Worried About Upcoming Confession.....Need Some Advice

[Antonius_Lupus]

Dear brethren,

I am worrying myself (are you surprised?) over some fears about my upcoming confession tommorow.

I cannot remember the exact number of times I fell down, and the specifics of how many times I sinned mortally and the specifics of my sins themselves (it’s been pretty bad this week). I fear that my uncertainty will mean I will be making a bad confession.

How specific must I be in confession?

Pray for me!

-Anthony John

 

[Tantum_ergo]

St. Pio, whose feast we just recently celebrated, has said, “Work, pray, and don’t worry.”

You are doing your ‘work’ by preparing for confession. You’re obviously praying about this. Now. . .when you go to confession, tell your priest your best ‘educated guess’ and indeed, tell him **why **it is an educated guess–thatyou are truly not sure how many times etc. and that for all that you have done wrong over the period since your last confession, to the best of your knowledge, you are sincerely sorry. And then listen to him.

That’s my advice.

 

[kristie_m]

Dear brethren,

I am worrying myself (are you surprised?) over some fears about my upcoming confession tommorow.

I cannot remember the exact number of times I fell down, and the specifics of how many times I sinned mortally and the specifics of my sins themselves (it’s been pretty bad this week). I fear that my uncertainty will mean I will be making a bad confession.

How specific must I be in confession?

If you don’t know the exact number of times you can approximate, or say “several times” or even “habitually” if that is the case for you. Being uncertain is different from deliberately withholding information. God, and the priest will surely know the difference. Take heart!!

Pray for me!

-Anthony John

 

[Antonius_Lupus]

Well I am mostly worried about what I must do in the confessional in order for it to be a valid confession.

I am not going to hide anything consciously from the priest, no matter how hard it may hurt to confess what I know, having Jesus’ forgiveness is far better than the pain. But it does agonize me to know that there are some things, deadly things, that I am not certain about whether I did them, or about the specifics around the sins themselves.

To be blunt, I viewed pornography, but I cannot remember the number of images or videos I watched, what kind of images they were, of whom they were of, etc.

Forgive my bluntness, but I felt I needed to say that in order to clarify my situation.

Coming from a Calvinist background, I daily struggle with scruples.

 

[Tantum_ergo]

Ah, scrupulosity.
I know that Father Echert over at EWTN, who is an expert on this subject, has suggested that those who struggle with this tendency talk to their confessor, in fact to arrange with their confessor so far as possible to have only **one **confessor, and to follow that trusted confessor’s instructions and advice implicitly.

So can you see if you can find one trusted priest to hear your confession, and then to trust in him and follow his advice?

And do remember the 3 components necessary for mortal sin: Grave matter, full knowledge, and full consent.

If you are not sure, you cannot (by definition) have full knowledge. You can’t commit a mortal sin by mistake, or unknowingly. A sin of grave matter commited under those conditions is still sinful, but the lack of knowledge and/or the lack of consent renders the sin (to you, under those conditions) venial, not mortal.

You can indeed do something grievous. . .even something evil. . .but if you didn’t know it was really bad, or you’re not sure that you knew–you might have but equally well you might NOT have known–then you can’t say with certainty that you DID know. . .and if you did not know, you did not sin mortally.

Again I reiterate. . .find a good, trustworthy priest, and speak to him about this and follow his instructions.

 

[Antonius_Lupus]

Look, alot of this probably comes from my past…and my near total apostasy last week, after which Christ came and brought me back.

But that’s a long story…

I totally screwed myself in my past. The wounds still bleed. I was Calvinist, then I became a Pagan, then I was a Calvinist again with Lutheran beliefs in the Real Presence, then I totally embraced Paganism, then God’s Love conquered me (pagan still scoff at that, btw) and led me home to His Holy Church.

Whew…long journey…and now I think my Master is calling me to the priesthood!

The Galilean won’t leave me alone, LOL. rolls eyes

He is captivated by me. And then it’s like “Oh, yeah, um…Master. I fell down last week, so…um…yeah…”

And then He turns to look at me, and He looks into my eyes, and every resistance crumbles to His love…and I reduced to a state like this:

:bowdown:

If only those still bound in paganism could see that kind of love.

Now look at me now, I am here before you all fearful about my confession. Have I forgotten His tender love? But even the memory of the love He has shown doesn’t seem to help me overcome my fear of invalid confessions.

Sheesh…Last week I tried going back to Egypt to worship her gods, only to realize that I would rather wander in the desert than be without the Lord in Egypt.

But its hot and dry out here!

 

[kristie_m]

My friend, you are not alone in your struggle. Please trust that you needn’t be THAT specific. The priest does not need to know those kinds of details. You can tell him “I viewed pornography several times last week” and that would suffice. It’s like the difference between saying you had intercourse with someone other than your wife, and detailing the positions used. Jesus, who knows you better than you do, is there, ready to forgive. Scrupulosity is not a gift of the Holy Spirit. It’s one of the ways the enemy uses to keep the focus off of Christ’s mercy and on our sinfulness.

btw…I agree with the previous poster that recommended finding a single confessor. It really does help if there is one person who knows your history and circumstances. God Bless!

 

[Claire_from_DE]

Well I am mostly worried about what I must do in the confessional in order for it to be a valid confession.

I am not going to hide anything consciously from the priest, no matter how hard it may hurt to confess what I know, having Jesus’ forgiveness is far better than the pain. But it does agonize me to know that there are some things, deadly things, that I am not certain about whether I did them, or about the specifics around the sins themselves.

To be blunt, I viewed pornography, but I cannot remember the number of images or videos I watched, what kind of images they were, of whom they were of, etc.

Forgive my bluntness, but I felt I needed to say that in order to clarify my situation.

Coming from a Calvinist background, I daily struggle with scruples.

You don’t have to go into that much detail at all. But it might be helpful to the priest to know if the porn was on the internet or if you have a large porn library so he could counsel you. Like ‘I spent all afternoon 4 days this week viewing internet porn’ would give him a good idea of what you are confessing.