Would I be wrong to do this?

[RascalJones]

My daughter’s first Eucharist is on April 25.

My wife has not been to communion in over 2 years, and needs to go to confession before she can receive communion. (If anyone wants to know, just find my posts from just over a year ago, I don’t want to go over it again).

Anyway, would I be wrong to “put a bug in my daughter’s ear” to ask mommy if she’s going to go to communion with us at her first communion?

I know that my wife will know that I put her up to it. I asked her about it back in January, giving plenty of lead time. She told me she was going to go to confession during Lent…well, for all intents and purposes Lent is pretty much over. I know there’s no way she’ll get there by Easter. I just want her to be able to participate in my daughter’s day. (Mostly, though, I’d like to see her go to confession for all its Grace). Every time I bring it up, she gets rather upset with me. She’s a convert, and has a hard time going to confession. I think in 9 years, she’s been 2 or 3 times. And, I know I shouldn’t take it so personally, because it’s her decision and her faith life. But as husband and father, I take the faith life of my entire family pretty seriously…I get it from my dad.

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[Godfollower]

Yes. It would be absolutely, utterly wrong of you to do this.

Please, please, PLEASE: do not use your daughter to send a message to your wife. It’s unfair to your daughter, and it’s cowardly of you. Either talk to your wife about it directly, or don’t deal with it at all.

This is your daughter’s first Communion. Don’t turn it into her first (or second, or whatever) fight between Mommy and Daddy conducted through her. Whatever’s going on between you and your wife, keep your daughter out of it.

 

[RascalJones]

That’s kinda what I thought. Just wanted to hear/read someone say it.

Thanks.

 

[whatevergirl]

My daughter’s first Eucharist is on April 25.

My wife has not been to communion in over 2 years, and needs to go to confession before she can receive communion. (If anyone wants to know, just find my posts from just over a year ago, I don’t want to go over it again).

Anyway, would I be wrong to “put a bug in my daughter’s ear” to ask mommy if she’s going to go to communion with us at her first communion?

I know that my wife will know that I put her up to it. I asked her about it back in January, giving plenty of lead time. She told me she was going to go to confession during Lent…well, for all intents and purposes Lent is pretty much over. I know there’s no way she’ll get there by Easter. I just want her to be able to participate in my daughter’s day. (Mostly, though, I’d like to see her go to confession for all its Grace). Every time I bring it up, she gets rather upset with me. She’s a convert, and has a hard time going to confession. I think in 9 years, she’s been 2 or 3 times. And, I know I shouldn’t take it so personally, because it’s her decision and her faith life. But as husband and father, I take the faith life of my entire family pretty seriously…I get it from my dad.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Why did your wife convert, may I ask?
I think that it’s totally normal to want your wife to join you and your daughter in confession, for if she has this much of a hard time with it, that might start to spill over onto your dd. Much easier no doubt, if everyone is in agreement. But, your wife doesn’t have to go with you…she can go on her own. My dh and the kids and me will often go together, but there was a time, when my dh hadn’t been in a while, and then one day…dd (without my urging, believe that or not lol) kept goading him and goading him…and finally he went. I don’t think you should ask your dd to ask her…I agree with Godfollower on that point.

But, I’d just have a quiet talk with your wife, and ask her kindly to come with you, if she says no…that leads me back to my original question…why did she convert?

 

[kevinsgirl]

Don’t use your daughter as a go between.

Maybe you could suggest to your wife that you go to confession as a family on Good Friday!

 

[apromisemade]

It would be completely wrong for you to use your daughter in that way. You should be able to communicate to your wife one adult to another about this.

 

[RascalJones]

Part of her conversion was probably because she was marrying me. She had recently been baptized in another Christian church. She felt comfortable with the faith, and for a long time she was very active in it.

I’m not asking her to go to confession with me/us. I know that it’s something she’ll want to be alone for. She’s just nervous about telling someone else the things she needs to. It’s hard for her, because she didn’t grow up with it.

The hard part is that I sometimes take it too personally.

 

[whatevergirl]

Part of her conversion was probably because she was marrying me. She had recently been baptized in another Christian church. She felt comfortable with the faith, and for a long time she was very active in it.

I’m not asking her to go to confession with me/us. I know that it’s something she’ll want to be alone for. She’s just nervous about telling someone else the things she needs to. It’s hard for her, because she didn’t grow up with it.

The hard part is that I sometimes take it too personally.

I see. Well, in time, she will ebb and flow with this…I am a cradle Catholic, and there was a time that I didn’t see the ‘need’ of going to confession. Meanwhile, it’s a Sacrament, and I had lots to learn…over time, I grew to very much enjoy it. Right now, she might see the priest as a barrier, instead of the persona of Christ. That could be the issue…it is your role as her husband, to not stay silent though…she converted to marry you, sure, but I’m sure she wants to follow Christ’s teachings, etc…so, maybe just have a kind talk with her now and again. If everytime you ask however, for her to join you in confession, and she gets upset, and says no…that is not healthy either. Confession isn’t a punishment, and even though she converted…you both should try your hardest to grow as one in your faith.

I know you know this, I’m just saying. lol Good luck to you, and congrats to your daughter!

 

[kage_ar]

Ask your wife to go with you. Even if you think she wants to go alone, sometimes we WANT our husbands to just be there for us.

Find out where you can go this week, maybe somewhere in another town - you can do dinner and Confession. Many parishes will NOT offer confession next week, holy week is by appointment only because the priests are so busy with all of the services.

If your DH FHC is not for a few weeks, you might want to begin a Divine Mercy Novena and see about going to Confession with DW on Divine Mercy Saturday