Women ,sex,marriage and babies

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Paul_theApostle

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Like most men,i find women attractive and have sexual desires also
But if i choose to follow or give in to these desires and to the joyful pleasure of sex
Does that equal,or why does that equal-
  • a lifetime of slaving away at work
  • having to change filthy,smelling nappies/dapiers
    -having to buy a 4wheeler and loading and unloading prams out of the trunk
    -buying prams and pushing them around everywhere
    -putting up with a housefull of screaming babies and kids
    -having to pay thousands of ongoing house,medical and schooling bills
    -having to throw and attend parties after parties with my kids
    -having to get all chummy with my partners family
    -having to load the kids and prams in the car to visit my in-laws every weekend
    -having a house full of toys all over the floors
is this what i have to go through if i want a bit of sex?
so when i see an attractive girl ,i think of a lifetime of these things and say that this is the cost if i want a bit of pleasure,so i say forget it and go the other way…
 
Im a woman and I too think this: If I want to unite with a man, that would mean I have to make most of my marriage about children. I do WANT children but big families are not my thing (definately a BLESSING though).

The Church’s teaching is that marriage and sex is for procreation and unity. That would mean, if procreation isn’t the best idea based on moral reasons, then we can use NFP but must remain opened to life. The benefit of unity is always there regardless of the intent of procreation or not.
I understand you, but saying you want marriage as a vocation doesnt mean you’re meant to want it for a ‘little bit of sex’. Its not a decision based on lust (Dont know if thats what you’re saying, but I’m going by the impression I got which could be wrong).
 
Paul_theApostle said:
Like most men,i find women attractive and have sexual desires also
But if i choose to follow or give in to these desires and to the joyful pleasure of sex
Does that equal,or why does that equal-
  • a lifetime of slaving away at work
  • having to change filthy,smelling nappies/dapiers
    -having to buy a 4wheeler and loading and unloading prams out of the trunk
    -buying prams and pushing them around everywhere
    -putting up with a housefull of screaming babies and kids
    -having to pay thousands of ongoing house,medical and schooling bills
    -having to throw and attend parties after parties with my kids
    -having to get all chummy with my partners family
    -having to load the kids and prams in the car to visit my in-laws every weekend
    -having a house full of toys all over the floors
is this what i have to go through if i want a bit of sex?
so when i see an attractive girl ,i think of a lifetime of these things and say that this is the cost if i want a bit of pleasure,so i say forget it and go the other way…
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I feel this post a bit dirty…
 
I notice within me, as we all have,an attraction physically to the opposite sex,

when im out and see a girl with a body im attracted to,to me ,if i want to go further with this desire ,i might end up with all the things on that list i wrote

i dont believe in one night stands as we are Christians

so for the little bit of this powerful sexual desire for a womens body,i might have to pack our kids and their toys in the jeep to visit her mother and father every weekend for the rest our lives…

and change ****** nappies at all hours of the morning and hear rackety kids yelling and playing around the house for years

this is what i would have to do ,if i wanted to enjoy phsyical union with a nice girl

Maybe i could meet a women who cant have kids,bring one on:)
 
divinefaith said:
I understand you, but saying you want marriage as a vocation doesnt mean you’re meant to want it for a ‘little bit of sex’. Its not a decision based on lust (Dont know if thats what you’re saying, but I’m going by the impression I got which could be wrong).
Click to expand...
Im not crazy about the married vocation…im happy single with the Lord and myself

but i still get sexual feelings when as i said i may see a girl i see as attractive

so what do i do?

do i dive into those sexual feelings creating a lifetime of the above list?

or get on my knees when they come and beg the Lord through tears to wash me clean of these desires and take them away because i dont desire marriage?

Im not meaning to be dirty ,but just staightforward,if you get my point,if not just click somewhere else
 
Sexual desires, urges, or cravings are commonly misconceived as something which can be gratified by meaningless SEX or sex acts. You could pray the Lord purifies your thoughts as well as read and ensure you understand the Catholic (John Paul II) teachings of Theology of the Body. What you are experiencing when you see someone you think you are sexually attracted to what you are feeling truly is NOT about sex, although you have been lead to believe it is.

Not every book on the Theology of the Body is for beginners (learning this theology) so, don’t buy ~ borrow. Many churches have a series of the teaching as well as many libraries.

Don’t give in to evil temptations which could cost you a lifetime of regret. Thoroughly learn about the yearnings you feel before you explore how to ‘satisfy’ them.

Good luck. I know, if nothing else, prayer will work.
 
Paul_theApostle said:
Im not crazy about the married vocation…im happy single with the Lord and myself

but i still get sexual feelings when as i said i may see a girl i see as attractive

so what do i do?

do i dive into those sexual feelings creating a lifetime of the above list?

or get on my knees when they come and beg the Lord through tears to wash me clean of these desires and take them away because i dont desire marriage?

