Worried About My Mom

[Rivii]

Good day to you all. My mom has been saying things that have frightened me… She talks about how much she regrets getting married and having me and my siblings. She said, if she had the chance to re-do her life, she would’ve gone into the religious life. It scares me because she said that she doesn’t want the responsibility of being a wife and mother anymore – that she’d rather be irresponsible like doing drugs or drinking.

My parents have been married for 20 years and have 3 children; I’m the eldest and a college freshman. If worst comes to worst, I may be left having to take care of my siblings who are still pretty young. My parents are physically (but not legally) separated and it has put a strain on my mom – so much so that she’s heavily considered splitting from my dad.

Maybe she was depressed when she said these things… but it still scares me that she’d say these things. I’m praying for her and hoping for more prayers. What more can I do though? What can I do to help my mom?

 

[emat321]

I am a mom who has said those things to myself in times of stress, similar to what you describe your mom is going through. Regardless of whether or not I have said them out Ioud, I know my kids pick up on my despair, and inside my head I am screaming it! So, I really feel for you, and how blessed your mom is to have a child who is so concerned and praying for her! I think some kids might just rebel and be nasty if their mom was going through that - after all, parents are meant to be the strong example of goodness for their children. Anyway, I don’t have an answer, and since I don’t know your mom I can’t really know what advice to give, but I am keeping you all in my prayers. I know in my case as a single mom (widowed) when I get like that I need to exercise, eat healthy, get checked at the dr. for thyroid and iron levels - both problems I have, and two natural remedies help: rescue remedy, and the homeopathic remedy ignatia (available at some health food stores) and above all, if I get to adoration chapel it is quite amazing how Jesus helps me with my burdens. I am praying that your mom will soon get to a place where she has resources in place to handle things and feel better. And I know for myself, even though I have had those thoughts at times, the truth is that I love my children so much - however imperfectly - words can’t even describe it. I suspect the same is true for your mom. Blessings to you and your family!

 

[Rivii]

I am a mom who has said those things to myself in times of stress, similar to what you describe your mom is going through. Regardless of whether or not I have said them out Ioud, I know my kids pick up on my despair, and inside my head I am screaming it! So, I really feel for you, and how blessed your mom is to have a child who is so concerned and praying for her! I think some kids might just rebel and be nasty if their mom was going through that - after all, parents are meant to be the strong example of goodness for their children. Anyway, I don’t have an answer, and since I don’t know your mom I can’t really know what advice to give, but I am keeping you all in my prayers. I know in my case as a single mom (widowed) when I get like that I need to exercise, eat healthy, get checked at the dr. for thyroid and iron levels - both problems I have, and two natural remedies help: rescue remedy, and the homeopathic remedy ignatia (available at some health food stores) and above all, if I get to adoration chapel it is quite amazing how Jesus helps me with my burdens. I am praying that your mom will soon get to a place where she has resources in place to handle things and feel better. And I know for myself, even though I have had those thoughts at times, the truth is that I love my children so much - however imperfectly - words can’t even describe it. I suspect the same is true for your mom. Blessings to you and your family!

Thank you for your response and prayers. I really appreciate it. Those are good outlets that you just described. When you mentioned getting checked by the doctor for thyroid and iron levels, I just recalled that my mom had hyperthyroidism. I’ll keep praying. I’ll ask my mom to join me in a rosary if it will help. Thank you for saying such kind words. I was afraid that my mom wouldn’t love me anymore, especially since she kept saying that she’s capable of it to me… Blessings to you and your family too!

 

[mountee]

Your Mom is under great stress right now and you are also. God will take care of all of you, just ask Him. I am sorry that you had to hear what are probably only temporary thoughts in your Mom’s mind, try not to dwell on these statements and be as supportive and loving and patient as you possibly can. Pray diligently and I will join you, that God lead your Mom forward with the strength and courage she needs to face the future. God bless you and your family,

 

[Rivii]

Your Mom is under great stress right now and you are also. God will take care of all of you, just ask Him. I am sorry that you had to hear what are probably only temporary thoughts in your Mom’s mind, try not to dwell on these statements and be as supportive and loving and patient as you possibly can. Pray diligently and I will join you, that God lead your Mom forward with the strength and courage she needs to face the future. God bless you and your family,

Thank you for your response. I’ll do my best to be supportive, loving, patient and prayerful for my mom. God bless you and your family too.

