Worrying experience during prayer

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AutumnLeaf

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I have an embarrassing problem, and didn’t know how to ask for help, and then found this forum and thought I would ask here, as it gives me some anonymity. I haven’t been able to mention this in real life, even to a Priest or a close friend 😊

The problem is, on a few occasions when praying, most often before a crucifix, I have experienced such a deep love for our Lord that I have experienced what I could only describe as a sexual response ending in an orgasm. I have done nothing to make this happen, no touching or thinking about anything sexual. Whilst it is a heightened and wonderful feeling which leaves me feeling totally united with Jesus, it is also deeply disturbing and has left me scared to pray anything other than the Offices/written prayers in case it happens again. I have not been consciously able to do anything about it on the occasions it has happened.

Is this sinful, and what can I do about it?
Please help!
AutumnLeaf x
ps: this is a genuine enquiry and not a wind-up!!
 
There is a section in Fr. Thomas Dubay’s book Fire Within which refers to St. Teresa of Avila advise on such occurences. In fact, it was her own brother who experienced sexual pleasure during prayer. And, as with you, he was greatly disturbed. However, I think the explanation lies with the reality that the body and the spirit are greatly united. What is experienced in the one realm may cause an effect in the other.

I would strongly recommend sharing this with a trusted spiritual director or priest. I believe they can help you process all the experiences you may find yourself in as you grow closer in you relationship with God.

God bless you,
stteresasgirl
 
That makes some sense, as I know one cannot separate the body from the soul, as they are not two seperate entities, but part of the whole being. When this happens, I feel it is a response to love, and is never accompnaied by impure or blasphemous thoughts.

I have been trying to pluck up the courage to speak to my Oblate master, who is a Priest (I am a Benedictine Oblate) about this but haven’t managed to yet. I sometimes experience these feelings when receiving Holy Communion also (but to a lesser degree) so overwhelmed am I, and it is as much as I can do to stop myself from groaning aloud 😊
 
I just wanted to add that whilst these experiences both scare and disturb me, they are also wonderful when they actually happen, although embarrassing. My problem is that I don’t know if, or even how, I should resist, as I seem to have no control over what happens 😊 Or should I pray that it stops happening? I am seriously confused :confused:
 
St. John of the Cross discusses this in “Dark Night.” Here is his opening paragraph on this particular imperfection:
As for the vice of lust - aside from what it means for spiritual persons to fall into this vice, since my intent is to treat of the imperfections that have to be purged by means of the dark night - spiritual persons have numerous imperfections, many of which can be called spiritual lust, not because the lust is spiritual but because it proceeds from spiritual things. It happens frequently that in a person’s spiritual exercises themselves, without the person being able to avoid it, impure movements will be experienced in the sensory part of the soul, and even sometimes when the spirit is deep in prayer or when receiving the sacraments of Penance or the Eucharist. These impure feelings arise from any of three causes outside one’s control.
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The whole passage can be found here . . .

www.catholictreasury.info/books/dark_night/dn5.php

Dave 🙂
 
stteresasgirl said:
There is a section in Fr. Thomas Dubay’s book Fire Within which refers to St. Teresa of Avila advise on such occurences.
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DBT said:
St. John of the Cross discusses this in “Dark Night.”
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I am very pleasantly surprised to discover that these great Saints wrote about this subject. I never would have thought anyone would! But then I am only a convert of 3 years, so I have much to learn.

It has helped to read what Saint John of the Cross wrote. In a way, it is as if I am still in a honeymoon period, being relatively new to the faith, and eventually my love for God will grow and deepen into something more spiritual, and then perhaps this will stop. But I’m still not sure what, if anything, I need to do about it right now.

But it has helped to know that I cannot be the only one who has experienced this. I am glad I found the courage to ask here :yup:
 
St John of the Cross says in his book that usually the ‘dark night of the senses’ purifies this 🙂
 
AutumnLeaf,

Hang in there…never feel that you are alone. I will also join in saying that these involve parts of our being that have not been purified. Yes, the dark night of the senses - which involve the “sensual”- will take care of this.

Stay strong and stay faithful!
Peace,
stteresasgirl
 
AutumnLeaf said:
But I’m still not sure what, if anything, I need to do about it right now.
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. . . Adding to the good comments thusfar.

The type of trials discussed in Book 1 of “Dark Night” are passively given . . . that is by God . . . to rid us of deep seated imperfections that lie deep within us. Of course we should always do that which is within our means to mortify ourselves (active night of sense). Here, though, we should practice the virtues of patience and trust as we cooperate with the work God is doing in our souls. Stick with prayer and don’t give up. And above all strive to maintain your peace about it all. 🙂 There are many, many anxieties that plague us during this passive night of sense. Simply resisting the urge to give into worry goes a long way to practicing the type of abandonment God looks for to help move us forward.

Peace be with you,
Dave 🙂
 
As has been stated, the saints, including the two mentioned here, dealt with this in their writings. Specifically, in guiding her brother who experienced this during prayer, St. Teresa advised:

“Pay no attention to those evil feelings which come to you [after deep prayer]. …I think the explanation of them must be that the soul’s joy is so keen that it makes itself felt in the body. With God’s help, it will calm down if you take no notice of it. Several people have discussed this with me.”

So do not feel alone - many have and do deal with this. Simply keep praying, keep your focus on God and “take no notice of it.” God will take care of the rest. And rest assured that your Oblate master has in all likelihood encountered this before at some point (or more often) in his priestly ministry, so no doubt will be able to provide further guidance as needed. 🙂
 
Thank you AutumnLeaf for posting this - I had this once and it really worried me loads! In the end I had to tell my confessor, other wise I would have gone nuts. I was relieved at his calm understanding. I neer thought of it before = but yep = he had met it before. I have been praying for you and will continue.
candle
 
Thank you for all your replies. I have been pondering for a few days about this before responding.

I did actually pluck up the courage to share this with a close friend and talk it through this week. I am feeling far more comfortable with it now, and rather than seeing it as sinful, or a temptation of the devil (which it certainly doesn’t feel like), I am recognising it as a “whole-person” repsonse to Christ’s passion for me. I have been reading the Song of Songs, which has given me permission, so to speak, to feel this way in my response to Christ’s love and to be passionately “in love” with Him with all that I am.
I have decided to neither fight or chase this experience, but to just accept it when it happens and allow it to then pass. I did feel this way at Mass/adoration yesterday, but offered it back to God and in doing so felt it was a gift He had given to me. I feel at peace and not unduly worried by it now. I shall share it with my Oblate Priest next time I see him.

Thank you for your prayers, and candle, I shall pray for you too.
AutumnLeaf x
:heaven:
 
Just a thought 🙂 keep in mind that although it’s probably not a sin (since feelings aren’t a choice, unless you encourage them), it’s still something that would need to be purified. Over time, love for God does become more spiritual (but not in an abstract, cold way.) The proper response is to probably just ignore it and focus on God… but do speak with your Oblate Priest 🙂

God bless
 
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