Im not meaning to be dirty ,but just staightforward,if you get my point,if not just click somewhere else
Click to expand...
Having sexual feelings doesnt mean you will need to dive into marriage. We need to pray in our fight against sin.
 
Paul_theApostle said:
Like most men,i find women attractive and have sexual desires also
But if i choose to follow or give in to these desires and to the joyful pleasure of sex
Does that equal,or why does that equal-
  • a lifetime of slaving away at work
  • having to change filthy,smelling nappies/dapiers
    -having to buy a 4wheeler and loading and unloading prams out of the trunk
    -buying prams and pushing them around everywhere
    -putting up with a housefull of screaming babies and kids
    -having to pay thousands of ongoing house,medical and schooling bills
    -having to throw and attend parties after parties with my kids
    -having to get all chummy with my partners family
    -having to load the kids and prams in the car to visit my in-laws every weekend
    -having a house full of toys all over the floors
is this what i have to go through if i want a bit of sex?
so when i see an attractive girl ,i think of a lifetime of these things and say that this is the cost if i want a bit of pleasure,so i say forget it and go the other way…
Click to expand...
From an egoistic perspective your thoughts are entirely reasonable. For just a bit of fun a lifetime of work and so much money lost.

But if you estimates things from an egoistic position, your least problem as a catholic should be your sexu desire. Pray to the Lord to take away your egoism.

If that is gone, i think things will get clearer and you can decide whether or not marriage is something you should spend a large part of your life, time, efforts and money on.
 
carn said:
From an egoistic perspective your thoughts are entirely reasonable. For just a bit of fun a lifetime of work and so much money lost.

But if you estimates things from an egoistic position, your least problem as a catholic should be your sexu desire. Pray to the Lord to take away your egoism.

If that is gone, i think things will get clearer and you can decide whether or not marriage is something you should spend a large part of your life, time, efforts and money on.
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Thats really good 👍. But I want to add that if OP believes he’s in difficulty to have children he can morally choose when birth is appropriate. Remember Natural family planning is ok for moral reasons e.g. financial difficulties. I still wont deny the sacrifice one would make to get married and have children.
 
You need some counseling.

How old are you? These sound like the attitudes of a 15 year old. Very immature. Get some help if you are, in fact, an adult.
 
If the person asking the question in this manner were a son or relative of mine I would advise him to have nothing to do with sex, much less marriage, until he matures to the level where he is able to have a meaningful relationship with a woman and learns to regard them as something other than objects for his own pleasure. That maturity would also include a due regard for the sanctity of marriage and family and the supreme gift of children and their value as persons, for whom their care becomes acts of love, not mere duty and penalty.
 
We are supposed to pick up our cross and follow Jesus our Lord.

Focusing on Him will put things in perspective.

I had eight children and had a lot of challenges and a lot of joys. Life is like that no matter what vocation we choose!

The vocation the Lord leads us to teaches us how to love and put up with inconveniences for the Lord’s sake.

It isn’t easy,…but His grace is always available!
 
I had no idea my ex-husband (who I have a child with) has an account here! 😉

Seriously, I think the OP makes a good point. Catholicism is a rare denomination that asks for no contraception within marriage and for sex to be about procreation. What about those that absolutely do not want to be parents or would, honestly, be horrible parents? In my opinion just because you can doesn’t mean you should have children. I know a lady that’s had all 5 of her children taken from her and four the state terminated her parental rights. Granted, she wasn’t married to the fathers (and was with several men and isn’t 100% who the father is for any of them), but had she been married would she have changed?

I don’t know. Just a view from the outside.
 
Getting married and having children definitely changes one’s life. However, I am surprised nobody so far has mentioned any of the positive ways it changes it.

Having a lifetime companion to get to know and love, someone who grows to know and love you, someone who understands you better than anyone else in the world, someone who accepts you as you are and loves you anyway. God said “It’s not god for man to be alone.” It’s good for humans to have someone else to think about. Egoism can be depressing.

Having children who are a sign of the love between you and your spouse. You not only change nappies, etc. as you mentioned, but you get to hold a new human being made in God’s image, who is totally dependent on you for the things he or she needs. But love naturally flows between a baby and its parents. When a baby smiles, it brightens the whole world around him, it lifts the spirits of all around them. Older toddlers think you are the greatest thing that ever lived. You are the most beautiful, smart wonderful person in the whole world. Watching their facination with the world opens up whole new facinating aspects, possibly some you have never thought of before. You have to slow down and appreciate the little things you would otherwise miss. You notice the intricacy of a spiderweb, the beauty of the flower, the facination of watching a bee fly from flower to flower gathering nectar.

