Worried about son

[mega1]

My son is 8. He was telling me today that his friends are no longer his friends… That they tell secrets. He was upset. I told him that we could find his fav friend and invite him for a play date…

My husband jumps in and says he thinks the kids are doing that because they are short. I instantly jumped in and said that was not nice!!!

My husband got angry and then said he shouldn’t have says that.

My son started crying because he noticed dad took a tone about it. He asked if he could talk to me privately away from dad.

I walked to the couch w him and he said he feels like dad is always mad at him.

I told him dad was mad at himself and it wasn’t about him.
Dad came over to apologize and sort of made it better…

Did I handle that ok?

 

[agnes_therese]

You know what you’re going to be told – that you’re raising your son in a very unhealthy environment. It’s not going to get any better until you get him away from the constant emotional upheaval your husband causes.

 

[mega1]

I am working on that. I REALLY am.

But until we get seperated, I need to make this boy understand proper behavior.

So, did I handle that the right way? It isn’t easy having to scold your husband in front of your child.

 

[Cariethra]

I think you handled it very well. Your son sees that it isn’t proper behavior, and at the same time you helped him in cope with the main problem he was having.

Even I’ve scolded my husband when he says a less than charitable comment.

 

[NFPWife]

You handled that very well. You can’t endorse his behavior and you didn’t.

I’ll spare you the “this is another piece of evidence of the same sequence” spiel. Because I think your therapist will do that

The thing I’ll circle back to is my theory that you husband won’t really fight you for custody if you should leave. If your son is saying that Dad always seems mad at him, then I think your husband is likely snappish and irritable when they’re alone together. My hypothesis is that your husband is using a custody issue to have power/ control. Many men will say, “What would you do without me, you can’t support yourself.” Yours can’t say that, so saying, or even just implying, that you wouldn’t be able to get custody is his one ace in the hole to maintain the status quo.

I’m glad you’re getting your ducks in a row. Perhaps that’ll be the wake up call he needs to get serious about making change. Perhaps it won’t. Either way, it’s a million times better than this…