Wondering-sharing thoughts feelings about men/women age differences...couples...anyone wish to share as well please do

[iluvmybabies]

I do not wish to offend anyone so please don’t take anything I write here to the heart…it is just some thoughts and feelings I wish to throw out here and your thoughts and opinions are definitely welcomed and thanked for…

Why is it that age is always an issue when it comes to couples??? Why is it that in everyone’s eyes, at least during the centuries in societies views, the younger the woman is for the man the better? And the older the man is for the woman the best…??? What makes such statements true?

Is it because of the thousand’s of years of older men marrying younger women? Or is it because every time a young man married an older woman it would fail?
If it’s because a younger woman is more fertile and perfect for child bearing, well impotence on the man’s side would make it a bit difficult to even make it to have children…
And isn’t it the same thing how a younger woman can still be so much immature than an older man as a younger man to an older woman? What is the difference?
Is it the “fact” that a woman can be manipulated into “serving” and “pleasing” her husband and must “do” his will and it won’t work if it were the other way around???

Why is it considerably idiotic for an older woman no matter how much older she is, to fall for a younger man? Does it make a considerable difference if a woman is 1 month older, 2 months older, 6 months older, 1 year older, 4 years older, 15 years older???

And does it make a considerable difference if a man is 1 month older, 2 months older, 6 months older, 1 year older, 4 years older, 15 years older???

After seeing the differences in couples around me, age wise, lifestyle wise etc…it has come to my conclusion that whatever bs we were taught as children about the need to marry an older person is bs…and very sad…

You have the same chance of failure in your marriage if you get married to a man that is 5 years older than you, as well as marrying a man that is 6 years younger than you…

When a man hits menopause and is married to a woman that’s 5 years younger, and in the sense, a hot young gorgeous wife, he’s still going to have the same feelings of menopausal symptoms as a man who’s 3 months older than his wife, or 15 years older than his wife or 10 years younger than his wife…

The difference is…if that husband’s heart and soul is in the rightful and correct place, and values his marriage and wife enough not to submit into temptation of finding out what kind of facial expressions that new young hot woman that works in the supermarket or in the movie theatre or in the spa or the mall or in the office makes when she’s in bed with him….

So why the big fuss about women who marry younger men???

Why the big controversy???

Why is it seen as obscene if a woman decides to date a man significantly younger than she is???

If he’s providing the same loving and care any man her age or older is able to provide??

And what if there are children involved?
Why is it ok for a woman to accept a single father than for a single mother to be accepted by any man?

My mother told me, just recently, it’s not acceptable for a single mom to remake her life until her children are old enought to take care of themselves but it’s ok in the case of my brother, if he and his wife were to be divorced and she leave’s him with the children, for him to find himself a good wife to help raise them!!!


It just keeps me completely at an edge!!!

Just like she also raised me with this: “Men are perfectly fine to explore life any way they want to before they decide to settle down, women are not allowed to because of what people will say!! It’s just not tolerated!! Back in the days they would stone a woman to death if they thought she had premarital sex!!!”

Yes I understand that but in either case stone someone? Or even kick her out of the family or society??? HM…Thank GOD those days are long gone!!! Let me tell you I couldn’t deal with being married to a man that would do what he wished with me and all I had to do was say “yes master!!”

It is definitely something to think about isn’t it…
Well thanks for reading and hope to read your thoughts about this…

 

[Sierrah]

Long post. Sorry I didn’t read all of it but as to age difference it would feel a little strange to me if I went out with someone young enough to be my son or old enough to be my father but everone has their personal preferences. Whatever works for you should be fine.

 

[iluvmybabies]

Long post. Sorry I didn’t read all of it but as to age difference it would feel a little strange to me if I went out with someone young enough to be my son or old enough to be my father but everone has their personal preferences. Whatever works for you should be fine.

Well as stated above…everyone makes their choices… and of course there are limits but in either case…I mean seriously though…
Thanks for your thoughts…

 

[whatevergirl]

**iluvmybabies…hello! Happy Monday.

If I may be daring, I’d like to offer you some advice. Much of your posts revolve around your mother’s opinions, and not your own. At this point in your life, you are a grown woman with children, and you are planning a wedding. You are allowing your mother’s opinions to make you crazy! Your mom’s opinions also are very dangerous, and double standardish as well. Men shouldn’t be having premarital sex anymore than women should be, and it’s a shame that she sends mixed messages to you all in the family. Please do not make your mom’s opinions the focal point of how you are to live your life. Make God your focal point. I remember reading a post of yours not long ago, where your mother felt that you were going to ruin your bf’s life, because he is younger than you, and you have kids from another marriage.

