Worried About my Wife

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amcalabrese

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Need some advice. My wife and I just had our second child. After child number 1, she was extremely happy and bouncy. Now, she seems very sad all the time, lethargic, and though she denies it, seems like she is always angry with me.

Should I be worried about Post Partum Depression? Should I call her doctor? Speak with her mom? Any ideas?
 
Yes.

All of the above.

This can be a real troubling time. The sooner your wife gets assistance (if it is postpardum depression), the sooner she’ll be able to feel better.

What a great hubby you are! I will pray for you and your family.

:gopray:
 
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Shiann:
Yes.

All of the above.

This can be a real troubling time. The sooner your wife gets assistance (if it is postpardum depression), the sooner she’ll be able to feel better.

What a great hubby you are! I will pray for you and your family.

:gopray:
Absolutely.
I suffer from Chronic depression and after my children were born, it was worse.
 
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Faustina:
Absolutely.
I suffer from Chronic depression and after my children were born, it was worse.
What makles it more difficult for me to pick out is that I come from a loud boisterous Italian family where no one hides their emotions. My wife though comes from a traditional prim and proper middle class German family. In our cases, the stereotypes hold. It has always been diffucult to read what my wife is feeling or thinking, so I do not want to misread something.

But I am very worried about her.
 
As one Italian to another - CALL HER DOCTOR…and , if you think it would help, ask your Priest to speak to her and urge her to go for medical help.
 
And as a closed up-unemotional-take care of your own problems, German woman (well 3/4 German…😛 )

Call your/her doc.
 
I agree with Shiann. Also, does she have a mentor, an older woman, to help her? Most of the time it’s a family member or close friend.
 
Excellent advice above. After my second child I was utterly, completely, spent. My hubby took the kids to his mom for an afternoon, took the afternoon off, and we just took a looonnng nap. It meant the world to me.
 
Detroit Sue:
Excellent advice above. After my second child I was utterly, completely, spent. My hubby took the kids to his mom for an afternoon, took the afternoon off, and we just took a looonnng nap. It meant the world to me.
My mother-in-law is with us right now. She has been taking naps, it is not helping.

I’ll talk with my mother-in-law tonight (she returns home soon) and see. Thanks for the advice!
 
My daughter was born 5 months ago, so I still have a pretty good recollection of the “New Dads” class I took at the hospital. One of the things they really harped on was post-partum blues and post-partum depression. They described the signs you’re seeing and advised us that we need to take a proactive role in identifying the problem and telling the doctor so that it can get treated.

So… call the doctor!

–Bill

P.S. I don’t know how your wife’s relationship is with your mom, but even in the best case, I think this might be something she’d rather discuss with her doctor than with her mother-in-law.
 
Mot Juste:
P.S. I don’t know how your wife’s relationship is with your mom, but even in the best case, I think this might be something she’d rather discuss with her doctor than with her mother-in-law.
My mom passed away. My mother in law is staying with us now. She has a close relationshiup with her.

And frankly, my mother was the typical Italian mom – she would have walked up shouted “SNAP OUT OF IT!” and figured that was enough, so I would not have raised it with her.
 
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amcalabrese:
My mom passed away. My mother in law is staying with us now.
Oh, I’m sorry. I read your post too quickly and got mixed up. Sorry about that.

–Bill
 
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amcalabrese:
Need some advice. My wife and I just had our second child. After child number 1, she was extremely happy and bouncy. Now, she seems very sad all the time, lethargic, and though she denies it, seems like she is always angry with me.

Should I be worried about Post Partum Depression? Should I call her doctor? Speak with her mom? Any ideas?
YES, better to be safe than sorry. Don’t let it get worse. No mother wants to admit they are having trouble, we all try to keep things under control. You must step up to bat on this issue and be proactive the sooner she gets help, the sooner she will be back to normal and the more likely she will be able to go without medication, or if she needs meds, they will be lighter and a shorter duration then if you let it get worse. I wish my husband had been more proactive when I had my second baby, but I think it was intimidating for him. I never sought help and didn’t feel any better until the baby was eight months old. If I had gone to the doctor maybe I would have felt better when he was three months old, giving me those precious months back free of anxiety and depression. Babies are small for such a short time, Mommys deserve to be able to enjoy it.
 
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amcalabrese:
My mom passed away. My mother in law is staying with us now. She has a close relationshiup with her.

And frankly, my mother was the typical Italian mom – she would have walked up shouted “SNAP OUT OF IT!” and figured that was enough, so I would not have raised it with her.
Many of the mothers from previous generations ( no matter teh background) may tend to respond this way because most didn’t have treatments like we do today. Unless it is someone who has actually been* treated for post partum* depression, I would not go out of my way to get them involved, certainly friends and family who are understanding to the circumstances, and want to help are the exception.
 
