Would I regret forgoing a Nuptial Mass?

[FastLearner]

If the wedding was in a non-Catholic church how is it sacrilege? Plus, the Catholic’s priest was there and he new that the baptized Christian was not a Catholic and he approved the whole thing.

I believe a bishop can give permission for a non-Catholic to receive communion, but I imagine that’s a rare case. But, if that was the case, it was a Nuptial Mass.

But in those cases the woman and her family pretty much told the groom, “The wedding will be this way. You just show up and say, ‘Yes/I do/I promise,’ at the proper times and all will be well.” And the groom was okay with that.

You have to be careful about that. I started with a “just tell me when and where”, and about 3 months in to the planning, I overhead her on the phone using the phrase “… at the little Methodist church on…” (it turns out she was told that Catholics don’t have to get married in a Catholic church on a forum like this - apparently, on a forum such as this, someone was either confused or mislead about the Dispensation from Canonical Form or convalidation). So I had to explain to her how it really works and take over all ceremony planning. Of course, I now get grief because there’s a time gap between the ceremony and the reception, but she’s going to have to deal with it.

I wasn’t about to leave Jesus out of the day.

Are you leaving Jesus out of the day by not having a full Mass? There are still three readings from the Bible, including one of Jesus’ teachings from the Gospel, Jesus is present in the tabernacle nearby, there’s a crucifix is in the background, there are many stained glass windows (most likely) depicting Jesus’ acts, you’re celebrating in the Church that He commissioned, and you’re praying to Jesus and being blessed in His name.

There are also practical considerations. My fiancee’s family are southern protestants, and therefore pretty anti-Catholic. In a Nuptial Mass, I’d have to deal with very few (if any) of her family kneeling during consecration (including the Maid of Honor). Further, one thing that I want to do for her family (and for 90% of them, it’s the first time they’ve ever entered a Catholic church), is show them that Catholics aren’t the evil cult that they grew up hearing about. Visually separating the room into those who accept communion and those that sit there doesn’t help. Also, the “stand, sit, kneel” is daunting and confusing to visitors. I know there are some hard-line people that say “We’re Catholic, and we’re right, so you should be getting married in Latin and forget about them”, but my opinion is that if I can make them comfortable (and maybe lead to some understanding or possibly even a discussion that leads to conversion), while honoring Jesus, my faith, and the Church’s teachings, it’s something I feel I should do.

 

[masondoggy]

I don’t feel as if the Catholic marriage liturgy leaves Jesus out of the day. He is present in the sacrament of marriage, and in the Word.

Not saying that it is, but that’s just how it felt to me at the time.

 

[Catholic1954]

My husband is not Catholic and we had a Nuptial Mass. It was never discouraged by the priest either. I was given the choice and there was only one option in my mind…I wasn’t about to leave Jesus out of the day. Most of the guests were from my family (DH has a small family and is estranged from most of them) and Catholic and it just didn’t feel right for us all to gather for an event like that and not have Mass.

I think DH would have preferred to not have the Mass, but he knew it was important to me and he was very gracious about it.

Me too!! :yup:

 

[Flying_Limey]

My wife and I were married in 2007 and at that time I was an Episcopalian, having been baptized in The Church of England and confirmed in the Episcopal Church. My wife is a “cradle Catholic” and wanted a Nuptial Mass. The priest contacted the bishop’s office and was given permission for me to receive the Eucharist. As we both have been widowed and her first marriage was in a Christian church but not RC she very much wanted the full Mass. I have since joined the Church (Easter 2008) and have become very active in the Church. We are a very small Mission Church most of the year with 35 to 50 parishioners but swell to several hundred during the winter. I am so very happy that I was allowed to partake of the Eucharist during our Nuptial Mass as I felt that it was a sign that I belonged. I spoke with our Pastor and he said that he knew I would be joining and he was so very happy for me.
I would think that as long as you were marrying a baptized Christian the priest could request permission from the diocesan office for your husband to receive Communion at the Mass.

 

[FastLearner]

I would think that as long as you were marrying a baptized Christian the priest could request permission from the diocesan office for your husband to receive Communion at the Mass.

I would be really troubled if a protestant that didn’t believe in the Real Presence received Holy Communion. Since Anglicans do believe in the Real Presence and some even believe in Transubstantiation, you might have been a special case.

 

[awantz]

If non-Catholics receive Communion (the real, Catholic, transubstantiation Communion), then it is sacrilege.

Was it a Catholic Mass/Communion? If so, I’m surprised it was offered in a non-Catholic church.

Non-Catholics can receive the real communion. Catholics aren’t the only ones who believe in real communion.
I don’t know, that’s what I’m trying to figure out. The Catholic priest and non-Catholic pastor performed the marriage ceremony together.

