Work Dilemma Again

[lonegreywolf20]

I seem to have many of these work dilemmas or issues.

My daughter got a letter last week on Wednesday saying that she is to receive an award at an awards ceremony for school. When she opened it, she broke down and cried because she thought she wasn’t doing all that well at school. This is the same girl that failed high school two years in a row living with her mom in another state. So she came to live with me to change her situation and her do better in school. She has achieved that!

So, I texted my supervisor and asked him if it would be at all possible for me to leave by 4pm on May 10th so that I can be there for my daughter or if I should just take the PTO day. I figured I would work most of my shift as I know we’re the only ambulance on that day. I received no response. So, I put my PTO request in. We have to have our PTO requests in within a certain amount of time before the requested day.

The next day he called me to yell at me about something I never said, that dispatch said I said he said to me to tell dispatch. I told him that I would never say anything that he never said to me to dispatch. The phone call ended and I’m not sure if that was resolved. He also didn’t say anything about May 10th in regards to me taking a PTO day or leaving early.

I am concerned that he is going to deny my request for PTO. He is going to tell me that I need to trade my shift with someone else. That is impossible because there are only four EMTs that work day shift One is with me for the three days that I work, the other works a second job on the days that she’s not working on an ambulance and the other also works three days a week and she too works another job on the days that she’s not working on the ambulance. The night shift EMTs do not work day shift as they generally have another shift that night or worked the night before my shift, or they have classes. We have a limited amount of EMTs because the company has made people quit because of how it treats them.

So, my only option is to call out and that is going to get me in trouble to where I could possibly lose my job. The reason why I will lose my job is because if you are going to call out you must find your own coverage. I explained above why that’s impossible. However, everyone including my mom who usually does not say call out says I should. Their reasoning is that I offered to work most of my shift that day and I put in a PTO request. The majority of the people who told me to call out are my coworkers who know they will not take my shift.

I need to be there for my daughter as other than my mom, she has no other family here and my mom will not be able to make it because she and my step-dad has one car and he takes it to work and she cannot drive at night. Her mom lives 1200 miles away and will not make it down here. She has accomplished so much and this is her first award ever for school, so I need to be there and I expressed this to my supervisor. Yet, there has been no answer to my PTO request or no answer to whether or not I can leave by 4pm.

I am confused and worried about losing my job, but I know I need to be there for my daughter.

What can I do from a practical stand point?

 

[Irishmom2]

I suppose you could just wait and see whether he allows it or not.

You could prepare your daughter now for the possibility that you can’t get off that day.

But if you call in sick on a day you earlier asked for and were denied, yes, you may risk losing your job.

 

[lonegreywolf20]

So on a day that I should be there for my daughter because of her accomplishments I should just roll over and go to work?

Isn’t attending my daughter’s awards ceremony be something I must attend?

Problem is, my daughter won’t accept I must go to work as answer. She will have no family there to cheer her accomplishment.

These are the things that run through my head.

I won’t actually be calling out sick, I will tell them the exact reason why I am calling out.

 

[Irishmom2]

What are you looking for here? Someone to say go ahead, risk your job to attend? You don’t need anyone here to tell you that, if that’s what you feel you need to do, then do it. And live with the consequences of it, whatever it ends up being.

Many people are unable to attend important things in their child’s lives. This is not graduation. There are going to be things you can’t do. Your daughter not accepting it is because she is a child. She does not know about responsibility and employment.

 

[lonegreywolf20]

I said these are the things that run through my head.

Never said I have made up my mind.

However, this is a momentous occasion in her life. She set out to do something by taking a chance in leaving her siblings, mother and friends 1200 miles away and starting a new life, which paid off for her. Now, she is being given an award and the one family member she has, her closest family member she has, cannot attend because his work would not allow him to leave early so he could attend.

That is how my daughter will think. She is 17 years old and will graduate next year, a full year ahead of when she would have if she stayed where she was or at all as she was contemplating dropping out of school.

Thank you for your response and again, I haven’t made up my mind yet.

 

[1ke]

So, my only option is to call out

Your other option is to say, “honey, I couldn’t get the time off of work. We will celebrate when I get home.”

However, everyone including my mom who usually does not say call out says I should. Their reasoning is that I offered to work most of my shift that day and I put in a PTO request.

“Everyone else” doesn’t matter, they don’t work there. And they are giving you bad advice.

What can I do from a practical stand point?

Ask your supervisor directly. Don’t just play a waiting game. Follow up on your request.

And if the answer is no, set the expectation with your daughter that you won’t be there, but are very proud of her and will celebrate with her after you get off work.

You are making this award into more that it is and you are projecting more on to it that you need to— as if you aren’t a good father if you don’t attend. NONSENSE.

You should reconsider EMT/ambulance as a whole as it seems to conflict with the sort of schedule and life you want to live. Or find a job with a different company that may have better working conditions.

If you don’t get the PTO and can’t leave early, then you simply can’t go. Getting fired will not be helpful to your daughter or your career.

