Worried I’m messing up in Confession

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Buck1900

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I have been trying to go to weekly confession recently and I am anxious that I am messing up or not giving enough details. I have a tendency to be extreamly scrupulous so that may play into things.

For example, I have confessed my struggles with masturbation but I feel that I wasent specific enough as I have struggled with sexual desires that most would find strange or weird. This anxiety has lead me to think I’m not forgiven.
Furthermore I didn’t know until recently that mortal sins must be confessed in number and now I’m worried that all my other Confessions before them weren’t valid

I am truly sorry for all my sins and have had success in amending my life to not sin again but I continue to feel constant guilt as if I’m not forgiven. What should I do? Any help would be much appreciated.
 
desires aren’t sinful. There’s no need to disclose desires.
 
Yeah. Your desires aren’t under your control.
Sin involves free choice. You aren’t choosing what turns you on.

That said, if you are experiencing some desires that are really disturbing to you, maybe a therapist could help you unpack some of that.
 
Try confession by appointment face to face. That way you’ll have more time to express your concerns. The priest will have more time to offer his wisdom to you about this very common problem.
 
Catholics don’t need to be confirmed before gaining access to the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

But yes, it would be a good idea for the scrupulous to identify themselves as such in order for the priest to assist them appropriately.

If a confessor needs more info he will ask for it. This is true for all penitents, not only the scrupulous.
 
Thank you,
yes I have been seeing a therapist and been discussing this with her, I guess I feel I must be as specific with the priest as I am with her,

and while I understand desires aren’t in my control through self pleasure I did freely act on those desires, hence the need for confession
 
Yeah, you still need to confess the masturbation. Just not necessarily the underlying cause of arousal, unless you’re deliberately encouraging it through pornography or something.

The priest definitely doesn’t need super specific details when it comes to sexual sins. If he needs clarification, he’ll ask.
 
i actually have similar sentiments.

in addition to worrying about whether or not i have provided enough details, i am also worried about a lack of sincerity and hence, validity, of my confession.
 
It can all be very troubling I know, I ease my doubts about lack of sincerity by resolving to not commit the certain sin again, my logic is if I change and don’t do it again then I must have been truly sorry
 
I can’t believe you’re not even Catholic at this point.
 
I meant it as a compliment. It’s just a very well reasoned, informed take on the question. I’m impressed. You’re going to be a holy terror when you’re actually a Catholic.
 
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First of all, please read this article on what the saints have to say about combating scruples. The Dawn Patrol: The "revert" saint who struggled against scrupulosity

Second of all, guilt comes with sin. It makes us realize what we are doing is wrong. You are right to confess mortal sins (number and kind) but do know that God does not hold it against you if you have a sincere heart but forget something, or didn’t know such and such was supposed to be done. You know now, He has blessed you with this understanding, so now you can start doing it. You don’t need to be too specific. Look up an examination of conscience guide and go off that.

As the article I linked states, if you have scruples, frequent confession is not a good idea. Work on knowing yourself, knowing your weaknesses and discern carefully what is sin and what is not sin. Please get a spiritual director. If you have mortally sinned, do go to confession. But only then.
 
Do not overthink your confessions.
Trust in God. Trust in your confessor.
 
Buck1900 said:
I have confessed my struggles with masturbation but I feel that I wasent specific enough
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The priest is not interested in the details of your sexual activity. If he wants to know more (to help you with guidance) he will ask you.
Buck1900 said:
This anxiety has lead me to think I’m not forgiven.
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The guidelines for confession are quite specific in terms of the kinds and number of offenses. Absolution is given for all your sins, and is valid so long as you are not deliberately hiding the Truth. The devil loves to accuse the brethren, and try to ruin the grace of the sacrament by trying to convince us we are not truly forgiven. Do not let him!
Buck1900 said:
but I continue to feel constant guilt as if I’m not forgiven. What should I do? Any help would be much appreciated.
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You should take hold of yourself, and function on facts, rather than feelings. Feelings can be very dangerous as a source of spiritual direction. Especially in cases where they contradict the facts, as in this case.
 
darkness80 said:
in addition to worrying about whether or not i have provided enough details, i am also worried about a lack of sincerity and hence, validity, of my confession.
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again, a firm purpose of amendment lies in a choice of the will, not emotion, or desire. Think of it as the engine of a train. The engine, or the will drives change. The cars are the intellect, attached to the engine and will follow the will. The emotions/desires are always the caboose, and will eventually be dragged along in the right direction if the will and intellect are pulling in the right direction. Get the will on track by doing what you know is right, and pray that God will place His desires in your heart.
 
Thank you for replying, that’s exactly it, I feel the details make some of my sins worse, as if saying simply that I masturbated doesn’t cover it. I’m not deliberately hiding the truth but I feel that I must be more specific.
 
Probably would help to be blunt here. Apologies if anyone is offended.

I assume you’re looking at porn. That’s sinful in and of itself, but you keep saying some aspect makes it extra bad. I have to ask: are you looking at child pornography? If so, that definitely makes it worse. It’s illegal, horrific, and you should seek treatment immediately if that’s the case.

If that’s not what you mean, I assume you mean it’s some kind of “fetish” thing beyond just naked women. If so, I’m not sure that necessarily makes it more sinful, although it might suggest that you need some psychological counseling if it’s something super weird.
 
I really appreciate you being blunt,

The second point about “fetish” stuff fits my circumstance, there is no way I would ever look at something illegal. Iv been seeing a therapist for a while, but it’s hard to get that detailed in confession. Even so I’ve resolved to simply be blunt next time I confession and accept whatever advice the Priest gives me.
 
It’s good that you want to be forthcoming, but keep in mind you don’t need to overshare. The priest doesn’t need to know if you were looking at Playboy vs. Penthouse vs. Hustler, or if it’s blondes or brunettes that turn you on. It’s enough to simply say you were looking at pornography. The priest can always ask a clarifying question if he feels that some detail would be important.

That said, if you want to mention that you were looking at “fetish pornography” or something, I guess that’s fine. But don’t unload all the gory details on the priest. If it doesn’t change the type or severity of the sin, then it’s just awkward detail.
 
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