Women's movement

[rayne89]

BLB_Oregon:

I don’t know if this applies to this case, but there are some things that are not done out of tradition so much as out of affection. My husband puts the paste on my toothbrush for me, if he brushes his teeth before I have. Now that it’s cold, if he’s going to get home from work after I go to bed, I go to sleep on his side. That way, when he gets in, all cold and tired, his side is already all nice and warm. (I’m all warm, too, so my “cold” side warms up much faster than when I first get in.)

It’s not that I can’t put toothpaste on my own brush or that he can’t sleep in a cold bed. When life gets going fast and you hardly have time to talk, it’s nice to know you’re being thought of.

I like chivalry. Men are not women, women are not men, and a little bit of gender-specificity in manners is a way to celebrate that you like the way God made you and the opposite sex, too. But it is even nicer when someone does something for you, not because roles set up before you were born, but because of an affection that is new every day.

There is a difference between doing it out of love and doing it because it’s demanded of you. I do many things for my hubby out of love because I choose to. (By the way the bed warming thing is sweet, my hubby would love that) My husband does the same.

But at my inlaws its an expectation (and yes my FIL is from the south -hillybilly south that is-no offense to anyone.) The women serve the men their food and then go eat in the kitchen. My husband, from when we were teens, wouldn’t have dared dumped me in the kitchen to go sit with the men. The men don’t open doors, they don’t help bring in the groceries, they don’t cook and they don’t say thankyou. I can’t recall my FIL ever saying thank you even when given a gift. But he has no problem telling you if he doesn’t like it. He wouldn’t give up a seat to let his wife sit down -after all he got there first.

 

[LSK]

rayne89:

But at my inlaws its an expectation (and yes my FIL is from the south -hillybilly south that is-no offense to anyone.) The women serve the men their food and then go eat in the kitchen. My husband, from when we were teens, wouldn’t have dared dumped me in the kitchen to go sit with the men. The men don’t open doors, they don’t help bring in the groceries, they don’t cook and they don’t say thankyou. I can’t recall my FIL ever saying thank you even when given a gift. But he has no problem telling you if he doesn’t like it. He wouldn’t give up a seat to let his wife sit down -after all he got there first.

A SOUTHERN MAN WHO WOULD NOT GIVE UP HIS SEAT FOR A LADY???:tsktsk:

Excuse me, but I believe I am going to have a case of the vapors…right here…right now…clunk…

 

[deb1]

LSK:

A SOUTHERN MAN WHO WOULD NOT GIVE UP HIS SEAT FOR A LADY???:tsktsk:

Excuse me, but I believe I am going to have a case of the vapors…right here…right now…clunk…

I believe that this depends on what part of the south that you come from. SOme southern men are very polite. In my family we were taught to take pride in being hospitable to our guests.

Then there are people who act like Jerry Springer rejects . They usually have the expectation that their wives will wait on them.

 

[Kristina_P]

sententia:

I’ve got a great b/f, opens doors/pays/carries stuff- he’s just awsome. But that’s what you get in Texas

I have never understood the above comment, however- why on earth can’t I decide what I want to eat? I’ve heard that in reading stuff before, but I’ve never understood why it would be considered chivalrous to order food for your girl.

Hrm. I’ve always understood it to be chivalrous to ask your girl what she wants, but then you’re the one who actually orders it for her. I’m not sure of the origins of this particular tradition.

 

[Kristina_P]

deb1:

I am worried that in time, the rule that men are never supposed to hit a woman no matter what, might pass away.This rule makes sense because a lot of men could do serious damage to a woman if they hit them. Lately there have been a slew of movies in which skinny little girls beat up big guys. Don’t such shows leave young boys with the thought that a girl can be struck in self defense? After all they give the illusion that men and women are equal in physical strength.

I think that if a woman is being physically aggressive with a man, he has a right to act in self defense. Of course, acting in self defense means taking into account the physical strength and/or fragility of the aggressor. If a man becomes aggressive with me, I’m not allowed to use disproportionate force against him. The same goes for a man. Both men and women should be taught not to hit anyone. But women have traditionally been taught, especially by popular media, that it’s okay for them to slap men or otherwise physically assault them.

