Work problems affecting health and spirituality

[Mark1970]

I’m not sure whether this counts as a spirituality question, morality or something else – I’ll go for spirituality as it is affecting me spiritually! I’m having problems with someone I work with, it’s affecting me personally/spiritually. I work in a lab for a manufacturing company, on shifts. There are 2 people on each shift in my department, it’s the man I’m on shift with who is the problem. I’ve been working with him for about 18 months.

Ever since I’ve worked there (nearly 8 years), most people have had difficulty with this person, and it goes back further, probably since he started working there 20 years ago. He has been the same with everybody he works with, and he’s also had problems with the people from the manufacturing side of the company. Some of the manufacturing people have admitted to being that annoyed with him at times that they’ve either had to walk away or risk assaulting him.

The problem is his temperament and how he interacts with people – he is a Jekyll and Hyde character. He gets stressed easily, in a work situation that can be high pressure. When he’s in a bad mood he takes it out on the people around him. With the manufacturing people, who bring something in for testing, his attitude can be that bad, that as I mentioned some either have to walk off or get into a confrontation with him. I’m working with him on an 8-hour shift; I can’t just walk off and leave him to it. On one occasion one of the manufacturing people brought a sample in, asked where to leave it and was told “**** off, just **** off”; they told him to “Learn some manners and don’t speak to me like that again”. Last week somebody told him “Carry on like that and somebody will end up hitting you”.

As I mentioned, this isn’t new, he’s been like that since before I started working there. After about 6 months of working with him, it was affecting me that badly I spoke to my manager about it, including his attitude to the manufacturing people. His response was he thought that behavior had stopped years ago, but would speak to him about it. My manager ended up telling him to curb the attitudes, but said his main interest was curbing anything that may lead to a dismissal; anything beyond that was between me and him.

So I’m working with someone who leaves me continually tense and stressed. It’s like I’m constantly looking over my shoulder to see what mood he’s in and at times pushing myself to work harder to keep him happy. It’s causing problems for my spirituality, health and state of mind but my manager doesn’t seem interested unless it’s going to cause a major problem. So I’m just left wondering about the best way to deal with it???

 

[Conner_77]

That must be very stressful for you to have to deal with each day. I can’t imagine how it affects you at work as well as when you’re away from work.

I recommend praying for yourself, that you are able to respond in word and action in Godly ways and not be affected or provoked into angry words and actions or reactions to his behavior. I would pray for him, that he can give up his pride and realize the joy and peace that only knowing our Lord can give him.

I recommend keeping a chronological notebook detailing any inappropriate outbursts or lapses in work caused by him. Be firm, fair, friendly, and objective with him. Curt responses such as “Why would you say that” or “I/We need this by…” with an assertive tone. Be careful not to agree or argue with him if he’s being negative.

The notebook should only contain dates, times, and effects on overall productivity only, not your feelings. The point is not to backstab but to be absolutely firm in requests and documenting failures to avoid confusion.

I have found a notebook to be very comforting in those situations. It feels like a release when it’s on paper. It may help you if you’re confronted with an unemployment benefits hearing, etc, although I would be extremely careful about its’ use with your company - Your manager and HR will resent you for ‘making an issue’, or going over his head, and likely result in him singling you out.

The issue is that your manager is not effectively managing the lab and he is ignoring problems (complacency).

I would update my resume and have automatic emails from Monster, careerbuilder, etc sent to my email. Ultimately great people join great companies but leave because of bad managers.

This is probably more than you wanted… I hope it’s helpful.

 

[acadiANNA]

Great advice from Conner 77. I totally understand. I am one who could have written exactly what you have. Try not to get too emotionally attached to the situation. Prayer helps. Praying for your physical, emotional, spiritual health. May our Lord, who understands and never leaves you, bless you with His love and give you peace.

 

[ChurchSoldier]

Sorry for your situation. I am going through a situation where a difficult person is making it hard on everyone as well. After 7 years with the company (and 1 dealing with this person) I am planning my exit from the company.

This person you work with sounds like he has an emotional disorder of some type. Really all you can do is make reports of his behavior to your manager or human resources department so there is a record.

Prayers said for peace in your life.

 

[Mark1970]

Thanks for the replies and the support.