When your children are grown, you can take pleasure in seeing the beautiful people they have become and thank God for sharing the privilege of watching them grow up. And of course then there are grandchildren!

There is much more to life than satisfying sexual urges. I hope you will find some of them and learn to enjoy them. May the Holy Spirit guide you on your way.
 
I want to say that OP’s attitude is normal considering the challenges he must feel being a Catholic. I too was like him, although I wasnt thinking too much about sex as a teenager. I still saw no hope towards getting married. I am now in my 20s and this issue has not been solved. If I do date a guy I feel its a burden ahead.
In saying that, I would ask how old the OP is.
 
Keep going the other way. You are totally honest with yourself that you are not ready for marriage. Thank goodness you are not willing to use a woman for instant gratification, get her pregnant and then bring a child into a relationship with a Dad who hates being a Dad.

Keep doing what you are doing. Keep yourself under control, enjoy your life as a bachelor, travel, finish your education, get established in a career. You’ll see things differently later. 👍
 
aicirt said:
Keep going the other way. You are totally honest with yourself that you are not ready for marriage. Thank goodness you are not willing to use a woman for instant gratification, get her pregnant and then bring a child into a relationship with a Dad who hates being a Dad.

Keep doing what you are doing. Keep yourself under control, enjoy your life as a bachelor, travel, finish your education, get established in a career. You’ll see things differently later. 👍
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Ditto…sort-of. The original posts seems to be full of misconceptions and unrealistically portrays what the OP sees as being a married life. If you really feel that marriage would lead to all that…you probably are not ready for marriage.

I’ll echo 1ke’s recommendation for counseling. It can help you understand better what the married life entails and help prepare you for whatever future decisions you will make. It can also be a huge help if you are experiencing desires for instant gratification. Also, the book “Boundaries” by Cloud & Townsend can be a real help. (I speek from personal experience. ) 🙂
 
The OP is absolutely right that he is simply not marriage material at this time. He has yet to even suspect that real joy in life is about giving oneself for the betterment of another. He looks at children and sees only drudgery and menial work. He looks at woman and (apparently) sees only an object capable of bringing him great pleasure.

The actual apostle Paul, while a lifelong bachelor, was nothing like this. He utterly gave himself away for the sake of bringing others to the joy of Christ. He seems to have had nothing for himself: no material comfort, no luxuries, no permanent relationships, no wealth, he apparently left everywhere he went the moment his prestige there started to grow… There’s nothing about him to suggest narcisstic self-indulgence.

I suggest that the OP volunteer to do something one-on-one to assist someone else in need. You might discover something you don’t yet seem to suspect about life. Real parents really do all the work you list and more (lots more). A strange thing happens when you choose to put aside your selfishness and accept this responsibility which IS probably beyond your capability. It’s Grace. The Grace of the sacrament of matrimony.
 
As it has been stated by a few other posts it sounds like the OP needs to mature a little bit more in order to fully understand the beauty of marriage and its one flesh union. Everyone at one time or another feels the pull of sexual desire but it is our duty as Catholics/Christians to fight that desire when it is outside of marriage and purely for selfish purposes.

To the OP: Pray! Offer your sufferings up to God and believe that He will guide you through your struggles. Also, as a father of three I am well aware of the tiresome chores involved with parenthood, but that list of “negatives” you posted is completely over-shadowed by the joys that children can bring to parents. In fact, if my wife and I were in a better financial situation we’d stop using NFP to avoid another pregnancy and use it to get pregnant again! Children are truely a gift from God.
 
Ok thanks for your replies

I dont mind anyones judgements,i am where i am at this time and one shouldnt be ashamed to be honest or open

I do realise in this world like Philotheatoo said,so many people are doing sex for gratification like pornography,prostitution,fornication,masturbation,using condoms and contraception and having all this sex without the purpose of being married or to create children.

In my case i was only noticing and mentioning my problem of staring at a girls body and feeling attracted to it with the feelings i would like to have sex with it

So before anyone judges me ,perhaps you could judge also the million porno actors,prostitutes,fornicators,those people who go and party on weekends and take a partner home for the night,and all those who masturbate on this forum

All this sex in the world,with the elimination of the purpose of marriage and children

So you think its not a problem??

If im not into married life ,im just struggling with these feeling and desires for sex ,which if i follow them ,and do the right thing,wouldnt it lead to marriage??

Well people have said to pray and fight them so i understand

Thomas Aquinas chose the single life and eventually was gifted with perfect Chastity

Will my sexual desire go away or die away if God sees im not interested in marriage
will he take it away?

St Paul says its better to marry then to burn with desire

So do people who choose celibacy perhaps not burn with sexual desire?
 
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