Women Proposing Marriage

[Joe_5859]

I agree that this isn’t a moral issue. The most important thing is that both are on the same page.

I had friends in college where neither of them proposed. Their proposal arose naturally out of a conversation such as by the end of it they were engaged, though neither formally asked the other. If you knew them, it would make sense.

For me, I’d have been mighty disappointed if my wife proposed to me. I spent about 8 months planning my proposal. She’d have really taken the wind out my sails.

 

[EnglishTeacher]

No. Just no. It’s not a matter of morality. My husband’s proposal is one of the most romantic, special memories I’ll ever have. It was the perfect capstone to all of the conversations about marriage and family we had leading up to it.

Life doesn’t grant you many occasions like that, cherish them.

Exactly.

It’s not really a morality issue, but why would you want to?

 

[HerCrazierHalf]

For me, I’d have been mighty disappointed if my wife proposed to me. I spent about 8 months planning my proposal. She’d have really taken the wind out my sails.

Also, in addition to planning some of us need some time to rationally consider things. It is after all making a lifetime decision that can be either extremely rewarding or extremely hazardous. To be honest, I’m not sure how women figure it out so fast.

 

[gardenswithkids]

I fully support women proposing marriage as a moral choice for couples.
…

I think ultimately the decision of who proposes is something the individual couple makes based on their own preference, and I realize most couples prefer the man to propose, but I also believe there is nothing immoral about a woman proposing.

Thoughts?

The question of “who proposes” is not something most couple decide together, but rather something that is decided by the person who proposes. While I’d many couples today discuss marriage before someone formally “Pops the Questions”, many women prefer to wait for the man to formally ask her and expect him to include an engagement ring with the offer. There’s nothing immoral about a woman asking, and there’s nothing immoral about a woman waiting for the man to ask her with a ring.

 

[Sarcelle]

Exactly.

It’s not really a morality issue, but why would you want to?

It is not a matter of wanting to.

It is a matter of saying something is wrong when even the Church does not say it is. I am not saying it is you but there are quite a few people who think that the man should propose and the Church teaches this.

It is about elevating cultural practices to the equivalent of moral law.

It is like the father of the bride giving away his daughter. This is not a practice that the Church says is required for a valid Catholic wedding ceremony, yet there are quite a few here who think it is.

The bride and groom can also walk down the aisle together and that does not invalidate the wedding.

 

[TechieGuy]

I have heard numerous Catholics and Christians claim a woman proposing violates Biblical gender mandated roles (husband initiator, leader and provider; wife submissive, heart and nurturer).

Those people are incorrect and should be ignored…

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Having been married to the same man over 25 years now since our wedding with nuptial Mass conducted by my pastor, I sincerely doubt our marriage is invalid in the eyes of the Church on the grounds that I suggested marriage first.

A lot of people think a lot of things…a lot of people are often wrong or hung up on their own preferences.

 

[Joe_5859]

Really, I cannot imagine many people propose without having talked about it beforehand. I mean, I wanted the moment I asked to be a surprise, but the question itself wasn’t be a surprise.

 

[Lucretius]

I have heard numerous Catholics and Christians claim a woman proposing violates Biblical gender mandated roles (husband initiator, leader and provider; wife submissive, heart and nurturer).

I’m not sure I’d say that a woman proposing to her man “violates” the Gospel teachings, but I do think that the husband proposing to the wife seems more fitting and symbolic, based on the principles of proper gender relations outlined by Christ and the Apostles.

Those people who are into the Biblical concept of “submissive women” never seem to mention Jael and Judith who were out killing the enemies of Israel. They cherry pick stuff that supports their view of the world. I ignore it.

St. Paul clearly tells wives to obey their husbands as the Church obeys Christ.

Christi pax.

 

[Lucretius]

 

[Lucretius]

I think this command must be understood in the context of the husband being the leader of the family. A good captain doesn’t treat his first mate as a mindless servant that he has to order around for everything.

