Work situation have no idea what to think

[Allegra]

My room mate was the manager of a store and he had a “Sally” as an employee.

I totally understand the bizarre extent their needy tendencies can disrupt the workplace and keep a manager from doing the many tasks that need to be accomplished.

She also would talk…and talk…and talk for hours about her personal life etc.

It was a small establishment, he did not have an office with a door he could shut. He just had a small desk in the back room. It would sometimes take him hours to finish a simple email because every few minutes she would turn up with an interruption.

No matter how many lists, templates, explanations and demonstrations given to her, she would keep coming to ask if she had did it properly, or she did it her own way, was that OK (after spending hours making sure she was doing it according to his plan…she would then decide to do it her own way anyway)

While coming off as needy, sometimes these types are actually controlling. They will run and snitch on anyone who doesn’t cater to then with accusations of mistreatment, saying the manager doesn’t train them properly, that they can’t work “under these conditions”, or that the manager is incompetent. And often they do this early on, walk in and in a few weeks are telling upper management what’s up…and because they are good at the helpless “I’m just trying to be the best that I can be and they are stopping me” sob story…the manager whom they’ve been bothering, and who has tried to help them ends up getting reprimanded, or the employee gets transferred to a more preferable position and the manager is accused of being a big meanie and not recognizing potential or building team moral.

I’ve seen this and worked with these disruptive people myself. And no matter how anyone bends over for them…it’s never enough.

The new person they’ve put over her is likely to wind up having the same issues…but the employee is likely to spend the first few weeks bending their ear about what a meanie you are and how you would never answer her questions, etc etc. and priming the pump of their new superior about their personal tragic history and setting up another super to feel sorry for them.

I’m surprised that others here having worked with a person exactly like this before, and been driven to distraction (and sometimes murderous thoughts) by them. Then again, sometimes they primarily do this to their boss…and tittle tattle to the other employees about what a meanie the boss is etc. and try to find sympathetic ears.

I’m sorry you have to deal with this, and glad you are out of the situation because this behavior is very deep seated and is unlikely to change. They don’t want patience or explanations or to be good at their job, they want attention.

I have students like this. They’re seven though.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I have students like this. They’re seven though.

And I think if Sally was seven my patience level would go up. She is 54

 

[Anglewannabe]

I’m sorry you have to deal with this, and glad you are out of the situation because this behavior is very deep seated and is unlikely to change. They don’t want patience or explanations or to be good at their job, they want attention.

THANK YOU ! This is what I needed all along. A bit of validation that it was understandable that my patience would come to an end. Also needed a reality check that is was her insecurity, not me.

I realize others here have posted things to suggest ways I could behave to look good towards management. And I know their intentions were sincere. However, I do need some compassion for what I have been through.

I believe in my heart I did a good job of keeping it together at work and I never blew up. I perhaps was short but never inappropriate. Impolite, yes, but I challenge anyone to put up with a Sally and never be impolite

 

[Anglewannabe]

Sally does sound really annoying. And it sounds like the company is rather inefficient and I am sure there are many things they could do better. But it also sounds like they are mostly interested in results, and not on the career paths of their temp employees. That makes sense, too. .

That is what is so frustrating. Any effort I have made to get the work done has been interrupted by Sally’s drama that they seem to want to entertain

I think it would be best if you could find a way to let this and other interpersonal work issues go. .

Agreed. And now that I am no longer training her, it will be easier. I can redirect all her questions to the new trainer. (which deep down will break my heart because the new trainer I consider one of my favourite co-workers)

. But in this economy, it’s best do just deal with it and do what you’re told. Not only to keep your job if you need it, but also to ensure that you will have references who will tell future employers that you worked well with others, even if you didn’t feel like it and even if they were annoying and you consider dealing with them a waste of time .

In Canada, most company’s have a strict policy they will NOT give a reference since the person they speak about could sue them for defamation. It doesn’t matter how good of an employee I am, I may not get a reference from them.

Part of managing projects is organizational skills and results, of course, but part of it is managing actual people too. That part is just as important to get things done.

A just as important part of being manager’s is to be able to asses people’s potential and spend time developing the employee who will be able to succeed. The hardest part for me was I had 100% of the responsibilities of managing with 0% authority. I didn’t even have a say in who was hired.

 

[schaeffer]

That is what is so frustrating. Any effort I have made to get the work done has been interrupted by Sally’s drama that they seem to want to entertain

Yup, same thing my room mate was dealing with, they figured that the employee must be in the right and the manager all wrong. So they moved the employee to a different location, and wrote up my room mate.

Two weeks later her new supervisor is asking if he’d take her back, he can’t get anything done, she is always bothering him about pointless things and starting random conversations (on non work related subjects).

