Working vs. Stay at home mom

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cararolen

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Hi everyone,
I am a full time working outside of the home mother of three children (ages 6, 9, and 10). I have always worked outside of our home.

There has been a change in my husbands employment that is causing him to work out of town for weeks at a time.

I’m finding that the stress of a full time job and “playing” single parent when he isn’t here is almost more than I can handle.

Looking for any advice from someone who was a working mom and decided to make a change and stay home.

Our kids attend Catholic school so if I left the workforce, that would be out since my income makes that possible. Homeschool could be an alternative I suppose.

Our biggest obstacle is that he doesn’t have access to health insurance, I carry our healthcare and he is a type 1 diabetic.

Any thoughts or encouragement is so greatly appreciated!!
 
cararolen said:
Hi everyone,
I am a full time working outside of the home mother of three children (ages 6, 9, and 10). I have always worked outside of our home.

There has been a change in my husbands employment that is causing him to work out of town for weeks at a time.

I’m finding that the stress of a full time job and “playing” single parent when he isn’t here is almost more than I can handle.

Looking for any advice from someone who was a working mom and decided to make a change and stay home.

Our kids attend Catholic school so if I left the workforce, that would be out since my income makes that possible. Homeschool could be an alternative I suppose.

Our biggest obstacle is that he doesn’t have access to health insurance, I carry our healthcare and he is a type 1 diabetic.

Any thoughts or encouragement is so greatly appreciated!!
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Everyone has access to affordable health insurance. It is what obama has given us! Praise!
:rolleyes::rolleyes:

I would encourage you to try to take the leap of staying at home. We homeschool as well and it is amazing. Whatever you decide you sound like an amazing mom!
 
Thank you…I am trying 🙂

Aside from going from 2 incomes to 1, just the word homeschool intimidates me! 🙂

I’m a fairly smart person…no doctor or anything 🙂 About 3 years of college. But sometimes the work my 4th grader brings home I can’t remember how to do lol…
So I’m not sure if I would be cut out to homeschool…
 
Just a thought…as hard as it is to parent alone when your husband is out of town…when you are working you have a “break” in that action. If you are homeschooling, there will be NO breaks.

I also would hesitate to give up my health insurance as this point…yeah, there’s health care to be purchased, but from what I’m hearing the deductibles are outrageous.

Rather than give up your job, why don’t you see if you can get someone to come in and watch the children one evening during the weeks that your husband is out of town and spend that time meeting with a friend, seeing a movie, whatever…just to have some down time.

I’ll say a prayer for you…my DH has to travel sometimes for his job also, and though I don’t have children at home anymore it gets lonely in the evenings. I tell myself more prayer time!!
 
Pax2u said:
Just a thought…as hard as it is to parent alone when your husband is out of town…when you are working you have a “break” in that action. If you are homeschooling, there will be NO breaks.

I also would hesitate to give up my health insurance as this point…yeah, there’s health care to be purchased, but from what I’m hearing the deductibles are outrageous.

Rather than give up your job, why don’t you see if you can get someone to come in and watch the children one evening during the weeks that your husband is out of town and spend that time meeting with a friend, seeing a movie, whatever…just to have some down time.

I’ll say a prayer for you…my DH has to travel sometimes for his job also, and though I don’t have children at home anymore it gets lonely in the evenings. I tell myself more prayer time!!
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I tend to agree with this. I also would be hesitant as to the health insurance. I am in Massachusetts where we had obamacare before it came out (obamacare is a copy of MA’s healthcare system) and given that there is no real change in the system…except for the deductibles and premiums. They sky rocketed to heaven, so yes you are going to end up paying a lot for healthcare if your husband doesn’t get insurance through his job.

Probably you should have someone take care of your kids once a week. Also, your kids are 9 and 10 probably is a good idea to give your oldests kids chores everyday so they could help you around the house. I was a single parent for many year and full time working mom and you just cannot do everything. My daughter has had chores since six and helps a lot around the house. Also building a schedule for her to follow helped me a lot. Probably you can try putting your kids into a schedule and delegate the household work. Also don’t doubt in asking for help. Do you have parents or relatives that can help you? That is a great thing when you have to do all by yourself. Also don’t feel bad when you have to outsource work. I had a cleaning lady for many years. Just keep in mind it is OK to ask for help and most people would be very happy to help.
 