 

[rcwitness]

She said, if she had the chance to re-do her life, she would’ve gone into the religious life. It scares me because she said that she doesn’t want the responsibility of being a wife and mother anymore – that she’d rather be irresponsible like doing drugs or drinking.

My parents have been married for 20 years and have 3 children; I’m the eldest and a college freshman. If worst comes to worst, I may be left having to take care of my siblings who are still pretty young. My parents are physically (but not legally) separated and it has put a strain on my mom – so much so that she’s heavily considered splitting from my dad.

Maybe she was depressed when she said these things… but it still scares me that she’d say these things. I’m praying for her and hoping for more prayers. What more can I do though? What can I do to help my mom?

Im glad you are seeking some advice here. I pray you find it. I agree with those already addressing the amount of stress in your mom’s life.

Most important, and I feel llike you are pretty level headed to see it, is to NOT take those comments personal. You are right she is feeling depression and lack of joy. So it is natural to try to find escape in imagining your life in a much different scenario. But in reality, she would still be who she is and find the things she had, like you (a beautifull child who is very concerned for her) are a blessing that is easilly taken for granted sometimes.

Strive to be gracious and show her your appreciation for her. Especially when she is in a good mood. Then tell her how you love when she is herself

Affectionately,
Michael

 

[Rivii]

Im glad you are seeking some advice here. I pray you find it. I agree with those already addressing the amount of stress in your mom’s life.

Most important, and I feel llike you are pretty level headed to see it, is to NOT take those comments personal. You are right she is feeling depression and lack of joy. So it is natural to try to find escape in imagining your life in a much different scenario. But in reality, she would still be who she is and find the things she had, like you (a beautifull child who is very concerned for her) are a blessing that is easilly taken for granted sometimes.

Strive to be gracious and show her your appreciation for her. Especially when she is in a good mood. Then tell her how you love when she is herself

Affectionately,
Michael

Thank you for your response. I suppose her depression could stem from feeling unloved because of our family situation. What may be further aggravating her depression could also be that we don’t see eye-to-eye about the plans I have for my life. Yeah, I should be more graceful and appreciative. I really am blessed to have such a wonderful mother. Is it typical that, in her anger, she’d shout and frequently demand obedience no matter how unreasonable it may be?

 

[rcwitness]

What may be further aggravating her depression could also be that we don’t see eye-to-eye about the plans I have for my life. Is it typical that, in her anger, she’d shout and frequently demand obedience no matter how unreasonable it may be?

Without getting too personal, what plans would that be? I only ask because if your plans are maybe " down the road a ways" and future hopes, you can always keep things more to yourself if they upset your mom to hear. Especially when sometimes we dont know if our plans will happen the way we want anyway.

Its Very difficult to be obedient and patient when someone speaks aggrssively at you. Thats why I said to show her your best side when she is showing her best. That way she will want show a better mood because she knows it brings out your best.

Michael

 

[Christy_Beth]

Rivii

How blessed you mom must be for having such a thoughtful child!! I think you do have some valid concern here. Often times I wish I hadn’t gotten married or had a child. It was a big burden, especially when I became a single parent when my daughter was still very young. I now wish someone, even myself, had seen the signs of depression. Earlier intervention in that area would have done a lot in relieving the stress I was under. Continue being supportive as much as possible. But don’t forget to take care of yourself as well. You’re in school, keep up with the work you have there. One of the gifts you can give your mom is to be the best that you can be.

 

[Rivii]

Without getting too personal, what plans would that be? I only ask because if your plans are maybe " down the road a ways" and future hopes, you can always keep things more to yourself if they upset your mom to hear. Especially when sometimes we dont know if our plans will happen the way we want anyway.

Its Very difficult to be obedient and patient when someone speaks aggrssively at you. Thats why I said to show her your best side when she is showing her best. That way she will want show a better mood because she knows it brings out your best.

