Worried time is going to run out for me to get pregnant

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Galbin

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I am 33 and recently married. Up until very recently I really struggled with the concept of children. I am obviously anti abortion though, so knew we’d remain open to life. I always felt that if I became pregnant it was meant to be, but that I didn’t have “baby fever”. I was basically leaving it in God’s hands. Well, I developed baby fever within a month of marriage. I always knew I’d want to be a stay at home mother if I did have kids, and I was recently let go from work. So I thought the timing was perfect, as my plan was to have babies, look after them and then re-train for a new career when they began school. However, I became extremely ill in November and begun treatment in January. Treatment of this very serious and disabling condition (I was housebound for months until I began treatment) will take at least a year, maybe even two. Yet the medicine is tetragenic, so I can’t take it when pregnant.

I am so upset, and worried that when dh and I begin trying it will be too late. I have been charting for years for health reasons (for PCOS, which is now so well controlled that docs say it is basically cured) and my luteal phase has recently shortened to 11 days, which is yet another impediment to pregnancy. So what will it be like by the time I start trying at 34 or 35? Also, how will I ever have an actual family if I start at 35? My doctor says a lot depends on your own mother, and my own mother had her final baby at 39. So there is no history of early menopause in my family. My mother also cites all these women she knows who had their first babies at like 37 or 38, but many of these women had miscarriages before that. I know I could use Vitex or natural progesterone to lengthen my luteal phase, but still…

Anyone else ever been in my situation? A Catholic friend who is also dealing with health issues told me that she is just “handing it over to God”. I am trying to too, but would love to hear from someone who has been in my position or who has any advice. We will definitely use NaProTechnology, but I still worry. I also wouldn’t do IVF or any of those things, as if I couldn’t get pregnant I would see it as God’s law and I don’t believe in test tube babies. And adoption is so expensive that I don’t see how we could ever afford that. 😦

In case people are wondering, I didn’t get married till I was 33 due to health issues. I lost years of my life to ill health from the ages of 25-31. Please don’t reply if you are going to criticise my age. Not everybody is lucky enough to marry their perfect husband at 27.
 
Galbin said:
I am 33 and recently married. Up until very recently I really struggled with the concept of children. I am obviously anti abortion though, so knew we’d remain open to life. I always felt that if I became pregnant it was meant to be, but that I didn’t have “baby fever”. I was basically leaving it in God’s hands. Well, I developed baby fever within a month of marriage. I always knew I’d want to be a stay at home mother if I did have kids, and I was recently let go from work. So I thought the timing was perfect, as my plan was to have babies, look after them and then re-train for a new career when they began school. However, I became extremely ill in November and begun treatment in January. Treatment of this very serious and disabling condition (I was housebound for months until I began treatment) will take at least a year, maybe even two. Yet the medicine is tetragenic, so I can’t take it when pregnant.

I am so upset, and worried that when dh and I begin trying it will be too late. I have been charting for years for health reasons (for PCOS, which is now so well controlled that docs say it is basically cured) and my luteal phase has recently shortened to 11 days, which is yet another impediment to pregnancy. So what will it be like by the time I start trying at 34 or 35? Also, how will I ever have an actual family if I start at 35? My doctor says a lot depends on your own mother, and my own mother had her final baby at 39. So there is no history of early menopause in my family. My mother also cites all these women she knows who had their first babies at like 37 or 38, but many of these women had miscarriages before that. I know I could use Vitex or natural progesterone to lengthen my luteal phase, but still…

Anyone else ever been in my situation? A Catholic friend who is also dealing with health issues told me that she is just “handing it over to God”. I am trying to too, but would love to hear from someone who has been in my position or who has any advice. We will definitely use NaProTechnology, but I still worry. I also wouldn’t do IVF or any of those things, as if I couldn’t get pregnant I would see it as God’s law and I don’t believe in test tube babies. And adoption is so expensive that I don’t see how we could ever afford that. 😦

In case people are wondering, I didn’t get married till I was 33 due to health issues. I lost years of my life to ill health from the ages of 25-31. Please don’t reply if you are going to criticise my age. Not everybody is lucky enough to marry their perfect husband at 27.
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I know many moms that had their children later in life.