Then the managers who wrote him up tell him…“maybe we were hasty, we see a lot of the traits you had described…”

Had a psychologist I was talking to at the time tell me that this was a specific type of personality disorder, and unfortunately the type that tends to file harassment charges etc if they are not catered to. My room mate was male and the psychologist said to tell him to be very careful as if she didn’t get the attention she sought, she might claim sexual harassment and get him into all kinds of hot water, especially since she had learned that she could complain her way into a better position and management took her side. People learn very quickly what will work in their favor.

It’s possible that HR tells people to just put up with it to avoid any potential law suits.

 

[DeniseNY]

OK, I have made several posts about Sally. She just can NOT work independently. 2 days ago, she was continuously interrupting me with trivial things. I was at the end of my rope and I sent her a polite email where I said ‘I know your questions are important but please save them up and we can meet and go over all of them at once since frequent interuptions are stressful for me, please let me know if you would like to get together this afternoon’

She did not reply. 30 minutes later she sent me an email over a trivial thing. I responded, she immediately sent another email over a trivial thing I responded ‘With all due respect, emails are just as much of an interruption, save your questions’.

Later she sent me another email asking if I had received a certain file yet. I responded ‘I am Totally aware you need the file, I will send it when I get it’

Sally may be in over her head, but I’m sorry to say, it sounds like you are too.

 

[Anglewannabe]

It’s possible that HR tells people to just put up with it to avoid any potential law suits.

Somehow I can’t help but think if I started to complain, HR would not cater to me for fear I would start a law suit

 

[Anglewannabe]

Sally may be in over her head, but I’m sorry to say, it sounds like you are too.

Yes, dealing with Sally makes me in over my head. Dealing with the other 5 people all together is easier than dealing with Sally

 

[pianistclare]

Yes, dealing with Sally makes me in over my head. Dealing with the other 5 people all together is easier than dealing with Sally

I believe what some are trying rather gently to say is that many of your threads are about being fed up with people, being upset with people, things not happening fast enough for you, and general topics of dissatisfaction. With other people.
Maybe you need a break from this job, and pursue something else? Something less stressful? **Something where you believe your talents would be better appreciated. **
I know you were hoping that this would turn into a full time thing, not simply contract, but honestly, you’ve never really been happy there.
Maybe leave Sally to her own devices and seek a better job, more suited to your talents.
Sounds like an episode of “The Office”.

 

[Xantippe]

Yes, dealing with Sally makes me in over my head. Dealing with the other 5 people all together is easier than dealing with Sally

I think that proportion is always the case.

From my husband’s work stories, in whichever category, there’s always one colleague that needs more handholding than all the rest and one student that needs more TLC than all the others.

So, there’s always going to be one person at least in any setting like that.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

OK, I have made several posts about Sally. She just can NOT work independently. 2 days ago, she was continuously interrupting me with trivial things. I was at the end of my rope and I sent her a polite email where I said ‘I know your questions are important but please save them up and we can meet and go over all of them at once since frequent interuptions are stressful for me, please let me know if you would like to get together this afternoon’

She did not reply. 30 minutes later she sent me an email over a trivial thing. I responded, she immediately sent another email over a trivial thing I responded ‘With all due respect, emails are just as much of an interruption, save your questions’.

Later she sent me another email asking if I had received a certain file yet. I responded ‘I am Totally aware you need the file, I will send it when I get it’

Well… that was the straw that broke the camels back. ! The next day I took her to the cafeteria for a talk

ME: ‘I would like to find a workable solution where you can have your questions answered and I am not constantly interrupted’

Sally: ‘I don’t know where my boundary is with you’

ME: Let me explain. Coming to me to ask if you are allowed to talk to Lisa is not necessary, just go over and talk to her’

Sally: How was I suppose to know that?

ME: You have been here six weeks these are the things you should know by now. And I proceed to list things she should be able to do on her on

Sally: Can I defend myself?

ME: When you make a mistake, my duty is to show you the solution so you can learn. It is not my duty to listen to why you made the mistake

Sally Can I defend myself

ME: ‘NO’

Then as we walked back to our desks she said ‘Thanks for the talk’ and lifted her coffee mug for a cheer with mine. The day proceeded OK

Today I was brought into a manager’s office to be told someone from the employment agency called to say a temp employee is concerned their questions are not being answered and I will go back to my duties and someone else who is capable of answer all questions as they come in will be taking over.

I was told that I was very open to giving a process and trying new things and trying different approaches

So I told her that I found it difficult because Sally confided in me her abusive past and that was TMI and her insecurities show. I also told her that I did not like being interrupted over things like ‘Can I go talk to Lisa’ to which my manager replied ‘You drop your work for ALL questions and that was a good one’

The worse is, for 2 days in a row, I SPECIFICALLY asked Sally to do particular task with where very high priority for the project and very easy to do and at the end of the day when I asked her how it went she did not do them and said 'Oh I must have misunderstood :banghead:

I really need to know, do I work for a place that is really inefficient ? Or do most managers welcome questions such as ‘Am I allowed to go talk to someone’?

