Women wearing revealing clothing

[ScentedTuna]

Hi. My name is Daniel, I’m 20 years old and love my Catholic faith very much. There is something I don’t quite understand about women. I’ve read some topics regarding modesty and immodesty on Catholic Answers Forums but I couldn’t find anyone talking about what women think when men look at them. Let me explain.

Year after year is seems immodest clothing for women (what we catholic’s consider immodest anyway) is becoming more and more popular. When I go to gym for example, I see women in skin tight leggings, short tight shorts, shirts that are a bit too revealing. Or when I go to the beach in the summer time, 90% of girls are wearing bikinis that almost don’t hide anything (bikinis that show more of there breasts and there butts.) There is also some fashion shows that have female models wearing pretty much nothing, just barely covering there top and bottom. And it makes sense that these are becoming popular because well, men like it.

Here are my questions (ladies feel free to leave your responses too):

1. Why do women generally consider it rude or weird when a man looks at them, I mean you know we men are visual and you are wearing something that only makes it harder for us to control where we look so what do you expect? Sure there maybe some men who may look with lust but if that is your concern then stop wearing skimpy clothes idk (I’m not saying you do I mean for those that do)
2. Is it okay to be interested in a women because she looks beautiful from top to bottom? I mean think about it, most of the time men come up to girls and start flirting, asking them out on dates etc… because her beauty caught there eye, and i’m aware that you should look at her with dignity and understand that shes both body and soul.
3. I read topics where people said its okay to appreciate the beauty of the female body just as long as you don’t lust to her. Okay so if there is a women at the beach wearing a pretty revealing bikini, is it bad to appreciate her body? I mean shes almost naked and if you intentionally look at a naked women its a sin so I don’t know where that fine line is. If it is a sin, what are men to do to maintain purity as these clothing get more and more popular? Wear blind folds?

 

[Lea101]

Why do women generally consider it rude or weird when a man looks at them, I mean you know we men are visual and you are wearing something that only makes it harder for us to control where we look so what do you expect?

*looks at them with lust. Isn’t this pretty self explanatory though? Why would anyone want to have a stranger look at them this way? There are various reasons why women dress immodestly, but that’s for women to address with other women. Regardless of the reason, the man (or a woman) is to maintain custody of the eyes.

s it okay to be interested in a women because she looks beautiful from top to bottom?

Physical attraction is normal. It is weird to marry someone you don’t find personally attractive. Just don’t reduce anyone to their looks but look out for other qualities as well.

Okay so if there is a women at the beach wearing a pretty revealing bikini, is it bad to appreciate her body? I mean shes almost naked and if you intentionally look at a naked women its a sin so I don’t know where that fine line is.

What are you thinking about when you look at a naked body? Look up the catechism’s definition of lust and see if it applies here.

If it is a sin, what are men to do to maintain purity as these clothing get more and more popular? Wear blind folds?

There are a bunch of useful threads here with men’s advice to other men on how to avoid lust in general, you should take a look.

Edit: while we live in a world where women are pressured to flaunt their sex appeal, men are also ‘taught’ from young to view women a certain way through the media/porn. Just explaining your perceptions and behaviors as ‘men being visual’ isn’t accurate enough. The society does have an impact on the way we view others.

With regards to modesty and clothing, it’s actually men that have the power to change this…not women. Imagine if men simultaneously decided not to give positive attention to certain things.

 

[njlisa]

In my 58 years of being a woman, I can say that many women don’t wear revealing clothing. I didn’t do so in my youth. Some women do wear skimpy clothing to the beach or to the pool. For years, I have opted for women’s suits that come with trunks. I would wear one with longer trunks, were they available. One of the great blessings of being an older woman is that we don’t have to mess with dressing to impress. I wear clothing like now because I like the way I look.

 

[Loud-living-dogma]

Right you are, scented tuna, you can tell what people really believe by their actions. If women show a lot of skin, they know what they are doing. They present themselves in a certain way. A way that brings a certain kind of attention. If they didn’t like it they wouldn’t dress that way! Good luck trying to avoid it – it sounds like you are getting all this figured out at a young age.

 

[ewohdrol]

Not sure I agree at all.

I grew up wearing very skimpy clothes - in particular at the beach. I’m Australian and it was pretty much the done thing living on a very popular surf beach.

I certainly wasn’t doing it for male attention. I was a very conservative catholic, but liked following fashions like most youth.

