Workplace honesty

[alice24]

To make it short (I complained enough in my other posts ) I have currently a rather bad workplace I can´t change right now for financial reasons. The working mentality there is simply “we live in our store” as a relic of the socialism, and most workmates are older and think this was normal (we talk about a lower end shop assistant thing, not a family business). My husbands already works heavily in the intensive medical care and is often 8 days away with night work. We have not more than 2-3 hours a day for organising stuff and having time for each other. Now they are calling me quite often to work when I´m not planned, and this causes major problems with colliding work times with my husband (at least, someone needs to walk the dog…) and I have a problem to work unplanned when we have the first “together free day” after 2 weeks. The next thing is, they only gave me a contract including july because they fear I could get pregnant and ask if this is planned all the time. It is planned, but it is also illegal here to ask those questions. I don´t know how to respond. With honesty, I will loose my job maybe very soon and had to work a way over my abilities (“I can´t because I planned a free day with my husband” isn´t working). Anyone any advice on how to deal with this?
Thanks.

 

[Dugtrio1]

Hi Alice.

A Catholic should not work on Sundays. You should have one full day of rest. In exchange, we can tell our employers that we will work long, odd hours on the other six days. Mornings, evenings, whatever it takes. We just want our Sundays. This could restore the relationship with your husband.

Think about this. Suppose you work really hard up to 6 days a week. You barely see your husband. But on those days, you also get all the household chores done. Sunday is completely open. You have an entire day with your family. You can go to Mass, go to the park, go on a date - the day rejuvenates your bond. But the trick is that it must be open! No chores, no grocery shopping, etc. Just you and your family! You will feel the difference right away. One quality day is better than a few hours each day!

This special day comes at a price, though. We must be willing to work whatever it takes on the other six days. Make that clear to your employer. You will usually encounter one of the following three scenarios (let’s say a 40-hour work week):

1. The job will say, “OK, we can fit your 40 hours into Monday through Saturday. You might need to work early or late though.” (This is best.)
2. Or, the job will say, "Well, we can give you one full day off, but it’s not Sunday. We need you to work Sunday. (Avoid unless absolutely necessary. Working Sunday interferes with Mass. Society should respect that jobs should work around God and family, not the other way around. Keeping Holy Day fixed on Sunday enforces this principle.)
3. Or, the job will say, "No, we can’t give you an entire day off. You might have to work when we call you. Maybe a few hours each day. (This is worst! It means no full day for family.)

It sounds like your job is #3. That’s not good. Talk to them, explain you are willing to work hard the other days and see what they say. Also, they base a contract on pregnancy? In my country, that is sexual discrimination and illegal! Here, we do not make a woman’s contract assuming she will get pregnant. We hire, and then if pregnancy happens, we accommodate. Unless your laws are different - that is a sign you should leave!

God bless!

 

[alice24]

A sunday off in my husband’s working field is sadly impossible- it’s a hospital and he was hired mainly because they have a shortage on weekends and holidays. …

 

[Pup7]

@alice24 - between being a nurse and then adding on military obligations, I’ve been through much of what you’re describing, and I know how rough it is. I wish I had helpful advice or counsel to offer you.

Can you consult a legal advisor (lawyer or paralegal) regarding the questionable terms of your contract? I’m sure they did that without putting it in writing, though, which might not help. And that could also put you in a bad position with them as well. But I would think you could always call for legal counsel just to see if they have any advice on that piece, even without your employer knowing.

If we have to work on Sundays, we have to work on Sundays - even the CCC acknowledges that.

I’m sure you’ve tried this, but can you talk to your boss directly, explain your situation? (Or would that make it even worse?)

I feel really bad for you and wish I had something truly helpful to offer. As it is all I can do is pray for you and hope you get this resolved soon.

 

[1ke]

You just say: I can’t. Or, I’ll have to pass. Or, I’m not available.

You do not owe them an explanation of why. To spend time with your husband, to wash your hair, or because you don’t feel like it. NOT THEIR BUSINESS.

As for the pregnancy comments, is there a state labor board you can report them to if this is illegal? I don’t know what country you are in and whether that would be effective. You have to decide.

 

[alice24]

Thank you for the kind words. I had a similar situation as a young student (illegal, but not written) and got a lawyer counselor via university, and the result was sadly that I can’t do anything. Many companies here have to make a long term contract after 2 terminated contracts, but the loophole is to fire the employee and make an entirely new contract afterwards-legal.
My standing in the relatively small store is questionable, I work properly and with enough customers per day but I am that alien to them that gossip beats reason there. They are all not married or already divorced and it’s pretty normal here to abort if “work is more important”. I don’t speak out my world view to be a bit more secure, but finding something new could be heavy as the region is strong in neonazism and I’m a foreigner.
I had to lie about my day plans today to have a free day with hubby after weeks, it bugs me, I feel guilty, but honestly I don’t know what else to do.

 

[margaret42]

Alice,

I think the commandment about “working Sundays”, technically means no “unnecessary work”. If you need to work, you need to. I’ve been scrupulous about that for awhile, and suddenly “came to my senses”!

 

[alice24]

It’s not about me being worried about a sunday obligation-technically, I have none (I’m orthodox). I am worried that I had to lie for my free time…

 

[Pup7]

You just say: I can’t. Or, I’ll have to pass. Or, I’m not available.

You do not owe them an explanation of why. To spend time with your husband, to wash your hair, or because you don’t feel like it. NOT THEIR BUSINESS.

As for the pregnancy comments, is there a state labor board you can report them to if this is illegal? I don’t know what country you are in and whether that would be effective. You have to decide.