 

[legeorge]

Modern feminism has long been a bee in my bonnet. I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s. Chilvary was long dead (for the most part). I have heard stories of men treating women like ladies, opening doors, tipping their hats to women passing by, taking care of household maintenance, but haven’t seen much of that myself. My dad did all the working on the cars and household maintenance, but I always was led to believe that was because my mom didn’t know how to do those things. I, on the other hand, learned these things. I learned how to be self sufficient.

Now, I have the opposite problem. I have no idea how to be submissive to my husband. I naturally take over many things I shouldn’t. I never leave the heavy lifting till hubby gets home. I fix toilets. I climb on ladders to hang Christmas lights, etc. You get the gist. Anyway, I started to notice that all my self sufficiency was making my husband feel like less of a man. He went to work and provided, sure. But I did everything else. It has been a long process, learning to give up my total control over everything in our lives. I quit cutting the grass and left that task up to him, unless he asked me to help. I bought my husband tools and do-it-yourself manuals. He loves them, by the way. And I am making a concerted effort to allow him to take over the “manly” tasks around the house. He is obviously a happier man. But I still have to constantly remind myself how to act like a “lady”. Since I was not raised with this idea, I feel like a fish out of water. And he has to struggle with some ideas too, like expecting me to have a job outside of the home. We have been so affected by “feminist” brainwashing, that we have to actually struggle with being a man and a woman, and understanding how to relate to each other. We have been married almost nine years, now, and we are still trying to figure all this out.

So, while I appreciate being able to vote and all, I really wish the new “feminists” would just shut up. They have seemingly managed to diminish any respect men had for women. In addition, I don’t think men don’t feel valuable anymore, and I think that this has had a direct result on the “feminization” of men in this society and the explosion of homosexuality. Abortion is a blight on society of horrific proportions. The harm of this one issue alone could be studied for decades to come without exhaustion. We won’t even begin to discuss what effect all these working moms have had on our nation’s children. (Now, I am not talking about women who have no choice but to work, so don’t get on my case. I’m talking about women who choose their own supposedly self-fulfilling careers over nuturing their families) Contraception, gee I can’t imagine a bigger thorn in the side of women. And all this was supposed to make us free? Supposed to liberate us? Funny, I didn’t feel liberated until I shed all that stuff and submitted to the will of God. I would even describe my life before my conversion as enslavement. Now, this is an ongoing process, and I am far, far from perfect in implementing it. But I have the desire, and that has made all the difference in the world.

 

[LSK]

deb1:

I believe that this depends on what part of the south that you come from. SOme southern men are very polite. In my family we were taught to take pride in being hospitable to our guests.

Then there are people who act like Jerry Springer rejects . They usually have the expectation that their wives will wait on them.

You’re right, Deb1…there are men who were born in the South and then there are Southern GENTLEMEN…

My grandmother, born in Georgia and raised in both Georgia and later Texas when the family moved, was a pure Southern Lady…and could shoot our the eye of a crow at five hundred feet with her own rifle…but then again, she always said a true lady had to be just the right combination of leather and lace.

 

[BLB_Oregon]

rayne89:

There is a difference between doing it out of love and doing it because it’s demanded of you. I do many things for my hubby out of love because I choose to. (By the way the bed warming thing is sweet, my hubby would love that) My husband does the same.

But at my inlaws its an expectation (and yes my FIL is from the south -hillybilly south that is-no offense to anyone.) The women serve the men their food and then go eat in the kitchen. My husband, from when we were teens, wouldn’t have dared dumped me in the kitchen to go sit with the men. The men don’t open doors, they don’t help bring in the groceries, they don’t cook and they don’t say thankyou. I can’t recall my FIL ever saying thank you even when given a gift. But he has no problem telling you if he doesn’t like it. He wouldn’t give up a seat to let his wife sit down -after all he got there first.

There you are. If it weren’t for old-fashioned “masculinism”, there’d be a little less feminist venom to deal with. Ah, well, as long as people are more worried about getting their share than they are about doing their share, it will always be something.