Won't Confess

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So my first confession is soon and there is a certain part of my life that I’m very ashamed of which makes me very hesitant to confess, its just to painful.

From what I understand you’re suppose to confess everything or else its not considered a valid confession and your sins won’t be forgiven. Is that true? I’m just not ready to bring it up, maybe one day when I’m ready, but I’m still healing.

Yes I have other things that I can confess, I’m willing to tell the priest everything accept that point of my life…any advice would be great
 
Joeanna said:
So my first confession is soon and there is a certain part of my life that I’m very ashamed of which makes me very hesitant to confess, its just to painful.

From what I understand you’re suppose to confess everything or else its not considered a valid confession and your sins won’t be forgiven. Is that true? I’m just not ready to bring it up, maybe one day when I’m ready, but I’m still healing.

Yes I have other things that I can confess, I’m willing to tell the priest everything accept that point of my life…any advice would be great
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The word reconcillation has in it’s orgine a word meaning healing. You are healing i would advise you to put the entire salve of the sacrement of reconcillation on your soul. If deliberately holding back sins during confession does invalidate the rest of the confession. Please forgive me of this but not this yet, when put this way sounds silly to do.
 
Pray, pray, pray for God to help you get through it and once it’s over you will feel so relieved and you will never have to confess it again! :extrahappy:

Believe me, I’ve had some humiliating, embarrassing, awkward, complicated, just plain yucky sins. But God in His Mercy has forgiven me and now I have to forgive myself. It’s over. God will put our sins as far as the East is from the West when we confess them.

And priests, I have heard from several sources, are blessed with the ability to forget - it’s a grace they get. Father’s not going to think of your sin every time you run into him. We just feel that way because it’s our sin.

When you go into the confessional, start with some of the easier stuff and work your way to the more difficult. If you cry, they have Kleenex. It’s OK. Really. It feels bad because it was wrong, but it also feels bad because you’ve carried it around like a heavy rock for such a long long time. This is an opportunity to lay down that rock and never have to pick it up again! How light you will feel without that heavy weight.

You get my drift, so I’ll shut up now except to say this - I WILL PRAY FOR YOU! :blessyou:
 
One thing that might help is a formal word or name for the scary sin. Don’t fret; you don’t have to describe in gory detail your entire humiliation. 🙂 Summarize it with words like “theft from a family member, a small amount, I did it one time”. You need a name for what you did, any special circumstances, sometimes a description of size, and how many times. If you said something that you are ashamed of, for example, perhaps it is “detraction” or “calumny” or “gossip”. Those are not so hard to say.

The one that you are most afraid to say may well bring you the most healing as you hand it to Jesus. Remember how much he loves you! Let him heal you of this burden. We are to do audible (auricular) confession for a reason. It helps us. Wouldn’t you like to be forgiven and leave this burden of humiliation behind? :hug1: Speaking it could diffuse it’s power over you.

Don’t forget, if the sin is mortal, it cannot be deliberately omitted for your confession to be good. A bad confession does not remove sins, remember, and is wrong to do. If it is venial, though, I still suggest you get it off your chest.
 
Joeanna said:
So my first confession is soon and there is a certain part of my life that I’m very ashamed of which makes me very hesitant to confess, its just to painful.

From what I understand you’re suppose to confess everything or else its not considered a valid confession and your sins won’t be forgiven. Is that true? I’m just not ready to bring it up, maybe one day when I’m ready, but I’m still healing.

Yes I have other things that I can confess, I’m willing to tell the priest everything accept that point of my life…any advice would be great
Click to expand...
You must confess all the mortal sins you have committed. You are not obliged to confess venial sins, but it makes for good practice. If I were you, I would confess everything. Priests tend to forget what they have been told outside the confessional anyway because they also attend to the confession of other sinners.

If it bothers you so much (unfortunately 😦 ), why not just go to a parish where you can confess behind a screen? There are some parishes that offer this, and you do not have to confess face-to-face. In addition, you do not have to confess at the parish you usually attend.

There is no sin or action that the LORD has not seen nor forgiven, so I hope you manage to muster up the ability to confess your sin(s). You will be in my prayer later today.

Thank you,
Eugen von Böhm-Bawerk
 
Dear Joeanna,

It really doesn’t matter what sin you have committed because the fact is you’re not original. Someone, somewhere has already done it before you. Don’t punish yourself any longer. Go to confession and confess **all **your sins. And I disagree with previous posts, get the worst thing you have to confess out of the way first. I can’t overstate how much better you are going to feel once you confess and ask for and receive God’s forgiveness. When you go to church and look around you, everyone you see is a sinner. When I first came back to the church I felt I didn’t belong because I am a sinner, over time I realized I did belong because I am a sinner. I will pray for you.
 