I had mine at 28, 30, 32, and 40 (and one miscarriage).

I know it is hard to relax when you feel that your clock is ticking, but I know that stress can get in the way of getting pregnant sometimes. Keep praying and keep busy with another activity. That always helps.

I’m sure other “older” moms will chime in as well. 🙂
 
I got pregnant and had my first (and so far) only daughter at 42. Completely normal pregnancy, too.

Don’t let statistics scare you. Statistics don’t derermine who gets pregnant- God does. Just get yourself healthy, start eating well now (if you aren’t already), take prenatal vitamins (or at least take a supplement of folic acid!), drink plenty of water, get moderate exercise and pray 🙂
 
I too got married at 33. I too had baby fever immediately and we began trying. A year with no pregnancy and we started investigating causes. Blood work and multiple other test, finally months in we discovered I had polyps in my uterus that were large, filling most of the cavity. They needed to be removed, and that is what we did, a year later I was pregnant. (26 months total). My pregnancy went well. We remained open to life and when we had not conceived within 2 years I went back to the Dr to find out if the polyps had grown back, they had not. We conceived again when my Son was 3 1/2 years old. I was 36 and 39 when my babies were born. You have time. Although I understand the impatience. Wondering if you will ever be a Mom is awful. All of my life that is what I had assumed I would be. And when it was not as easy as a month or two of intercourse with my DH I was dumbfounded and afraid.
 
I also want to add:

When you’re ready, a beautiful place to start is by creating a profile on babycenter.com. They have a huge community of women- those trying to conceive, those pregnant and those with babies/children. There is a wonderful board called “Catholic Christian Families”, with many, many women both trying to conceive and those who are having babies later in life. There is also a board for anyone trying to conceive. You’re in good company- women are starting families at late stages, these days. And on the Catholic Christian Families board, most of the women are doing their very best to be faithful to Church teachings in both conceiving and child-rearing.

Be blessed, be peaceful and pray. I have one friend (in her early 40’s) who found incredible blessings by praying to St Anne, when trying to conceive.
 
Please pray to God the Father and read Luke 1:37: “for nothing will be impossible with God”. Have faith and be willing to accept whatever comes to you from the Hands of our Loving Father, our Savior Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. Please have faith that whatever God’s Will is for you is best for your salvation. I pray for you!
 
I am a male, so I do not have personal experience, but due to advances in medical science, women have been having healthy babies in their 40s.

Speaking theologically, you should pray to St. Gerard, as he is the patron saint of expectant mothers.

You should not worry: if God wants you to have a child, he will make sure of it. 👍
 
I had mine at 35 and almost 38.
My mom had me when she was 40. I have two older sisters: one 20 years older, and one 11 years older.
You just never know.
I wouldn’t panic…getting all worked up can negatively effect your ability to conceive as well. The people that say “relax” know what they are talking about.
And A Novena to St. Anne can’t hurt! I’ve seen it work.
God bless you.
 
bben15 said:
I am a male, so I do not have personal experience, but due to advances in medical science, women have been having healthy babies in their 40s.

**The average age a woman stops being able to conceive is 35: **the age my mother has me at.

Speaking theologically, you should pray to St. Gerard, as he is the patron saint of expectant mothers.

You should not worry: if God wants you to have a child, he will make sure of it. 👍
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Ben! No way!
:doh2:

All due respect…let the ladies handle these things…😉
 
Easy to say, I know, but try to avoid the “worries”. Worry is not conducive to prayer or fertility. Pray “as if” your prayers will be answered. Relax. hang out and play with babies and toddlers. Immerse yourself in love of children for the glory of God. Assist at catechism. Spend a little time considering adoption, fostering, helping another family, not as “back-up” but as beautiful possible ways to express love to God. You know the stories of women who adopt and then become pregnant; it’s almost a cliché. There will be no failure here if you immerse yourself in life. Allow an interesting answer. maybe it will be twins!

