Working for the Church causing my faith to stumble

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Anesis

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I want to preface this with saying that I have never done anything wrong, had an altercation, argument, never been involved in any type of scandal, disciplined, etc. I am friendly, pleasant & take constructive criticism well, easy to talk to but more stoic in personality.

I work for a large parish in the office, small staff, we all get along well. Our boss, the pastor is known around the diocese as being paranoid, unfriendly, stubborn & very difficult to communicate with.

He hired me himself. Prior to my being hired, he was friendly to me & my family (for him) and would seek me & my family out after Mass to say hello.

When I started the job, it was over a week before he spoke to me & then it was a criticism about something someone else had done.

Since that 1st day his behavior has never changed. He only speaks to me when he absolutely has to & before doing so, he works himself into a panic just to ask me a very minor thing. The only other time he speaks to me is to criticize me.

I get a lot of +feedback those I work with & serve. But it seems the more they praise me, the angrier he gets. Lately it’s gotten so awful that I dread going to work. I feel worthless & sad all day, like I have no value. He is criticizing me to our clergy behind my back about very petty things that he never mentioned to me, even going as far as to cover up his own mistake, make a big deal about it, then blame it on me. He berates & embarrasses me in front of others. I don’t know why I’m his target. No one does.

All of this has really been a blow to my faith, especially lately. We are taught that priests are “in the person of Christ”. I know they aren’t ALL the time, but it’s difficult for me to separate his two personalities (he has even been serving me communion & snapped some order he wants me to go do). So he doesn’t really believe in the Real Presence of the Eucharist he is placing on my tongue? Does Jesus treat his servants as lesser human beings? I understand that priests are human but I’m human too. Aren’t we all brothers & sisters in Christ doesn’t He see us all as valuable & worthy of dignity & respect. We all have different roles but are equal in importance in God’s eyes, right?

I chose to work at this job as a way to serve my Church & to help support my family. I can see the Holy Spirit working through me when I help others. I love my job but feel like I am going to have to find another one. I have quietly endured his rudeness, contempt, dismissive attitude, unmerited lack of trust & lack of compassion, w/ grace & humility for 6 years

I have always been a very hard worker, strong work ethic. Anything I may have done that has upset him wasn’t intentional. But for the first time in my life, I am actually questioning if there is a God. Because if there is, would someone who has dedicated their entire life to serving Him, treat others this way? What I’ve believed my whole life isn’t true - then why are we here?

Please pray for him, that whatever is causing him to behave like this is resolved. I am a convert of just a few years, so I don’t know if this is just normal treatment of parish staff. If so, I’m really disappointed.
 
As Tim Staples says, you don’t leave Jesus because of Judas. The Catholic Church is the Truth, and the sins of its servants don’t make Jesus any less True.
 
Regardless where I’m working, before I consider leaving a job because of issues such as this, I would confront the person, even my boss, even my pastor & try to find out what the problem is.

& its just my nature, but if he says the problem is me, I’ll try to see it from his perspective. I’m always looking for the beam in my eye.

Even still, it may be your cross to bear… love him regardless & St Therese him to becoming a better person.
 
Cjbhoward said:
love him regardless & St Therese him to becoming a better person.
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I think this too. My thoughts exactly, he’s a good opportunity to experience something of what St Therese of Lisieux describ d experiencing with her superior.

The other thing is, he is human too. It may be that he has an issue of some sort within himself. And remember he is also an employer and so has responsibilities towards you, and they are upheld by employment law.

Would it be possible to have an off the record discussion with him before you seriously consider leaving and just explain your discomfort and perhaps ask if he’d like you to leave, as long as you do have something else to go to of course?
 
Thank you - this is something I’m going to try to do. He is a good priest when he’s being a priest. If you had no interaction with him other than attending a Mass he celebrated and maybe a quick hello afterwards, you would think he seemed like a nice person. But parishioners complain to me all the time, I’ve even had people come to me in tears. I always am respectful of him while letting them know I hear them. Most of them refuse to talk to him about it and end up leaving.

I’ve seen him behave nicely towards certain people. But to his employees, with me taking the brunt of it, he’s almost tyrannical. We’ve already lost one long time employee this year (she was the previous target before me and she was also an excellent employee) and I kind of see the same pattern developing.

I can’t continue to feel this way, it’s affecting my entire life, especially my faith. I’ll have read up more on St Therese - I read her biography a few years ago, I’ll read it again with my situation in mind.

I’m definitely open to hearing what it is that I’m doing/not doing. I welcome constructive criticism and have absolutely no problems with following the direction of my boss. I’m not argumentative, I don’t show signs of disagreement when he asks me to do something or complains about some petty thing. His management style is called “abusive supervision” . But when he doesn’t tell me what he wants, leaving me to guess or blowing up and getting all flustered if I ask him, I’m sort of stuck trying to read his mind and hoping I’m at least close. He usually complains to me about something a parishioner did, another coworker did, his computer isn’t working, the copier isn’t working, but makes it my fault, if that makes any sense?

Thank you for your thoughts - this is just really tough and has been a very challenging year for me in several ways. I guess I’m one of those people who mostly hears silence from God, though He has blessed me significantly. I just want to believe.
 