Angie

I was with you up until this:

When you make a mistake, my duty is to show you the solution so you can learn. It is not my duty to listen to why you made the mistake

Sally Can I defend myself

ME: ‘NO’

First off. A manager duty is indeed to listen to why an employee made a mistake. This is how you can help them learn the job. This is how you communicate. And then saying No, your side is of no consequence to me, is dripping with superiority that makes a bad bad manager. Then, your manager called you out on it. And you feel like you cannot defend yourself. Perhaps you should inquire about taking some management classes. Many businesses will see that as a good thing. Not only will it help you but it will impress your managers. A good manager is judged by their weakest and most difficult employee.and that you had an incident that escalated is telling that you did not employ the tools you should have.

I think you mentioned the person is a temp. I will tell you that temps often have to come into a business blind to the politics or rules. Asking if she can talk to another person is a perfectly legitimate question. In the science field or in most business offices that would be seen as a very astute question because it shows prudence and judgement about who to speak to about things. If you feel that you do not have time to do your job and answer managerial questions no matter how trivial or annoying, then perhaps you do not have the tools a manager needs to have yet.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I will also add that we have cut an employee who does not seem to grasp the job quick enough. But we have also let managers go who cannot bring their employees into the fold…

So, it cuts both ways. And in some business fields one needs to grasp quicker than others. A lab tech for a biotech company needs to get it together fast. A telemarketer, not so much…

 

[Anglewannabe]

Maybe you need a break from this job, and pursue something else? Something less stressful? **Something where you believe your talents would be better appreciated. **

Trust me, I am sending out my resume all over the place. The second an offer comes, I will gladly take it

Sounds like an episode of “The Office”.

I don’t watch that show because I just don’t like it. Plus, I don’t need to, I am living it

 

[Anglewannabe]

So, there’s always going to be one person at least in any setting like that.

Sadly this is very true

 

[Anglewannabe]

First off. A manager duty is indeed to listen to why an employee made a mistake. This is how you can help them learn the job.

I have been around Sally long enough to know that when she says 'Can I explain how I made the mistake is a 20 minute monologue about how the computer is always loosing her data. Or, is I say ‘the short cut to copy is cntrl C’ she will go into a 10 minute discussion about how she always did cntrl D without thanking me for telling her and just want to spend time talking about what she use to do

This is how you communicate. And then saying No, your side is of no consequence to me, is dripping with superiority that makes a bad bad manager. Then, your manager called you out on it. And you feel like you cannot defend yourself.

I had to make a judgement call as to whether I wanted to entertain her constant needy monologue or make it clear I had a boundary. I am glad that I did it. I though it was best to set the boundary now than to let it fester until I really blew my lid. It is not so much I want to defend myself as I want a workable solution and I will NOT let Sally’s neediness dictate it.

If you feel that you do not have time to do your job and answer managerial questions no matter how trivial or annoying, then perhaps you do not have the tools a manager needs to have yet.

But that is the whole point. I am NOT the manager. I am the trainer and it somehow ended up being more of a managerial role. If they gave me the proper authority as a manager it would have been different. They asked me to train not manage

 

[Anglewannabe]

I will also add that we have cut an employee who does not seem to grasp the job quick enough. But we have also let managers go who cannot bring their employees into the fold…

.

I have brought 1 other person above and beyond what was required and 2 people to a fairly acceptable level. I am not worried about that one. And as I mentioned before, I am NOT the manager

 

[Xantippe]

I have been around Sally long enough to know that when she says 'Can I explain how I made the mistake is a 20 minute monologue about how the computer is always loosing her data. Or, is I say ‘the short cut to copy is cntrl C’ she will go into a 10 minute discussion about how she always did cntrl D without thanking me for telling her and just want to spend time talking about what she use to do

How about asking her to send you a quick email? That at least you can skim.

 

[pianistclare]

Ok. You’re the trainer.
She asks questions of you.
Call me crazy, but …um…aren’t you the trainer? :ehh:

 

[schaeffer]

Somehow I can’t help but think if I started to complain, HR would not cater to me for fear I would start a law suit

Yup, you are too level headed and normal. Ha ha, you wouldn’t leave them quaking in their boots.

 

[schaeffer]

In my room mate’s situation the employee claimed that at every job she’s ever had everyone loved her. In fact at her last job they didn’t want her to leave. They asked her to stay and manage 350 people! Yet somehow she ended up cashiering for minimum wage at a convenience store.