Worried and anxious about postpartum NFP

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Mommiebear

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I am currently pregnant 3 months and have been trying to conceive for a year, I have PCOS. I loosely practiced NFP checking cervical mucus and doing opks, and reason why I loosely practiced it was because I was trying to conceive so we had sex everyday and then every other day. I am worried about NFP postpartum I heard is difficult and women will have EWCM all the time…I told my husband that I dont want to get pregnant during postpartum phase and that I will breastfeed for 6 months and once I get my period back we will start practicing the marquette method, but meanwhile we will remain in abstinence… he gets an angry look in his face and does not want to talk about it… I can’t afford to get pregnant a second time or else I will have to leave my job and I am the bread winner, we would not be able to live of my husband’s income… I make the amount of money that 2 people make, and my job will fire me if year after year I get pregnant and go on maternity leave. We have high amount of mortgage to pay and I make all the payments, husband pays bills… I get worried if we can’t abstain during this first postpartum period then we won’t be able to abstain on 2nd, 3rd, 4th baby… I am so anxious about this… I can see this creating problems in my marriage and it will tempt my husband to cheat on me…he has been faithful but there have been a lot of temptations for him during our relationship and marriage, where women will confess their love to him and offer themselves. I am super anxious about it and don’t want to think about having the baby because this stresses me out… I don’t know what to do…
 
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Take a deep breath. One thing at the time. Postpartum is not a breeze and very likely for a while abstinence will be the last of your worries. Right after delivery you will have something similar to a menstrual bleeding and will be sore down there for about a month and you will have to be cleared by your doctor before starting again having intercourse. Add to the mix major hormonal changes, (possible) breastfeeding and recovery issues (stitches or similar), sleepless nights and a big shift in your daily routine.
 
I’m not worried about me… I could be abstinent for a year if need to be, I’m concerned about my husband… he will not be able to handle it.
 
So keep the communication open with your husband about your worries and fears, keep a strong connection with him. Remember that during pregnancy hormones are wacky and often pregnant women feel overly sensitive.
 
Please read about ecological breastfeeding! It has a high incidence of completely suppressing fertility for the first six months (or longer for many women - but it’s always been 6 months for me). It’s the second six months that are trickier (unless you stop breastfeeding completely, which sounds like your plan). I don’t think you have much to worry about!

This sounds like your first child? I hope your husband is aware that whatEVER method of NFP you use, there will probably be a couple months of abstinence after the birth regardless. Things can be very painful esp if you tear during birth. I am sorry your husband is angry about abstinence, but some waiting does come with the territory - whether you are trying to avoid pregnancy or not. I have also been put on pelvic rest (no sex) during pregnancy several times for placenta issues which could endanger me and the baby, bed rest, etc. Pelvic rest can last for months. Would it help your husband to know these things? Many pregnant & postpartum couples are abstaining for a whole variety of reasons! Oh… did I forget to mention how much energy you will have during those first six months while Baby is waking up every couple hours to nurse?? Hint: not a lot. Whether you plan to abstain to avoid pregnancy not, your husband sounds like he may be helped to learn that sex is often a more scarce event in the months surrounding a birth.
 
Mommiebear said:
my job will fire me if year after year I get pregnant and go on maternity leave.
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Mommiebear, if you are in the US, that is illegal. Your job cannot fire you for being pregnant. One time or ten.
Mommiebear said:
… I don’t know what to do…
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Sounds like you could benefit from counseling. That’s a lot of anxiety over a lot of things that “might” happen.

I suggest you contact your NFP instructor, talk with her, and take it step by step, and day by day.

Don’t make unilateral pronouncements to your husband about 6 months of abstinence postpartum when you don’t really know what things will be like after baby arrives.
 
1ke said:
Sounds like you could benefit from counseling.
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Or a good NFP class.

But regardless, if the OP’s husband is walking around in a foul mood about having to abstain AT ALL (notice he’s used to daily sex b/c they were trying to conceive!) she’s right to be stressed. Her husband is in for a HUGE adjustment! And he doesn’t sound real thrilled about it. Maybe HE is the one who could use counseling… or a few dad-friends he could sit down over beers and ask what sex is really like for dad’s. Hint: it’s not daily anymore.
 
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Jen7 said:
Or a good NFP class.
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I recommended working one on one with her instructor.
Jen7 said:
if the OP’s husband is walking around in a foul mood
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IF. We have her perception of things, and she seems to have quite a bit of generalized anxiety.

She didn’t say he was in a foul mood, she said he got an angry look on his face. But that could mean a lot of things.
 
Jen7 said:
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1ke:
Sounds like you could benefit from counseling.
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Or a good NFP class.