 

[awantz]

What you describe is highly unusual if such a thing was done licitly. But there are priests around who would do such things illicitly.

It was done licitly.

 

[Seatuck]

My wife and I were married in 2007 and at that time I was an Episcopalian, having been baptized in The Church of England and confirmed in the Episcopal Church. My wife is a “cradle Catholic” and wanted a Nuptial Mass. The priest contacted the bishop’s office and was given permission for me to receive the Eucharist. As we both have been widowed and her first marriage was in a Christian church but not RC she very much wanted the full Mass. I have since joined the Church (Easter 2008) and have become very active in the Church. We are a very small Mission Church most of the year with 35 to 50 parishioners but swell to several hundred during the winter. I am so very happy that I was allowed to partake of the Eucharist during our Nuptial Mass as I felt that it was a sign that I belonged. I spoke with our Pastor and he said that he knew I would be joining and he was so very happy for me.
I would think that as long as you were marrying a baptized Christian the priest could request permission from the diocesan office for your husband to receive Communion at the Mass.

That was highly irregular for you to have received communion. It is not within the norms and rubrics. Non Catholics are not permitted to receive communion except under a very narrow set of circumstances such as they are in danger of death or they cannot be received into the church due to grave circumstances or they belong to a community that believes exactly as we do and are unable to seek the sacrament from thier own minister. Not seeing that scenario.

 

[Seatuck]

It was done licitly.

It does not appear to have been done licitly. Catholics do not believe that any other ministers with the exception of the Orthodox have the capacity to confect the Eucharist. Other ministers are not permitted to take a major liturgical role at Catholic weddings either. So unless something is not being explained properly the situation is quite problematic.

 

[Seatuck]

Hi, I’m not getting married nor do I have any prospective boyfriend, LOL, but since marriage is a sacrament, I thought I’d post this here.

I see arguments that discourage mixed marriages (I feel strongly about this for myself) and accounts of other marriages that work out, etc.

But one thing occurred to me today that, although it’s been in my head, it wasn’t in the forefront of my mind but now that it’s popped up, I can’t stop thinking about it.

The one thing about a mixed wedding is that the Nuptial Mass would have to be forgone (if I’m not mistaken - correct me if I’m wrong). I heard that one thing is the Nuptial Mass is that both the bride and groom receive the Eucharist and without this Mass, only one person in the couple does.

Are there any other differences between a Nuptial Mass and a wedding without one?

I am not feeling comfortable at the thought of forgoing a Nuptial Mass somehow - I feel that I’d regret it later on if I didn’t have one (this is all hypothetical).

I personally would not have a Mass if I married a non Catholic. In truth I wouldn’t marry a Non Catholic but that is neither here nor there. I wouldn’t because it highlights a very key deficit between the two. At the time of the marriage the two are not entirely in union in matters of faith and morals. The one receiving communion and the other not really highlights this. It doesn’t make sense to highlight it at the wedding. See what I mean?

 

[Phemie]

Non-Catholics can receive the real communion. Catholics aren’t the only ones who believe in real communion.
I don’t know, that’s what I’m trying to figure out. The Catholic priest and non-Catholic pastor performed the marriage ceremony together.

1. While they were both present and both might take part in different parts of the ceremony, only one of the clergy could receive the consent (vows) of the couple and the rites couldn’t be mixed and matched.

Can. 1127 §1. The prescripts of ⇒ can. 1108 are to be observed for the form to be used in a mixed marriage.

§3. It is forbidden to have another religious celebration of the same marriage to give or renew matrimonial consent before or after the canonical celebration according to the norm of §1. Likewise, there is not to be a religious celebration in which the Catholic who is assisting and a non-Catholic minister together, using their own rites, ask for the consent of the parties.

1. If it was in a non-Catholic Church, it was not Mass so no consecration.
2. While an Anglican/Lutheran might be allowed to receive Communion in a Catholic Church under certain limited circumstances, Catholics are never allowed to receive Communion in Churches that have no valid consecration.

Can. 844 §1. Catholic ministers administer the sacraments licitly to Catholic members of the Christian faithful alone, who likewise receive them licitly from Catholic ministers alone, without prejudice to the prescripts of §§2, 3, and 4 of this canon, and ⇒ can. 861, §2.
§2. Whenever necessity requires it or true spiritual advantage suggests it, and provided that danger of error or of indifferentism is avoided, the Christian faithful for whom it is physically or morally impossible to approach a Catholic minister are permitted to receive the sacraments of penance, Eucharist, and anointing of the sick from non-Catholic ministers in whose Churches these sacraments are valid.

