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snowpea

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i befriended someone at work who i chatted with here and there (online)

i assumed we were friends eh

i sent an email today and cced a few people on it along with a woman at work i am also friends with

this ‘friend’ at work befriended her and sent her links to some of his personal sites he never sent me-i am a little hurt

should i be? (btw i dont have a very high opinion of this person so why i am hurt is a mystery to me-i actually dont feel all that hurt when i think about it clearly-he is kind of a user and maybe figured he couldnt use me - i may warn this other coworker but i may not-people can take responsibility for their own actions still right? 🤷)

yours
snowpea
 
Hurt isn’t something you should be or shouldn’t be. It is something you feel.

If something hurts, it is worth asking why. Sometimes, if the “wrong” thing hurts, it is telling us that we have a “why” that needs taking care of. It is kind of like when you don’t sit in an ergonomic way at work, and your back hurts. You don’t ignore your back and tell yourself that it “shouldn’t” hurt. You figure out why you hurt after so little. Then next time, when you’ve fixed the “why”, your back doesn’t hurt.

If it hurts to not be included, maybe you could ask yourself why you expect yourself to be included. Do you want to be? Would it make you happier? Is it healthy to expect it every time? That kind of thing.

This is not the kind of thing that one would expect to hurt much. Ask why it does. If you don’t, I think you’re set up for fairly frequent injuries to your feelings, which is no fun. If you decide that the “why” leads to results that are both no fun and do you no good, then you’ll probably decide to change it.
 
ty EasterJoy wonderful answer I have to sign off now but will reply more tomorrow THANK YOU! 🙂
 
snowpea said:
i befriended someone at work who i chatted with here and there (online)

i assumed we were friends eh

i sent an email today and cced a few people on it along with a woman at work i am also friends with

this ‘friend’ at work befriended her and sent her links to some of his personal sites he never sent me-i am a little hurt

should i be? (btw i dont have a very high opinion of this person so why i am hurt is a mystery to me-i actually dont feel all that hurt when i think about it clearly-he is kind of a user and maybe figured he couldnt use me - i may warn this other coworker but i may not-people can take responsibility for their own actions still right? 🤷)

yours
snowpea
Click to expand...
Eh, is it bad that I have no idea what you’re talking about after reading the post? It’s probably an indication that it’s probably not something to get hurt over. But again, I’m just a guy, so what do I know?
 
BadTurkey,

the guys in my life know plenty! you may be on to something here. best as i can figure it:

OP makes friends with a coworker
coworker doesnt invite OP to his fav sites
OP is hurt but remembers coworker is a user.
OP wonders should s/he be hurt ***or ***tell other pals coworker is a user.

OP, walk away from this. it has the potential to become useless, noisy, destructive drama. nobody needs manufactured fallout.
 
snowpea said:
i this ‘friend’ at work befriended her and sent her links to some of his personal sites he never sent me-i am a little hurt

should i be? (btw i dont have a very high opinion of this person so why i am hurt is a mystery to me-i
Click to expand...
it is a mystery to me too

I don’t know this whole “friending” technology, but the common practice is not only to maintain contact with your friends, but to check up on them and review their contacts with all your mutual friends? sounds very 6th grade to me
 
We have different relationships with different people…because we’re all different.

Perhaps you weren’t included because friends share a bond that you don’t. For instance, lets say your friends were both redheads. It’s not like you don’t understand what life is like because you’re not a redhead but they have shared a similar journey. In the same way things like loss of a parent, child or loved one, a past history of abuse, growing up in the same town, sharing a similar interest, etc. Can bond people.

I’m not saying you’re not a good friend. But many times I’ve become better friends with someone who I was introduced to through a mutual friend. Actually, I can think of one right now. I LOVE my friend J, to pieces, and my friend W, introduced me. W and I are still friends but J is an older brother and mentor and we’re really close. W and I aren’t really close but we get along very well. I’d hate for W to feel like I “stole” J or feel like J has more fun with me. W is more grown up than me, less spiritual and about as extroverted as you get. J is more introverted than I am, is a great mentor, and we’re on a similar page spirtually (although he’s far more grown than me).

We just ended up getting along better.

Thank GOD for allowing both these people in your life and allowing them to make a meaningful connection.
 
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