Worried about my engaged Brother

  • Thread starter Thread starter TheDumbFox
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
T

TheDumbFox

Guest
Hello,

I have a quick question to ask. My brother has been vulnerable with me to share with me how he has struggled with the usage of Pornography for many years now. He says that it has ‘gotten better’ but I don’t believe the issue has ever gone away and has actually made a bad return in the last few months.

My worry stems from not only that he struggles with this, but that only 2 months ago he met a really nice girl who is a youth pastor at our local Catholic Church, and is very sweet and holy and strives to do God’s Will. My brother loves his faith , but still struggles with pornography. Yet, I think that they would actually work out very well. My question is wether or not I have n obligation to tell his fiance that he has struggled and might be still struggling with such a sin? Is it my place or even my duty to do so, especially since they haven’t dated for any considerable length of time. I don’t know if he has shared this information with her! Definitely going to bring it up to him first, but what should I tell him?

Thanks for any help!
 
TheDumbFox said:
My question is wether or not I have n obligation to tell his fiance that he has struggled and might be still struggling with such a sin?
Click to expand...
Definitely not. There isn’t a valid reason to reveal his sins to which you have been made privvy, to another. Great harm may be done to his reputation.
We are all struggling with some sin.
If he gets serious with this young lady, it is up to him to tell her.
 
Just to put it simply. That is not your place to bring to her. At most, you encourage him to have the conversation with her, on their own terms. Encourage him in love, don’t talk down to him.
 
God says to confess our sins to each other, but not to repeat them to others.

Like others said, it really isn’t your place to tell this girl anything, but encouraging and praying for your brother is what you should do… besides maybe she already knows or maybe having a girl like that in your brother’s life will help him be filled with the Holy Spirit and turn from sin.

You wouldn’t want to interfere with that by risking their relationship before it has a chance to grow.
 
Last edited:
TheDumbFox said:
nice girl who is a youth pastor
Click to expand...
I’m nitpicking, but this can’t be right. Catholic parishes have one pastor only, and that pastor is always a priest. She’s a lay pastoral assistant who works in youth ministry?

Either way, not your business to reveal your brother’s private sins to another.
 
No way.

At most maybe remind your bro you remember this tidbit he shared with you & that you are praying & fasting for him in this area.

This whole idea of “bringing pornography into marriage” is weird to me. What does that mean? If he goes without it for five years and then sins, did he “bring it into marriage”? Four years? Six months? A week? Who decides this? We don’t talk about other sins this way.

Is he respectful? Striving ever towards humility & self-control? Frequenting the sacraments? These things run so contrary to a life of impurity. And the new girlfriend will be able to see if they are present or not without needing to know the “status” of when he last looked at porn.
 
Hopefully given time ,going through the proper process of growing to really know one another ,your brother and this girl might themselves bring up private things to be discussed with one another and their priest.
Your concerns are very valid OP,I can understand and appreciate that.You yourself could have a talk with your priest and get some advice.
God bless 🙏
 
TheDumbFox said:
I don’t know if he has shared this information with her!
Click to expand...
I don’t understand what is wrong with young people these days that they think they need to tell everyone all of their business. Perhaps it is social media or these reality TV shows where people tell all their inner demons and their personal business. This is not her business this is his business and it is between him and his priest in confession.
 
TheDumbFox said:
My question is wether or not I have n obligation to tell his fiance that he has struggled and might be still struggling with such a sin?
Click to expand...
Certainly not! We never have a responsibility to share other people’s sins. Even more so, he told you this in confidence. You should never betray that confidence by sharing his personal information.

Finally, you really don’t know if he’s fallen back into sin. We can never accuse others of having committed mortal sins.
 
No… as the others have said.
Personally I’d be just as concerned that he’s engaged after only knowing her 2 months. Have a chat with him and make sure he is not progressing with her so quickly for any reason which may have anything to cause concern, such as whatever makes you think his issue has returned. Marrying quickly won’t take away the temptation, if that what your concern is. Talk to him and get him to speak to a priest if he opens up to you or if not keep praying and pray anyway. God bless you both. Other than that just be someone he can talk to should he need to and let things progress and pray for him and her. Remember you can fast and offer sacrifices for him too. God bless you.
 
Last edited:
angel12 said:
He only met her 2 months ago, and they’re engaged?
Click to expand...
That happened to me. Whirlwind romances aren’t always a bad thing. I’m still married to him 20 years later - with inevitable ups and downs but a relatively smooth ride. 🙂

Assuming that their Catholic premarital counseling is solid and competent, and that they are consulted with both individually and as a couple, issues like the short time together and porn addiction should be adequately addressed.

I agree that it’s certainly not the OP’s job to address them, however. That’s between his brother and his confessor.
 
Last edited:
TheDumbFox said:
My question is wether or not I have n obligation to tell his fiance that he has struggled and might be still struggling with such a sin? Is it my place or even my duty to do so, especially since they haven’t dated for any considerable length of time.
Click to expand...
Absolutely NOT
TheDumbFox said:
Definitely going to bring it up to him first, but what should I tell him?
Click to expand...
Do Not bring up the subject unless he specifically wishes to discuss it.
 
CRV said:
Definitely not. There isn’t a valid reason to reveal his sins to which you have been made privvy, to another. Great harm may be done to his reputation.
We are all struggling with some sin.
If he gets serious with this young lady, it is up to him to tell her.
Click to expand...
I agree with this, at most you could ask your brother if he has shared his issues with this young woman. He should do so before the wedding because this can be a huge issue in a marriage and may even pose an issue as to the validity of the marriage.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top