Working outside the home and Depression

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momof2angells

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Hello all. Merry Christmas.
I was just hoping for some advice and encouragement please.
As some may know I work at a job I need to keep because of the specialized benefits for my children. My problem is I’ve always wanted to be a stay at home mom but now that my children are older teens I still wish I didn’t have to work outside the home. I know many feel the same way. The problem is the feeling of “dread”. I feel like whereas a more sane minded person would also prefer to stay home but have to work with horrible coworkers and go out into the secular world, I feel like they would just grunt a bit and shrug it off. But I’m really tired if it to the point of despair. I try to be a daily communicant, I do love the Lord and my Catholic faith but as a woman in my forties who has to wake up at 5am to step out in 7 degree frigid weather to work with mean people r years I’m just tired. I’m here a little desperate hoping someone will tell me to do a Novena or be grateful or we’ve all been there or something my brothers and sisters see that I don’t right now. Unfortunately my threshold for emotional anguish is not strong. Someone in my situation would see the blessings of having a job and a healthy family etc…should I even consider this a cross. Thank you all so much.
 
Hi,

I’m a mother in my mid thirties who also works outside the home, and I suffer from depression. You’re not alone. Maybe pray a St. Dymphna or St. Jude novena? I’m only on my way to becoming Catholic. Still learning. I hope things turn around for you.
 
Offer it up and accept it as a mortification. God bless
 
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Thank you. I offer it up every morning. I have an app on my phone with reminders. One is set early and reads 'wake up, thank the Lord and offer up all my sufferings and joys to Him, read Magnificat, make coffee and plan day".
I’m sure it’s helping in ways I can’t see but sometimes dread hits me.
 
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Yea me too.
There is much to be thankful for in our lives.
At the same time there are struggles.

And, some of us simply suffer from depression.
In my experience with depression, logic goes out the window. Others can try and make sense and offer suggestions, but if my depression is severe enough, those suggestions don’t always “stick” to me, even when the suggestions are good ones.

For me…merely accepting and embracing the fact that I get depressed helps me to bear it. I spent a long time agonizing over the depression itself, seeing it as a curse to be avoided, or a punishment for failures.
It’s not, it’s just part of the human condition. I am not a worse or defective person because I deal with depression. All I have to do is look around and there is someone dealing with life just like me. And many times in more difficult circumstances.

It’s important to deal with the physical component of depression. If my depression becomes coupled with insomnia, life falls apart bad. Now I am just craving sleep and relief from anxiety. What is manageable becomes a crisis.
So for me, exercise is key. Doing productive and physical activities helps tremendously. Swimming is big for me. (It’s not really swimming, but it is a pool I get into) Hiking. These things help with sleep and regulate daily life. Directed activities like exercise help organize my thoughts. Many times when I am depressed and confused, a vigorous walk will clear the fog and solutions come forward in my mind.

The times when it’s been real bad, I place myself at the foot of the cross with Mary and be present with the suffering Christ. The hardest thing is to stop grappling with it and just be in the presence of the Lord, and trust Him.
God gives us imaginations for a reason, and depressed people tend to have more sensitive and vivid imaginations. The same thing that causes us to feel life more intensely is also a great gift. Employ it in the presence of the Lord.
 
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Thank you. I don’t know if I’m depressed. I was very happy this whole week I have off from work. For me it’s mostly working outside the home that beings dread. Dealing with secular people on a constant, dealing with the prideful personalities that step on you because they are up the ladder, dealing with cruel coworkers, dealing with mundane tasks when I could be home cooking and cleaning and the domestic things that bring me life and joy.
 
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If it was fun, they wouldn’t have to pay you to do it.

Lottery tickets.

I’m not making light of this, truly. The struggle is real. You want to be home making a nest for your family.
Sometimes, we just have to power through.

But I will remember you in my prayers tonight that come come to a place of peace and acceptance of your current life situation.

