Women

[realtiger]

Just yesterday I did not want to get my hopes up in finding a girl and just wanted to stay single. But today I just loved women more. I am attracted to women for their negative traits and not positive traits. I fantasize about women like Miss Trunchbull from Matilda (although I’m not attracted to her physically) who force children to eat 18 inch (in diameter) chocolate cakes, hang children up from their hair, and lock children in closets with broken glass and nails sticking out from the door and walls. I am attracted to women who are dominant, aggressive, short tempered and physically larger (maybe muscular or athletic) than me. I don’t want to look at women as sexual objects though. If I were to be in a relationship I would prefer to be in one where the women is more dominant and I’m more “chill.” However in Ephesians 5:22-24 it talks about how wives should submit to their husbands and how husbands should have authority for his wife. Therefore I probably won’t make a good Catholic husband or boyfriend since I’m not very authoritative. I try to focus on myself and school and what I want to do with my life. I’m not looking for a girlfriend right now .However I can’t repress my feelings for women. As much as I just want to focus on myself and what I want to do with my life, I still have desires for women even though sometimes I really don’t want to have them. I just can’t imagine myself with a girlfriend because I fear I might come off as a “pushover” and I hear women generally do not like men who are “pushovers.” But this attitude I have is something I cannot change and I do not want to, even if that means that I will stay single for the rest of my life. I think this is why I want to focus on my future and not have these feelings for women. I don’t know if this is where I should discern my vocation.

 

[ClearWater]

Just yesterday I did not want to get my hopes up in finding a girl and just wanted to stay single. But today I just loved women more.I am attracted to women for their negative traits and not positive traits. I fantasize about women like Miss Trunchbull from Matilda (although I’m not attracted to her physically) who force children to eat 18 inch (in diameter) chocolate cakes, hang children up from their hair, and lock children in closets with broken glass and nails sticking out from the door and walls. I am attracted to women who are dominant, aggressive, short tempered and physically larger (maybe muscular or athletic) than me. I don’t want to look at women as sexual objects though. If I were to be in a relationship I would prefer to be in one where the women is more dominant and I’m more “chill.” However in Ephesians 5:22-24 it talks about how wives should submit to their husbands and how husbands should have authority for his wife. Therefore I probably won’t make a good Catholic husband or boyfriend since I’m not very authoritative. I try to focus on myself and school and what I want to do with my life. I’m not looking for a girlfriend right now .However I can’t repress my feelings for women. As much as I just want to focus on myself and what I want to do with my life, I still have desires for women even though sometimes I really don’t want to have them. I just can’t imagine myself with a girlfriend because I fear I might come off as a “pushover” and I hear women generally do not like men who are “pushovers.” But this attitude I have is something I cannot change and I do not want to, even if that means that I will stay single for the rest of my life. I think this is why I want to focus on my future and not have these feelings for women. I don’t know if this is where I should discern my vocation.

Interesting.

 

[Xantippe]

This reminds me of a funny ad where a dominatrix is bossing a series of clients around in a way they enjoy immensely, while the truth is, it’s just so she can get her apartment tidy in time for her boyfriend’s return. (I’d search for it on youtube, but fear that the search terms might turn up something well beyond PG.)

The good news is that there should be absolutely no difficulty in finding a woman who will tell you what to do. Whether or not you’ll like it in real life is another thing entirely.

 

[ClearWater]

This reminds me of a funny ad where a dominatrix is bossing a series of clients around in a way they enjoy immensely, while the truth is, it’s just so she can get her apartment tidy in time for her boyfriend’s return. (I’d search for it on youtube, but fear that the search terms might turn up something well beyond PG.)

 

[ClearWater]

The good news is that there should be absolutely no difficulty in finding a woman who will tell you what to do. Whether or not you’ll like it in real life is another thing entirely.

That’s true enough.

 

[Viki63]

Tiger,
You are still in school so perhaps you are fairly young.
These thoughts you have appear to be a stage you’;re going through.
I would suggest you focus on your schoolwork and prayer, and especially pray to Our Lady,
who is the best model of womanhood. She is faith-filled, trusting in God, modest, patient, and calm.
Praying a rosary would be helpful for you.
God bless.

