Work travel schedule vs. family time

[john1513]

Basic question:
I was just asked by my boss for my availability to travel for work for 9 months straight with trips to come back home (probably a weekend home for every 2-3 weeks on site, a few states away). We then talked about switching me out for someone else every 3 weeks: me on site for 3 weeks, me home for 3 weeks. Is this too much travel?

Background:
I’m married and have 3 children under 4 years old. My wife does not like it when I’m gone for work (maybe a little but mostly no). I think/hope I could keep my relationship going with my wife during travel but I’m more worried about my kids. I’ve read from Christian Fatherhood (Steven Wood) that small children need lots of time with their dads (kids spell love T-I-M-E). I’ve also heard of other studies that show the success of even babies who spend more time with their fathers. When I’m traveling, I can’t do this and my kids don’t even understand how skype works very well (my middle child thinks it’s a video instead of a live feed).

I traveled recently for 3 weeks and when I came back my kids didn’t fully recognize me and I wanted to die after putting them to bed and them not really warming up to me. My oldest was talking to me like I was a stranger and telling me things that happened months ago that I was there for. It was like she forgot me.

I don’t travel a lot but I think my industry requires it: I’m a civil engineer for an environmental company that works federal contracts. Our work can be anywhere around the world. I’ve had mostly office work the past few years with around 10% travel which was bearable.

He wants my answer tomorrow morning. I’m tempted to say no and see what happens. I don’t like putting my company in a tight spot but I’m being put in a tight spot. Maybe I need to change careers (?).

**What do you think of travel work schedules for fathers of young children? **Does 3 weeks away, 3 weeks home seem extreme? The 3 weeks home would still be working full time. I understand that fathers in recent history had to spend long hours at work to provide however I think our culture is in a very bad state from fathers not being present with their children (quantity time is quality time). Thank you.

 

[Lorelei12]

I think the person whose opinion matters the most is your wife. She is the one who has to care for three very young children on her own when you are gone. Personally, I’d do it if I absolutely had to, but I would ask my husband to look for other jobs on his three weeks off. It doesn’t matter, really, what anyone on here thinks- it matters how your wife feels about it and what she thinks she can handle.

It also depends on how badly you need your job. Are they really asking you, or are they telling you and will be upset if you say no?

 

[john1513]

He actually asked me what’s the most I could travel. I have a hard time answering that as I’m afraid my industry requires a lot. I guess there’s only one way to find out. I’d say at most one week per month or 20% of the year. I had that on my resume when I was hired.

 

[without]

**What do you think of travel work schedules for fathers of young children? **

I’m on the road a lot as well with 4 older kids (one is already out of college). Skype was and is my best friend. I text and video with my wife several times a day and I also can see when the kids get home and will Skype with them as well. Often just asking what happened at school and telling them about the city I’m in and the dinner I had. Without that daily touch with them I personally couldn’t do the road.

 

[pensmama87]

I do think your wife deserves the bulk of the (name removed by moderator)ut on this, but I will say that if I was your wife, I would be actively encouraging you to find another job. It would be one thing if you were gone for three weeks, then had three weeks completely off, but having to travel and then come home to still work full time would build up some serious resentment in me. Taking care of young children is really hard, discouraging work, and moms need breaks. If your kids were older, it would be a very different story.

 

[underacloud]

He actually asked me what’s the most I could travel. I have a hard time answering that as I’m afraid my industry requires a lot. I guess there’s only one way to find out. I’d say at most one week per month or 20% of the year. I had that on my resume when I was hired.

This sounds sensible to me.

If you boss is *asking *you, as opposed to *telling *you, then he must be somewhat respectful on your family life. That’s a good starting point. If he thinks your suggestion is an issue, you two can discuss it further, and then if needed you can start to think about whether this is the right job for you at this time in your life.

I have a friend (also an engineer) who travels a lot for work and has a young family. He is always being promised that the travel will ease up - eg as soon as this project is over, or there’s a role we’ll move you into soon that will involve minimal travel - but when the time comes nothing changes. He feels trapped, but I wonder if he isn’t too focussed on providing for his family with regard to income and not with regard to time. It’s a balancing act, but we always need to challenge ourselves whether we are getting it right.