OP use some common sense. Appreciating someones looks is absolutely fine. Staring where they begin to feel uncomfortable is probably not so much.

 

[Delphinus]

I’ll answer your questions from a woman’s perspective.

Why do women generally consider it rude or weird when a man looks at them, I mean you know we men are visual and you are wearing something that only makes it harder for us to control where we look so what do you expect? Sure there maybe some men who may look with lust but if that is your concern then stop wearing skimpy clothes idk (I’m not saying you do I mean for those that do)

Women don’t always wear “revealing” clothing to get attention of men. I wear tank tops and shorts to the gym so I can 1) feel comfortable and 2) avoid rashes. I feel I have the right to be comfortable and not be harassed or ogled. Most women do not wear clothes to be looked at, they wear the clothes they do to feel good and confident to themselves, not automatically to impress men… I simply expect to be treated with the same respect you’d show your mother or your sister or your daughter when I’m just trying to be comfortable because I am someone’s mother, sister, and daughter.

Is it okay to be interested in a women because she looks beautiful from top to bottom? I mean think about it, most of the time men come up to girls and start flirting, asking them out on dates etc… because her beauty caught there eye, and i’m aware that you should look at her with dignity and understand that shes both body and soul.

Absolutely, nothing at all wrong with attraction. God gave it to us to help us find a suitable mate.

I read topics where people said its okay to appreciate the beauty of the female body just as long as you don’t lust to her. Okay so if there is a women at the beach wearing a pretty revealing bikini, is it bad to appreciate her body? I mean shes almost naked and if you intentionally look at a naked women its a sin so I don’t know where that fine line is. If it is a sin, what are men to do to maintain purity as these clothing get more and more popular? Wear blind folds?

Appreciate, yes. Degrade into a sex object, no. A woman should be free to wear what she needs to feel comfortable in any situation - whether you think it’s revealing or not. You may think something is revealing, but others do not. There was a day when a woman showing her ankle made her a woman of poor morals. If it’s such a problem, a blindfold may be a good idea…note that Jesus said to pluck out your own eye if it causes you to sin, not shame the other person and try to control them.

 

[ScentedTuna]

Yeah my bad I thought about it, duh if men keep staring at you especially at your body parts it becomes very uncomfortable.

I did look up the catechism’s definition of lust “Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes” ( CCC 2351). However suppose I don’t lust, Then it would seem there wouldn’t be a problem in me looking at girls naked or not??

Explain how men have the power to change. If you’re asking all men to look away and just ignore that’s never gonna happen not in a million years, its in our nature to find females very attractive especially if your wearing very revealing clothing. I agree we should work on controlling where we look but I mean expect for it to be very difficult when you’re wearing next to nothing or something very tight.

 

[ScentedTuna]

Wait wait wait, you say “A woman should be free to wear what she needs to feel comfortable in any situation - whether you think it’s revealing or not” Look, to be honest I have no problem if girls are wearing small bikinis or skin tight leggings, Its very attractive and cute (Obviously), I personally always try to remember that person is a child of Christ so as to not sin in my heart, but then whats the point of talking about modest and immodest clothing if ladies can wear whatever makes them comfortable or men for that matter?

 

[jack63]

Explain how men have the power to change. If you’re asking all men to look away and just ignore that’s never gonna happen not in a million years, its in our nature to find females very attractive especially if your wearing very revealing clothing.

There is a trick. The trick is that you go talk to them. Usually the weather is sufficient to start a conversation. Once you’ve talked to them you will either like them personally (or not), but it will be much harder to see them as an object, and much easier to see them as a person. It works wonders.

 

[Delphinus]

You hit the nail on the head. There IS no point talking about it. It’s not up to any of us to demand women or men have to dress in any particular way. It’s up to us to change our own hearts and see people for who they are - the beloved children of God, and treat them with the same honor and respect we would want for our own loved ones. It’s my job as a woman to be respectful of the fact that men are visual and do what I can do accommodate that in my dress. But it’s also true that my husband likes to see me in certain clothes and I should be free to dress for HIM and only HIM and not have other men make comments as if I somehow did it for them. There are SO many factors in play that trying to define laws on how women should be forced to dress is utterly fruitless. It’s why Jesus NEVER talked about it in the gospels, except telling all of us to gouge our eyes out if we can’t control it. That goes for women and men. My husband and I go walking in an area where young, attractive men are jogging without shirts. Yeah, it’s tough not to look. But it’s on ME to be respectful of that man, he is under NO obligation to change anything for me.

