Work or Stay Home? What is God's Will?

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I have an opportunity to take a significant promotion, but I just had a baby. I also have a 1 year old. I can secure very good childcare for my children. I have undergraduate and graduate student loan debt,. While my husband has a good job, it is not secure at this time. I am a goal oriented, ambitious person, and a promotion is something I have worked hard for. Still, I love my children very much. My husband and I are open to God’s plan for our family, so I anticipate that we will have more children in the coming years. I have a strong desire to stay home with my children. I also have a strong desire to take the promotion and provide security for my family. My husband will support me in whatever decision I make. At the heart of my decision is to do what is best for my family. What is God’s will for my life, and how do I know? Any advice is welcome. I need to make a decision by next week. Please help!
 
I’d take the promotion and make arrangements for child care. After all, you can always quit work in the future when you are financially secure. It must be hard to leave your new baby to go back to work, but if you need the money, especially if you want to grow your family, working is the sensible thing to do. As long as you don’t neglect your children, I can’t see how it would harm them. Spend as much time with your children as you can while you have to work, that’s my advice. 🙂
 
I know I’m called to stay at home. When i was working, all I ever thought about were my children. I had a hard time doing my job at times. Despite all that I was good at my job, and always had good reviews.

I thrive under consistency, routine, and a calm atmosphere. I wasn’t getting that with working. I’d come home tired and angry.

Before I had my daughter I thought that I’d work after she was born. But the second I had her in my arms, the idea of giving her to someone while I worked hurt me deeply. The idea of being apart from her for 8-10 hours a day was upsetting.

Now, a lot of woman aren’t like that. They love working and feel that they are providing the best for the family by doing so. They are being called to work.

Chances are that since you seem happy and feel fulfilled working, that taking the promotion is best. But that opinion is only based on what you wrote. Pray and discuss this fully with your husband. I think you’ll find your answer there more than on a forum.
 
No way you can write enough on a web forum for even the wisest, best intentioned of holy people to tell you (besides, that rules me out!) You have to make that call.

I will give my own $0.02 that I always do on the subject. The feminists of the 1960’s correctly diagnosed the problem (men didn’t value women’s contributions equally) and proceeded to make the problem worse by AGREEING with the misogynists that women historically contributed less to human society and that the solution was for women to become more like men. Oy.

In my opinion, women throughout history have done the GREATER work of creating and sustaining civilization and got little credit for it. Men built roads, armies, governments, industry and all the stuff that ultimately doesn’t matter AT ALL 1,000 years later. Women were the one who passed on the wisdom and learning of those who came before, the culture, the beliefs, the practices that make the real content of culture. Along the way, they were also the drivers of building local community, providing social support in a way government is failing so spectacularly to do instead today. In the West, since that practice has been abandoned, we no longer have enough children to replace the dying and those we do have are raised in a narcissistic culture of Coca Cola, Facebook, Levis and iTunes instead of that of Christendom. Poor trade, IMO.

It may sound like I’m leading you down one path, but I’m NOT. Our culture is deliberately designed to make it brutally hard anymore to spend the majority of your efforts for 20+ years raising up children to be saints. Only you can evaluate if you can do that because you love it, flourish in it and won’t resent it. Doing it from sullen obligation is worse than not at all. And sadly, few men OR women will respect you or support you if you do chose the unpaid road.

God bless and good luck choosing!
 
Thank you, both, for your thoughts. This is helpful. I cried almost every morning for six months after I went back to work after the birth of my first. This decision is so difficult. I have discussed this with my husband at length, and it seems like there is nothing we haven’t said. It is so good to know the thoughts of those who are completely unattached and uninhibited by their relationship with us. Thank you!
 
manualman, thank you so much for your thoughts. These comments are giving much to think about,
 
Della said:
I’d take the promotion and make arrangements for child care. After all, you can always quit work in the future when you are financially secure. It must be hard to leave your new baby to go back to work, but if you need the money, especially if you want to grow your family, working is the sensible thing to do. As long as you don’t neglect your children, I can’t see how it would harm them. Spend as much time with your children as you can while you have to work, that’s my advice. 🙂
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This! 👍
 
My wife is blessed to have a profession that allows her to work occasional weekends to keep her skills up, acquire some extra money and use multi-syllabic words while still teaching our own kids to read, being there for them after school, We call it life insurance that pays US instead of the other way around. (Not that it totally replaces the paying kind, of course!)

It’s a career factor I encourage family-minded college women to consider when choosing a major. Even in the high-pay realms, some professions are decidedly friendlier to low-hour part time work in the maternity years than others. The choice is less painful and immediate if you can maintain the career options for the future even if you decide to be employed for few hours in the present.
 