-.

 

[Petaro]

Tiger,
You are still in school so perhaps you are fairly young.
These thoughts you have appear to be a stage you’;re going through.
I would suggest you focus on your schoolwork and prayer, and especially pray to Our Lady,
who is the best model of womanhood. She is faith-filled, trusting in God, modest, patient, and calm.
Praying a rosary would be helpful for you.
God bless.

-.

A wise post Tiger. I feel that you need to develop a more balanced view of an ideal woman. I can assure you that no man can live with a woman who tells him what to do all the time. As you grow, you may find your values should direct you to a kind and loving girl who would not treat a child as you describe, but love them as Our Lady loves us. Ask Our Lady to assist your discernment in this regard; realizing that love is never sadistic.
You will be in my poor sad prayers tonight.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

I just can’t imagine myself with a girlfriend because I fear I might come off as a “pushover” and I hear women generally do not like men who are “pushovers.” But this attitude I have is something I cannot change and I do not want to, even if that means that I will stay single for the rest of my life. I think this is why I want to focus on my future and not have these feelings for women. I don’t know if this is where I should discern my vocation.

Really? Because quite recently, I’ve thought at least some women are being hopelessly sold on ugly, self-deprecating underdogs. Being the male carbon copy of a dominatrix, today’s society tends to view me somewhere between an arrogant douche and an obsessive, monstrous sociopath.

Not that I’m encouraging you to change your ways. I’m certainly dead set on mine. I just find it weird you think there aren’t any women who go for your type. Yes, you come off as a pushover. That’s exactly why I think some of the women I’ve met would be more than happy to be the one pushing you.

 

[friardchips]

Tiger,
You are still in school so perhaps you are fairly young.
These thoughts you have appear to be a stage you’;re going through.
I would suggest you focus on your schoolwork and prayer, and especially pray to Our Lady,
who is the best model of womanhood. She is faith-filled, trusting in God, modest, patient, and calm.
Praying a rosary would be helpful for you.
God bless.

-.

I second the above.

 

[Xantippe]

Really? Because quite recently, I’ve thought at least some women are being hopelessly sold on ugly, self-deprecating underdogs. Being the male carbon copy of a dominatrix, today’s society tends to view me somewhere between an arrogant douche and an obsessive, monstrous sociopath.

Not that I’m encouraging you to change your ways. I’m certainly dead set on mine. I just find it weird you think there aren’t any women who go for your type. Yes, you come off as a pushover. That’s exactly why I think some of the women I’ve met would be more than happy to be the one pushing you.

Something to bear in mind is that there is often a distinction between the role that one plays in normal daily life and what one enjoys erotically. A person who has to be dominant in their daily responsibilities might well enjoy having a break from that in the bedroom, and a person who has to be passive in their daily life might also enjoy a break from that.

C.S. Lewis talks about this very briefly in The Four Loves. He said (and of course this would be a guess rather than the product of social science) that the sort of man who especially enjoys erotic dominance might well be a gentle milquetoast in all other aspects of life. As usual, I would recommend that book to the OP. It’s quite appropriate for his stage in life and may help better to figure out how erotic love fits into the Christian life. (Of course it isn’t a Catholic book, but smart Catholics have learned a lot from it.)

 

[on_the_hill]

If I were to be in a relationship I would prefer to be in one where the women is more dominant and I’m more “chill.”

Good luck with that.

Even a ‘dominant’ woman will get fed up with living with a guy like that.

When you want to be “chill,” is that a euphemism for lazy, irresponsible, unaccountable, unreliable? Because whether or not you think of chill in those terms, I can pretty much guarantee that even a ‘dominant’ woman will.

And when I hear about ‘dominant’ female friends who not only make all the decisions, but also spend their weekends patching the roof, trying to fix the car, cutting the grass, etc., I have no respect whatsoever for their “chill” husbands.

 

[E_7]

:stretcher: The effects of society. Please, Lord, guide men to accept their role, they are misguided.

OP, get the book: Be A Man: Be the Man God Created You to Be by Fr. Larry Richards :compcoff:

 

[pensmama87]

Good luck with that.

Even a ‘dominant’ woman will get fed up with living with a guy like that.