:pray:t2::pray:t2::pray:t2:❤️❤️❤️
 
Have you considered getting a job where you might be able to stay home?
For example people who work at call centers often can work out of their homes.
Would your current job allow you to work out of your home a few days a week?
If NOT, could you possibly find a job locally where you might be able to walk to
work. I too have depression but noticed when I did work full time that when I
worked at a job that took me out a lot I got depressed less. (I was an advocate
for the homeless helping them to find affordable housing.) I have found that
since getting myself a cat I have not gotten depressed or ended up in the hospital.
Maybe you would consider getting yourself a cat “emotional support animal.”
IF you live in the U.S. “emotional support animals” are NOT pets and therefore
ARE permitted in housing where pets may NOT be permitted.

A brief summary of (U.S.) federal laws and ESAs can be found by reading on:

The Air Carrier Access Act
The Air Carrier Access Act was passed in 1990 and works alongside Department of Transportation rules prohibiting discrimination of disabled individuals traveling by air. According to the Air Carrier Act provisions, airlines are not allowed to refuse transportation, limit, or require advanced notice before offering service to individuals who are disabled.

Airlines may require advanced notice for certain accommodations, such as medical equipment or electric wheelchairs, and may require notice for ESAs, depending on the individual airline guidelines.

The Air Carrier Act requires that airlines accommodate ESA owners who have verified identification. ESA owners are not required to sit in any particular location unless the animal is large enough to obstruct an aisle that must remain unobstructed.

The Air Carrier Act also restricts airlines from charging fees for accommodating disabled persons with an ESA.

Emotional Support Animal Housing Laws: The Fair Housing Act (FHA)
The Fair Housing Amendments Act of 1988, commonly known as FHA, requires apartments and housing communities that ordinarily restrict pets to make “reasonable accommodation” for ESAs.

The US Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) defines “reasonable accommodation” and obligates all housing providers covered under the FHA to allow ‘assistance animals’, including ’emotional support animals’, as a reasonable accommodation.
 
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Thank you so much fir the information and encouragement. Unfortunately, I can’t change jobs at this time. I appreciate your reply very much. I have days left u til I go back to work before I have to face my terrible coworker who sits next to me and always grumbles and is always cranky. I went through all the steps to deal with her, HR, my manager, asking to change areas. …they still keep her. I tried St. Thereses little way to be kind and it worked on the surface but inside I wish she would not be there
 
I know what you mean by dread. I used to dread my job because my boss acted as if she was possessed by the devil. I am not kidding. She cursed me out and yelled at me all the time. Nothing I did could please her.

The stress from working under such a person is enormous. Of course, it was not easy to “offer it up” but when I got free of the situation, I was so happy. It took a while, though, for it to resolve itself.
 
What about making a dream/plan for a future time when you don’t have to work outside the home?

I’m in a similar position of needing to work, feeling like I need to be at home, and heading into tax season so it’s going to get much worse. I’m not depressed though because we have a plan in place to get me out as soon as possible. It’s taken a few years to get into position but we are just about ready to leap. My husband has been sending out resumes like crazy, he’s had 5 or 6 interviews with two more coming up.

Having a dream and working, however slowly, toward it is a great way to stay positive through difficult times.
 
Thank you so much. I love the idea.
I wonder if anyone has any thoughts of if I should do a Novena and for what purpose in particular, I was thinking of doing one so that I may love this coworker as a precious soul of Gods which would make it easier to forgive in addition to offering up the suffering for that woman who makes my life miserable. Any and all ideas are so welcome, I need to start the year year on the right spiritual footing.
Thank you all. I will plan my day of freedom, it will be 6 years from today that I no longer have to work there.
 
I understand exactly what you are describing. Although I am motivated by wanting to spend more time with my family (as opposed to religious values), I have been working for 38 years and I get it. I can tell you that what keeps me going is that I have a job which I truly believe is helping to make society a better place. This is key. Second, I make my mission in life each day when I go out into the (sometimes very cold and cruel) world to be adding something positive to the lives of each person I cross paths with that day. It may be my snarky boss or my backstabbing co-worker. It doesn’t really matter. I consider it a challenge, and it usually is. But, somehow, contributing to good just doesn’t take the emotional toll the way feeling like I am not making a difference does. Same people, same environment, different kind of stress. It is a positive stress… A good stress. I don’t forget to celebrate myself for conducting myself that way each day. I know that even if it seems like my attempts are futile, I never know how I may have impacted someone in a positive way. I guess what I am trying to say is that I haven’t been happier since I realized that, in this life, the “what” doesn’t matter nearly as much as the “how”.
 