My husband and I were deep in this same discussion very recently. I have no advice to give, because the decision really must come from you. I can share my story, however, and that is we decided it would be best for our family for me to quit my job. Friday of this week is actually my last day. I am very nervous to eliminate my income. We budget things so tightly to begin with! But by shifting this, paying that, signing up for a different payment plan on this student loan and aid for the other student loan, taking daycare out of the equation, taking excessive fuel cost from my work commute out of the equation, etc, it almost balances out.

I will say, however, that I don’t find any shame in a woman–a mother–with a career. Some of us are called to stay at home. Some of us are not. It doesn’t make one mother better than the other, just different.

I included you in our family prayers tonight, and I will continue to pray for you as you make your decision. Either way you look at it, it is a hard decision. I am so excited and feel so incredibly blessed to know that I will be home in a few days, but I am also so nervous. Money, failure, isolation, failure, loss of sanity, failure–these are heavy on my mind. But at some point, we all have to simply leap into the arms of our Lord and trust in Him. Whether that be with our career or at home with our kids, we’ve just got to trust. Trust is a pesky thing. I’ll keep working on it.

Be well. You sound like a wonderful mama. Many blessings to you and yours!
 
liveyourfaith20 said:
I have an opportunity to take a significant promotion, but I just had a baby. I also have a 1 year old. I can secure very good childcare for my children. I have undergraduate and graduate student loan debt,. While my husband has a good job, it is not secure at this time. I am a goal oriented, ambitious person, and a promotion is something I have worked hard for. Still, I love my children very much. My husband and I are open to God’s plan for our family, so I anticipate that we will have more children in the coming years. I have a strong desire to stay home with my children. I also have a strong desire to take the promotion and provide security for my family. My husband will support me in whatever decision I make. At the heart of my decision is to do what is best for my family. What is God’s will for my life, and how do I know? Any advice is welcome. I need to make a decision by next week. Please help!
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Given debt and job insecurity of spouse, I’d say that there are** significant reasons** for working even if it is difficult to be away from the children for some hours each day. A lot of people would love to have good employment and a way to pay down student loans, particularly when one income is shaky. Unemployment and underemployment are not pretty, especially with children.
 
SerraSemper said:
Given debt and job insecurity of spouse, I’d say that there are** significant reasons** for working even if it is difficult to be away from the children for some hours each day. A lot of people would love to have good employment and a way to pay down student loans, particularly when one income is shaky. Unemployment and underemployment are not pretty, especially with children.
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I would agree. As much as I love being a SAHM if I were in your shoes (debt and husband in a financially unstable job) I would continue working until one or both of those situations changed. Say you do accept the promotion and stay working…nothing says you can’t revisit this topic in another year or two and reassess where your finances are and determine if working is still the best course of action for your family.
 
If I was in your shoes, I would go right to the issue of debt and see this offer as a blessing from God. I would know he doesn’t want me in debt, as he does not want us enslaved. That is the way I would look at it. I would rejoice over this opportunity. Now, the hard part is to maintain discipline over the finances and not to give into temptation to spend what I should devote to paying down the debt.
 
Thank you to all who have posted. This is extraordinarily helpful. You have given me much to think about. And thank you for your prayers. I believe in the power of prayer, and I know that God is working in my life. Thank you.
 
You may want to consult a good financial planner, if you haven’t. He can help you see what you need, where you are spending your money and how best to make use of your resources.

If you or your spouse working actually drains finances more than adds to them, then one of you staying home might be what you should do. However, if your combined income brings in necessary funds, then both of you working is best.

Also, can you live more simply? A lot of us hold on to houses and furniture and cars, etc. that we may not really need. Can you pare down expenses–maybe get a smaller house that would still work for you, that sort of thing? I know nothing about what you have and what is necessary for you to live in reasonable comfort–only you can know that. It’s why you may want to review your possessions to see if they actually help or hinder your plans for the future, you see.

I wish you all the best and God’s grace in whatever you decide to do. 😃
 
Della said:
Also, can you live more simply? A lot of us hold on to houses and furniture and cars, etc. that we may not really need. Can you pare down expenses–maybe get a smaller house that would still work for you, that sort of thing? I know nothing about what you have and what is necessary for you to live in reasonable comfort–only you can know that. It’s why you may want to review your possessions to see if they actually help or hinder your plans for the future, you see.
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Della, thank you for your thoughts. I am so encouraged by the support I have received from you and fellow posters. There is always room for improvement, but my husband and I live below our means, and we have enough savings to weather a minor to moderate financial storm.