 

[awantz]

It does not appear to have been done licitly. Catholics do not believe that any other ministers with the exception of the Orthodox have the capacity to confect the Eucharist. Other ministers are not permitted to take a major liturgical role at Catholic weddings either. So unless something is not being explained properly the situation is quite problematic.

Well, it sounds like I’m not the only one who’s been married this way. So, accourding to you we have many illegitimate marriages in here.

 

[Seatuck]

Well, it sounds like I’m not the only one who’s been married this way. So, accourding to you we have many illegitimate marriages in here.

Not sure what you mean by illigitimate. I’m sure the marriages were valid just not licit , following the liturgical norms of the church.

 

[FastLearner]

Well, it sounds like I’m not the only one who’s been married this way. So, accourding to you we have many illegitimate marriages in here.

To summarize:

1. You are a non-Catholic that married a Catholic
2. Your marriage took place outside of a Catholic church
3. Your wedding was celebrated with both a Catholic priest and a non-Catholic minister present
4. The bride and groom both received communion at the wedding

A few follow-up questions:

a) Did the Catholic have a Dispensation to be married in a non-Catholic church?
b) Did the Catholic priest or the non-Catholic minister consecrate the host?

My guess is that the answer to a is “yes” (otherwise a Priest probably wouldn’t have attended) and the answer to b is that the minister consecrated the host (I’m fairly certain a Catholic priest can’t perform consecration outside of a Catholic place of worship, but I don’t have a canon law citation for that).

If that’s the case, then it’s probable that the marriage was valid and licit. The Catholic shouldn’t have taken communion in a non-Catholic church, but that doesn’t impact the wedding as far as I know.

 

[SMHW]

Well, it sounds like I’m not the only one who’s been married this way. So, accourding to you we have many illegitimate marriages in here.

You also don’t say when you were married. There were time periods during the 1970s and 1980s when there was a certain amount of experimentation in many dioceses which, while not permitted by liturgical law, was “actively overlooked” by Rome while the practical matters of ecumenism were being considered.

The latest GIRM specifically addresses many of these forms of experimentation… and pretty much says, “No more!”

 

[awantz]

To summarize:

1. You are a non-Catholic that married a Catholic
2. Your marriage took place outside of a Catholic church
3. Your wedding was celebrated with both a Catholic priest and a non-Catholic minister present
4. The bride and groom both received communion at the wedding

A few follow-up questions:

a) Did the Catholic have a Dispensation to be married in a non-Catholic church?
b) Did the Catholic priest or the non-Catholic minister consecrate the host?

My guess is that the answer to a is “yes” (otherwise a Priest probably wouldn’t have attended) and the answer to b is that the minister consecrated the host (I’m fairly certain a Catholic priest can’t perform consecration outside of a Catholic place of worship, but I don’t have a canon law citation for that).

If that’s the case, then it’s probable that the marriage was valid and licit. The Catholic shouldn’t have taken communion in a non-Catholic church, but that doesn’t impact the wedding as far as I know.

You are correct.

 

[awantz]

You also don’t say when you were married. There were time periods during the 1970s and 1980s when there was a certain amount of experimentation in many dioceses which, while not permitted by liturgical law, was “actively overlooked” by Rome while the practical matters of ecumenism were being considered.

The latest GIRM specifically addresses many of these forms of experimentation… and pretty much says, “No more!”

I was married in 2004.

 

[Abundant]

I think that this discussion got a little off track. Would you regret it? Yes. Why would you want to get married and not have Jesus’ real presence be a part of it? Marriage is about joining and man, woman and Christ. What better way to do so than to receive the blessed sacrament at your wedding?

 

[BrokenFortress]

This is an interesting read for me as my boyfriend and I were just talking about this last weekend. I converted to Catholicism 3 years ago and as it is, most of my family is Protestant, and my immediate family is WELS Lutheran with my dad being borderline Catholic-hating. Because of this, if I were to get married, I said to my boyfriend that I would want the wedding ceremony without Communion. Because all of my family would not be Catholic and I felt as though having a Communion ceremony would be awkward.

He stated that he would want a Mass and he felt as though the ceremony is about the couple getting married, not the people attending. But I pointed out that I felt as though it is also about the family attending, as I wholeheartedly respect my family for the life they’ve given me and the Christian upbringing they gave me. Every single Protestant wedding I’ve been to, they did not have Communion at a wedding, which I feel would only add to the uncomfortable feeling for the non-Catholic. Because believe me, I remember going to a Catholic church for the first time with my boyfriend and I did feel slightly awkward sitting there while others went up for Communion.

Sure, having the Mass at your wedding allows you to spend your first day of marriage with Jesus, but I do agree with another poster who said that Jesus is also in the marriage since it is a sacrament. And since the Church allows weddings without a Mass, I think it’s perfectly fine to get married without the Mass given circumstances like this.