St Anne is good. St Elizabeth had John the Baptist in her later years. St Gerard is a wonderful saint for women who want to conceive. God bless you and remember to be calm and full of hope no matter what. My friend had three miscarriages in her late thirties and then had three girls in her early forties. Let God work in His own mysterious way.
 
Galbin said:
I am 33 and recently married. Up until very recently I really struggled with the concept of children. I am obviously anti abortion though, so knew we’d remain open to life. I always felt that if I became pregnant it was meant to be, but that I didn’t have “baby fever”. I was basically leaving it in God’s hands. Well, I developed baby fever within a month of marriage. I always knew I’d want to be a stay at home mother if I did have kids, and I was recently let go from work. So I thought the timing was perfect, as my plan was to have babies, look after them and then re-train for a new career when they began school. However, I became extremely ill in November and begun treatment in January. Treatment of this very serious and disabling condition (I was housebound for months until I began treatment) will take at least a year, maybe even two. Yet the medicine is tetragenic, so I can’t take it when pregnant.

I am so upset, and worried that when dh and I begin trying it will be too late. I have been charting for years for health reasons (for PCOS, which is now so well controlled that docs say it is basically cured) and my luteal phase has recently shortened to 11 days, which is yet another impediment to pregnancy. So what will it be like by the time I start trying at 34 or 35? Also, how will I ever have an actual family if I start at 35? My doctor says a lot depends on your own mother, and my own mother had her final baby at 39. So there is no history of early menopause in my family. My mother also cites all these women she knows who had their first babies at like 37 or 38, but many of these women had miscarriages before that. I know I could use Vitex or natural progesterone to lengthen my luteal phase, but still…

Anyone else ever been in my situation? A Catholic friend who is also dealing with health issues told me that she is just “handing it over to God”. I am trying to too, but would love to hear from someone who has been in my position or who has any advice. We will definitely use NaProTechnology, but I still worry. I also wouldn’t do IVF or any of those things, as if I couldn’t get pregnant I would see it as God’s law and I don’t believe in test tube babies. And adoption is so expensive that I don’t see how we could ever afford that. 😦

In case people are wondering, I didn’t get married till I was 33 due to health issues. I lost years of my life to ill health from the ages of 25-31. Please don’t reply if you are going to criticise my age. Not everybody is lucky enough to marry their perfect husband at 27.
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I suggest you get another opinion.

aaplog.org/

My mother had me in her 30s. Age is not the issue.

God bless you,
Ed
 
Galbin said:
I am 33 and recently married. Up until very recently I really struggled with the concept of children. I am obviously anti abortion though, so knew we’d remain open to life. I always felt that if I became pregnant it was meant to be, but that I didn’t have “baby fever”. I was basically leaving it in God’s hands. Well, I developed baby fever within a month of marriage. I always knew I’d want to be a stay at home mother if I did have kids, and I was recently let go from work. So I thought the timing was perfect, as my plan was to have babies, look after them and then re-train for a new career when they began school. However, I became extremely ill in November and begun treatment in January. Treatment of this very serious and disabling condition (I was housebound for months until I began treatment) will take at least a year, maybe even two. Yet the medicine is tetragenic, so I can’t take it when pregnant.