My husband has a good job, which, monetarily, would allow me to stay home with some sacrifice, but the job isn’t secure. It may end at any time. This is where my dilemma begins. Should I take a risk regarding my family’s financial security and give up a promotion I have worked hard for? Or should I provide the best day-to-day care possible for my children (by their mom, who, while definitely NOT perfect, loves them)?

My husband has been looking for a new job for some time with no success. If his job were settled, I would stay home in a heartbeat - even given my personal desire for a successful career.

Again, thank you to all who have shared their thoughts. No one can answer this for me, I know, but I am grateful for the clarity you have provided on this matter.
 
liveyourfaith20 said:
Della, thank you for your thoughts. I am so encouraged by the support I have received from you and fellow posters. There is always room for improvement, but my husband and I live below our means, and we have enough savings to weather a minor to moderate financial storm.
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You’re welcome. :tiphat: I wish we had been so wise about money when my dh and I were starting out. 👍 We’ve had to learn the hard way that paying for goods tomorrow through credit only robs us of what we need today.
My husband has a good job, which, monetarily, would allow me to stay home with some sacrifice, but the job isn’t secure. It may end at any time. This is where my dilemma begins. Should I take a risk regarding my family’s financial security and give up a promotion I have worked hard for? Or should I provide the best day-to-day care possible for my children (by their mom, who, while definitely NOT perfect, loves them)?
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We went through years with my dh scrabbling for jobs. I know how unsettling being financially insecure like that can be. Whenever I needed to work God always opened up opportunities for me to get a job. I’m a SAHW (stay at home wife), and prefer it, but when needed I worked. We weren’t blessed with children so we didn’t have that consideration. I can see how it would be so hard for you to have to leave them in another’s care. :console:
My husband has been looking for a new job for some time with no success. If his job were settled, I would stay home in a heartbeat - even given my personal desire for a successful career.
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Once a woman is married and has children it’s only natural that she wants to be at home to care for her family. I think you would be sensible enough to know when you can quit outside work at sometime in the future. Unless your situation changes dramatically, I think taking the promotion is the wisest thing to do, but of course, it’s entirely up to you and your dh.
Again, thank you to all who have shared their thoughts. No one can answer this for me, I know, but I am grateful for the clarity you have provided on this matter.
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Again, you’re welcome. It may be that God will open a way for you to stay home, but unless that happens, I think you need to be practical about this. That’s just my opinion as an older gal with a bit of experience under her belt. 😉 God bless you and Happy Thanksgiving!
 
Oh my goodness gracious … I am in such a similar predicament right now myself! I cannot tell you how wonderful it has been reading your post and the replies!

I have a 5 year old, and I have been a “working-Mom” since he as 9 months old. I thought that me working would get easier once he started school … but it’s the exact opposite. I want to be a homeroom Mom, the “mystery reader,” the school-wide parent helper, etc. In reflecting more on God’s creation and how He made men and women, and this burning desire to be called to the natural desires I have as a Mom, my DH and I have been discerning my role.

At the same time of this eye-opening reflection, I am also finding a deep dissatisfaction with my job. I am a High School English Teacher, and I’m not sure if anyone is aware of all the changes going on education (especially New York state), but I’m being asked to compromise my morals and ethics everyday. I cannot keep being part of a system that is so destructive. I will miss teaching immensely… but my job is no longer about teaching. 😦 In fact, the education system has become so caustic, that I would like to home-school my son. He currently attends our WONDERFUL Catholic school, but our diocese has decided to go the route of the Common Core, and if this doesn’t change, this will be another discussion my DH and I will be having. (…sorry for the off topic tangent)

In a somewhat similar regard to DH’s employment … we are in a transition phase. My DH is employed (with the same employer for the past 27 years). However, we are in the process of purchasing our own small business. It is an established business and one that my DH has been doing work for for over 20 years. Even though it appears to be promising, and the right move for us right now, there are still some unknowns.

After lots of prayer, the one thing I keep going back to is, “Trust in the Lord. He will provide.” I have this overwhelming feeling that if I just let go and let God, everything will be ok. It may not always be easy, but with God at our sides, we will stand tall.

It’s actually kinda funny right now, because as I type these words, I’m almost getting a clearer picture of my answer. I’m feeling quite a bit of peace right now, and I think I may have just figured out my answer!

I don’t know if this rant will be of ANY help to you!!! … and I surely apologize if it does not! I hope it does, though … in some way!!

I will pray for you and your discernment! I would love to ask you to keep me in your prayers, too … and perhaps we pray for all Mom’s out there who are struggling with this decision.

Happy Thanksgiving!!! Enjoy your family!!! 🙂
Michele
 
it seems like the only answer for you is to pray about it, alone and with your spouse, often. It would be so hard to say as an outsider. good luck!!
 
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