Worried Teen Brother is Having Sex

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reyna88

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Hi,

I need some advice.

I’m really worried by younger 14-year-old (I’m 6 years older) brother is having sex or if not is engaging in sexual activities.

He told me about a girl at school who gave a boy a blow job. I am not shocked to hear this is happening in schools, just to hear it from him.

How do I approach him about this and should I involve my parents?

Also he has had a few girlfriends (nothing serious though) even though he is not allowed to and I have not told my mother because I felt it would be betraying our bond as sister and brother.

Please help! Thank you! :confused:
 
Is this all of the information you have? Because based purely on what you said, I would not jump to conclusions that he is engaging in this kind of activity. Just because he knows someone that gave/got a BJ, does not mean that he is dong the same stuff. What do you mean by “girlfriends”? Are these friends that are girls or girls that he has romantic interests/ infatuations in? If they are friends that happen to be girls, I would not worry so much. Otherwise, I would say he is too young and your parents’ wishes need to be respected. They need to be respected regardless. What kind of formation do you and your brother have? Has he been taught about this stuff by your parents?

Do you have a good relationship with your brother? If so, I would try to find out more without getting him too suspicious and then talk to your parents. The stakes are just too high. You could ask them not to mention that they got information from you. Tell them that way you can continue to monitor the situation. They could probably just address it in a general way and “find out” more specifics from him that way. Just my $0.02 worth.
 
reyna88 said:
I have not told my mother because I felt it would be betraying our bond as sister and brother.
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No, what you did was betray your obligation as an older sister to look out for your brother’s best interests, not his feelings. You also betrayed your obligation to your parents to give them information about their own minor child, for whom they are responsible.
BamaRider said:
Refer this to your father, let him handle it.
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Bama is right. Your parents are obligated to deal with their child. They need information to fulfill that obligation. People who withhold substantive information from the parents of minors who may be off track are hurting both the minor and the parents.
 
reyna88 said:
Hi,

I need some advice.

I’m really worried by younger 14-year-old (I’m 6 years older) brother is having sex or if not is engaging in sexual activities.

He told me about a girl at school who gave a boy a blow job. I am not shocked to hear this is happening in schools, just to hear it from him.

How do I approach him about this and should I involve my parents?

Also he has had a few girlfriends (nothing serious though) even though he is not allowed to and I have not told my mother because I felt it would be betraying our bond as sister and brother.

Please help! Thank you! :confused:
Click to expand...
This happened with my sister once, when she was 14 years old as well… She and my brother, younger siblings of course, knew about each other’s secrets. They were inseperable, being 10 months apart you couldn’t tell them apart nor tear them away from each other. You know? My sister always lied about not having a bf she always had one.

When we found out I decided my parents needed to know and she asked my brother he lied for her, so I was the bad one… the liar… the deceiver, i mean HOW COULD I HAVE LIED ABOUT THE INNOCENT LITTLE PRINCESS!!!

Anyhow so things continued that way, always you know, lying and they were always honest.

One day my parents went on vacation, left me in charge of taking care of my siblings, I was 20, my sister was 16 or 17… my brother 15 or 16… my youngest sibling was 13 or 12… around those ages. I had my daughter and i was still married.

My brothers told me they were staying at their friends’ houses and I let them know I wanted them home before our parents would get home, they agreed. My sister and her bffs came over and asked to borrow our parent’s car. They said they wanted to go shopping and that they were going to have her adult sister drive them, I didnt’ feel right about it and I didn’t think it was right and I did refuse. They didn’t like it, they begged and begged and being the COOL sister I was, I let them go.

Well 2 hours later my mother was calling me from her vacation, they stopped by a friends’ house whom told them that my sister and her BOYFRIEND were going to have an ABORTION!!!

BUT HOW WHY WHAT WHEN WHERE HUH?

They demanded to know where she was at… I didn’t know what to tell them. When I tried getting ahold of the girls her friend’s older sister answered the phone and was like OH SH!!! “uhm they just left…”

I was like where?

Anyhow, my parents came home right away and around 10 pm my sister showed up by herself.

She told us she was pg…

My mother looked at me and at my father and then husband and was like HOW? I was like “must be the HOLY SPIRIT since she doesn’t have a bf nor a man in her life!!” I know wrong but seriously now… I didn’t know what else to say…

My then husband was like “wow maybe GOD chose her since she is a VIRGIN!!”

She finally confessed. And we got to meet her bf, whom is now her husband and father of their second child as well. they have been married for many years and they are happy!

I trusted her and she didn’t trust me. I trusted my brother’s and they didn’t trust me. They both knew about her little escapades and they never told anyone. Would this have prevented anything from happening, I don’t know… but let me tell you that things suffocated us for a while.

The best thing I can advise you is to talk to your sibling. And for him to be honest with you just like you will be honest with him.

And let him know about God’s teachings about premarital sex etc…perhaps if we would have spoken this way with my siblings, they would have waited you know?

Anyhow, GOD bless, good luck and hope all works out for the best!
 
iluvmybabies, with all due respect, we have no evidence that the OP’s parents would not believe her. Not everyone’s family dynamic is messed up.

I stand by what I said, in absence of evidence that these are not normal, caring, responsible parents.
 
Reyna,
I know you want to help your brother out as much as you can and be there for him but this is a tough topic to talk about…especially if you’re the older sister. There’s so many factors like he may not feel comfortable coming to you about this because he may feel he’s a guy and should know all there is on the subject, or just embarrassed to talk to his older sister.
I’m almost in the exact opposite position as you, I’m the younger sister and my brothers are 5 years apart from me. I learned as I got older the age difference seemed to kind of disappear but back then it felt like they were so much older then me. So talking about issues like this with me being your brother’s age, it wasn’t easy.
The best I could tell you that I felt that helped the most. . .keep it light. My brother’s always kept it light when they had a heart to heart conversation on topics like these. You don’t want to make it too awkward because then he may question the next time of ever talking to you about these things. You almost have to act like a friend, a sister, a teacher and parent all rolled in one. Big shoes to fill, so that’s why I also suggest to get your parents involved. Don’t take it all on your back, they should be talking to him about this stuff. But parents are parents and a lot of siblings are able to open up about things with each other that they would never say to their parents. I can’t remember who said it on this thread, but someone suggested to tell you parents and get them involved but ask them not to say anything. That works wonders, even though I"m the youngest. . .there are things I have to talk to my brother’s about and sometimes I just don’t know how to approach it. So don’t leave them in the dark.
I know this was long, but I hope it helps you out! Keep you in my prayers that everything works out for you and you find out a way that works to talk with your brother.

Jenn
 
basilisk said:
iluvmybabies, with all due respect, we have no evidence that the OP’s parents would not believe her. Not everyone’s family dynamic is messed up.

I stand by what I said, in absence of evidence that these are not normal, caring, responsible parents.
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It isn’t about he parents not believing her it’s more about her sibling trusting her and teaching him the best she can about sex and scriptures you know? I was just sharing my story… and my situation… I didn’t mean for it to sound that her parents wouldn’t believe her, but that it’s better if it comes out of her sibling instead of her when it’s time to let the parent’s know… you know?!
 
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