My husband hates his job, he is miserable everyday. It’s to the point that he’s depressed and doesn’t think that he can find a new job. He is so down on himself and is angry everyday when he comes home. I worry so much about him. He’s talked to his boss about the issues he’s upset about but nothing gets changed.he has been drinking more lately (not drunken stupor but still enough that it could turn into a problem if he doesn’t stop) eating a lot more and is generally becoming more unhealthy. On our days off together we have a lot of fun and the old him comes back, but come Monday morning he’s angry again. It’s not violent or abusive, nothing like that, but he puts himself into a funk and can’t get out. I’ve been praying a lot for him but he needs to change his situation himself. I know this. How do I help him more though? How do I become more supportive without condoning his behaviour ( ie drinking)? He is agnostic and I am trying to slowly bring more Christian influences into the house to maybe show him how much faith has helped me without directly saying it. I don’t know what else to do. Any advice?
If you have concerns about his drinking, it probably is already to the point of being a problem. That is what needs to be addressed first, before anything else. Well, how can you reason with someone who is under the influence of alcohol? The
FIRST area alcohol affects is a part of the brain (pre-frontal cortex) which controls
JUDGEMENT.
Encourage him to get some help…with a qualified psychologist for the anger and other issues. There is also Alcoholic’s Anonymous. If he has alcohol problems, you can think of alcoholism like a sickness that will get worse with time, not better, generally speaking. Your health insurance may cover at least a few visits with a counselor. AA is pretty cheap, if not free.
Some people try to “self medicate”. They may be depressed, try to treat the depression with a drink instead of asking for an antidepressant and counseling to work through any issues
For you, if this continues, you can seek support, for yourself, through Alanon. Alanon helps people who have a family member who is a problem drinker, so you are not alone.
al-anon.org/
Now, I realize you may not think he’s an “alcoholic”, that none of this is necessary, because he’s not falling down drunk…yet.
A lot of times, people with problems with alcohol begin by saying, “Poor me”. Later, the “poor me” turns into “pour me” (a drink).
Would ya’ all consider marital counseling? Although, many a good counselor will NOT work with someone with problems with alcohol until the client is in treatment for that. Well, they have discovered that anything they do usually won’t be effective unless the person is clearheaded to begin with.
I am including a questionnaire about alcohol. It’s put out by AA to determine if someone is/isn’t, an alcoholic. That would be for your husband.
aa.org/pages/en_US/is-aa-for-you-twelve-questions-only-you-can-answer
My suggestion is to try some of these things, early on, not wait till the problem is insurmountable before seeking help. The earlier, the better.
IF you were to decide to go to marital counseling, but he wouldn’t go, would you consider going…by yourself to individual counseling, if necessary?
I wouldn’t try to change his faith. He has other issues to address, first. For now, it may be best to lead by example. Alanon can teach you how to be helpful and supportive, as a wife, but at the same time not “enable” his drinking.
I would encourage you not to try to tackle this “on your own”. Get help.
