Worried about my confession

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LindaJM

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Hi everyone,

I attended my church’s penance service last week on Thursday with my teenage boys. It was a wonderful experience for all of us. There were 4 priests available for personal confession afterwards and we all made our individual confessions.

I went in there with a written list, like I always do, of all of my sins, grave or venial. I list everything I can think of. Some are generalized, some are specific, but I try to do a good examination of conscience. I have taught my children to do the same. They have asked me why they need to go if they do not have any mortal sins (especially since they were missing their Boy Scout meeting for this) and I tell them it is one of the most wonderful reasons to be Catholic, to be able to confess even your venial sins and receive the graces that God has offered to us and cleanse our souls. That answer seems to work for them. We all felt better afterwards.

Now this is my problem. My priest didn’t give me a chance to finish! I barely got started, maybe 45 seconds into my confession, and he interrupted me and started talking about how wonderful it was that I was even there this night, and that the Lord is so forgiving and I shouldn’t worry so much about my sins, and how wonderful Holy Week is and that I should try to attend as many Holy Week Masses and services as possible, and on and on and on, which was so wonderful to hear, but…I wasn’t finished yet :confused:

I felt the need to interrupt him ever so gently as he was starting his prayer of absolution so that I could say “oh Father, I am not finished yet”. He kind of chuckled a bit and I went on with my confession. He listened to maybe one more item on my two page list (hey, it had been a whole year!😛 ) when he started in again about Holy Week and how forgiving God is, and there was just no stopping him.

Needless to say, I did not get through any more of my list. I did get through the 3 at the top of the list that were grave, well, only because I told him I wasn’t done and I was able to read him the 3rd one. The rest of my list was all venial, every day “I drive over the speed limit” kind of sins, but still, I just didn’t leave there with that beautiful feeling I usually do.

How would you feel? Would you feel compelled to do-over? Unfortunately I put my list through the shredder the moment we got home, but I could come up with the bulk of it again if I needed to. I understand it was a long night, we were there for 90 minutes, and we were the LAST ones in the church, but that’s what this service was for and I feel like I was pushed out the door, so to speak. My boys said he did the same thing to them, didn’t let them finish.

Thanks for reading all of this 🙂
 
Hi, Linda,
This has happened to me, whether I had the list written out, or if I had a specific number of sins in my head that I wanted to be sure to confess. In fact, it happened the last TWO times I went! My understanding is that if I went in with the full intention of confession all of my sins, all are forgiven. This must be why a good friend once gave me the good advice: “Say the hardest thing first!”
Gwen
 
Sounds like you confessed all your mortal sins, which is the important thing. Remember that priests are human too, and especially around Easter tend to get extremely swamped. I can imagine after the 200th round of the same venial sins that everyone commits, the temptation is to cut it short.

I’d make a terrible priest - probably put a sign outside the confessional - ‘express lane, 5 mortal sins or less’ or some such 🙂

Short of bolting the door of the confessional so the poor priest couldn’t physically escape, you did all you could to confess all of your sins, and it’s certainly not like you had the slightest intention of omitting any.

It’s true that the feeling isn’t quite the same if you leave some out, but you know feelings aren’t always the best guide! The very same Communion, for example, where we know Jesus is equally present and available to all who receive, has very different effects on each - some feel peaceful and happy, some feel overwhelmed and tearful, some feel very little at all. Some, like me, can go to Mass three days in a row and feel each of these on a different day.

Say an extra decade of the Rosary, or the Divine Mercy Chaplet, and ask God’s forgiveness and help directly for those sins you didn’t get to mention in the confessional - and be at peace!

God bless.
 
Did you ever hear of Fr. Corapi? He is a wonderful speaker and can be seen on EWTN network if you can get it in your area. You can also google Fr. Corapi and find his website. He gave a lecture on “How to make a good confession,” and it is available on cd, tape and dvd. One point he made is exactly what you are talking about. He suggested that we as Catholics, have a responsibility to tell our parish priests about how we feel.