This person you work with sounds like he has an emotional disorder of some type.

This has already been mentioned speculatively by people at work, a lot of people think he is a bit “strange”. We have a canteen for meal breaks etc, apparently he will go up to the canteen for a break but then sit outside on his own, staring into space. A lot of his hobbies outside work are the type that can be practiced in isolation like hill-walking. He’s nearly 50 years old, lives alone and has never married. Apparently he lived with his parents until he was well into his 30’s - there is a strange story that even at that age he was never allowed to have a key to the house so when he got home from night shift he had to wait outside until his parents unlocked the doors.

Yes, it can be very stressful - partly because it leaves me constantly looking over mys shoulder to see what mood he’s in, is he stressing too much. When my manager spoke to him a year ago, my manager asked him if there was any reason for his attitude - he claimed it was because I’m always leaving all the work for him to do. I told my manager that this was false and that quite often it seems like I’m doing more than my fair share to keep him calm. But ever since then I’ve felt that I was pushing myself to get the work done so there was no allegation that I was leaving things. But his attitude in general hasn’t significantly improved, although he’s a bit more careful about cussing at people. And this concept that it’s always him doing all the work is long-standing, dating from before I started working with him. He seems to have the mentality that he’s the only one who does certain things because he’s the only one capable of doing them - even though a quick check through the records proves otherwise.

 

[acadiANNA]

This is a form of bullying. Reading the book simply titled Bullying will give you some knowledge of this person’s behaviors and ways you can deal with it. Praying for your peace.

 

[guanophore]

That must be very stressful for you to have to deal with each day. I can’t imagine how it affects you at work as well as when you’re away from work.

I recommend praying for yourself, that you are able to respond in word and action in Godly ways and not be affected or provoked into angry words and actions or reactions to his behavior. I would pray for him, that he can give up his pride and realize the joy and peace that only knowing our Lord can give him.

I recommend keeping a chronological notebook detailing any inappropriate outbursts or lapses in work caused by him. Be firm, fair, friendly, and objective with him. Curt responses such as “Why would you say that” or “I/We need this by…” with an assertive tone. Be careful not to agree or argue with him if he’s being negative.

The notebook should only contain dates, times, and effects on overall productivity only, not your feelings. The point is not to backstab but to be absolutely firm in requests and documenting failures to avoid confusion.

I have found a notebook to be very comforting in those situations. It feels like a release when it’s on paper. It may help you if you’re confronted with an unemployment benefits hearing, etc, although I would be extremely careful about its’ use with your company - Your manager and HR will resent you for ‘making an issue’, or going over his head, and likely result in him singling you out.

The issue is that your manager is not effectively managing the lab and he is ignoring problems (complacency).

I would update my resume and have automatic emails from Monster, careerbuilder, etc sent to my email. Ultimately great people join great companies but leave because of bad managers.

This is probably more than you wanted… I hope it’s helpful.

This is excellent practical advice. I would also recommend that you secure the documentation or take it with you after your shift. Be specific, no emotional content just facts. What he is doing with his personality disorder and dysthymia is creating a hostile work environment. If anything comes of it, like him complaining about you, you can submit your records under that heading. A manager or HR is required by federal law to respond to hostile work environment grievances, and you are protected as a whisteblower so you can’t be accused of being the source of the problem. The other way this journal will help is that, instead of looking over your shoulder with trepidation, you can look for evidence to document. Everything he does becomes grist for your mill. In that way you can take your power back, and go to work every day ready to contribute a solution to your workplace.

On a spiritual level I would recommend that you pray for him every day, and throughout the day whenever he acts out. Remember that there is a spiritual plane to this battle, and pray your Rosary, or just pray a simple prayer like “let God arise, and His enemies be scattered”. The evil one loves to work through those with mental/emotional problems to foment discord.

O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell, lead all souls to Heaven, especially those most in need of Thy mercy. Amen.

Remember you are there to be salt and light, and do not hide your light under a bushel. Kill him with kindness, greet him cheerfully and try to catch him doing something right and give him a compliment.

 

[Mark1970]

Thanks for your advice. Things are turning out slightly differently than expected but hopefully things will eventually turn out for the best!