 

[Xantippe]

Yeah, it all depends on how your wife feels.

If she’s OK with it, you can make it work. If she’s not OK with it, it’s not going to work.

I wouldn’t worry hugely about the kids not recognizing you–to little kids, you’re mostly just legs. (Remember being little?)

Good luck!

 

[1newcatholic]

Basic question:
I was just asked by my boss for my availability to travel for work for 9 months straight with trips to come back home (probably a weekend home for every 2-3 weeks on site, a few states away). We then talked about switching me out for someone else every 3 weeks: me on site for 3 weeks, me home for 3 weeks. Is this too much travel?

It sounds like too much travel for someone with a wife and three small children. Your kids will only be kids for so long.

 

[john1513]

UPDATE!

Thank you for the help everyone. I told my boss my position: I’d prefer to travel no more than 3 weeks at a time with 3 weeks home and approximately be gone no more than 25% of the year. However, if the company requires more from me, I’m willing to try my best to make it work.

He then laid out where we are as a company and that more travel will be required over the next year due to the types of work we have available (larger field efforts). He also said he’d like to let me manage larger projects (probably requiring less if any travel and for shorter durations) but he doesn’t think I’m ready yet. I think he wants me to prove myself on these field efforts first. More travel could come with more benefits: greater pay, overtime pay.

This is all projection over the next several months and it could all change tomorrow. I think I’ll stick it out and see how it goes. I don’t want to leave my company or ditch my boss. At the same time I don’t want to sacrifice my family for my work travel.

I have been looking at other jobs. Please pray for me.

 

[underacloud]

He then laid out where we are as a company and that more travel will be required over the next year due to the types of work we have available (larger field efforts). He also said he’d like to let me manage larger projects (probably requiring less if any travel and for shorter durations) but he doesn’t think I’m ready yet. I think he wants me to prove myself on these field efforts first. More travel could come with more benefits: greater pay, overtime pay.

Sounds like the sort of rationale and implied promises that I’ve seen before, with the friend I mentioned above and others. Be careful.

This is all projection over the next several months and it could all change tomorrow. I think I’ll stick it out and see how it goes. I don’t want to leave my company or ditch my boss. At the same time I don’t want to sacrifice my family for my work travel.

I have been looking at other jobs. Please pray for me.

You might want to discuss with your wife, and even your boss (but there is risk in this), a timeframe you’re prepared to work towards. If you accept this level of travel on the basis that it’s some sort of transitional arrangement, then there needs to be a realistic timeframe for things to change. If they don’t, be ready to move on.

Do not think of it as “ditching your boss”. If the company is unable to accommodate the needs of a family man who wishes to be present for his young children and wife, then that is the risk they take in potentially losing good talent such as yourself. It will be in no way your fault.

 

[Groo]

UPDATE!

Thank you for the help everyone. I told my boss my position: I’d prefer to travel no more than 3 weeks at a time with 3 weeks home and approximately be gone no more than 25% of the year. However, if the company requires more from me, I’m willing to try my best to make it work.

He then laid out where we are as a company and that more travel will be required over the next year due to the types of work we have available (larger field efforts). He also said he’d like to let me manage larger projects (probably requiring less if any travel and for shorter durations) but he doesn’t think I’m ready yet. I think he wants me to prove myself on these field efforts first. More travel could come with more benefits: greater pay, overtime pay.

This is all projection over the next several months and it could all change tomorrow. I think I’ll stick it out and see how it goes. I don’t want to leave my company or ditch my boss. At the same time I don’t want to sacrifice my family for my work travel.

I have been looking at other jobs. Please pray for me.

Ehhh…I don’t buy a lot of what your boss is telling you.
You aren’t “ready” because they need someone to do all that travel.
Large projects require less travel? And what about the hours on large projects - 9 to 5 I’m sure.

He is stringing you along.

But you handled the situation perfectly. Well done there. You raised concerns about travel, but in a respectful way, and that is all you can really do right now.

I am glad you are still looking for other opportunities. I hope you keep doing so in earnest.

Last comment…don’t waste a fraction of a second of your time worrying about letting your boss down. He would cut you in a heartbeat if it was to his and/or the company’s benefit. Do what is best for yourself and your family.