A similar thing happened to me also. I called my priest to have a consultation with him to discuss the matter and he was very understanding. I would keep in mind that these days, we are faced with a shortage of priests and churches. Priests are faced with a heavier load, but nevertheless, have the responsibility to hear us.

We should pray for our priests…they are only human!
God Bless, Donna
 
I’ve had that happen to me before, and that was because there was a long line of people. I had already confessed the one grave sin, so it was really OK. I understood that he had to think not only about me, but also about the people who are waiting in line. If you are coming to the confessional with a long list of sins, it is a much better idea to confess more than once a year. Don’t let them pile up like that. Enjoy that just confessed good feeling through out the year by simply going to confession more often.
 
I’ve never been a list maker; in fact I can go thru a few months worth of sins in 45 seconds and be out of there. Just always be sure to start with the grave ones so you can get them out of the way. The venial ones can be summarized in a sentence or two. But it’s good advice to go more often.

In my parish, confessions are held 30 minutes before every weekday Mass, and usually there is a line. The priest hearing confessions is also the priest saying the Mass, so he’ll take a look at the line and know he has to be pretty speedy if everyone is to get through. Quite often he’ll just tell me to say the act of confession in the pew, not in the confessional. It doesn’t bother me. The absolution works the same.
 
Just a few thoughts:

If it’s been a year since your last confession and you have a list of grave sins, it’s probably safe to assume you did not commit them all since the last time you went to Mass. I’m sure you know that receiving Holy Communion with grave sins on your conscience is yet another grave sin every time. What a shame to have to deprive yourself of Communion for so long - why not confess more frequently?

The teenage years can be challenging for boys when it comes to sin, as well. It might be beneficial for them to get in the habit of confessing frequently also, so when they are tempted to sin mortally, as most teens are, they will have the resources to resist.

Outside of the Easter season, priests have much more time to listen and respond to you in the confessional. I’m sure you’ll find it much more satisfying if you go again in 3 or 4 weeks and keep doing that.

Happy Easter!
Betsy
 
LilyM said:
It’s true that the feeling isn’t quite the same if you leave some out, but you know feelings aren’t always the best guide! The very same Communion, for example, where we know Jesus is equally present and available to all who receive, has very different effects on each - some feel peaceful and happy, some feel overwhelmed and tearful, some feel very little at all. Some, like me, can go to Mass three days in a row and feel each of these on a different day.
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What a great point! I’ve also felt “rushed” and kinda sorta “dismissed” at confession, even with a priest who insists that he finds hearing our confessions a deep honor. It’s so important to keep in mind that my “feelings” aren’t the best litmus test for Truth.

After all, back when I was a Protestant, I could convince myself that the feelings a “hey God, I messed up, but you forgive me because you know what a sinner I am” meant I was for sure forgiven. 😉

I’ve also been disappointed in myself sometimes for not “feeling” enough after Eucharist. Mostly it’s on days when I’ve been wrestling with one child or another for all of Mass. :rolleyes:

Cheers,
Cari
 
I was flat out told that it is not necessary to come in with a list of sins, nor was it necessary to tell everything to the priest as long as your intent is to confess all your sins and ask for forgiveness for them, and be contrite. After being gone from the church for 17 years the first time I went in I fully intended to make it last a wile. The priest , who was working with me on coming back, told me it wasn’t necessary to list the last 17 year’s worth of sins. I’m not sure if this is true, or just his intepretation, but he gave me absolution of those 17 years all at once, and gave me a pretty heavy penance.

I came away feeling like I hadn’t given a proper confession and spoke to the priest a few days later about it. He reiterated what he said at the time. I’m still not sure I feel ‘complete’ about the confession though, and I try to sneak a few extra confessions in every time I go just to make sure I’m covered.

Since then, I try to sum up my worst sins first, and give an overall generalization of the venial ones after that. I don’t do the list thing.
 
baltobetsy said:
I’m sure you know that receiving Holy Communion with grave sins on your conscience is yet another grave sin every time. What a shame to have to deprive yourself of Communion for so long - why not confess more frequently?