I have some older family (2 grandmothers, both 88) so some nice moral support but not really able to help with the house or kids…
I don’t really feel comfortable having someone I don’t know watch my kids honestly, and part of my problem is i want to be spending more time with them than I am currently able to, not less.

I’ll keep praying about it. Maybe eventually I will able to find a less stressful job closer to the school.

Thank you for your advice.
 
cararolen said:
I have some older family (2 grandmothers, both 88) so some nice moral support but not really able to help with the house or kids…
I don’t really feel comfortable having someone I don’t know watch my kids honestly, and part of my problem is i want to be spending more time with them than I am currently able to, not less.

I’ll keep praying about it. Maybe eventually I will able to find a less stressful job closer to the school.

Thank you for your advice.
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That is another good option. Try to look for a more flexible job. I used to work at a place where they use to offer insurance to people who work 20 hours a week so there are places like that. Consider cutting some hours, being closer to school.aybe look for something with mom’s hours. I will be praying so you can find something that benefits your family.
 
cararolen said:
Thank you…I am trying 🙂

Aside from going from 2 incomes to 1, just the word homeschool intimidates me! 🙂

I’m a fairly smart person…no doctor or anything 🙂 About 3 years of college. But sometimes the work my 4th grader brings home I can’t remember how to do lol…
So I’m not sure if I would be cut out to homeschool…
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I hear that a lot from people about homeschooling. The Curriculum can be very helpful and it is not as much of a “brain surgeon” task as it sounds. Most of the time the states offer very basic college classes many of which are filled with classroom management and indoctrination into whatever the education philosophy of the moment is. Then they turn out 23 year old, no kids, first year teachers and they can teach k-8. 🤷

Plus, and especially with history, I have learned so much that I was never taught in school. So that is fun!

I have no idea if homeschooling is something you would be called to do but don’t fall into the idea that it is just for the amazingly “smart” parents. Many a homeschool genius is schooled by a regular stay at home mom! Not only that but I could care less if my kids are the smartest on the block, as long as they are the holiest.
 
Not only that but I could care less if my kids are the smartest on the block, as long as they are the holiest.

I agree wholeheartedly with this!!! My kids go to a public school, and while I certainly care if they are doing a good job and trying their best, their actual grades are secondary for me. I want more than anything for them to hold deeply to their faith because, in my experience, that is where true happiness lies!!!
 
What does your husband think about the situation?

Here’s what we did when we considered whether I should stay home or keep working.

My husband and I wrote down everything we actually spent for a month (it was a pain to keep track, but VERY helpful and worth the effort). Then we sat down and figured out where we could cut back, and the next month, we tried living on that reduced budget (which was a bit less than my husband makes) and put the rest in savings.

In our case, we actually found we had more money left over than we’d thought we would–partly because we were purchasing a lot less “convenience” items and eating out less since I had more time to make things from scratch at home. So when I quit my job to stay at home, we had a good idea about what kinds of sacrifices it would take, and we were willing to make them. It’s been 12 years, and in that time, I’ve only worked one part-time job for six months to help pay off some of our debt a little faster.

Now, I will say that my husband does have excellent health insurance, but if that had not been the case, we would have probably worked out a way to pay for insurance and put enough in savings to cover certain deductibles (perhaps considered my working part-time for a while longer if necessary), rather than ruling out my staying at home altogether, because it was important enough to us for me to be able to stay at home with the kids.

Whether it is important enough to you and your husband is up to you two to determine. If it is, then find a way to cover what you need, and don’t let others discourage you–they don’t have to live with your decision, but YOU do. Make sure it’s the one that works best for you and your family, not anyone else. 😉
 
My father liked to plug the, “get a nanny/mothers helper” card for the career women. He was a single dad. We had several live in housekeepers until I was seven; he got married when I was seven.

He was so greatful for their services that he offered the idea to many of my friends. When I had my babies my husband went on business travel. We went to care.com to hire a mothers helper 5 hours a day while he was on travel. It saved me.

