Women, how do you handle feeling bad about your body?

[Lily_Bernans]

The word “old” doesn’t have to be followed by the words “and ugly.” I prefer to read the words “older and wiser”

Aging has helped me feel better about my looks, while simultaneously knowing I look worse now. It’s one of those paradoxes that older and wiser women might understand. I look back at pictures of myself and remember all the things that I thought was “wrong” with my appearance years ago, and that helps me to feel better about myself today. In ten or twenty years, I’ll wish I looked like this again.

Men kind of go ga-ga over a nearly 50 y/o Jennifer Aniston. If one looks at photos of her in her teens and early 20s, she looks a lot better now! It’s that way with most women, I think. If they take care of themselves, e.g. exercise, eat right, their looks improve with age.

I watch CNN New Day, and I could not believe Alyson Camarota will be 50 this year! I thought she was about twenty-nine! I know I look better now, at 32 than I did in my early 20s. I’m a lot wiser, too, but not nearly as wise as I look forward to being some day.

I think older people - 70s and upwards - have their own brand of beauty, and it’s a beauty I, myself, prefer to “youthful beauty.”

 

[Lily_Bernans]

It was in quotes there for a reason! I don’t think old necessarily means ugly - but most of society does. I don’t think older looking women have to put up with the demeaning way a lot of guys treat a “pretty” woman in the same way.

I’m 32, not a 20-something kid any longer, and I have to put up with men hitting on me. They soon learn not to, though. I don’t put up with that kind of harassment.

A lot of women in their 50s are prettier than they were in their 20s. You don’t have to put “pretty” in scare quotes when talking about older women. One of the most desired women is Jennifer Aniston, and she’s nearly 50, and much prettier than she was in her twenties. It’s that way for a lot of women, celebrity or not.

A man will treat you according to how you think of yourself and carry yourself.

 

[DarkLight]

I’m 32, not a 20-something kid any longer, and I have to put up with men hitting on me. They soon learn not to, though. I don’t put up with that kind of harassment.

A lot of women in their 50s are prettier than they were in their 20s. You don’t have to put “pretty” in scare quotes when talking about older women. One of the most desired women is Jennifer Aniston, and she’s nearly 50, and much prettier than she was in her twenties. It’s that way for a lot of women, celebrity or not.

A man will treat you according to how you think of yourself and carry yourself.

I’m not as young as you think, I suspect. I’m 3 years shy of 30. And I’ve found very little works with men learning not to hit on you - even if you tell them plainly to go away and then completely ignore them they will keep trying. It’s just pretty constant if you have to take public transit. For that matter I’ve been followed by a man masturbating while in my church clothes - there doesn’t seem to be anything I’ve found that discourages them.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Sorry if this is in the wrong place, didn’t seem to be a good place to post it.

How do you handle feeling bad about or hating your body? In my case my problem is I look perpetually 16, and I feel like I don’t get taken seriously because people think I’m a child. Even dressed up people think I’m more “high school debate team” than anything else. It’s got me really worried about doing job interviews because how can I look qualified and competent when I look like a little kid?

Have you played with different hairstyles and make up for a different look. Also some times dressing older and presenting yourself with self confidence can go a long way.

 

[Lily_Bernans]

I’m not as young as you think, I suspect. I’m 3 years shy of 30. And I’ve found very little works with men learning not to hit on you - even if you tell them plainly to go away and then completely ignore them they will keep trying. It’s just pretty constant if you have to take public transit. For that matter I’ve been followed by a man masturbating while in my church clothes - there doesn’t seem to be anything I’ve found that discourages them.

Well, I have a fifth degree black belt in taekwando so no man is going to mess with me. And I am only 4’11" and 95 lbs.

 

[DarkLight]

Well, I have a fifth degree black belt in taekwando so no man is going to mess with me. And I am only 4’11" and 95 lbs.

I haven’t had problems with being physically touched, generally. Usually it’s just guys that’ll keep talking, maybe lean over and get in my face or sit down next to me and talk right into my ear, that sort of thing.

 

[pensmama87]

I haven’t had problems with being physically touched, generally. Usually it’s just guys that’ll keep talking, maybe lean over and get in my face or sit down next to me and talk right into my ear, that sort of thing.

Is it a cultural thing? Because I have rarely experienced treatment like that. The only times have been late at night when the guy was drunk.

Can you sit near the driver or report harassment?

 

[DarkLight]

Is it a cultural thing? Because I have rarely experienced treatment like that. The only times have been late at night when the guy was drunk.

Can you sit near the driver or report harassment?

It seems to vary by location. The central bus stop in michigan was the worst. It wouldn’t typically occur on the bus, but at the station waiting for the bus. Mostly it seemed to be very young guys.

 

[jschwartz]

I’m trans, and what would be classified as obese. Coming to love my body took many years, but I look in the mirror and remind myself I’m created in the Image and Likeness of God.

In The Symposium, Diotima shares with Socrates the process by which one can attain the final visions of the mysteries. One begins as a young boy by being attracted to beautiful bodies, and to one beautiful body in particular, and produce beautiful discourses with this body. The next stage is to recognize that all bodies are relatively similar and that it is foolish to love only one body in particular. Thus, the boy will come to love all beautiful bodies. Next, he will come to appreciate the beauty of minds, and will be able to love those who are beautiful in mind whether or not they are beautiful in body.

In our day and age, we tend to emphasize monism, the unity of mind and body, over dualism, but nonetheless, when one appreciates that all physical forms are beautiful, and that our goal should be to reach higher and higher into matters of the mind, ideas, philosophies, and the depths of the soul, we come to realize that beauty lies within.

