Would being a SAHM be easier and more natural

[rpp]

This is the natural and normal manner which the people, in all cultures, have done since time days of Adam.

But the husband has to do his part. He actually gets the rotten side of the bargain; work all day, nagged at to fix things all night! The wife has the easy part, sweep the floor now and then and make some food occasionally! Heck, she can even get the kids to help her!

(Okay, I am going to get it now! )

Time tested, God approved!

 

[Nevarlander]

If I were a SAHM, I agree, it would be easier if there was an extended family network established and close so that I wouldn’t loose my mind to lonliness and madness from being stuck home all day.
But back in “olden times” women didn’t just “stay at home” like they do now. They were working, out in the fields, or spinning yarn, or washing clothes, or whatever…
They weren’t attending to their children 24/7… they were home because the home was work.
Today we don’t have to spin our own yarn, or wash our clothes by hand, or work out in the fields… so a SAHM isn’t as busied by these “jobs” that required attending to while she was at home.
So I can understand how being a SAHM is difficult these days… emotionally and mentally draining on the woman to not have her mind busied by these “jobs” while tending to her children at the same time.

It is sad that people in today’s modern western world live far apart from their relatives… that’s difficult and a burden for today’s families… I agree!

Dorothy Sayers wrote about the same thing. A lot of stuff that’s done now in factories was done by hand by women, so when industrialization came along, women were left at home with the children. Kids are great, but when that’s the only thing you have… sometimes, I’m sure, you need space, and that’s why women wanted to work outside the home later on. Granted, because most places are inflexible about hours and schedules, those women who work, and their kids, oftentimes get the shaft these days (though that’s improving). This is why I’m going for something that will let me make most of my own hours (though when a baby wants to be born, you can’t push it back in there and say, “I want to hang out with my kids right now, you need to wait” ).

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

**My mom and I actually have had this conversation. We have decided that if we win the lottery that we would like to have a family farm type atmosphere. We could have our individual spaces but also communal spaces like kitchen and entertainment room. We meaning my parents, my hubby daughter and I, my sister and her almost-husband and their future children.

But for now we all live within several blocks from each other so that’s the best we could hope for in today’s society. it’s just a shame that most of hubby’s family is across the country.

malia
**

 

[StephanieC]

Maybe not in the same house……but how 'bout in the same neighborhood?

I like my privacy, but I am also learning through the example of others what a blessing close extended family can be. One person has her mom living with her, her sister right next-door, and about 6 of the other 8 siblings basically in the same county.

My family’s spread across the country & every now & then I cue the violin for a pity-party about how we don’t really know each other anymore, never mind my kids having relationships with their grandparents & aunts & uncles.

 

[MomOSix]

I am a SAHM {20 yrs} and I do NOT think it would be easier to live WITH my extended family. Too many conflicting ideas about certain things could lead to discord in the household. Minor marital difficulties would become family matters. Nope. A private life is important for a family.

After all, it is said that a Man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home to travel on to where the two shall be as one. They are to form a household together as a unit, not as pieces in a larger puzzle.

That said, I would LOVE to live NEARer my extended family. It would be a dream come true to have us all living in a cul-de-sac!
Company and support when I want/need it, and ample privacy and space when I need that, too.

 

[Viki59]

I’m just trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and why I feel so frustrated and going slightly mad for being imprisoned in this house for months with a preverbal being… So I’m just trying to understand what’s wrong.
.

I’ve given this subject a LOT of thought – about 17 years worth, which is how long I was a single parent. Granted, I worked out of the home beginning when my kids were 5 and 7.
I loved staying home with my kids a lot of the time, but I remember having exactly those thoughts.

There is nothing wrong with you, Paradoxy. It’s just an unnatural situation. I often thought it would be fine if we could go to the well or out to the park and chat with the neighbors while we drew water, carded wool, or knitted, but there’s no need to do that now. And a support group is great, I lived on Bible studies back then, but it’s not daily or very natural. We should be able to go somewhere to work together every day, and just chat. Being stuck in a house alone with babies day after day is just not a normal way to live, and most societies haven’t done that.

If I were doing it over again, I’d probably look for a commune to live in. Failing that, I’d definitely join a support group of SAHMs.
If you have a husband, it’s not fair to put the whole burden of your social life on him, so it’s important to get out and have friends.
Will be praying for you.