This is the hard, hard truth. If you refuse to confess any of your mortal sins, don’t bother confessing any of the others, as none will be forgiven and you will be committing a sacrilege (abuse of a sacrament). And please don’t go to the Easter Vigil, either, because you’ll be in a situation where you’re under pressure to receive Holy Communion, which you must not do if your sins have not been forgiven. It really is that big a deal.

Well, that was mean and unhelpful. What are you supposed to do then?

Go to the priest in a special appointment and tell him what you have told us here. A priest with the heart of a shepherd will find a way to help you confess what seems to be impossible. He might ask you questions about the sin, so that you need only answer “yes” when he gets it right. You would not have to name it yourself or describe it. You could do that, right? Sure you could. One little “yes” and it’s gone forever, not hanging over your head until you feel ready. There’s a CD put out by Lighthouse Media that features Fr. Larry Richards, a priest who offers every penitent the opportunity to confess by answering questions “yes” or “no.” Maybe you could Google that and listen to it.

In the unlikely event that this does not work for you, the priest would still know where you stand and be sure not to put you in a position to commit further sins. He would let you delay your entrance into the Church until you have healed enough to admit to the sin. This change of plans might be a bit embarrassing, but it’s much better than committing sacrilege. All you need to say when anyone asks is, “I need a bit more time. Maybe next year.”

I’m sure everyone who reads your post is praying for you. I know I am. You can do this, you really can!
 
Oooops! I just read your other posts and realized you’re not even in RCIA yet. That means you should meet with the priest at your local parish and let him know about your desire to begin living your faith and also about feeling unable to confess your difficult sin. He will let you know what needs to be done and give you all the help you need. In the meantime, you are most welcome to attend Mass without receiving Communion. If the priest decides that you need to attend RCIA, that gives you a whole year before your first Confession. I bet you’ll be able to confess everything by then. We’ll still be praying for you. 🙂
 
Well. This is a difficult situation,and I understand that it can be [almost] impossible to confess a thing that You try to heal from. But You can try to confess,and if the issue You don’t want to tell,or rather,can’t,but You know that You one day can,tell the priest that You have one [big] sin You can’t talk about at this point because it is to hard. Maybe the priest will ask the right questions and make You tell what it is,or he will understand that it is maybe not the right time yet for it. My advice is against what the Church say and teach,but my faith tells me that God will** understand**,and it is more important that God understand,then what the rest of the world do. But,believe me,when You confess that last big sin,You will feel better. To believe is to put Your whole life in Gods hands,every day,and in His hands You are safe. I will pray for You. God bless You.
 
Just remember that our holy and blessed Lord has a human nature, just like you and me! This ‘side’ of our Lord was made manifest in the Agony in Gethsemane. He was so full of the sins of the world, burdened by our transgressions, that He literally sweat blood. If Jesus Christ could, in human sorrow, beg the Father in Heaven to stop the Passion, you can have doubts about your own humiliation in Confession. The point, however, is that Christ went through with His brutal task, and accomplished our salvation forever. As it was said above: once you accomplish this little passion of yours, it will be over.

As there was one Incarnation for the uniting of man to God, and one crucifixion for the renewal of our covenant with the Father, so you will have only one confession for ugly sin to be washed clean. If someone rolls in mud, all he must do is get a shower and avoid the mud again. Confession will take away all your doubts about not having “healed” enough. Don’t fall into the New Age feelings-based idea of pain and past hurts. Your real healing (not of the feelings, but of the spirit) will come when you have childlike faith that Christ will absolve you in confession!! 🙂

Always do the harder thing in life, never the easier. Thank God we have our Lord and the saints as examples of this.
 
Good answer! What I did try to say,in to many words but I am a lawyer,and we have the [bad] habit of using to many words,was that there might be some sort of medical trauma that is not possible to deal with right now. Sometimes people have issues they just simply can’t talk about,I see it almost every month,and in such cases I am confident that God do understand.
I will not go on much about this topic,but many times a accident or a something like that make it impossible to talk about it before the mind is kind of “ready” to release the memory of what have happened. Sometimes even a person who have done something really bad can’t remember it for a while. But it is very important to confess,what ever one may have done,but it is not always possible at a certain date,it takes time. But when the time is right,I believe everyone will confess even the darkest things they have done.
This question is hard,and it is close to impossible to tell what may be right,if here is a doctor or someone who works with thees problems every day,I hope that the person would explain more about this because it needed to be talked thru. When science and faith meet it is bound to be some problems,and I think this is one. And to You who don’t won’t confess,please,there is nothing You can’t tell a priest. He will not judge You,so I ask You to talk with him. You don’t need to tell details if You feel that it would be difficult,but give him a hint. And remember that there is also professional help,but as a catholic I say,God has more understanding and forgiveness then we ever will understand. God bless You,and remember,it won’t rain for ever.
 
