S
soandso28
Guest
I hope someone out there with some ideas can follow this.
In order to make a good Confession, a penitent needs to be contrite and have a firm purpose of amendment. This seems to mean that the person needs to be willing to say, “I would not and will not commit the same sinful action again in the same circumstances.”
I get stuck on this sometimes (and yes, I am talking about mortal sins or potential mortal sins.) When I seriously need to go to Confession after straying for some time, I find myself thinking about various situations in which I either took the easy way out or did something on the spot that might have been the wrong decision, and I wonder how deep my repentance really is when I look back and feel overwhelmed at the thought of what “the right thing” seemed to require in that situation. It could also apply to “good” outcomes helped about or bad outcomes avoided by someone else doing wrong, e.g., lying. I fully acknowledge that we may not do evil to bring good, of course.
I do have some difficulty determining what is mortally sinful, so I often find myself thinking that to be truly repentant I would have to be willing to do something I’m not even sure I have to do, or avoid something I’m not even sure I have to avoid, and be willing to take all the painful consequences or lose the “good” outcome I was seeking, all over uncertainty. I’m trying to get a “repentant” mindset after the fact, when it can be really hard to say, “Oh, I wish I’d done such and such just to be on the safe side about not sinning, even though the very likely or certain consequence was…” I don’t put all that much value in feelings when it comes to determining my religious sincerity, but to simply think, “Sure, I would do the right thing/safe side now if I were back in that situation regardless of the consequences” just seems dishonest sometimes when I’m not back in the situation and can only feel relief at the thought of how the situation turned out.
Okay, does anyone have the slightest idea what I’m talking about? Don’t worry, I’m used to it if you don’t.
I am familiar with the basic, necessary conditions for a mortal sin. It is a long struggle trying to apply those to everyday situations. I know, talk to a priest, get a spiritual director; I’m both apparently an annoying person to deal with and also busy with family obligations, so it’s easier said than done.
And it’s not necessarily always questionable mortal sins rather than certain (or at least more likely) ones. And it’s not always mortal sins, but it seems terribly inadvisable to be so attached to venial sins that you openly admit to yourself you’re glad you did them, after all, Purgatory isn’t Hell?
Just for a very minor example from the past, something that’s probably not a mortal sin. I once allowed someone to give me some materials that were in copyright violation, because I thought the person in good faith believed that it was OK (legally, not only morally) and mainly because the relationship between us made it very uncomfortable for me to push the subject after previous mentions. I then used the materials in the same person’s presence because that was why she gave them to me, and I thought that it was sinful for me to do so because I was unwilling to confront her anymore about it. When I later went to Confession I had a hard time believing I would confront her if I were in that position again, as petty as it sounds.
So the undoubtedly orthodox priest said in Confession something, while not sounding the way he phrased it as if he meant anything in contradiction to the need to form a firm purpose of amendment, along the lines of that it was best not to think about, or at least to dwell on, “if I were in that position again.” I am finding it difficult to apply to my current situation without feeling like my repentance is empty.
Maybe I need to think of it more as a matter of trusting in God to supply me with His grace if I really desire to do His will, and not try to imagine reshaping myself into someone who fearlessly does the right thing and avoids everything that might be the wrong thing?
I guess, although this is not what’s involved (I’m not getting into specifics because it’s different things and they’re all pretty specific and complicated, and this is just a pattern in my life), a larger example of this that must come up a lot would be a mother having trouble feeling she sufficiently regretted a sin (sexual, IVF, etc.) that led to the existence of her child, even though she didn’t deny the teaching that said it was sinful, and was no longer engaging in similar sins. I guess smaller situations don’t seem like God bringing good from evil the way He does when He creates a new soul, but just like someone “stealing” the good or the relief from difficulty, and having no right to enjoy the consequence.
In order to make a good Confession, a penitent needs to be contrite and have a firm purpose of amendment. This seems to mean that the person needs to be willing to say, “I would not and will not commit the same sinful action again in the same circumstances.”
I get stuck on this sometimes (and yes, I am talking about mortal sins or potential mortal sins.) When I seriously need to go to Confession after straying for some time, I find myself thinking about various situations in which I either took the easy way out or did something on the spot that might have been the wrong decision, and I wonder how deep my repentance really is when I look back and feel overwhelmed at the thought of what “the right thing” seemed to require in that situation. It could also apply to “good” outcomes helped about or bad outcomes avoided by someone else doing wrong, e.g., lying. I fully acknowledge that we may not do evil to bring good, of course.
I do have some difficulty determining what is mortally sinful, so I often find myself thinking that to be truly repentant I would have to be willing to do something I’m not even sure I have to do, or avoid something I’m not even sure I have to avoid, and be willing to take all the painful consequences or lose the “good” outcome I was seeking, all over uncertainty. I’m trying to get a “repentant” mindset after the fact, when it can be really hard to say, “Oh, I wish I’d done such and such just to be on the safe side about not sinning, even though the very likely or certain consequence was…” I don’t put all that much value in feelings when it comes to determining my religious sincerity, but to simply think, “Sure, I would do the right thing/safe side now if I were back in that situation regardless of the consequences” just seems dishonest sometimes when I’m not back in the situation and can only feel relief at the thought of how the situation turned out.
Okay, does anyone have the slightest idea what I’m talking about? Don’t worry, I’m used to it if you don’t.
I am familiar with the basic, necessary conditions for a mortal sin. It is a long struggle trying to apply those to everyday situations. I know, talk to a priest, get a spiritual director; I’m both apparently an annoying person to deal with and also busy with family obligations, so it’s easier said than done.
And it’s not necessarily always questionable mortal sins rather than certain (or at least more likely) ones. And it’s not always mortal sins, but it seems terribly inadvisable to be so attached to venial sins that you openly admit to yourself you’re glad you did them, after all, Purgatory isn’t Hell?
Just for a very minor example from the past, something that’s probably not a mortal sin. I once allowed someone to give me some materials that were in copyright violation, because I thought the person in good faith believed that it was OK (legally, not only morally) and mainly because the relationship between us made it very uncomfortable for me to push the subject after previous mentions. I then used the materials in the same person’s presence because that was why she gave them to me, and I thought that it was sinful for me to do so because I was unwilling to confront her anymore about it. When I later went to Confession I had a hard time believing I would confront her if I were in that position again, as petty as it sounds.
So the undoubtedly orthodox priest said in Confession something, while not sounding the way he phrased it as if he meant anything in contradiction to the need to form a firm purpose of amendment, along the lines of that it was best not to think about, or at least to dwell on, “if I were in that position again.” I am finding it difficult to apply to my current situation without feeling like my repentance is empty.
Maybe I need to think of it more as a matter of trusting in God to supply me with His grace if I really desire to do His will, and not try to imagine reshaping myself into someone who fearlessly does the right thing and avoids everything that might be the wrong thing?
I guess, although this is not what’s involved (I’m not getting into specifics because it’s different things and they’re all pretty specific and complicated, and this is just a pattern in my life), a larger example of this that must come up a lot would be a mother having trouble feeling she sufficiently regretted a sin (sexual, IVF, etc.) that led to the existence of her child, even though she didn’t deny the teaching that said it was sinful, and was no longer engaging in similar sins. I guess smaller situations don’t seem like God bringing good from evil the way He does when He creates a new soul, but just like someone “stealing” the good or the relief from difficulty, and having no right to enjoy the consequence.