 

[ScentedTuna]

Wow. never looked at it that way. That makes a lot of sense. Thanks!

 

[Delphinus]

My husband helped with that one. He went though this same struggle as a young man and that’s where he had to get to. The only way he was able to start to move past it was “shift the blame” as it were from the woman to his own eyes. It actually empowered him and really helped him rise above. Granted, I also had to go through a similar process. Men aren’t the only ones who struggle not to look and blame…trust me on that one!..^_^;;

 

[LittleFlower378]

Women should read the book Dressing With Dignity by Hammond. We live in a culture where modesty is thrown out the window. But 70 years ago it was not so prevelant. Men must respect the whole of the women, soul first and body too. Women must not lead men to sin by immodest dress. If you are finding this hard for you, avoid places with immodestly dressed women. If that’s not possible bulk up on the virtue of chastity. Women are beautiful, but there is a proper way to look at women. Womens bodies shouldn’t be used as a shmorgast board for our own pleasure.

 

[ShrodingersCat]

1. women get annoyed when men try to blame them for sexual harassment or abuse, which I agree with. It might be imprudent to dress immodestly. It is inconsiderate to men who don’t want to lust. But, ultimately, men should be able to control their own actions. Bear in mind that what is considered immodest by practicing catholics is so ubiquitous in popular culture that these girls may not really be aware of how they will be seen by men.
2. Nothing wrong with it - just don’t lust
3. I think the line lies between incidentally noticing a girl in a bikini vs. deliberately looking. If your mind goes in the direction of sex, it’s going in the wrong direction (unless it’s your wife).

 

[PJH_74]

Wow. never looked at it that way. That makes a lot of sense. Thanks!

Because of the way this site attributes replies sometimes, I’m very willing to suggest that you “get” it. We woman are just as able to express the joy of our bodies as men are to be able to. I’m not the one that wold ever condone that women have it “coming to them” based on how we express our physical selfies. If you can’t react in a respectful way to a women that is attractive to you; then you are undeserving of our unconditional love. Being dressed in a way that celebrates our bodies is not a sin;liese

 

[kgmlg]

1. Why do women generally consider it rude or weird when a man looks at them, I mean you know we men are visual and you are wearing something that only makes it harder for us to control where we look so what do you expect? Sure there maybe some men who may look with lust but if that is your concern then stop wearing skimpy clothes idk (I’m not saying you do I mean for those that do)

Let me put a twist to this question. Why don’t the indigenous tribes, say in Africa, who go around almost totally and absolutely naked never have this problem? Their women go around in g-strings all day, and I doubt they get ogled or harassed for it. Are we saying that their men have more restraint than ours? I think you should think about this for a bit. Why do those men seem to have no problems with “visuals”?

1. Is it okay to be interested in a women because she looks beautiful from top to bottom?

Absolutely. We women also look you know, but I think we may be a bit more considerate and look with “discretion” so as not to make the other person uncomfortable.

1. I read topics where people said its okay to appreciate the beauty of the female body just as long as you don’t lust to her. Okay so if there is a women at the beach wearing a pretty revealing bikini, is it bad to appreciate her body? I mean shes almost naked and if you intentionally look at a naked women its a sin so I don’t know where that fine line is. If it is a sin, what are men to do to maintain purity as these clothing get more and more popular? Wear blind folds?

Again, this is cultural. I live in Europe, and women actually go topless here at the beach. The locals don’t even notice them anymore. You will know who isn’t from around here as they tend to be on the “rude” end of the spectrum and ogle. The local women just shake their heads at the foreign men’s “ignorance” (putting that on quotes because that is a local opinion, not necessarily mine.)

 

[Brendan_64]

I think that things regarding how many women are almost expected to dress these days have become seriously out of kilter. Men’s clothing has changed very little over many decades (centuries even) in terms of what is revealed of their naked body, but womens clothing over the past couple of decades has, I think, become more and more revealing.

Why? Why the need for women to reveal more and more? I have heard it said that women dress more for themselves and their female peers than for men, and I think this does often seem to be the case, but why does wearing revealing clothes make a woman feel more confident?

Or is it all just a con, where women are being sexualised for the benefit of men, and at the same time being sold a line that it isn’t about men, but that it is really about their own emancipation and self-confidence?

 

[fide]

Responses by some on this thread (I’m assuming they are women) absolutely astound me. It only proves what I have come to in my old age: women have no clue how men think and perceive, And men (I’m one of them) are similarly clueless about the mystery of a woman’s mind.