I am so upset, and worried that when dh and I begin trying it will be too late. I have been charting for years for health reasons (for PCOS, which is now so well controlled that docs say it is basically cured) and my luteal phase has recently shortened to 11 days, which is yet another impediment to pregnancy. So what will it be like by the time I start trying at 34 or 35? Also, how will I ever have an actual family if I start at 35? My doctor says a lot depends on your own mother, and my own mother had her final baby at 39. So there is no history of early menopause in my family. My mother also cites all these women she knows who had their first babies at like 37 or 38, but many of these women had miscarriages before that. I know I could use Vitex or natural progesterone to lengthen my luteal phase, but still…

Anyone else ever been in my situation? A Catholic friend who is also dealing with health issues told me that she is just “handing it over to God”. I am trying to too, but would love to hear from someone who has been in my position or who has any advice. We will definitely use NaProTechnology, but I still worry. I also wouldn’t do IVF or any of those things, as if I couldn’t get pregnant I would see it as God’s law and I don’t believe in test tube babies. And adoption is so expensive that I don’t see how we could ever afford that. 😦

In case people are wondering, I didn’t get married till I was 33 due to health issues. I lost years of my life to ill health from the ages of 25-31. Please don’t reply if you are going to criticise my age. Not everybody is lucky enough to marry their perfect husband at 27.
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So sorry to hear you’re going through this. Also sorry to hear that you had such negative health issues for so long. That must’ve been tough.

As for having children, I think it really is best to leave it in God’s hands. My mom had me when she was 38, she had another daughter at 41 who was stillborn- but she still conceived and carried to full term which is why I mention it. A co-worker had trouble conceiving and decided to leave it in God’s hands and she got pregnant at 38. I also know a wonderful devout Catholic mom who just had her 5th child and she’s about 40.

It may be helpful to open your Bible and read about the women who had children later in life, both Old and New Testament, and pray about it. I once heard a Catholic Answers online radio program that referred to this as “Calvary love”- when you want so bad to conceive and it can be so agonizing.

One last recommendation: try not to worry about it. It seems like worrying and stressing over something like this only makes it worse. In fact, I’ve heard it can make conception more difficult. I know several couples who had difficulty conceiving, gave up and adopted, only to conceive later on when the pressure was off.

Hope this helps. I really like your last line about not finding the perfect husband at 27. I’m 41 and still single, so I get it. 😃
 
Oh I just wanted to add that you may want to pray to Blessed Teresa of Calcutta. I heard a story about a woman who was having trouble conceiving, met Mother Teresa and told her about it. Mother Teresa pressed a Miraculous Medal in her hands and assured her that she would conceive in a year, and she did. Isn’t that sooooo cool?!
 
Don’t worry - many women still have children later. My sister was 37 when her 1st child was born and 40 when the second was born.
 
My dear, you are not alone in your worry and pain. If I could give you a hug and cry with you, I would.

Being forced to delay childbearing because of circumstances beyond your control is a very, very deeply painful experience. It is truly a grieving process, much like what one might experience after a death. Give yourself permission to go experience that. It’s ok to be frustrated, sad, worried, and even angry that you have to go through this. Those feelings are a part of the process.
Galbin said:
So what will it be like by the time I start trying at 34 or 35?
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Every woman is different. Nobody on this forum can predict this. Some women conceive easily at 40. I started trying at 28. I’m nearly 33 and still trying. Your best advice on this question will come from a well-trained NaPro doctor.
A Catholic friend who is also dealing with health issues told me that she is just “handing it over to God”. I am trying to too.
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Easier said than done, but possible with much prayer. I wasn’t fully able to do this until after DH and I went on a pilgrimage about 3 years ago that included a stop at Lourdes. I received some graces on that trip that have helped me enormously. That, and the support of a small circle of family and friends who “get it”. This makes it easier too when other people who don’t “get it” start offering well-meaning but uninformed advice and platitudes.
We will definitely use NaProTechnology, but I still worry.
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NaPro is the best thing I have ever heard of for issues like yours, especially PCOS. (Somebody I know with PCOS had surgery for it with a NaPro doctor last May, got pregnant in June, and just had her baby, and she is in her mid-30’s. They put her on natural progesterone support as well.) Even if things work out differently for you, at the very least, you will be in the care of professionals who will treat you as a person, and not a lab specimen. I have been in the care of a NaPro doctor for about a year now. No babies yet (it’s a process, it’s not magic), but that part of my health is better than it has been since I was in my mid teens. I know my chances are better now than they ever could have been with a different approach.