When you want to be “chill,” is that a euphemism for lazy, irresponsible, unaccountable, unreliable? Because whether or not you think of chill in those terms, I can pretty much guarantee that even a ‘dominant’ woman will.

And when I hear about ‘dominant’ female friends who not only make all the decisions, but also spend their weekends patching the roof, trying to fix the car, cutting the grass, etc., I have no respect whatsoever for their “chill” husbands.

I am a woman and I tend to agree with this.

I have a personality many would consider “dominant.” I have strong likes and dislikes, I like having things in order, and am not afraid of working hard to get what I want (though I draw the line at being pushy or mean). I do, however, get very tired of being that way all of the time. I think C.S. Lewis is on to something, because the bedroom is one area where I would just really, really like to relax instead of feeling that it’s just one more responsibility I have!

 

[on_the_hill]

I am a woman and I tend to agree with this.

I have a personality many would consider “dominant.” I have strong likes and dislikes, I like having things in order, and am not afraid of working hard to get what I want (though I draw the line at being pushy or mean). I do, however, get very tired of being that way all of the time. I think C.S. Lewis is on to something, because the bedroom is one area where I would just really, really like to relax instead of feeling that it’s just one more responsibility I have!

I forgot to add, “spends his weekends watching football while she does everything else.”

 

[realtiger]

I think there has been a misunderstanding. I do fantasize about women who are dominant but I fantasize about them being this way toward others and not me. It’s probably just a mere fantasy. Perhaps later in life I would not want a girlfriend who is like this.

I don’t want a girlfriend right now and I want to focus on my career/school. So I’m not really worried about being boyfriend material for now.

Good luck with that.

Even a ‘dominant’ woman will get fed up with living with a guy like that.

When you want to be “chill,” is that a euphemism for lazy, irresponsible, unaccountable, unreliable? Because whether or not you think of chill in those terms, I can pretty much guarantee that even a ‘dominant’ woman will.

And when I hear about ‘dominant’ female friends who not only make all the decisions, but also spend their weekends patching the roof, trying to fix the car, cutting the grass, etc., I have no respect whatsoever for their “chill” husbands.

I don’t mean “chill” as in lazy. I wouldn’t mind cleaning and doing chores if I had to. What I mean by “chill” is not being machista, listening to the woman when she makes a valid point, and if she tells me to do something I would do it without making such a big fuss as long as it is not a bad thing for me to do. But then again I really don’t want a girlfriend right now so I shouldn’t be too worried about being the perfect man at least for now.

 

[friardchips]

I’m going to be straight up with you here, because if someone had given me this advice years ago and if I had some gold bars, then this person giving the advice would be in the possession of a couple right now:

Bossy women will have your guts for garters.

To be a husband is a serious thing. And women look for the future father of their future child whether they are intending to stay single or get married. It is a subconscious thing. If you do not pull it practically and with authority then you are heading for a massive headache and you might even end up as a victim. Not good!

So you have three choices:

1. One: become a man. Start changing your habits so you become more of a responsible person and by the time you are older you might be different.
2. Stay the same, but avoid relationships, because your attitude is not respectful towards women or yourself and you will get hurt or end up doing damage yourself.
3. Pray to Mary that she might teach you about the dignity of women and sanctity of life and ask God to guide you and teach you in your life that you might end up going in the direction He would have you go.

(and a little tip: practice for relationships: listen to people and ask how they are).

God bless.

 

[on_the_hill]

I think there has been a misunderstanding. I do fantasize about women who are dominant but I fantasize about them being this way toward others and not me. It’s probably just a mere fantasy. Perhaps later in life I would not want a girlfriend who is like this.

Oh. All righty, then.

Based on the rest of your message, I don’t foresee any problems. You sound completely…normal.

 

[Luvz2travel]

This reminds me of a funny ad where a dominatrix is bossing a series of clients around in a way they enjoy immensely, while the truth is, it’s just so she can get her apartment tidy in time for her boyfriend’s return. (I’d search for it on youtube, but fear that the search terms might turn up something well beyond PG.)

The good news is that there should be absolutely no difficulty in finding a woman who will tell you what to do. Whether or not you’ll like it in real life is another thing entirely.