If I were you–I’d have a heart to heart with your mom, and then make a concerted effort to IGNORE what she says, when it comes to your ages, your marriage, your divorce…anything that is designed to make you feel badly about yourself. I have no idea why your mom does this, but the end result is that you end up feeling very bad about yourself, and your situation.

Rejoice in the Lord…stay close to Christ. Love and honor your mom, but don’t allow her to offend you or hurt you. I grew up in a similar household, where there were double standards, and I was belittled for every choice I made…but eventually my sister sought counseling and changed. In the meantime, I stopped allowing her to hurt me.

You’re a precious child of God. I pray that your mom will start learning to love you for you, and stop trying to make you something she wants you to be. (that is really her issue, not yours) God bless!:hug1:

PS–As far as ages go, I’m close to 40, my husband is almost 50…I always knew I’d marry someone older than me. I think the reason that women marry older/men marry younger, is largely from a reproductive standpoint. I watched a show on it…that men desire to be with women who will be fertile, etc…this may be just one historian’s viewpoint, but I can see the point.**

 

[BlestOne]

Historically men waited until they were established to take a wife. When they did, they chose what was available, teenage girls. That became the desirable norm. Women who were young enough to bear children and men that were old enough to support them.

Now, that being said, we really don’t have a major need for this since women can work, and can have babies for longer periods of their life and people are having less children.

Personally, as long as an age difference isn’t obscene and no laws are broken, the big consideration is what a couple has in common. My dh is quite a bit younger than I am. But his brother made him learn the pop culture of my era since his brother is my age. I, on the other hand have never looked my age or acted it… I still rollerblade and do things that younger women would do.

I think you have to consider things like what you have in common as well as where you are in your career too. I was transitioning from one field to another when I met my dh… I had gone back to college to change fields.

 

[Shiann]

My husband is 11 years older than I am. I would not have wanted to marry him any ‘earlier’ in life with this age difference (we’ve been together 3 years - I’m going to be 34 and he’s 45), and I think a lot of people my age would have a hard time being married to someone who is much older.

With that said, I find that with my personality and my goals in life, I appreciate being married to an older man. I think he would say that we are more like peers - though there are times when conversations date each of us, and he feels like a cradle robber.


I know of a very happily married couple with 19 years age difference. He acts a lot younger, and she acts a lot older so their mean age is late thirties early forties. They are just beginning to start their family.

My husband and I each have kids from previous relationships mine is 12 and his is 19. The fact that we both have older kids also helped us find things in common when we were dating.

My maternal grandmother and grampa were 9 years separated, and grampa has been dead now for 5 or 6 years. I can tell it still troubles her heart to be separated from him, and this is probably the one thing I would call a real negative to the whole scenario of marrying a man older than you. I will miss my husband desperately if he should pass before me.

 

[Em_in_FL]

DH is 10 years older than me…
He’s old, but I still love him…

 

[iluvmybabies]

**iluvmybabies…hello! Happy Monday. Happy Monday!! Even though I’d like it to be FRIDAY!! lol… **

If I may be daring, I’d like to offer you some advice. Much of your posts revolve around your mother’s opinions, and not your own. At this point in your life, you are a grown woman with children, and you are planning a wedding. You are allowing your mother’s opinions to make you crazy! Your mom’s opinions also are very dangerous, and double standardish as well. Men shouldn’t be having premarital sex anymore than women should be, and it’s a shame that she sends mixed messages to you all in the family. Please do not make your mom’s opinions the focal point of how you are to live your life. Make God your focal point. I remember reading a post of yours not long ago, where your mother felt that you were going to ruin your bf’s life, because he is younger than you, and you have kids from another marriage.