While the scenario is a little different, you might find some good ideas/information on this CA forum thread (“mom of 6 dealing with a little depression”):

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=64257

The lack of sleep your wife is likely experiencing cannot be overstated as a major factor in her lethargy & moodiness. Do whatever you can to help her get rest. She may grumble at you now, but will thank you for doing so later.

Also, I’m guessing it doesn’t need to be asked, but just in case: Are there some valid things she could possibley be angry about? I remember practically snarling at my poor husband when he sat down next to me with a sandwich & didn’t offer to fix me anything (I was nursing our newborn son & felt like I could never leave the chair!) I guess what I’m suggesting is taking her in your arms and saying, “Honey, if you could wave a magic wand and have 3 things done, what would they be?” Then go do them for her. She will love you for that.

Post-partum depression will not be solved simply by sleep or chore accomplishment, however. You are worried enough that you posted on this forum; I hope that you will do whatever you can, as lovingly or firmly as necessary, to help your wife (and consequently, your children and your household!)

Here’s a link to what Dr. Sears has to say:
askdrsears.com/html/1/T012600.asp

God bless you all, and congratulations on your new Little One! Just said a prayer for you all.

Please let us know how things work out!
 
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amcalabrese:
And frankly, my mother was the typical Italian mom – she would have walked up shouted “SNAP OUT OF IT!” and figured that was enough, so I would not have raised it with her.
That would be my hubby’s answer, actually it was. Although he just told me to see the Dr. How nice that you are so concerned. Your wife is lucky to have you. I suffered horrible post partum with my 4th child, didn’t want to go anywhere, just wanted to stay in bed and have nothing to do with anyone or anything. Did what I needed to do because it had to be done, like cleaning and taking care of the kids. Did your wife have a hard labor, sometimes that can do it. Anyway my hubby is great, just not the best with sensitive issues like depression. Good luck we are praying for you. Please keep everyone updated.
 
Yes be very concerned.

My wife is still getting over a severe case of Post Partum Depression after 15 months.
It often can get worse and last longer if not treated.
Is she having trouble sleeping and/or eating? That is another major symtom and, if she doesn’t get enogh sleep it will exacerbate the problem.
One of the most important things besides consulting her doctors, is to get her as much help and support as possible. I think that this may be critical.
I will pray for you and for your family.
 
Everything you described is soooo familiar!!!
After my 2nd pregnancy, my ob/gyn put me on an anti-depressant which, in my case, just caused other problems. (However, I have heard that medication may be completely helpful for some.) I was having a hard time coping with guilt over loss of time spent with my first child and taking care of new baby. I occasionally resented one child for interfering with my time with the other. Also, daily life changed… again !. Conflicting nap times, different activities with each child, different menus, feeling torn trying to give each child equal time. I felt guilty that no one paid as much attention to my firstborn now. She may be “mad” at you because she’s so frustrated trying to be all things to yet another person. When I did receive help from others, I became further frustrated because I was unable to handle everything by myself. (What a dope I was.) So many emotions to deal with. Of course, she can probably sort all this out eventually, but a therapist might make it happen faster. Without therapy, it only took me 9 years. Try Catholictherapist.com. I don’t trust secular doctors that much any more, but that’s another story.

WARNING: Whatever you do, don’t fall into the typical after-2nd-child-syndrome. Stay faithful to God…do NOT contracept. It’s strange how many couples stop conceiving after 2 children. There must be something challenging about that second child that frightens so many. :hmmm:

I hope some of this is helpful to you. You and your family are in my prayers. May God bless all of you with the graces needed to persevere and triumph.
 
Congratulations on your new addition!

Please consider calling the Pope Paul VI Institute. PPD is a medical condition which can usually be treated quickly and very successfully. (I believe that 96% of Dr. Hilger’s patients feel completely better by the next day.) You can look them up at www.popepaulvi.com.

Good luck and God bless you.
 
I had my second child about 7 months ago.
Like your wife I was bouncy and happy with the first. I took her everywhere and played non stop.The second one was so much different. He cried more (colic for 4 months) and the first one always wanted the attention.

I was so critical of myself and for a while I just let it all go and said “forget it, I can’t do this”. If I am going to be honest, I will say that I felt kind of trapped.

The worst was the first month after. Luckily, like your wife, I have a wonderful husband who was supportive. He would make dinner, bring flowers (didn’t have to be expensive) and told me how much I meant to him.

I would call her OBGYN and not her regular physican. The OB has a lot more experience with this whereas the physician often will just prescribe a pill.

She is probably worried too, but trying to stay strong for the sake of you and your children.

May St. Anne bless your wife and your family.
 
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