Michael

Don’t worry, it’s not that personal. My mom wants me to be a doctor but I decided to major in Computer Science. She had major qualms too when I affiliated myself with non-Catholic friends and one ex-boyfriend.

As for her aggression… I just choose to keep quiet. I might say something wrong or something she’ll see as wrong. Not sure how my mom and I can converse on a peaceful and casual level; we never really got along in the past couple of years. I always had to acquiesce for us to co-exist. When I turned 18 a couple months ago, I decided to be independent: moved out, got a job and paid for my college tuition. I guess it was my shot at autonomy, especially from what my mom wanted… I guess I’m dealing with the consequences now because I wanted something for myself for once.

 

[Rivii]

Rivii

How blessed you mom must be for having such a thoughtful child!! I think you do have some valid concern here. Often times I wish I hadn’t gotten married or had a child. It was a big burden, especially when I became a single parent when my daughter was still very young. I now wish someone, even myself, had seen the signs of depression. Earlier intervention in that area would have done a lot in relieving the stress I was under. Continue being supportive as much as possible. But don’t forget to take care of yourself as well. You’re in school, keep up with the work you have there. One of the gifts you can give your mom is to be the best that you can be.

Thanks for your response. I appreciate the compliment, thanks Thanks also for sharing your story. Yes, you’re right. I’ll be as supportive as I can About taking care of myself, did you mean that I may be stressed too?

 

[rcwitness]

I have time for one more quick response

I would be deppressed if you were moving out of the house too. I dont look forward to that time for my daughter! Its a huge adjustment time for her. But she needs to realize it is for you too. I wish you the best. Never hold contempt and seek to be gracious. That has been my goal lately. And never give up in your relationship with Jesus and His eucharist. It is His goal for you always. To receive Him in good conscience. God bless you

I’ll check back later,
Michael

 

[Christy_Beth]

You may get stressed by worrying about you mom. Especially with going to school. Try to find a balance of taking care of yourself and helping your mom. One of your gifts to her will be doing good at school. It is obvious that you love your mom. Don’t give up on that, and don’t give up on doing good in other areas of your life. If you focus too much on one thing, you might develop problems with stress.

 

[heidi_storage]

Your mother may also be experiencing some organic illness–or could she be going through menopause?–Our bodies affect our emotions so very much. If she hasn’t seen a doctor in awhile, it might be worth suggesting to her that she get a checkup.

 

[Rivii]

I have time for one more quick response

I would be deppressed if you were moving out of the house too. I dont look forward to that time for my daughter! Its a huge adjustment time for her. But she needs to realize it is for you too. I wish you the best. Never hold contempt and seek to be gracious. That has been my goal lately. And never give up in your relationship with Jesus and His eucharist. It is His goal for you always. To receive Him in good conscience. God bless you

I’ll check back later,
Michael

Thanks. Yeah, I should be gracious and keep close to Jesus. God bless you too

 

[Rivii]

You may get stressed by worrying about you mom. Especially with going to school. Try to find a balance of taking care of yourself and helping your mom. One of your gifts to her will be doing good at school. It is obvious that you love your mom. Don’t give up on that, and don’t give up on doing good in other areas of your life. If you focus too much on one thing, you might develop problems with stress.

Oh, I see what you mean… Thanks for your concern. I do tend to neglect myself and subsequently experience stress. Right, I’ll keep working on school. Thanks!

 

[Rivii]

Your mother may also be experiencing some organic illness–or could she be going through menopause?–Our bodies affect our emotions so very much. If she hasn’t seen a doctor in awhile, it might be worth suggesting to her that she get a checkup.

Thanks for your response. When do women start going into menopause? Yeah, I’ve suggested that she get herself checked especially since she started experiencing back pain. Sigh. Not sure if she has seen a doctor yet.

 

[heidi_storage]

It varies; most women go through it in their 40s or 50s. Hope it works out!

 

[Rivii]

It varies; most women go through it in their 40s or 50s. Hope it works out!

Thanks. God bless