Women - it is not your inalienable right to dress (or undress) as you choose, and “if men have a problem with it it is their problem.” We ALL ARE our brother’s keeper; we ALL ARE responsible for the effect that we provoke in other people, even if we do not want to be. God created us as He did, and we are to help our brothers and sisters, as much as we can in this fallen world, and help because of holy love, helping others to grow in holiness. We are not to be causes of temptation in others, as much as we can avoid it.

And ladies, do not dress as this sex-crazed world would tempt you to dress; you do not have to follow their lead! You choose to dress as you do - in the gym, on the beach, anywhere - and you are responsible for your choices. Yes, men must learn to struggle against the temptations to lust, and to overcome the temptations with actions worthy of holiness - BUT God made woman as man’s helper - to be a help and companion for him - not to be his temptress! Seek to be God’s gift to humanity, in your femininity, and God gives good things, not bad, not one more occasion of sin in this rapidly darkening world.

Men and women are called to holiness and to the perfection of divine charity. Scripture has this for women’s clothing: (and single women, consider your husband to be Jesus Himself, until He sends you a different one):
1Pe 3:1 Likewise you wives, be submissive to your husbands, so that some, though they do not obey the word, may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,
1Pe 3:2 when they see your reverent and chaste behavior.
1Pe 3:3 Let not yours be the outward adorning with braiding of hair, decoration of gold, and wearing of fine clothing,
1Pe 3:4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable jewel of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
1Pe 3:5 So once the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves and were submissive to their husbands,
1Pe 3:6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are now her children if you do right and let nothing terrify you.
1Pe 3:7 Likewise you husbands, live considerately with your wives, bestowing honor on the woman as the weaker sex, since you are joint heirs of the grace of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered.

 

[Magnanimity]

From the program Fresh Air (Oct, 2017), Terry Gross [host] asking a question about the show Deuce and getting a very thoughtful answer from the show’s creator,
“The clothing is so…70’s, and one thing I have to say about the clothing…, I don’t mean to sound old-fashioned or anything, but I’ll just come out and say it. I was noticing Saturday night, as I was walking down a street with a lot of clubs on it, that all the young women were dressed as if they were in The Deuce. As if they were like the prostitutes on The Deuce, with the very short shorts, and the midriff tops and…I don’t mean to sound prudish or old-fashioned, but that kind of clothing is just what people wear now. You wouldn’t see somebody wearing that and go like, ‘oh, that must be a prostitute,’ as you might have in 1971.” - Terry Gross
David Simon [co-creator of ‘The Deuce’]: “And that’s something we also hope to address, both subliminally and I think there may be points where we can actually reference it. But I think mostly you’re going to have to get it looking in retrospective from today’s world. Which is this: that porn itself (even beyond the actual pornography, even beyond the actual dirty movies and the dirty pictures) it changed the way we look at ourselves, the way men look at women, the way women respond to the reality of what’s in men’s brains at this point. We don’t sell anything without using the tropes of pornography. We don’t sell beer or cars or blue jeans without, in some way, referencing a lot of what has become normalized imagery and normalized culture through the ubiquity of pornography over the last fifty years. It’s been a long time. It’s been half a century that this stuff has been in the ether. And in the same way that early pornography certainly took a lot of its tropes from mainstream film and played with them, it’s gone the other way. And now, I think, everything from fashion to music to regular cinema-the pornographication of America has been profound. Listen, you don’t have a multi-billion dollar industry operating every year and not have it transform the way we think about ourselves and each other. And I don’t think anyone’s got a good handle on the depth of that. I think it’s happened so fast, and it’s been so unexamined. I don’t think anyone has examined it with any degree of seriousness…that I’m not sure we know what we’ve built.”

I think David Simon is entirely correct. The pornographication of America (and the West, generally) has already occurred. Sexuality/sensuality is everywhere… And we are so close to the origins of it (it goes back only half a century) that we, male and female, honestly have no idea how to handle it. We are not even sure what exactly are the full ramifications of this phenomenon, and we certainly don’t know what is to be done about it.

 

[lilypadrees]

As a woman, I’m appalled by the revealing clothing I see on today’s young women. Sadly, that’s the way the fashions are now. It’s very difficult to find the tasteful fashions I grew up with. The stores cater to the “Sex sells” crowd and those of us who prefer dressing more respectfully are left out in the cold.