Now, catholic school is great … But if you needed to send the kids to public school to hire a mothers helper … Well, you may be able to theive in your career and have great support for the children while your husband is on travel.
 
Of course you must do what you feel is best, but I would caution against making huge changes when you are already pushed to the limit. You can afford Catholic school and you have good health insurance, thanks to your job. Homeschooling is really hard, with a rather steep learning curve if you are starting with multiple children all at once. I am a homeschooling mother, so that is how I know.
I really think, finding a way to get some help with child care or housecleaning once a week, or both, is a great idea. Also, your children are old enough to be helpful with tidying up and laundry. Having your kids home all day more than doubles your housework. If they remain at their school, and you get some help so you can run errands once a week, and have a cleaning service every other week, and keep your dinners simple, that might be just enough to keep things running more smoothly so you are less stressed.
I am a huge fan of stay-at-home motherhood, when situations allow for it, but I am no idealist. It is much harder for me to stay home with my kids and homeschool them, than any other thing I have ever done in my life. It was a choice I made, knowing it would be the harder path. But I chose it because I prayerfully discerned that was where God was leading us. It was not an option that I chose because I thought it would be less stressful than something else. So that is why I caution you about it.
With all that said, if you feel God IS leading your family to that, go for it. There are plenty of us homeschoolers here who would love to support and encourage you if that is the choice you make. Good luck with your discernment!
 
I’m a stay at home mom, with two kids in catholic school. My husband travels for his job nearly every week, it’s about 90% of his work year on the road. Sometimes weekends, too. I would be completely drowning if I also worked a full time job on top of all the parenting and household tasks I’m responsible for. Being at home with no income took a surprisingly small adjustment window. I stopped working about six years ago. So, I didn’t have my “own” money any more, didnt do splurge shopping anymore, but also couldn’t contribute to our budget either. We scaled back, and made some lifestyle changes. Much less eating out, no cable, etc.

Life with a husband out of town is still hectic and demanding. There is no one to help at six pm when you’ve been dealing with kids all day and they are tired and grumpy and you would like to sit for ten minutes- but I learned to pace myself, I can’t work non stop all day long. I do my house things at a gentle pace, with reading interspersed or playing with the kids or visiting my grandmother etc. it becomes a lovely way to live 🙂 life isn’t about getting to work on time, it’s about living your life!

Good luck to you 🙂
 
cararolen said:
Hi everyone,
I am a full time working outside of the home mother of three children (ages 6, 9, and 10). I have always worked outside of our home.

There has been a change in my husbands employment that is causing him to work out of town for weeks at a time.

I’m finding that the stress of a full time job and “playing” single parent when he isn’t here is almost more than I can handle.

Looking for any advice from someone who was a working mom and decided to make a change and stay home.

Our kids attend Catholic school so if I left the workforce, that would be out since my income makes that possible. Homeschool could be an alternative I suppose.

Our biggest obstacle is that he doesn’t have access to health insurance, I carry our healthcare and he is a type 1 diabetic.

Any thoughts or encouragement is so greatly appreciated!!
Click to expand...
IMHO, whatever choice brings you and your dear family closer to Christ and His church will be the most fruitful. Every situation is quite different and looked at carefully.

After working over 17 years, I decided to quit my job and raise my youngest children.
By trusting in The Lord and his ways, he provided for us in ways I could not have even imagined only with my husband’s salary.

I was exposed to the homeschool world and I have been part of it for about 9 years. I have absolutely NO REGRETS. There will always be challenges, but they are all worth it.

Character building are more important than academics in our family and yet, my older kids have done better than average. My oldest is in College, my 18 year old has been accepted to 3 universities and my youngest is in middle school. There is so much help and resources that are available and have made it affordable and fun.

Like a previous post stated, homeschooling can have many challenges, but so does life and how you handle it. I have made it a goal to have peace in our home, by being very involved in character and virtue education. This has helped turn our home into a very peaceful oasis.