Your advice is greatly appreciated!!! Now bout my mama, I know I am a grown woman, but my parent’s use the whole “honor your father and your mother” down to a T!!! I kid you not…If you even think of speaking otherwise what they are preaching, oh you have committed a deadly sin!!! I am not exaggerating! It’s very sad and disturbing…I have always had to hold my thoughts and feelings in the last time I had a heart to heart it was with my dad and he almost struck me about 4 years ago…Seriously!! It was during my divorce…after I had separated with my ex…they couldn’t believe it and they were going to let me know I was doing wrong…I was scared but I was not backing down from my father, I am sorry be it wrong or disrespectful it was my choice I didn’t think I should be struck for something I, in my adult life, decide to do as if I were a child again!!! I have never had the support of theirs on my choices, they always help me and give me advice but not the advice you would really be happy to hear you know?! I mean seriously…like when I wanted to buy a car, they were like NO!! You should save your money ride the bus or use a bike, and I was like where am I going to stick my kid?! They were like well when you save enough then go buy the car and get something that will just take you to point A to point B even if you have to spend some money fixing it up on the way!! And I was like Are you kidding me? I was like I don’t have the money to be fixing a car up several hundred dollars at a time where I can spend a couple of hundred and just maintain it, etc…so of course I was this and that and that and this because I didn’t listen to them and how dare I disrespect…etc etc etc… I understand the whole debt thing is wrong but I have grown up with my parents spending thousand’s of dollars on vehicles that are decent and good, just because they didn’t want to do anything with credit, but then the money that is needed to keep them up is crazy!! So I didn’t want to deal with that…you know?

If I were you–I’d have a heart to heart with your mom, and then make a concerted effort to IGNORE what she says, when it comes to your ages, your marriage, your divorce…anything that is designed to make you feel badly about yourself. I have no idea why your mom does this, but the end result is that you end up feeling very bad about yourself, and your situation.

Been there done that hon, how many times I have asked her to PLEASE!!! Let me be a grownup and it doesn’t work…she brings up this “all the choices you have made have been mistakes!! I told you not to get married and you did and for what you weren’t even woman enough to keep your husband!! I told you dont have kids, and you didn’t listen and for what, now you have to work and they have to go to daycares etc… I told you to buy and house and you didnt. And now you rent and when the landlord feels like it you are out in the street asking me for help!!” ETC ETC Etc… So with that said her answer is “if I knew you were going to make an adult decision then I wouldn’t need to be your mother!!”

Rejoice in the Lord…stay close to Christ. Love and honor your mom, but don’t allow her to offend you or hurt you. I grew up in a similar household, where there were double standards, and I was belittled for every choice I made…but eventually my sister sought counseling and changed. In the meantime, I stopped allowing her to hurt me.

You’re a precious child of God. I pray that your mom will start learning to love you for you, and stop trying to make you something she wants you to be. (that is really her issue, not yours) God bless!:hug1:

PS–As far as ages go, I’m close to 40, my husband is almost 50…I always knew I’d marry someone older than me. I think the reason that women marry older/men marry younger, is largely from a reproductive standpoint. I watched a show on it…that men desire to be with women who will be fertile, etc…this may be just one historian’s viewpoint, but I can see the point.

I understand…my bf is younger than me and I love him and he loves me, he treats me well and he doesn’t care about what people think…he hates it when I close myself up and suffer from something someone has said to me…like what his sister told me, I asked her why she thought I was too old for him and what she felt and she answered bluntly…she wasn’t happy with her brother’s decision…that she wanted him to explore the world before settling down to have a life before getting with a woman, esp one with kids and that she wanted him to be with a younger his age woman…I appreciate what she has been able to tell me which is understandable but as she stated it was his choice and it makes him happy…

 

[thenewmrssears]

I can honestly say I’ve never really thought about age going either way.

In high school I dated a boy [albeit for a short time] who was two years younger than me. Then I had a serious boyfriend who was two years older. Nathan is just 4 months older than me.

I never really thought of age as an issue. Everyone matures at different times and needs different things from people. My parents’ best friends have a 15 year age difference. The woman is 50 and the man is 35. She got married at 46. He was 31. However, you would never guess it was that big of a difference. It is pretty obvious she is the older one, but she is active and youthful. He is a doctor who has been on his own since he was 14. He’s incredibly mature, and he wanted a woman who would respect what he does for a living and be a good partner.

Is it a big deal any more? Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Madonna and Guy Ritche. I’m not saying they are the best Catholic examples of marriage, but they are both couples who have had success despite an age difference with the woman being older.

 

[iluvmybabies]

I can honestly say I’ve never really thought about age going either way.

In high school I dated a boy [albeit for a short time] who was two years younger than me. Then I had a serious boyfriend who was two years older. Nathan is just 4 months older than me.

I never really thought of age as an issue. Everyone matures at different times and needs different things from people. My parents’ best friends have a 15 year age difference. The woman is 50 and the man is 35. She got married at 46. He was 31. However, you would never guess it was that big of a difference. It is pretty obvious she is the older one, but she is active and youthful. He is a doctor who has been on his own since he was 14. He’s incredibly mature, and he wanted a woman who would respect what he does for a living and be a good partner.

Is it a big deal any more? Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Madonna and Guy Ritche. I’m not saying they are the best Catholic examples of marriage, but they are both couples who have had success despite an age difference with the woman being older.