I would look at it like going to the doctor. You’re doctor is going to ask you questions you’re embarassed to answer but it’s for the better of your physical health and you know that they are obligated not to tell anyone else and do not judge you.

When you confess your priest will hear things that you’re embarassed of but it’s for your spiritual well being. He will not tell anyone else and he will not pass judgment.

And I’m fairly sure both professions (depending how long the person has been doing it) can say “you’re not going to tell me anything I’ve not heard before” 👍
 
Hello, Joeanna. You are, indeed, required to confess all mortal sins you have committed to the best of your ability/memory. *Intentionally *leaving anything out is a mortal sin in-and-of itself (if you honestly just forgot, however, that is okay), and makes the whole Confession invalid. Believe me, that’s a bad idea ;).

I entered the Catholic Church about two years ago, after well over fifteen years (including my entire teenage and college years) as a Baptized Protestant. I had a lot of things to Confess my first time, including some things I was very embarrassed about. With a couple of sins in particular, I had similar misgivings about confessing them…so I understand where you are coming from.

You say you are “still healing” from these particular sin(s)…speaking from experience, the best way to heal those wounds – with yourself and with God – is to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Those sins are removed from your soul. You are forgiven, and you need never recall those sins or be guilty/embarrassed by them again.

So my best advice to you as you prepare for your first Confession is this: hold nothing back. You do not need to be afraid, or embarrassed, about what you have done. Your confessor has likely heard everything before – probably worse things! He’s not there to judge you, or to make you embarrassed, but to pass on God’s infinite forgiveness.

I know it’s hard, especially your first time, but to have that weight taken off your shoulders is truly wonderful. That is what God instituted the Sacrament for!

God bless you. I’ll pray for you!
 
Joeanna said:
So my first confession is soon and there is a certain part of my life that I’m very ashamed of which makes me very hesitant to confess, its just to painful.

From what I understand you’re suppose to confess everything or else its not considered a valid confession and your sins won’t be forgiven. Is that true? I’m just not ready to bring it up, maybe one day when I’m ready, but I’m still healing.

Yes I have other things that I can confess, I’m willing to tell the priest everything accept that point of my life…any advice would be great
Click to expand...
how about driving to a different church in town or out of town and do your confession with a priest that you dont know and who doesnt now you…then take the plunge and tell him everything…then as embarrassingor upsetting as it is you can then go back to your own parish and feel comfortable that nobody there knows those sins…but remember no matter what the sin is a priest has to keep your confession private
 
Joeanna said:
So my first confession is soon and there is a certain part of my life that I’m very ashamed of which makes me very hesitant to confess, its just to painful.

From what I understand you’re suppose to confess everything or else its not considered a valid confession and your sins won’t be forgiven. Is that true? I’m just not ready to bring it up, maybe one day when I’m ready, but I’m still healing.

Yes I have other things that I can confess, I’m willing to tell the priest everything accept that point of my life…any advice would be great
Click to expand...
The more horrible, the more shameful, the more painful the more you need to confess… Trust me, there’s something of a sliding scale with regard to the mercy you’ve received. More over, assuming this is grave matter (mortal) then keep in mind you can’t enter the kingdom should you die having not confessed.

Now on my first point, I would like you to meditate upon the following scripture:
Luk 7:36 And one of the Pharisees desired him to eat with him. And he went into the house of the Pharisee and sat down to meat.
Luk 7:37 And behold a woman that was in the city, a sinner, when she knew that he sat at meat in the Pharisee’s house, brought an alabaster box of ointment.
Luk 7:38 And standing behind at his feet. she began to wash his feet with tears and wiped them with the hairs of her head and kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment.
Luk 7:39 And the Pharisee, who had invited him, seeing it, spoke within himself, saying: This man, if he were if a prophet, would know surely who and what manner of woman this is that toucheth him, that she is a sinner.
Luk 7:40 And Jesus answering, said to him: Simon, I have somewhat to say to thee. But he said: Master, say it.
Luk 7:41 A certain creditor had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence and the other fifty.
Luk 7:42 And whereas they had not wherewith to pay, he forgave them both. Which therefore of the two loveth him most?
Luk 7:43 Simon answering, said: I suppose that he to whom he forgave most. And he said to him: Thou hast judged rightly.
**Luk 7:44 And turning to the woman, he said unto Simon: Dost thou see this woman? I entered into thy house: thou gavest me no water for my feet. But she with tears hath washed my feet; and with her hairs hath wiped them.
Luk 7:45 Thou gavest me no kiss. But she, since she cane in, hath not ceased to kiss my feet.
Luk 7:46 My head with oil thou didst not anoint. But she with ointment hath anointed my feet.
Luk 7:47 Wherefore, I say to thee: Many sins are forgiven her, because she hath loved much. But to whom less is forgiven, he loveth less. **
Luk 7:48 And he said to her: Thy sins are forgiven thee.
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Joeanna said:
So my first confession is soon and there is a certain part of my life that I’m very ashamed of which makes me very hesitant to confess, its just to painful.

