Would anyone else be irritated by this?

[Luvz2travel]

I would explain to your husband how you feel and if that doesn’t work maybe explain it in terms of medical reasons. It’s unreasonable to expect a pregnant women with 4 kids at home already to also entertain a guest for 4 weeks and keep the household running smoothly. The stress alone may make you sick. If he wants her to visit for so long he should take more time off work to relieve you of some of the responsibility for his mothers entertainment. If there someone in the family that can act as a go between for you and the MIL. Can you find a spanish speaking priest or fiend to translate. Maybe if you explained to her just how stressed and overwhelmed you feel with company in the house being pregnant at the same time she can relate. After all she’s a mother too and has been pregnant before maybe she just doesn’t understand how you feel. Would it be possible for her to help out instead of just draw on your energy. Frankly I don’t know any grandparents who rarely see the grand kids who don’t want to spend a lot of time with the grand kids they don’t see much. Just some thoughts. Good luck.

 

[sharmin]

Importance of your covenantal marriage comes first and foremost (I mean after God/Jesus), your children next, and somewhere down the list comes respecting your parents…

I agree. But that’s why I believe she should allow her MIL to visit for 3 weeks without making a thing out of it…for her husband and children’s sakes.

 

[m_crane]

This is disturbing on many levels.

MIL is coming to visit with who???

Her son, the only person who speaks her language, is going to be working so he has little or no time to visit with or entertain her.

MIL does not drive. She does not speak english. She has no one else in the country to visit with so she will be completely dependent on a very tired pregnant DIL who doesn’t speak her language and has three small children to care for full time.
This is just silly and potentally harmful for the OP.

OP says there are boundry issues with MIL. Three weeks is just too long for a person to have to live with someone they are not completelycomfortable with.

Please OP, ask your husband to cut the visit to an amount of time you are comfortable with. You have a right to care for yourself and your young family.

 

[Joan1969]

Hi to all,

Glad again to see all the time and effort that is being taken here. I have brought up an issue that strikes a chord with a lot of people, I think. It is about boundaries.

I really respect those who have encouraged me to accept this visit, but I’m still not hearing where these posters think the boundaries might be. It’s all about being nice. One post described a mother in law doing the poster’s personal laundry. This was precisely an issue for me earlier in the marriage, and I have since recognized that it was a blunder to permit it. Being “nice” about such things does nothing whatsoever for the offender; they have a spiritual and practical need for to honest and easily understood (but still as kind as possible) feedback about how they are violating the needs or interests of others. Otherwise they often get worse and violate boundaries in even more offensive ways.

Traditional respect for mothers in law that existed in most cultures (including Latin American ones) was based on realities that have changed. Older folks do not “have” to live with their grown children as a matter of economics. They have changed into guests, even if they are the most important ones for the family. So rules can be set to match. Things are changing so fast in Latin America (much of it for the worse) that I don’t think “different culture” applies like it would have half a century ago. Certainly Argentina is very cosmopolitan and modern.

Just the thoughts for tonight. I’ll be talking to my husband about it, and we’ll see how helpful he’s going to be here.

Thanks very much and God Bless,
Joan

 

[Alix1912]

Hi to all,

Glad again to see all the time and effort that is being taken here. I have brought up an issue that strikes a chord with a lot of people, I think. It is about boundaries.

I really respect those who have encouraged me to accept this visit, but I’m still not hearing where these posters think the boundaries might be. It’s all about being nice. One post described a mother in law doing the poster’s personal laundry. This was precisely an issue for me earlier in the marriage, and I have since recognized that it was a blunder to permit it. Being “nice” about such things does nothing whatsoever for the offender; they have a spiritual and practical need for to honest and easily understood (but still as kind as possible) feedback about how they are violating the needs or interests of others. Otherwise they often get worse and violate boundaries in even more offensive ways.

Traditional respect for mothers in law that existed in most cultures (including Latin American ones) was based on realities that have changed. Older folks do not “have” to live with their grown children as a matter of economics. They have changed into guests, even if they are the most important ones for the family. So rules can be set to match. Things are changing so fast in Latin America (much of it for the worse) that I don’t think “different culture” applies like it would have half a century ago. Certainly Argentina is very cosmopolitan and modern.

Just the thoughts for tonight. I’ll be talking to my husband about it, and we’ll see how helpful he’s going to be here.

Thanks very much and God Bless,
Joan

Let us know how it works out.

 

[sharmin]

I guess, in summary I would just suggest that you defer to your husband and his wishes, since these are his parents. And then pray for grace.

Good luck! and keep us posted!

 

[Joan1969]

Hi to all,

Just to let you know, we did settle things last night. The MIL’s visit has been cut by approximately a week, so I’m good with that. If my neice (her granddaughter) comes with her, she will stay an extra three days in all likelihood, but this is fine since she will have more companionship besides just me so the visit will have more potential for fun.

I think I did the right thing to stick to my guns. In hindsight, it would have worked badly to try to make any threats about leaving for the third week. Good thing not to try to “negotiate” when angry! Talking it out on this form did help.

Thanks so much to everyone!

God Bless,
Joan

 

[leonie]

Hi to all,

Just to let you know, we did settle things last night. The MIL’s visit has been cut by approximately a week, so I’m good with that. If my neice (her granddaughter) comes with her, she will stay an extra three days in all likelihood, but this is fine since she will have more companionship besides just me so the visit will have more potential for fun.

I think I did the right thing to stick to my guns. In hindsight, it would have worked badly to try to make any threats about leaving for the third week. Good thing not to try to “negotiate” when angry! Talking it out on this form did help.

Thanks so much to everyone!

God Bless,
Joan

God bless, Joan, and prayers for a lovely visit and a relaxing and healthy pregnancy!

 

[Luvz2travel]

Hi to all,

Just to let you know, we did settle things last night. The MIL’s visit has been cut by approximately a week, so I’m good with that. If my neice (her granddaughter) comes with her, she will stay an extra three days in all likelihood, but this is fine since she will have more companionship besides just me so the visit will have more potential for fun.

I think I did the right thing to stick to my guns. In hindsight, it would have worked badly to try to make any threats about leaving for the third week. Good thing not to try to “negotiate” when angry! Talking it out on this form did help.

Thanks so much to everyone!

God Bless,
Joan

Good Deal!

 

[1inICXC]

Nm, i see the situation has been solved. Hope all goes well and that you have a smooth rest of the pregnancy!