patron
No, never happened and frankly I would have found it creepy to be approached in a dating way before or after a Mass. Then again, as I have stated many times, I personally go to church to pray and see Jesus, not have the social hour.
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BoomBoomMancini
Guest
Disclaimer: not a lady.
I think this is something where you would have to tread very carefully and pay attention to social cues. Obviously, don’t hit on anyone during the Mass itself. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying hi to someone on the way out, or at some kind of parish social function. But you should be very attuned to the woman’s demeanor and if you get the sense she isn’t receptive to being chatted up, back off immediately. The last thing you want to do is be that creep who treats Mass like the bar on Friday night.
Your best bet would be to get involved with some of the church’s groups that do stuff outside of the Mass. Like, my parish has groups of 20-30 something singles who go out for dinner and drinks, see movies, go hiking. That’s a much more appropriate venue to gauge someone’s potential interest.
I think this is something where you would have to tread very carefully and pay attention to social cues. Obviously, don’t hit on anyone during the Mass itself. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying hi to someone on the way out, or at some kind of parish social function. But you should be very attuned to the woman’s demeanor and if you get the sense she isn’t receptive to being chatted up, back off immediately. The last thing you want to do is be that creep who treats Mass like the bar on Friday night.
Your best bet would be to get involved with some of the church’s groups that do stuff outside of the Mass. Like, my parish has groups of 20-30 something singles who go out for dinner and drinks, see movies, go hiking. That’s a much more appropriate venue to gauge someone’s potential interest.
This is why it’s pretty much impossible for people to meet other Catholics. For many people, there is no “church life” outside of Mass. The churches don’t offer anything else and there is absolutely no reason to go to that building other than for Mass and/or confession. This is a problem in the church in general in that it does nothing to foster the ability for Catholics to meet and interact with each other. If the churches in a person’s area literally offer no other reasons to gather than Mass, you’re out of luck.
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