From what I understand you’re suppose to confess everything or else its not considered a valid confession and your sins won’t be forgiven. Is that true? I’m just not ready to bring it up, maybe one day when I’m ready, but I’m still healing.

Yes I have other things that I can confess, I’m willing to tell the priest everything accept that point of my life…any advice would be great
Click to expand...
Keep in mind , a Confession isnt telling ones life story. Every Catholic is obligated to confess Mortal Sins. And Confessing ones Sins is only as good as the parameters of the Sacrament. Simply Confessing is merely one aspect of the Sacrament. The entire Sacrament consists of:

1 ) First you must be sorry for your Mortal Sins - every one. Sorry that you gravely offended GOD by willfully breaking his laws. Are You?
  1. You must have the intention of Amending your life. No longer comitting the same Sins. Amendment of life. If you confess with no intention of changing your ways - your confession is in vain.
  2. You must confess every Mortal Sin. If you are having trouble - then obtain an examination of conscience . Part of making a good confession is in good preparation. You have to want to make amends with GOD and to repair your relationship with him.
  3. You must confess your sins to a Priest. Only a Validly ordained Priest can give you absolution. In addition - the Priest is there to forgive or retain sins. So you have to be willing to confess all of your sins so the Priest can forgive or tell you what you must do in order to be forgiven.
  4. You must do the penance given, If you confessed and the Priest said to pray a Rosary for example and you didnt pray that rosary - you cannot confess again until you do.
  5. You must never conceal a Mortal Sin when you are in the confessional. If it comes to mind you must confess it. Because if you do not - its a Sacreligious and invalid confessional and you will have to confess that if or when you do make a good confession. This Sacrament is designed to Forgive Mortal Sins. If you try to circumvent the Sacrament then you have essentially rendered it meaningless for you.
Instead of thinking about how painful your life has been - think instead of how gravely offended GOD was by SIN and how he died on the Cross in order to allow each of us to be saved - that GOD Died for you and for me as individuals and how often have we made a mockery of that death by our sins. How does that make GOD Feel when WE sin. With each sin - it is out hand that wields the scourges that whip his back or pound that Crown of thorns into his head. Or spit on him or curse him. We are in that crowd. It is in sinning that we mock Jesus while he hung on the Cross. When you contemplate these things and the Suffering of the Divine Jesus and His holy mother who witnessed the Crucifixion - then how upset with your own suffering compares to it.

You may not be ready to confess today - But if you pray to GOD and beseech him to Give you the Strength to Repent fully from the sins that keep your relationship strained - GOD Will give you the strength to make a good confession.

My advise? Dont confess until you are ready to make amends to GOD. Then confess and it will be worth the preparation. A Bad confession is far worse than no confession.

Pax
 
crystal_waters said:
how about driving to a different church in town or out of town and do your confession with a priest that you dont know and who doesnt now you…then take the plunge and tell him everything…then as embarrassingor upsetting as it is you can then go back to your own parish and feel comfortable that nobody there knows those sins…but remember no matter what the sin is a priest has to keep your confession private
Click to expand...
This is a good point, and I should have thought to mention it. You do not have to receive the Sacrament at your home Parish. If you are uncomfortable, for any reason, confessing to a particular Priest you may go to any other Catholic Church and do it there.

I know that some of the people who work in my Parish office prefer to receive the Sacrament of Confession at one or another of the neighboring Parishes, because they feel strange Confessing to a Priest they work with professionally on a day-to-day basis. I also know (because he mentioned it in an RCIA class ;)) that our Parochial Vicar prefers to do the same, rather than confess to our Pastor who he works with very closely.

It’s very common for some Parishioners to feel uncomfortable Confessing to their ‘home’ Priest(s). There is nothing wrong with this. Confess where you are comfortable confessing (as long as it’s to a Catholic Priest, of course ;)).

God bless you.
 
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