Every time I try to bring people up like that for my family, it’s ridiculous, they are an embarrassment to humanity, OMG well you are no DEMI MOORE!!! So it’s like uhm, our age differences is not that much but yet it’s seen as horrible by all members of our families…the only one that doesn’t see it bad any more is my father… so it’s difficult to deal with you know? Are we both happy, I am and he swears he is he still tells me how much he can’t wait for me to wear his ring around my finger…So I am assuming that’s a good thing!!

It’s just getting over this whole drama with our ages…I bet if I were 45 and he were 40 they wouldn’t care then… :\

 

[yessisan]

I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. I am 2 yrs older than my dh. My mom’s a yr older than my dad (stepdad), my mom’s sister is 13 yrs older than her dh.

My parents have a great relationship (married for 9 yrs, together 13), my aunt and her dh too (they’ve been married 7 yrs) and dh and I, wll, 2.5 yrs and still going.

I don’t know why people think it’s wrong when they don’t know how things are in a certain marriage. If it works for people, why not?

 

[redpepper]

If someone is over 30 the age difference up to 10 years either way should not be a big deal. There are other more important things to consider before marriage. I do not see any reasons (in case of mature people) why to obsses about age gaps.

 

[Appleby]

The only man I ever actually wanted to marry was 16 years younger than me – we met in Mensa and had a lot in common, but his father (who was my age) was the major stumbling block. His father flayed me alive to his son, raining down curses on my head from “she’s not even pretty” to “she will turn into a bedridden crone when you are still young and you will have to wait on her for the rest of your life” … the engagement exploded and the man (an only child) left home, never to return. His mother and I still keep in touch once or twice a year; she liked me at the time and still does.

The interesting thing about this is that every curse that man hurled at me stuck to him instead. He is now suffering from his third kind of cancer and has months to live; his wife has to wait on him for the rest of his life; and he was grossly overweight and not at all attractive to look at from the beginning, and now he looks like a zombie. The other interesting thing is that primogeneture figured into his father’s unprincipled hatred of me, and since his son has left home for good, it means the family property will leave the family once the patriarch is dead.

I told his son at the time that if he let his father pick his wife, one day his father would run away with her. I still think so.

My own Mama, however, would have been glad to welcome Don Corleone into our family if only he would have married me. She so desperately wanted that Grand Slam before she dies.

 

[hasikelee]

It makes sense to me, that traditionally the man would be older than the woman as the man traditionally provided for the woman and the woman traditionally bore children.

I find myself divided somewhat on this issue. On the one hand, I don’t see any problem with age differences when two people are preparing and ready for marriage.

But, then I see people my age and younger (e.g. 22yrs-) who date someone with an age difference and I find myseld being very critical.

For example, a girl in highschool would date young boys. Maybe only 2-3yrs younger, but when you are 17 to begin with, the difference is more obvious than when you are 27, KWIM? It’s as if she was scared to be mature or to go towards a serious relationship, so she found younger boys to hang out with.

 

[whatevergirl]

Every time I try to bring people up like that for my family, it’s ridiculous, they are an embarrassment to humanity, OMG well you are no DEMI MOORE!!! So it’s like uhm, our age differences is not that much but yet it’s seen as horrible by all members of our families…the only one that doesn’t see it bad any more is my father… so it’s difficult to deal with you know? Are we both happy, I am and he swears he is he still tells me how much he can’t wait for me to wear his ring around my finger…So I am assuming that’s a good thing!!

It’s just getting over this whole drama with our ages…I bet if I were 45 and he were 40 they wouldn’t care then… :\

**Oh my gosh–they tell you…‘you’re no demi moore?’ I am sure that is meant as another slight. Your parents make me angry, iluvmybabies. And while your dad seems to be lesser of the two, when it comes to saying mean things–he doesn’t stop your mom from hurting your feelings over and over. That comment made me mad!

ANYWAYS–you needn’t concern yourself with your mom’s comments. She is entitled to her own opinion, but what I would tell her is…‘I don’t like how you make me feel, mom. I am trying to restart my life again, and I would appreciate you keeping your sentiments to yourself.’ And then if it still continues, I would have an excuse to leave the house, if you are in fact at your parent’s house, when these moments arise. This is not healthy–for you to hear negative things about yourself over and over again.