That said, a woman isn’t allowed to resist her husband’s leadership because “she doesn’t feel like it.” Nor should she disobey if she thinks that he is mistaken, generally.

Christi pax.

 

[DarkLight]

Really, I cannot imagine many people propose without having talked about it beforehand. I mean, I wanted the moment I asked to be a surprise, but the question itself wasn’t be a surprise.

I always thought that surprise questions, particularly surprise public questions, were a bad idea. A formal proposal should never be attempted unless one is already sure of the answer. It’s just too messy otherwise.

 

[AdamP88]

I always thought that surprise questions, particularly surprise public questions, were a bad idea. A formal proposal should never be attempted unless one is already sure of the answer. It’s just too messy otherwise.

You’re never 100% sure…but you can be 95% sure.

I popped the question to Mrs. AdamPeter in the Church in Dublin that has the relics of St. Valentine. There weren’t many people around. But we came back the next week and there was a prayer for us written in the book of petitions for our engagement and marriage by a complete stranger.

As Joe5859 said, the moment was a surprise but the actual question wasn’t.

Though the ring was a surprise for her too because I had her believe for months that I was saving for a very expensive kayak.

 

[Anglewannabe]

For me, I’d have been mighty disappointed if my wife proposed to me. I spent about 8 months planning my proposal. She’d have really taken the wind out my sails.

I think this is a common sentiment for men. Which is why I think the woman should learn patience and let him propose.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Also, in addition to planning some of us need some time to rationally consider things. It is after all making a lifetime decision that can be either extremely rewarding or extremely hazardous. To be honest, I’m not sure how women figure it out so fast.

Well… if all women were like me, we don’t figure it out so fast, it actually takes a lot of mental energy to figure it out. We need to know the man is planning on proposing to know if it is worth it to spend all that time figuring it out. Reverse psychology type of thing

 

[Sarcelle]

I have read about really public proposals, like in the middle of a baseball game or in a musical concert.

I think this is really a bad move as it pits the woman on the spot. If I remember right, the very public proposal had the couple up on the big screen. The woman did not expect it from the look on her face. She turned him down.

 

[pensmama87]

I have read about really public proposals, like in the middle of a baseball game or in a musical concert.

I think this is really a bad move as it pits the woman on the spot. If I remember right, the very public proposal had the couple up on the big screen. The woman did not expect it from the look on her face. She turned him down.

Yes, if you’re not certain she’s going to say yes, it’s a really bad idea. I think sometimes there’s an element of manipulation too - the public pressure to say yes. Bad idea.

Good for her for being willing to say no.

 

[AdamP88]

For me, I’d have been mighty disappointed if my wife proposed to me. I spent about 8 months planning my proposal. She’d have really taken the wind out my sails.

Yeah…same here. I spent from an October to the following April planning it. It would have been annoying if she proposed to me. I just think the man proposing to the woman is the done thing. It seems more fitting. If you want the prize you gotta take the risk guys.

 

[AdamP88]

Yes, if you’re not certain she’s going to say yes, it’s a really bad idea. I think sometimes there’s an element of manipulation too - the public pressure to say yes. Bad idea.

Good for her for being willing to say no.

Again…it depends on how sure you are of the answer. This might have been great if the guy was pretty sure of the answer. Though I think my wife would have been a bit embarrassed at a big public proposal. Ours was in a public place but with not many people around.

 

[pensmama87]

Again…it depends on how sure you are of the answer. This might have been great if the guy was pretty sure of the answer. Though I think my wife would have been a bit embarrassed at a big public proposal. Ours was in a public place but with not many people around.

Right, and if he knew she’d like to be the center of attention (of thousands of people!) But I’ve often encountered the “surprise public proposal” as the male version of how to save a failing relationship. After all, what girl doesn’t want to get married? And if she is asked in front of all these people…she HAS to say yes!

Not a great strategy.