Surround yourself with people who make you smile, who know how to comfort you. Find things in your life that you love (whether pastimes or people) and nurture them. Look for the good in each day, and be consciously grateful for it. Gratitude for what is good in your life can get you through those tough days. Offer your sufferings to God, and ask him to use them for the good of others. And hug your hubby. A lot. Cry together. Talk about it with each other, get the best medical care you can, and when the time comes to try to conceive again, do the best you can to be open to whatever God sends you, even if it isn’t what you expected.

God loves you, and the Blessed Mother will hold you in your arms when you need consolation. There is always hope.
 
It’s too early for concern, but not too early to be serious. But don’t let the effort swallow up your newlywed years.

Also, an expensive international adoption is not the only option. We know a graduate couple (who probably have a yearly income that tops out around $30k) who are going ahead very seriously with an adoption for a second child. They just had a HUGE garage sale as a fundraiser (friends contributed a lot of stuff) and the dad in the family has been collecting aluminum cans (!) for the effort. I don’t know how the finances for that are going to work out, but it suggests that even people of very moderate income could afford a domestic adoption.

Foster care is also an option.
 
You are all so lovely. Thank you so much for the reassuring words, lax16, FreciaMarie, MrsLLD, Lrabbitt, bben15, pianistclare, Auntie A, Sunbreak and tawny. It has warmed my heart.

FreciaMarie, thanks for the Babycenter info. Will check it out when I am cleared to try.

Xantippe, my other issue is that while my husband has the same beliefs as me regarding IVF and other infertility ‘solutions’, he seems to feel that if we do not conceive then we shouldn’t adopt/foster. If we did, I just don’t think he would love the children properly. 😦 That plus the money issues makes adoption/fostering unlikely to happen. We did discuss this before marriage, but as I said, I was very into “what will be will be” then, and thought I’d be fine if I never conceived.

Edwest2, get a second opinion about what? I don’t live in the US. 🙂

Jennifoo, my life is like a game of Dominoes somehow: as soon as one health area is fixed, something else breaks! Oh well, maybe I can use it as a career someday, since I will be re-training for something else in the future. Thanks for the sympathy. I appreciate it. Are you looking for love now? I hope you find Mr. Right. The man before my husband was a drug addict, so I know how tough love can be sometimes! How cool re: Mother Teresa!

LittleRose, thanks for your lovely comments. My PCOS is extremely well controlled, to the point where some doctors would even call me ‘cured’, I changed my diet and started taking metformin over 13 years ago and it healed my PCOS. I am concerned about why my luteal phase has suddenly shortened though. My endo does rx progesterone cream for PMS before. Maybe I should resume taking that. My hubby is totally easy going and doesn’t mind one way or another if we have children. So he can’t really understand this. He also says that we have loads of time. It’s just different for men, as they don’t understand the whole biological urgency.
 
Galbin said:
I am concerned about why my luteal phase has suddenly shortened though. My endo does rx progesterone cream for PMS before. Maybe I should resume taking that. My hubby is totally easy going and doesn’t mind one way or another if we have children. So he can’t really understand this. He also says that we have loads of time. It’s just different for men, as they don’t understand the whole biological urgency.
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I just want to say, an 11 day luteal phase isn’t necessarily an impediment to getting pregnant. That’s how long mine is, and it took us less than six months to conceive. If it has shortened suddenly, that would be a good thing to get checked out by a doctor, but if the doctor says everything is okay, then don’t worry about that too much. I had also read that it was too short and the baby might not implant, but I got my first positive test at 10 dpo, so it’s certainly not impossible and was not any kind of impediment in our case. 🙂

It might reassure you to look at some of the pregnancy boards online, and check out the ages of the moms. I’m in my early thirties, and there sure are a lot of women out there in some of the discussion boards I’ve been to lately who are in their later thirties and some in early forties.
 
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