You would not be asking this thread question, if your mom hadn’t planted those negative seeds in your mind–to doubt yourself. To think you’ll end up divorced again, etc…

You can’t change your mom, but you can change how you react. I wouldn’t react anymore…I would politely state that you have errands to run, when she starts acting like that (you might have a lot of errands to run therefore ha!) and be gone. While your mom might think that you shouldn’t have divorced, she belittles you and makes you feel bad about yourself a lot.

There isn’t that much of an age difference between you and your bf anyways! Like what …3 years?

I pray that your mom stops hurting you, and if she continues, that God’s graces will give you the strength to now allow yourself to be subjected to her behavior. God bless!!

PS: On an entirely other note…so…have you begun looking at rings yet? I absolutely love engagement stories…wedding stories…please indulge me. **

 

[thenewmrssears]

When it all boils down to it, isn’t it really about God and the person with whom he wants us to spend our life?

I have a friend from high school who started dating a 28 year old when he was 18. That is a 10 year difference. He was mature for his age, and she had been our gym teacher [another story for another day]. When he turned 18 they started dating [she was no longer our gym teacher]. He went off to college, and she took a teaching job in the town where his school was located.

They got married when he was a junior in college. So, they’ve been married almost 4 years, and they are one of the happiest couples I know. They love Christ and have made him the center of their relationship.

Sure it got off to a sort of odd start, but in the end God gave them the strength to persevere and eventually marry.

Age is just a number in my opinion. What GOD wants is the important thing.

 

[Phemie]

I’ve seen it all.

Dad was 11 years older than Mom.

FIL was 9 years younger than MIL.

Cousin is 13 years younger than his wife (a widow with 2 young daughters). He set the wedding date a month after his 21st birthday so the wedding banns wouldn’t say ‘minor son of X & Y’.

I’m 4.5 years younger than DH and DD is a year older than SIL (they fell in love when she was in grade 9, he grade 8).

OTOH, my friend was dumped by her same age husband for a woman several years older.

Don’t know that age has a whole heck of a lot to do with whether a marriage will work or not.

 

[yessisan]

Actually, I forgot to mention, my mom when she was married to the sperm donor (my biological father -not like he deserves the title)… their marriage was a disaster. My mom was 8 yrs younger but he didn’t seem to like the fact my mom was younger because he looked for a younger one to be with while being married to my mom (very long story). But at least he’s still with the person he committed bigamy with, she’s at least 5 yrs younger than my mom. My mom was 19 when they got married and 27 when they separated.

Don’t know that age has a whole heck of a lot to do with whether a marriage will work or not.

I think it’s just a matter or charecter, morals and values people have. Age has nothing to do with it in my opinion.

 

[Stella76]

I won’t lie. Significant age difference does make a relationship tough sometimes.

My husband is 18 years older than me, and we’ve been together for 12 years.

It’s very hard watching him watch himself get older…and it seems I’m staying the same while he’s aging faster and faster. It upsets him, I know.

Times can get difficult when your agegap is so significant, but my husband is the love of my life and I wouldn’t have him any other way.

Good luck to you, hon!

*Stella

 

[iluvmybabies]

Thank you all for your wonderful thoughts and advice…

Yes I do have major issues and yes most of them are from my mother, can’t help it you know it’s hard to think you are pretty or even worth something when all your life you were brought up with “hey fatty!” or “Look what is she going to do? Nothing!!” When I was a tiny tot, I used to dance a lot, my mom would love it, she adored the fact that I was a good dancer, my parents would put me in competitions, all the time, I won every single one, so my dad was like “She has a great future ahead of her!!” I was fearless and very innocent at that, until I became close to a teen, then it was like uhm, what’s going on here? When I was 14-15 I was trying to get a boy to like me but I found out he only liked girls with “experience” well with peer pressure I lied and told him I had “experience!!” Of which his mother heard and I know and almost believe she told my mother…
Then things started getting worst between us…
I never got with the boy and it was a mistake to say something stupid like that but I was a dumb kid…
But I think that’s part of why she has always treated me the way she has…
But even before then the fights between the 2 of us always were. I woud run away all the time, just go to the park get on top of the roof so I wouldn’t have to hear her rantings and screamings…It was pretty bad…

And everything I have been raised with I have noticed most of my mother’s teachings about our religion is WRONG!!

And to make things worst every decision I have ever made in my mother’s eyes is wrong too!! But still, it’s hard for me to really you know keep a straight face about things and a hopeful one too especially since I would like my family’s support and to be there for the wedding and I know they think it’s a joke…

Very disappointing…I told my bf that we shouldn’t expect anyone and to just prepare something super small…like maybe 10 people…to look for a restaurant to have our reception and that’s it…