But regardless, if the OP’s husband is walking around in a foul mood about having to abstain AT ALL (notice he’s used to daily sex b/c they were trying to conceive!) she’s right to be stressed. Her husband is in for a HUGE adjustment! And he doesn’t sound real thrilled about it. Maybe HE is the one who could use counseling… or a few dad-friends he could sit down over beers and ask what sex is really like for dad’s. Hint: it’s not daily anymore.
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I do agree that you both formally need to learn a method of NFP so that a husband can really understand what’s going on with his wifes body. The men (and women) that abstinence seems to be harder for, are those who’ve not practiced pre marital abstinence and then had it sprung on them after marriage. It can really help in that case for joint education on NFP.
 
Momiebear,

You are right to think of the future after birth, but you if you have to be honest with yourself, your pregnancy state does not help to have a clear mind over this. You seems to be overstress and don’t look at the things on a rational things.

You don’t know how you would feel after birth and how the situation would be. You don’t need to be overanxious. You should ideally, I know it is not easy, to enjoy being pregnant.
You might benefit to see a psychologist, find a daily prayer routine that make you more confidence in God’s plan for your marriage.

We can begin with your husband’s faithfullness. The situation seems to led to great temptation as he seems to have a lot of women’s attention, but a man is able to be faithfull to the woman he loves. If a man is able to wait until marriage to have relations with his wife, he would be able to wait until his wife is ready after a birth. communication is requiered.

second, You may feel exhauted and not be in the state to want sex after the birth for some time that may be extended. Your body would be very different and your baby may make you sleepless.

third, usually there is no need to abstain during the first 6 months because the fertility is delated. You need to inform yourself on LAM method and see if you would met the criteria during your feeding.

for after, a lot would be determined on how you would be able to detremined you fertile profile. Your period may come back soon or very late. Every situation is different. And self confidence is another factor. PCOS does not help a all, but on the other side, you don’t seems to be extremely fertile. You need to see a NFP instructor before birth and after when you will try to self observe.

Your feeding does not need to be end at 6 months old.

For the others baby, well you have some time to see!

For your work, it is possible that you being fired to be pregnant, is only your fear, as 1ke already pointed it. It may be illegal. You need to know your labor laws and how the boss usually managed .

Don’t be worry, you are not alone with these problems. I have some similar too.
 
Need to be careful though, I breastfed for 2 years but my cycle came back after 2/3 months. It did mean I was able to go back to stm (with strict rules since I had a c section)
 
Talk to an instructor in your method.

And get to counseling, a marriage where you always fear your husband will cheat is not healthy. Heck, if he is telling you that women throw themselves at him, that is just cruel (unless it is a thing like “Wow, there was this woman who came on to me in the grocery store last night. Sad to think that people think that way. I said a prayer for her to find peace!!”)
 
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1ke said:
Mommiebear, if you are in the US, that is illegal. Your job cannot fire you for being pregnant. One time or ten.
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True but they find ways around it and will fire you for other reasons that normally wouldn’t get you fired.
 
I’m not a troll and my little sister uses my device so it defaulted to what she wrote previously. I am new to this site and hadn’t even realize that it said that until you mentioned it.
 
Did u abstain before your period came or what form of nfp did you use?
 
if you know the LAM rules, you would know that it is not incompatible.
LAM guarantee there would be no pregnancy at 98% if we still met the criterias. It does not said you will have 6 months OF ammenorea!
it is as effective, or even more effective as NFP methods.

for one of my child, my cycle come back before 6 months too…
 
Anicette said:
LAM guarantee there would be no pregnancy at 98% if we still met the criterias. It does not said you will have 6 months OF ammenorea!
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This is incorrect. The 98% success rate ONLY applies if there is no bleeding (including spotting) after 2 months postpartum.


“Amenorrhea” means “no periods.” Now, some women ARE infertile for a few cycles after their periods return–I am one of them, because my luteal phase during that time is simply too short to allow implantation. Even with continuing to lactate, I was infertile for about 9 months postpartum each time. Women’s bodies vary greatly, however.

I suggest you talk to your doctor about your concerns, making it clear that you do not intend to use any barrier methods/hormonal/IUD birth control. Someone with PCOS is usually not as fertile as someone without this condition, but we are in no position to advise you.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope you have a nice, uncomplicated pregnancy, easy delivery, and healthy baby and mom at the end of it.
 
heidi_storage said:
This is incorrect. The 98% success rate ONLY applies if there is no bleeding (including spotting) after 2 months postpartum.
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And it is pretty difficult with a working mom because the child must be at the breast for not only meals but comfort sucking, no pacis, etc.
 
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