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Wow thank you so much. I’m in clerical and at the lowest rank in the company so I often feel like I don’t contribute. However, I know that’s a worldly standard I should never go by. May i ask your advice? When I am nice to this person and she is nice for the moment I feel ok for the moment. For some crazy reason Im afraid of her irrational anger towards me, I hear her talking about me to herself at her desk, and my flesh instantly reacts with hatred of her. I had to send her an email and she thinks I don’t hear her when she said “oh great are you serious?”. I’m non confrontationAL so I pretend I didn’t hear. But it torments me inside this behavior how do I not let her affect me?!
Thank you
 
First of all, even if all you are doing is sweeping floors all day, you have an opportunity to make a huge impact. Remember, it isn’t what you do but how you do it. Think of the janitor at the school that finds away to lift the self-esteem of a child from a loveless home environment. This kind of thing happens every day.

Secondly, I can give you some advice but only take it if you are pretty certain your co-worker is not suffering from some sort of mental illness. We all deserve to feel safe in our work environment. If you don’t feel safe, then my advice doesn’t apply and you should seek assistance from someone within your organization who can help you.

When your co-worker makes snide remarks as you described, I would interrupt her. I would say to her, “Oh dear Jane, is there something in my email that is troubling you? What can I do to help?” At first she will probably blow you off. That is OK. You have planted the seed. The second time, you will make an impact. Approach evil with kindness. People who are rude, nasty, etc are usually that way because they either have a really hard life, or they feel woefully inadequate, or (most often I have found) they haven’t had real kindness shown to them during the course of their lives. Spend some time what “kind” looks like to you. Ask your family what they believe “kind” means. Ask your friends. Don’t give them a work scenario or ask them what should you do. You already know what to do. However, kindness doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing to everyone, so asking others what they think it is may give you some new ideas. Implement them. I have worked with really difficult people and I can tell you going out of my way to be kind for genuine reasons has never failed me. I really hope this helps you.
 
Thank you. I will have to confront her grumblings which I really hate to do. But ignoring it makes me seethe all day. Even if I confront her kindly as you stated, inside I will still seethe. I wish I could control the inside feeling as well.
Thank you so much.
 
momof2angells said:
I feel like whereas a more sane minded person would also prefer to stay home but have to work with horrible coworkers and go out into the secular world, I feel like they would just grunt a bit and shrug it off.
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No offence but i don’t think shutting yourself off from the world is the answer. I’ve known a lot of people do that and frankly their personality deteriorates. Nobody ever challenges their world view, they become the highest moral authority in their own head and as a result, they become extremely un-Christian but can’t even see it. I’m not saying everyone is like that, I’m saying it’s a risk of you thinking the grass is greener.
momof2angells said:
When I am nice to this person and she is nice for the moment I feel ok for the moment. For some crazy reason Im afraid of her irrational anger towards me, I hear her talking about me to herself at her desk, and my flesh instantly reacts with hatred of her.
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I expect your personality is highly compassionate, highly polite and maybe even low assertiveness (with reference to the big 5 personality traits). I would offer a guess that you have been avoiding conflict at work too long and have unresolved grudges. I think that’s what needs to change and not your job.
 
Thank you. My personality is as you say. But are you stating that I should not avoid conflict, if so, how should I address her every time she grumbles. She really does talk to herself all day, 90% is complaining sometimes I’m not sure she talks air me because she whispers to herself. Shes irritating and has made me a bit paranoid. I can’t confront her all the time she grumbles which is a constant. Not sure when to. Thank you again
 
It’s hard to say without knowing the full context, but im talking about one conversation and not multiple confrontations.

One conversation where you set out exactly how you expect to be treated and that you will not cooperate with her if she treats you beneath these standards. Involve a line manager (avoid HR if possible) for guidance if necessary.
 
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