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Guest
This is NEW, like for the first time in my life, 47 years. Lately, I’m often almost overwhelmed by feelings of positivity and joy, feelings of love and good self worth, and I know they are from the Lord. It’s the complete opposite of the messages and ‘reinforcement’ I’ve received my whole life.
You see, all my life (yes, since I was a small, small child) the messages I received from my family (other than my husband and kids) and those around me were negative, or that I was lacking, not good enough, or even ‘less’ than others, especially my own siblings, or even friends of the family. I couldn’t even accept fully the goodness and love my husband and children gave to me. I’m in therapy for the last 9 months for that, as well as some other traumatic experiences as a youth that deeply affected my life, my psyche and my well being. My therapist is an amazing Catholic therapist, who specializes in my issues.
Anyway, FINALLY, after almost 47 years of feeling ‘less than’, and ‘bad’, and negative about myself, listening to and believing only the negative, because that’s what has always been reinforced in my life (except for my husband and a very few select friends), I finally believe Him. And since I believe HIM, I believe in me. For if He believes in me, who am I to disagree with the one who created me, every cell, every hair, even every blink of my eye! I can hear His Love for us in the Scripture, as shared during Mass, during praise songs, especially Air1. <3
I can hear Him; it’s music to my heart, my soul.
He has led me so far, even though there is so much more to learn. I’m so excited to get to know MYSELF, and defining myself through HIS eyes, as I want to be, as I can be, not how others TELL me who I am, or expect me to be. I finally am beginning to feel FREE to be me, as He has created me, whoever that person is. I know she (me) is a good person, who loves God above all else, with an amazing husband, kids, sister, and a couple great friends. I’m loved, I’m CHERISHED, by Him, who created me.
I’ve loved in my life; my husband, my family, my friends, but I can feel my heart breaking OPEN; not only is God’s Love pouring into me, it’s pouring OUT as well, to myself and others around me. I ‘feel’ His Love, and others’ love, even deeper; am grateful, even deeper; and even when I’m saddened even deeper, He is still in me.
It’s hard to let go of the ‘me’ I’ve been told I was, treated as, expected to be; it’s so weird to be my age and just getting to know myself. I wonder if there is more to ALL of us than we realize, if we open and search, through Him, with Him, in Him.
Some days are still a struggle. But I know I’ll get through. There will be hard days ahead. But for today, I don’t worry. I rest in Him and His Love. I’m a sinner. I’ll make mistakes. I’m thankful for His Grace, His Love, His Forgiveness, His Church and His Sacraments. I don’t know what tomorrow brings. But I know He’ll be here by my side, for He loves me.
It’s not just inward; it’s also manifesting itself outwardly. I deserve to enjoy the goodness around me, from a beautiful home, beautiful nature, to be HAPPY. After 47 years, I can feel the breakthrough, one I know that many don’t get to experience, sadly. It would have been ‘easier’ to remain where I was, to accept others’ opinions of me. In accepting His Goodness, I share it. I have many ‘things’ or blessings, but haven’t enjoyed them, because I never felt I deserved them or was good enough to receive them completely. The haze that I never realized was even THERE is lifting, is clearing.
Thank you, Papa. Thank you, my Lord and Savior. Thank you, most beloved Holy Spirit, who lives and dwells in my heart. I love you. <3
My prayer for you, my friends, is that if you haven’t yet had this experience, almost supernatural, that you do, soon. And for those that have, for thankfulness. There is so much more, no matter where we are at on our journey Home.
You see, all my life (yes, since I was a small, small child) the messages I received from my family (other than my husband and kids) and those around me were negative, or that I was lacking, not good enough, or even ‘less’ than others, especially my own siblings, or even friends of the family. I couldn’t even accept fully the goodness and love my husband and children gave to me. I’m in therapy for the last 9 months for that, as well as some other traumatic experiences as a youth that deeply affected my life, my psyche and my well being. My therapist is an amazing Catholic therapist, who specializes in my issues.
Anyway, FINALLY, after almost 47 years of feeling ‘less than’, and ‘bad’, and negative about myself, listening to and believing only the negative, because that’s what has always been reinforced in my life (except for my husband and a very few select friends), I finally believe Him. And since I believe HIM, I believe in me. For if He believes in me, who am I to disagree with the one who created me, every cell, every hair, even every blink of my eye! I can hear His Love for us in the Scripture, as shared during Mass, during praise songs, especially Air1. <3
I can hear Him; it’s music to my heart, my soul.
He has led me so far, even though there is so much more to learn. I’m so excited to get to know MYSELF, and defining myself through HIS eyes, as I want to be, as I can be, not how others TELL me who I am, or expect me to be. I finally am beginning to feel FREE to be me, as He has created me, whoever that person is. I know she (me) is a good person, who loves God above all else, with an amazing husband, kids, sister, and a couple great friends. I’m loved, I’m CHERISHED, by Him, who created me.
I’ve loved in my life; my husband, my family, my friends, but I can feel my heart breaking OPEN; not only is God’s Love pouring into me, it’s pouring OUT as well, to myself and others around me. I ‘feel’ His Love, and others’ love, even deeper; am grateful, even deeper; and even when I’m saddened even deeper, He is still in me.
It’s hard to let go of the ‘me’ I’ve been told I was, treated as, expected to be; it’s so weird to be my age and just getting to know myself. I wonder if there is more to ALL of us than we realize, if we open and search, through Him, with Him, in Him.
Some days are still a struggle. But I know I’ll get through. There will be hard days ahead. But for today, I don’t worry. I rest in Him and His Love. I’m a sinner. I’ll make mistakes. I’m thankful for His Grace, His Love, His Forgiveness, His Church and His Sacraments. I don’t know what tomorrow brings. But I know He’ll be here by my side, for He loves me.
It’s not just inward; it’s also manifesting itself outwardly. I deserve to enjoy the goodness around me, from a beautiful home, beautiful nature, to be HAPPY. After 47 years, I can feel the breakthrough, one I know that many don’t get to experience, sadly. It would have been ‘easier’ to remain where I was, to accept others’ opinions of me. In accepting His Goodness, I share it. I have many ‘things’ or blessings, but haven’t enjoyed them, because I never felt I deserved them or was good enough to receive them completely. The haze that I never realized was even THERE is lifting, is clearing.
Thank you, Papa. Thank you, my Lord and Savior. Thank you, most beloved Holy Spirit, who lives and dwells in my heart. I love you. <3
My prayer for you, my friends, is that if you haven’t yet had this experience, almost supernatural, that you do, soon. And for those that have, for thankfulness. There is so much more, no matter where we are at on our journey Home.