I hope that you make the right choice for you and your family. Blessings,
 
Budgeting out cost part time mothers helper (MH):
$14/hour

Need helper Monday-Saturday (I personally don’t like to make ppl work on Sunday)
Ideally a 9-5 working mom needs help from 2:30-7:30 PM = 5 hours

5 hours x $14.00 = $ 70.00/day
$70.00/day x 6 days =$ 420.00 week

Most mothers helper will do light cleaning and cooking. When I got help, she cleaned much more than I did. I wish I could have her back full time … But I’m a stay at home mom and we only have that extra cash when my husband travels (overtime).

My dad provided free room and board with a decent allowance for our live in housekeepers. Again, I’d make sure cleaning, cooking, and child care are part of the deal. We lived in a lower middle class house in suburbia.

This alternative is a blessing especially to career women who make more money than their husbands, and have a talent they want to cultivate without letting their family go neglected.
 
cararolen said:
Hi everyone,
I am a full time working outside of the home mother of three children (ages 6, 9, and 10). I have always worked outside of our home.

There has been a change in my husbands employment that is causing him to work out of town for weeks at a time.

I’m finding that the stress of a full time job and “playing” single parent when he isn’t here is almost more than I can handle.

Looking for any advice from someone who was a working mom and decided to make a change and stay home.

Our kids attend Catholic school so if I left the workforce, that would be out since my income makes that possible. Homeschool could be an alternative I suppose.

Our biggest obstacle is that he doesn’t have access to health insurance, I carry our healthcare and he is a type 1 diabetic.

Any thoughts or encouragement is so greatly appreciated!!
Click to expand...
Obviously you’ll have to think and pray on this more, talk it over with your hubby, and come to your own decision. This is what I would think (without being in your shoes):

Since, you carry the insurance, and a job that provides good insurance is invaluable, I would ask your husband to find a job that doesn’t include those travel responsibilities. Or I would ask your husband if you could budget some help until he finds a job that doesn’t take him away from being your partner so often and for so long. I wouldn’t quit my job and stay home with the kids, because you are the one carrying the insurance.
 
🙂 So many decisions we mother’s have to make…sigh!

I can tell you that there are good and bad in either decision. I was a ft worker outside the home when my children were very young. My husband and I decided for me to quit and stay at home. I started an online busness but that took sometime to get off the ground. Shortly after I quit, my husband was layed off 😦 . It was a very challenging time. But I still stand by my decision to stay at home and the business was trickling in money. For the next few years we struggled but by the grace of God we were able to meet bills and stay afloat.

We then decided to homeschool. It is a huge commitment but I am very confident that we made that decision. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. I think it is hard because I am with them 24/7 with very few breaks. You have to consider that as no one really tells you how hard it can be. But I think the benefits of homeschooling far out weigh my comfort. I can not stand the new curriculums in public schools. My kids are tested every year (state testing) and they test 2 or more years ahead on everything they test in.

In your situation given the current govt and the healthcare situation, I would think hard on not having healthcare. That would be something that would give me the most pause about. You can plan to have breaks with the kids and you can adjust your life comfort wise but healthcare is such a huge issue right now I am not sure I would make the same decisions now, unfortunately.

I will pray for you that the Lord guide you towards the best decision for your family and for you.
 
Don’t you trust OBama care for insurance?

(Sorry, I know that joke is like kicking you when your down … But it was just too funny to resist)
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I hear that a lot from people about homeschooling. The Curriculum can be very helpful and it is not as much of a “brain surgeon” task as it sounds. Most of the time the states offer very basic college classes many of which are filled with classroom management and indoctrination into whatever the education philosophy of the moment is. Then they turn out 23 year old, no kids, first year teachers and they can teach k-8. .
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I will not disagree with anything else you’ve said, but I think this is a very inaccurate and unfair description of elementary teacher training, at least in my state. If you are degrees in a discipline such as math, science, or English lit, a basic teacher-training course may enable you to teach at the middle- or high-school level but certainly not in the primary grades.

DD took four years of education courses, then did two six-week practica under close supervision and then a complete semester practicum with an experienced teacher. When she began teaching, she had to work under the supervision of a master teacher for a full year. That’s a lot of education, supervision, and support, a far cry from what you described.

Perhaps in your state that abysmal training is all that an elementary teacher receives, but it is far from the norm in my area and those with which I am familiar.
 
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