Working in the secular world

[cmscms]

I recently started a new job for which I am very grateful to God. I do believe His hand was in this and he blessed me with a job. There are a lot of good things about the job such as the location is close to my home (I go crazy when I have to commute so that is a real blessing to me). The pay is OK and going from being unemployed to having a paycheque, having an OK pay check is another blessing.

On paper, my qualifications looked amazing to this company hence I got the job. However, it is not in my field per say but I have good transfereable skills I can build on.

Here is the problem. I am very introvert when at work. I like to sit at my desk, put in an honest day’s work and go home. This is a very small office and I need to be more social to fit in. Also, I will eventually be in front of a lot of customers and I need to create a good reputation or else there is NO WAY they will let me near customers. The biggest stretch for me is I prefer to DO work rather than talk about it and they like to talk about it. So I try and be patient and listen politely.

Well… here is my other problem. My direct supervisor works in an office 1 hour away so there is rarely any contact. And the one girl who is suppose to train me never does it and since I am new, I don’t feel comfortable demanding she spend time with me. One day a big wig called me and asked if K had review my work. To which I honestly replied she hadn’t. The big wig said ‘that is not acceptable’. I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t feel comfortable walking up to K and telling her that. Not to mention the fact that it is VERY obvious K thinks training me is boring. She always acts like my questions are an annoyance. When she tells me where a file is kept, I write it down so I will not have to ask again and she gets VERY impatient when I write things down. But there is just SO much information at once there is no way I will remember unless I write it down.

But what REALLY makes nervous is the way these women talk. There is one big wig who is always coming up to me to say ‘hi’ and she will talk my ear off for an hour about her new boyfriend and go on and on about how she didn’t get a good nights sleeg because he was in her bed. I honestly do NOT want to hear that. And to be blunt, considering she just met me, I think very little of her for even saying it in the first place.

Then there is another woman who tells me she is part of a spirituality church and was hoping her dead father’s spirit would come to her. (I had to contain myself from laughing).

At our Chirstmas lunch we were all suppose to say a sentence and end it with ‘in bed’. Everyone was laughing and giggling. I just sat quiet hoping no one would notice me. Well… no such luck I was asked to take a turn to which I replied in a quiet voice ‘I am not comfortable with this joke I am modest’.

So… that is my rant. Thanks for reading

CMS

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

I strongly recommend a book called, “Surviving the Toxic Workplace”. It deals with all the people you’re describing.

With regards to being more social to fit in, do you eat lunch with them? That, and saying good morning when you get to work will keep them at bay. Also, keeping your office door shut while you’re working can be helpful.

When you get someone who won’t stop talking to you, politely excuse yourself and tell them you need to get back to work, and that you’ll catch up with them later. Usually they forget to catch up with you later.

As for the one who should be training you, but isn’t, is there another person there whom you get along with who you can go to for your questions?

I had a real nag for a supervisor who was in the office next to her. Nothing I could do would please her, and I was always walking on egg shells when I was around her. I used to have anxiety attacks on my way to work, and while sleeping because she was just so horrible. She’s the type of person whom if you were drowning, she’d throw you a stone. Every time I got called to her office, I would pray the Memorare.

Out of all the things they teach in college and university, Office Dynamics and How to Survive the Supervisor from Hell should be taught and required.

 

[LittleScoty]

I’m introverted as well so I empathize with your situation. I agree with what Deo Gratias42 wrote and would only add that **God had placed you there for a reason. Turn to Him for guidance and remember to use the graces He’s already given you. Be humble, patient and kind and do what you know is right.

** You wrote: One day a big wig called me and asked if K had review my work. To which I honestly replied she hadn’t. The big wig said ‘that is not acceptable’. I don’t know how to handle this.

I was faced with a similar situation once and out of exasperation (but with kindness) I passed on the message to my “K” and expressed my discomfort with my position. I didn’t want anyone to get in to trouble or to look bad in the eyes of a “big wig”… including myself. We sat and talked and in the end only good came from it.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

When I was 19 I got my first job over the summer working as a marketing assistant for a large company. Talk about a culture shock! I was pretty shy and surrounded by people at 10-30 years my senior who loved to talk and joke about everything. (Yep, sex included.) It was a very valuable experience for me. I learned a lot about the value of fitting in to the corporate culture and how to navigate differences with in a professional setting.

Frankly, I think that you really hurt yourself with that “in bed” game. Instead of showing flexibility and relatability to made it clear that it was beneath you. A better response would have been to crack a joke. Something like “After Miss Piggy dumped Kermit for Fozzie, Kermit spent the day nursing a broken heart with Ben and Jerry’s and daytime soaps in bed.” That would have made it clear that sex jokes weren’t really your thing, but that you are able to go with the flow and get along in different situations.

Coworkers will always talk about things you don’t want to hear. “I’m sorry, I really have to get back to work” and “Can we catch up another time? I’m swamped” are going to be two things you’re going to have to be comfortable saying.

The training thing is normal. No one likes to train, no one likes to be trained, and its stressful for everyone. Just try to stay upbeat and remember that that phase will be over soon enough. As for the phone call from the higher up, just casually pass that on to ‘K’ saying that you don’t want either of you to get in trouble or look bad, so she can expect your work ASAP.

The “in bed” thing reminds me of something that happened to FH not too long ago. He had a work function where the men were all going around telling stories about the time that they inflicted the most physical harm on another person in a fight. There were a lot of bloody nose, broken jaw, and knocked out teeth stories. FH does not work in a “macho” field, just a typical white collar business office, and yes, women work there too and were present for this. But a few drinks were had and the men wanted to sound tough. But FH has never been in a fight. He avoids those situations, and he thinks that men that fight when they don’t absolutely have to are childish and pathetic. So when it was his turn to tell a story he just said “Oooh, sorry guys, but I don’t want to embarrass you in front of everyone, and I’d feel really bad if I only got a promotion because you guys are scared of me.” Everyone laughed, no one questioned it, and they moved on.