The teenage years can be challenging for boys when it comes to sin, as well. It might be beneficial for them to get in the habit of confessing frequently also, so when they are tempted to sin mortally, as most teens are, they will have the resources to resist.
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EXCELLENT POINTS.

Do not forget that most parish priests will be open to scheduling a confession outside of “normal confessional hours,” particularly if you have a grave sin on your conscience. I have found that, if you have a long list, and need some extra time in the confessional, that it is more convenient for everyone (the priest, any others who may be waiting in line, and yourself) if you call the parish office and try to set up a time to meet with the priest.

(As an aside, for one reason or another, I did not make it to my First Confession when all of my classmates went. So, about one week later, I remember my mother driving me to the parish office, where I was the only kid making my First Confession in the pastor’s office!)
 
thomasf said:
I was flat out told that it is not necessary to come in with a list of sins, nor was it necessary to tell everything to the priest as long as your intent is to confess all your sins and ask for forgiveness for them, and be contrite. After being gone from the church for 17 years the first time I went in I fully intended to make it last a wile. The priest , who was working with me on coming back, told me it wasn’t necessary to list the last 17 year’s worth of sins. I’m not sure if this is true, or just his intepretation, but he gave me absolution of those 17 years all at once, and gave me a pretty heavy penance.
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A list is not necessary, but it can be helpful. It is necessary to confess all the mortal sins that you can remember. It is further necessary to make an effort to remember the mortal sins to confess them. If you genuinely forget sins, and you receive absolution, then your are absolved of all of your sins. So, as long as you intended to confess all your sins, you are indeed forgiven for the whole 17 years!
Praise God!
 
LindaJM said:
How would you feel? Would you feel compelled to do-over? Unfortunately I put my list through the shredder the moment we got home, but I could come up with the bulk of it again if I needed to. I understand it was a long night, we were there for 90 minutes, and we were the LAST ones in the church, but that’s what this service was for and I feel like I was pushed out the door, so to speak. My boys said he did the same thing to them, didn’t let them finish.
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No do-over is necessary :). Since you intended to confess your sins, and you even got all of the mortal ones out, you are truly absolved. Incidentally, receiving Communion takes away your venial sins.
 
I’m not sure whether this is the reason for the priest’s behavior; it may or may not apply to you.

Rev. Thomas Dubay in his book *Deep Conversion/Deep Prayer *refers to what he calls “the problem of prolixity” — being too wordy in confession.

He mentions that the Curé of Ars and Padre Pio, two model priest confessors, *required *their penitents to be brief.

Dubay recommends that we:
  • confess guilt, not feelings or mistakes;
  • avoid mentioning others’ faults;
  • confess only the essentials of the sin without unnecessary details;
  • not repeat what we have already said.
He gives the following examples of acts of the will, which should be confessed, as opposed to feelings: “I showed impatience … I gossiped … I showed grouchiness … I was harsh, not gentle … I ate too much … I was lazy … I wasted time with television … I watched immodest scenes deliberately … We used contraceptives … I masturbated …” He adds that the number of times must be mentioned for mortal sins. None of this takes much time in the confessional.

His reasons that we should be brief:
  • it is considerate of others who are waiting;
  • we must not keep others from receiving the sacrament through our prolixity;
  • it gives the priest a little time to offer us advice;
  • it shows respect for other demands on the priest’s time.
Those who need more time with the priest should make an appointment for spiritual direction.