Sometimes it’s not that easy. Refusing too many times can get you fired for some other reason, real or not.

She’s in Europe. My guess (and this is only a guess) is the pregnancy issue was discussed under the table and isn’t in writing, so it would be her word against theirs. They’d be crazy to put that in print.

Alice, the other thing I would do is I’d keep a private documentation of who, what, when, and where when this stuff happens. You never know when that might come in handy.

 

[Dugtrio1]

Yeah the Sunday thing is ideal but not always possible especially for essential services and health care workers! But a whole day set aside for rest could still do wonders for family life… even if it’s a different day. It’s really the Catholic version of saying “work-life balance,” and hopefully your job can give that…

About lying for free time, well… sounds like a deeper problem of your employers not being very respectful of you. If they were, they’d try and accommodate you without you feeling like you have to bend the truth. Based on all the stuff you said, sounds like staying with them means you’re giving up quite a bit.

 

[TheLittleLady]

It does mean unnecessary servile work. Your job to keep food on the table is not unnecessary.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Lying never works in the end, one lie on top of another lie begins to be too difficult to remember.

“We need you to come in on Blah Blah, your day off”.

Answer “No. I am not available that day.”

Every time they press for more details, sound like a broken record “No. I am not available that day.” with a smile on your face.

 

[guanophore]

With honesty, I will loose my job maybe very soon and had to work a way over my abilities (“I can´t because I planned a free day with my husband” isn´t working). Anyone any advice on how to deal with this?

It doesnt’ sound like you are asked to work over your abilities, just your availability. You need to be able to say “no” at such times.

A sunday off in my husband’s working field is sadly impossible- it’s a hospital and he was hired mainly because they have a shortage on weekends and holidays. …

In such cases you can arrange another “sabbath” day of rest. It sounds like it is really hard to coincide your two schedules for this to happen.

Can you consult a legal advisor (lawyer or paralegal) regarding the questionable terms of your contract? I’m sure they did that without putting it in writing, though, which might not help.

Even so, employment law was made for employers, and they can legally do things like this.

I had to lie about my day plans today to have a free day with hubby after weeks, it bugs me, I feel guilty, but honestly I don’t know what else to do.

@1ke is right, you do not owe and explanation. You could say “Oh I so wish I could come in, but I have a prior obligation/commitment”.

Ultimately it sounds like you would be much happier in a different arrangement, so you need to look elsewhere. Trust in God, as He knows what you need before you ask it! He already has a plan in mind for you, it is for you to discover it. Seek, and you will find.

I think the commandment about “working Sundays”, technically means no “unnecessary work”. If you need to work, you need to.

I have to work 3 out of 4 Sundays in the month. I have been able to get creative about finding Mass times at other parishes, and attending daily Mass more.

I am worried that I had to lie for my free time…

This is a strong clue that it is not a good situation for you. The pressure you feel to engage in wrong behavior is an indication to look elsewhere.

Alice, the other thing I would do is I’d keep a private documentation of who, what, when, and where when this stuff happens. You never know when that might come in handy.

This is excellent advice! Keep it daily and jot down situations at work that leave you uncomfortable (like gossip) as well as things that are discriminatory or pressure you, like asking you to come in on your day off.

 

[TheLittleLady]

This is excellent advice! Keep it daily and jot down situations at work that leave you uncomfortable (like gossip) as well as things that are discriminatory or pressure you, like asking you to come in on your day off.

Or set up a gmail account and email “yourself” each time something happens. This way the details stay fresh and you have an archived time/date stamp.

 

[margaret42]

And also, the main obligation is Sunday Mass. Work the mass time around your work schedule.

 

[Seagull]

What does your husband think - ?

What do your parents think - ?

Have you considered God’s will for you - in this ?

 

[TheLittleLady]

This is not always possible. Do not bind burdens to people that are more stringent than the teachings of the Church.

 

[Pup7]

And also, the main obligation is Sunday Mass. Work the mass time around your work schedule.

She’s Orthodox and doesn’t have that obligation anyway.

Even so, employment law was made for employers, and they can legally do things like this.

If the overriding law says “you cannot ask a worker about pregnancy” - like it does in the US and the UK, and apparently per the OP in Germany - they cannot legally do that, which is what I was addressing. It’s 100% wrong, all of the time. It’s not “employment law was made for employers”. Laws to protect workers aren’t for the employer in the least.

I know for a fact in the US they’re also not allowed to use it as a threat or a coercion - as in, we’ll give you this contract if you tell us you don’t plan to get pregnant. That’s also illegal, and my guess is it’s there too, which would explain why it’s not explicitly stated in a written formal contract.

 

[Pup7]

Or set up a gmail account and email “yourself” each time something happens. This way the details stay fresh and you have an archived time/date stamp.

This is exactly what we do in my world. Sit down, write it out, and email it to yourself.

I usually do it in a word doc (so I can edit myself) then paste it into an email.

 

[crenfro]

Hello.

Just wondering, are you in the U.S.? I know very little about the laws in foreign countries so I don’t know what to say to you.

It’s not violating the Sabbath by working on Sundays if it’s necessary work, as in the medical field, in fact, you can make your Sabbath even holier by doing some works of mercy.

What does “we live in our store” mean? Is this an expression or cliche where you live?

Is there any way you can work out ahead of time a schedule ahead of time with your employers? Also, maybe talk to your husband and figure out a plan when you will take time for some maternity leave?

Also, I hope you are taking out time for some rest, your relationship, prayer, and for God. Working in the medical field can be draining.