 

[Gods_Peace]

Your in my prayers sir.

 

[cmscms]

I strongly recommend a book called, “Surviving the Toxic Workplace”. It deals with all the people you’re describing. .

Thanks for the suggestion. The public library has it and I will go over on my lunch hour tomorrow to borrow it. I will bring a brown paper bag to carry it back to the office in

With regards to being more social to fit in, do you eat lunch with them? That, and saying good morning when you get to work will keep them at bay. Also, keeping your office door shut while you’re working can be helpful…

Everyone eats at a different hour and I usually go for a walk because it is a small office and I easily get cramped. I do make a point to say good morning to people (which is not in my nature so it is a daily stretch) and I think that is doing some good. I don’t have an office but a cubicle

When you get someone who won’t stop talking to you, politely excuse yourself and tell them you need to get back to work, and that you’ll catch up with them later. Usually they forget to catch up with you later.

The problem is, the woman who keeps talking about her boyfriend is a big wig and I need to get on her good side or else she probably won’t want me near her clients and that will be the end of my time in that office

As for the one who should be training you, but isn’t, is there another person there whom you get along with who you can go to for your questions?.

The only other person I could go to for questions is G and she is no better. Once she was told to show me how to do something. She brought me the work and said I have no time to show you this please get started on it yourself. So I did what I though best to show something for my time. When she came back she told me it was wrong and she had no time to show me at that point. 2 days later I heard her tell a big wig I did it all wrong so she just did it herself I am SO grateful the big wig told her I was bright and if she showed me how I would catch on quickly

I do honestly think that if I can get over this hump, once I know where everything is and how everything is done, I will be OK. However… I am semi scared because I can use the computer to do things really quickly that they spend hours doing. I know there is a supervisor who really wants me to save time and do things in Excel. She told me to try and act in a way that the decision is coming from her (ie tell her how to do it and have her tell others to do it that way) so people won’t get so offended.

I will keep praying

CMS

 

[cmscms]

Frankly, I think that you really hurt yourself with that “in bed” game. Instead of showing flexibility and relatability to made it clear that it was beneath you. .

Well… if people are going to judge me and wrongly accuse me of acting like they are beneath me because I am trying to act the way God wants me to, that is a reflection against them. And honestly, I trust that God will take care of me for honouring Him

A better response would have been to crack a joke…

No, I disagree. If I joined the joke they would not realize there are certain behaviours that I don’t participate in. This is the year of faith and we are called to spread the word and get people to join the church. I am NOT going to mention to others at work anything about religion. However I will definetely NOT act in a way that would lead them to believe I am not Catholic. There is give and take

CMS

 

[jenwha]

I can totally totally relate to this post.

The biggest reasons I struggle with my patience is in the wonderful secular workplace. The politics and the greed drive me to the last circle of crazy.

I also am an introvert. Not a good combination.

Hard work is tolerated, but if you can schmooze and are good with people, you can get promoted with this without doing any actual work. Also, the department is so ridiculously understaffed that you are expected to, in the wonderful buzzphrase of the year, to “expand your bandwith” which in translation means “Work 12 hours a day or however long it takes to do two people’s jobs, suck it up, who cares how long it takes.”

This attitude of course, keeps them from properly staffing the place so that the CEO can get billion dollar bonuses every year, fueling the wonderful greed that goes on, here and everywhere on earth.

I make very good money and am grateful to God that I have this job, but I can’t help seeing it in very toxic terms. I am thinking hard about trying to work for the diocese in some capacity, even if it would mean two thirds less pay. I feel like I’m fueling nothing but greed for corporate America and at times do not know how to reconcile with my belief system.

I totally agree with capitalism, but the greed is the problem for me as it is going way too far, each year I see cuts in benefits, cuts in pension, cuts in salary, cuts in staffing, we don’t even get medical insurance after retirement and I hear this is now becoming the norm. Where does it end?

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

I was thinking along Blue Eyed Lady’s lines, that it would have been better for you to play along in a joking way, but I don’t think it would be easy to come up with something on the spot. Unless maybe your sentence was, “I’m not really a fan of jokes that make me use the words ‘in bed’.” I can appreciate your wanting to not do anything that would end up compromising your faith (and I would probably attempt to say something clean, and have it end up embarrassing me, if I were involved in that joke). But there is not doing something you shouldn’t and then there is making statements that make people bristle. I think that by saying “I’m modest” you probably made people bristle, because it comes off sounding like you’re comparing yourself to them, who are not modest. A better choice to opt out might have just been, “No thanks.” and if people press you, you can say things that are a little less confrontational sounding like, “I’m not a big fan of dirty jokes, it’s just not for me.” (or saying what you said, without the last part). Giving a reason why, in a situation like that, is not likely to go over easily.

As for the boss lady and the obnoxious talk about the boyfriend, I don’t think there’s much you can do other than smile and nod, and just don’t do anything to further the conversation yourself. In this world of hyper-hedonism, it is probably unrealistic to expect to be able to shelter yourself from hearing a lot more of that kind of talk than you want to. Nods and smiles, and few questions will make the conversations shorter at least. Or you can work on changing the topic…“Hey, I’m sorry to interrupt you, but I have a question about (work related question)…” Or look for opportunities for her to tell you about herself in other ways. With a little time, you might find yourself finding other things to be able to talk about with her - her family, her hobbies, etc…

I see that you are mostly ranting, rather than asking for advice though. Sorry you are having a bad first impression of the job. I hope that it is a matter of adjustment, and that as you all get to know each other a little better, the interactions will become more pleasant.