Since you said your priest has a reputation of being difficult to get along with, it sounds like he has trouble dealing with people. Not every Catholic priest is a good “people person”. Unfortunately, the priest shortage is such that the bishop can’t just send this priest off on some assignment where he wouldn’t have to deal with managing office staff, a job that it sounds like he is just plain bad at.

My advice:
  1. Don’t take his actions personally. You are not the problem here, or you’d be hearing about it from other staff.
  2. Don’t let it affect your faith. Priests often have flaws of some sort, they’re human. Pray for him.
  3. If you can find another job, I’d suggest doing so. You shouldn’t be working a job that makes you miserable on a daily basis or causes you to question your faith. If you find something else, you can just tell Father you were offered a wonderful new opportunity too good to turn down.
  4. If finding something else isn’t really possible or feasible right now, you could try having a meeting with Father to discuss this situation of him criticizing you. However, based on the story you have told, I don’t think such a meeting would be very productive because this priest already finds it hard to interact with you and such a meeting would likely scare him and put him on the defensive. I would be more inclined to just let his issues roll off your back. I guarantee you that you are not the only person he’s criticizing behind their back. He probably does it to everybody, and the people listening just nod and ignore it, knowing that the priest has problems dealing with people. Plus he’s probably burned through a ton of staff and volunteers before you even showed up.
Good luck and ask God for a lot of patience.
 
There IS a Human Resources department at your Diocese. It is not out of line for you to call and speak with them.
 
I am sorry that you are going through this. No supervisor should treat their employees this way. Excuses should not be made for cruel, infantile behavior simply because he is a priest. I would directly confront him about his behavior toward staff and parishioners. I would also inform the diocese. Look for a new job…and hang on to your faith! Priests are human beings and sinners like the rest of us. Christ’s Church survives often in spite of its people.
 
Can I tell you something, anesis? JESUS doesn’t think you’re worthless!!! In fact, He loves you (and all of us) very much! I know about abusive employers and almost every job, field, career, etc., has them, but sometimes I have to remember that I’m working for a Higher Power…He cares very much about you! Matthew 10:29-31 states…

" Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father…So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.…"

Good advice here, too, and definitely, patience is key! He is human, as we all are and needs prayer, too, as we all do! The Devil hates it when we “kill people with kindness”, so continue to do that!

If all else fails, just remember you are worth more than this by somebody WAY MORE IMPORTANT! Continue to pray, too…Only God is perfect and even priests can fall short…

Much love and prayers sent your way!
 
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TheLittleLady said:
There IS a Human Resources department at your Diocese. It is not out of line for you to call and speak with them.
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I can also say that it is very empowering to document. Write down incidents daily as they occur. Imagine you are writing to an Employee Assistance Program with information that would help him to become a better supervisor. This will give you an outlet, and help you to detach the events from your emotions.

It might be appropriate at some point to send this information to the Human Resources.

A dysfunctional person requires a scapegoat, somewhere to place the brunt and the blame so it does not have to be carried.
 
Hello.

Good suggestions in this thread. And a reminder that priests are subject to some pretty evil influences, sometimes more so than the rest of us. I’m not excusing the behavior, however. Perhaps he needs an extended retreat.

My two cents…
 
Anesis said:
Please pray for him, that whatever is causing him to behave like this is resolved
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I spent some time with a very troubled priest; he had been doing a funeral most weeks for many years in his parish. It seemed that as he was dealing with the grief of one family; another family was knocking on his door with more of the same.

I worked for a care company for ten years and experienced similar problems to yours with the boss before I was unfairly sacked. That was about eight years ago, since then I have done about two thousand hours of voluntary work for the people who sacked me. Today I am voluntarily going to the care home to take two residents on holiday for a few days.

If it is in our nature to be kind and caring, then we should strive to do this despite all the apparent opposition we face. Our lives become easier if we can truly love and pray for those people who cause us pain. May the Lord bless you and may the Lord’s face shine upon them and give them peace.
 
Wow, this is a priest? Holy mackerel. Did you ever think to ask for a sit down meeting with him and discuss the situation?
 
This. You need to get his superiors involved, this is unacceptable behavior for any supervisor, especially one who is a priest.
 
well, not all priests are good priests. and just because someone became a priest, doen’st necessarily mean he was actually called to be one
a couple of reasons come to mind, either there is something really serious going on in his life that most people just don’t know about and he is just taking it out on other people, or he just continues his behaviour because no one has actually called him out on it. some pople just don’t like and refuse to admit when they are wrong.
 
Sorry you He is treating you in this manner. You mentioned this has been going on for six years. Do you know when this priest is due to be reassigned? In my Diocese pastors are assigned to a parish for a six-year term and usually given the option for a second six-year term provided things are going well in the parish. This policy may be different in your Diocese. It may be that you can wait until he is reassigned. This
 
Oops. Hit the Reply button too soon.

If it is likely that he will remain assigned to your parish for much longer it may be best for you to consider finding another job.

If you think a conversation with him would be helpful then have the conversation. Just don’t expect him to change his behavior.

How long has he been a priest? Does he have a track record of treating staff like this? If so, he isn’t likely to change regardless of anything you say or do.

As other posters have said try not to take his treatment of you personally.
 
I wonder if this doesn’t happen lots of places. Our priest and our church secretary (a saintly woman if ever there was one) have the exact same relationship.
 
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