Again, I am not implying that you were being too wordy; I have no way of knowing. But perhaps Dubay’s advice will help someone who reads this.
 
baltobetsy said:
If it’s been a year since your last confession and you have a list of grave sins, it’s probably safe to assume you did not commit them all since the last time you went to Mass. I’m sure you know that receiving Holy Communion with grave sins on your conscience is yet another grave sin every time. What a shame to have to deprive yourself of Communion for so long - why not confess more frequently?
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Well, I didn’t have a *list *of mortal sins, EDIT I always have good intentions of going to confession more frequently, but I fall short and time gets away from me. Waiting an entire year, for me and my kids, was also on my list.
PhilotheaZ said:
He gives the following examples of acts of the will, which should be confessed, as opposed to feelings: “I showed impatience … I gossiped … I showed grouchiness … I was harsh, not gentle … I ate too much … I was lazy … I wasted time with television … I watched immodest scenes deliberately … We used contraceptives … I masturbated …” He adds that the number of times must be mentioned for mortal sins. None of this takes much time in the confessional.
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The types of examples you show here are exactly the way my list was put together. I do generalize just like that. It wouldn’t have taken me but another minute to get through it.

We were the last ones in line. Everyone who went before us was in there for at least 15 minutes each. I was not even in there for 5 minutes. I am sure the priest was tired, but honestly I didn’t keep anyone from their time with him, and I sure wouldn’t intend to do that with an excessively written list. My list was very concise and general. He just didn’t seem to want to hear any of it. My kids were in there for like two minutes, and they were cut short too. Two minutes. He spent almost the whole time we were in there talking to us. I thought we should be talking to him instead.

I thank you all for your responses. I appreciate all the advice and caring thoughts. I do feel a lot better about it. Thanks 🙂
 
LindaJM said:
We were the last ones in line. Everyone who went before us was in there for at least 15 minutes each.
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Wow, 15 minutes each! No wonder he cut you short. Sorry you had that experience, but as others have noted, no do over is needed. My priest usually hears 10 to 15 confessions in the 30 minutes before daily Mass. He couldn’t do that at 15 minutes each!
 
JimG said:
Wow, 15 minutes each! No wonder he cut you short.
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No kidding! I even joked with the woman ahead of me in line that it never fails …grocery store…confession…I always pick the slowest line :rolleyes:
 
PhilotheaZ said:
I’m not sure whether this is the reason for the priest’s behavior; it may or may not apply to you.

Rev. Thomas Dubay in his book *Deep Conversion/Deep Prayer *refers to what he calls “the problem of prolixity” — being too wordy in confession.

He mentions that the Curé of Ars and Padre Pio, two model priest confessors, *required *their penitents to be brief.

Dubay recommends that we:
  • confess guilt, not feelings or mistakes;
  • avoid mentioning others’ faults;
  • confess only the essentials of the sin without unnecessary details;
  • not repeat what we have already said.
He gives the following examples of acts of the will, which should be confessed, as opposed to feelings: “I showed impatience … I gossiped … I showed grouchiness … I was harsh, not gentle … I ate too much … I was lazy … I wasted time with television … I watched immodest scenes deliberately … We used contraceptives … I masturbated …” He adds that the number of times must be mentioned for mortal sins. None of this takes much time in the confessional.

His reasons that we should be brief:
  • it is considerate of others who are waiting;
  • we must not keep others from receiving the sacrament through our prolixity;
  • it gives the priest a little time to offer us advice;
  • it shows respect for other demands on the priest’s time.
Those who need more time with the priest should make an appointment for spiritual direction.

Again, I am not implying that you were being too wordy; I have no way of knowing. But perhaps Dubay’s advice will help someone who reads this.
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That sounds like a good book - I might have to get a copy. I could use some constructive help in making my confession better. Thanks:thumbsup:
 
violetandgandal said:
That sounds like a good book - I might have to get a copy. I could use some constructive help in making my confession better. Thanks:thumbsup:
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It is an excellent book, but only a couple of pages are about this subject.
 
LindaJM said:
We were the last ones in line. Everyone who went before us was in there for at least 15 minutes each.
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It sounds like the people ahead of you in line are the ones who needed Dubay’s advice!
 
Back in the days of really long confession lines, I had an uncle who sometimes went to Saturday confessions with our family. Whenever he thought that the wait was too long, you could hear him exclaim as he left the church, “man I hate to go to confession with a bunch of sinners!”
 
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