 

[THutch04]

I actually learned about this in my bible class last semester, that families built onto their houses, and their entire family really did live together. We actually discussed about how modern society “romanticizes” the concept of families living together, and always leaves out that the women were always doing actual work (work that technology has made possible to not do now). I’d actually be interested in learning about how societies where communal living is the norm handle that type of life. Are there still conflicting ideas over how to raise children? Is there a private life for the husband and wife? I’m sure having family live with you has it’s own problems, not necessarily better or worse, just different.

Personally, I wouldn’t want to live with my family if I was married. lol part of the reason I go to a school away from home is so I don’t have to be in the same house as my family! My mom grew up with her whole family living on the same street. I can see the value in that. It would be nice to have people nearby, so that there would be others around. I’m just a private person. I want my space and privacy, and I don’t even talk to my neighbors (I’m sure that’s because neither of my parents actually had neighbors growing up, they had relatives, so socializing with neighbors was never something that I was taught to do). I don’t intend on being a stay at home mom, so I hope that there is at least a good support system NEARBY for times when I may not be able to be with my children.

 

[paradoxy]

Viki59, thank you so much!

In old rural Serbia, a nuclear family lived in a single house. When a son got married, he would build a small house near the family one for his own family. So they wouldn’t all be living all the time in the same house, but many activities would be taking place in the main house - the house with the kitchen.

Women did a lot of work, but men did more - hard labor in the fields.

 

[jman507]

One thing that would make this hard to really understand is that once you are living with other people the dynamics of the relationships would change. Living with someone is different from getting together with that same person quite often. The formalities get dropped. All parties living together end up attempting to learn how to live together. You probably won’t keep constantly getting in the same fight as when you show up to family functions.

I guess to put try to sum it up. I don’t know if it’d be easier and more natural. It would be different with different advantages and disadvantages. Different circumstances and dynamics. It would take a different philosophy on family relationships.

 

[MaryD7]

Right next door to us, a Moslem family from Yemen moved in about 4 years ago. They have the exact living arrangement the OP mentions. Oh my goodness …

There is a father, mother, about 8 sons with 4 or 5 having wives and then their children. I would say that the number of children under 10 is between ten to twelve. This is one house (probably 2700 square feet) on a 75x100 lot here in NYC.

The father own several stores and all the sons work at the stores. He controls the money and pretty much the show.

I learned a long time ago that here in NYC you have to learn to tolerate different cultures and backgrounds but I truly have a hard time with this set-up. Number 1 - they are loud! (With all those little ones, how could it not be?) Number 2 - They dominate the neighborhood. They create such a hub that you can’t ignore them. They have 5 cars, come in late at night from working (and aren’t quiet about it either). In the morning the kids are never ready for school so the bus drivers sit outside and honk. The patriarch is always pitching a fit about something (I’m truly afraid the man is going to have a heart attack one day.) Number 3 - The children are not supervised despite the amount of SAHM’s in the house. My husband and I have both had to go over to tell them what their kids are up to. One time two of them were stuck behind some garbage behind the garage and I heard them crying. This past winter my husband found three of them locked out of the house with no coats (about 10 degrees outside) and nobody would answer the doors. I got some of my kids’ coats to put on them, then went and pounded on their windows. They finally opened the door. About a month ago, a cop cruising down the street stopped by their house because one of the little girls was outside by the fence by herself. He asked the adults if they realized that he could have taken her and they never would have known about it?

So to answer the OP’s question, NO, I would not like to live in this kind of set-up. I don’t even like living next door to it.

(The one positive is that by the sheer number of people, our 6 sons seem quiet as church mice in comparison. lol)

 

[MaryD7]

I forgot to mention another negative to having all those people/children in one house … something is always getting broken. I’ve seen so much broken furniture in the garbage next door … it’s no wonder the patriarch pitches fits. (And no, I don’t go snooping to see their garbage. They have to place it on the lot line between our houses on garbage day. They have so much garbage sometimes it spills over onto our ours.)

 

[puzzleannie]

…if you lived with the extended family like in the olden days? No loneliness, plenty of adult interaction, even MORE kids around, so they can all play together, but also more adults, so the kids are supervised at all times and some housework can actually get done!

I ?

it would in some respect resemble traditional families more, but bear in mind, in farm or working class families, women did work most of the time for economic benefit, even when physically present in the home, and did not spend the majority of her time interacting with and entertaining children. Since the children assisted with farm work, household chores and helping with babies from an early age, their entertainment was not an issue, and quite frankly through most of history of these classes grew up without much direct supervision of all their waking activities.