 

[lonegreywolf20]

Thank you for your responses and you have given me stuff to think about and how I can approach my daughter.

 

[1ke]

So on a day that I should be there for my daughter because of her accomplishments I should just roll over and go to work?

Yes. It’s what many, many people do. If you can’t get the day off, you don’t go.

Your daughter will be fine.

Isn’t attending my daughter’s awards ceremony be something I must attend?

No.

Problem is, my daughter won’t accept I must go to work as answer.

Then you need to keep working with your daughter about unreasonable expectations. Your daughter needs to learn that the world does not revolve around her. Your job is the primary income that keeps a roof over her head and food on the table. That is the priority, not her award ceremony.

She will have no family there to cheer her accomplishment

She will live.

I won’t actually be calling out sick, I will tell them the exact reason why I am calling out.

Then prepare to lose your job.

Honestly it sounds like you are the one making the drama.

You work in an Unpredictable, high stress, emergency environment that requires shiftwork and 24/7 coverage . If you want an 8 to 5 with no obligations outside of a regular day, then you need to consider a different career not complain about the one you have.

 

[Xantippe]

So on a day that I should be there for my daughter because of her accomplishments I should just roll over and go to work?

Isn’t attending my daughter’s awards ceremony be something I must attend?

No.

I’m a SAHM and my husband has relatively few fixed working hours. There are still plenty of times when we don’t make it to our kids’ events. Kids have a lot of events and you have a lot of kids.

Do something else with your daughter to celebrate.

Problem is, my daughter won’t accept I must go to work as answer. She will have no family there to cheer her accomplishment.

How about, “I need to support you and my other kids by keeping my job.”

Your daughter is old enough to understand this.

 

[lonegreywolf20]

Thank you both for your replies and I will think on what you have said.

 

[Elizabeth3]

You have received very good advice so far.

1. Pursue your request until you get an answer.
2. If the answer is no or you haven’t heard anything back, then you will have to work.
3. You will have to explain responsibilities to your daughter and the consequences of what will happen if you lose your job. She will be disappointed. She may blame you. You will have to let her be angry.
4. If you can’t go make a big deal about it by having a celebration when you can be together. Get her a nice card to congratulate her on her achievement. Write a heartfelt note inside about how proud you are of her and leave it where she will find it before the ceremony that day. Then go out for pizza or have a movie night with her favorite treats to celebrate. That will do a lot to make her anger fade.
5. Ask her teacher if he/she or someone else at the school would be willing to film her receiving the award for you. That way you can both watch it together at home.

Edited to add one more point…

1. Pray about the situation together that it will be resolved and you will be able to go. Explain that if you have to work anyway, then it doesn’t mean your prayer wasn’t answered but that God wills something different for you both that is better for you than you being able to be there. It may not be clear now and hard to understand but because we know God loves us and wills only our good we should trust in that. Use this situation as a teaching moment to strengthen her faith. If it turns out you can go, that will reinforce her faith in God as well. Either way, it’s a win-win.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Yes. That is what grown-ups do, they go to work even when they do not feel like going.

This is one way that children suffer from divorce, because more times than not both parents are working and they will have to have an awards assembly with no parent there.

You can plan a special dinner that evening, take her out to a nice grown-up restaurant for a fancy dinner that makes her feel special.

 

[Katie777]

I work with a very kind boss and people who cover for each other. It’s a blessing.
Perhaps you can offer to cover someone else’s shift another time.

 

[lonegreywolf20]

I texted my boss and he got back to me saying they will bring me in early to have me out on time. I have his text so that I can back myself up if I need to with dispatch to be sure I get out on time.

 

[Irishmom2]

There you go then.

 

[lonegreywolf20]

I just have to trust that he will make good on his word and I don’t have to fight to be out on time.

I don’t trust him that much.

 

[Clementine14]

So on a day that I should be there for my daughter because of her accomplishments I should just roll over and go to work?

Isn’t attending my daughter’s awards ceremony be something I must attend?

Problem is, my daughter won’t accept I must go to work as answer. She will have no family there to cheer her accomplishment.

Yes, if your day off is not approved, you should go to work. This is about priorities. Not losing your job seems to be a higher priority than going to an awards ceremony.

Your daughter may be disappointed, but that is okay. She doesn’t need to “accept” the reason you cannot be there- it is a perfectly legitimate reason. You cannot sacrifice employment and taking care of your family financially for one awards ceremony.

I’ve seen some of your other threads, and you seem to have a lot of issues with not being able to take time off certain days you wish. That is life as an employee. I don’t know anyone who can just take days off work every time something comes up- sometimes events have to be missed, especially if your work is pre-scheduled shift work and you are not a salaried employee.

 

[Lou2U]

Well, keep his text handy and make sure he lets you go. It’s always good to have something like this in writing, so you can refer back to it if necessary.

Well done to your daughter.

 

[lonegreywolf20]

Thank you!

I definitely plan on doing that. I may need it to prove that this is what he said could be done.

 

[lonegreywolf20]

We have no union to speak of. Here in Florida it’s a right to work state.