 

[gardenswithkids]

I’m not as young as you think, I suspect. I’m 3 years shy of 30. And I’ve found very little works with men learning not to hit on you - even if you tell them plainly to go away and then completely ignore them they will keep trying. It’s just pretty constant if you have to take public transit. …

That makes more sense now. You may have mistitled this thread. Perhaps you’re question should have been, “Women, how do you avoid creeps when taking public transportation?”

Don’t feel bad about yourself or your looks because of creepy people and criminals! A man who exposes himself and does what you described is committing a crime. There are laws about public decency against that. Unfortunately, age doesn’t always make a difference for criminals and creeps of that sort. Older women can also be the victims of sexual crimes. Contacting security or the police might help. Public transportation authorities do not want that sort of behavior happening, and you’d could be doing other women a favor if you reported that sort of thing to the authorities.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Well, I have a fifth degree black belt in taekwando so no man is going to mess with me. And I am only 4’11" and 95 lbs.

I am a big believer in self defense, particularly for women. But the purpose of self defense has to be to get away. A quick shot, or twist, and shouting followed by sprinting. It’s the best chance a woman has.

At 4’11 and 95 lbs, you aren’t going to take a male attacker of even average build. It just isn’t going to happen regardless of your westernized martial arts training in a safe cozy studio. It’s cool to know, and its as much an art form as a fighting style. But you aren’t going to beat up an attacker and you would not be the first woman to get seriously hurt, or worse, trying.

 

[DarkLight]

I am a big believer in self defense, particularly for women. But the purpose of self defense has to be to get away. A quick shot, or twist, and shouting followed by sprinting. It’s the best chance a woman has.

At 4’11 and 95 lbs, you aren’t going to take a male attacker of even average build. It just isn’t going to happen regardless of your westernized martial arts training in a safe cozy studio. It’s cool to know, and its as much an art form as a fighting style. But you aren’t going to beat up an attacker and you would not be the first woman to get seriously hurt, or worse, trying.

More to the point, you can’t legally respond physically unless there’s a physical threat to you. A guy sitting too close and talking in your ear, or getting in your face, or even touching an arm or shoulder, isn’t a physical threat and you could still be in trouble for assault if you responded physically.

 

[Lily_Bernans]

I am a big believer in self defense, particularly for women. But the purpose of self defense has to be to get away. A quick shot, or twist, and shouting followed by sprinting. It’s the best chance a woman has.

At 4’11 and 95 lbs, you aren’t going to take a male attacker of even average build. It just isn’t going to happen regardless of your westernized martial arts training in a safe cozy studio. It’s cool to know, and its as much an art form as a fighting style. But you aren’t going to beat up an attacker and you would not be the first woman to get seriously hurt, or worse, trying.

With a fifth degree black belt, I can, and have, taken down 250 pound-plus men. I’m also very skilled in MMA. I didn’t learn it for self-defense; I learned because I like the martial arts.

 

[Lily_Bernans]

More to the point, you can’t legally respond physically unless there’s a physical threat to you. A guy sitting too close and talking in your ear, or getting in your face, or even touching an arm or shoulder, isn’t a physical threat and you could still be in trouble for assault if you responded physically.

Tell them to stop. Change your seat. If a man doesn’t stop when you tell him to, report him for harassment.

 

[DarkLight]

Tell them to stop. Change your seat. If a man doesn’t stop when you tell him to, report him for harassment.

There’s typically no one to report to (it’s typically at the bus station, not on the bus). And I haven’t found that telling them to stop gets any response other than “aww don’t be like that, give me a chance.”

 

[pensmama87]

There’s typically no one to report to (it’s typically at the bus station, not on the bus). And I haven’t found that telling them to stop gets any response other than “aww don’t be like that, give me a chance.”

Tell the driver when you get on. Or call the transit authority to make a complaint. Or the cops.

The transit authority does not want their riders feeling harassed. If they get complaints, they will take steps to lessen its occurrence.

 

[pensmama87]

There’s typically no one to report to (it’s typically at the bus station, not on the bus). And I haven’t found that telling them to stop gets any response other than “aww don’t be like that, give me a chance.”

There’s also the use of incentives to stop such as threatening to call authorities, or displaying pepper spray.

If you feel that doing so would endanger you even more (because most guys will back off then even if they mutter nasty things about you under their breath as they do so), then that’s all the more reason to involve the authorities.

 

[Burt_Macklin]

With a fifth degree black belt, I can, and have, taken down 250 pound-plus men. I’m also very skilled in MMA. I didn’t learn it for self-defense; I learned because I like the martial arts.

You’re taking down men who are helping you by throwing their own weight. An attacker will not be so accommodating. There are weight classes in MMA for a reason. I can’t imagine winning against someone who outweighs me by 150 lbs. it just isn’t going to happen.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

You’re taking down men who are helping you by throwing their own weight. An attacker will not be so accommodating. There are weight classes in MMA for a reason. I can’t imagine winning against someone who outweighs me by 150 lbs. it just isn’t going to happen.

Gender differences exacerbate it too. A 5’3 120 lbs man naturally has more muscle mass and strength than a 5’3 120 lbs woman.

An attacker also won’t play by the rules or say “ready, set, go”. Self defense is so important, but a woman with a chip on her shoulder about how no man can take her down could very well end up in a dangerous situation and find that chip knocked off in a hurry. This is a rare situation where confidence is dangerous. Step one is avoid risky situations. If that fails, the next step is run.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

With a fifth degree black belt, I can, and have, taken down 250 pound-plus men. I’m also very skilled in MMA. I didn’t learn it for self-defense; I learned because I like the martial arts.

Martial arts are a very good activity but probably won’t help most women with self-defense. The person who created Model Mugging did so because a woman he knew who was a black belt was raped. The program I would recommend is IMPACT; it is an offshoot of Model Mugging. I’m a “graduate.” Go here do see details and a video demonstrating the approach.