Would it be better for me to get sterilized, or my husband?

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sdeco

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I just found out that I’m pregnant with my fourth surprise pregnancy. I conceived after I stopped taking Prometrium to induce a period (since I have long cycles) but before I actually got my period, which from everything I’ve read is almost impossible. The nurse I talked to at my Dr.’s office today said she’s never seen that before. I had no fertility signs whatsoever.

I have finally reached the breaking point, and I think either me or my husband is going to get sterilized.

My husband was a serious Catholic when I married him, but over the years has pretty much lost his faith. I am still Catholic. I know if my husband got sterilized, he would have no regrets whatsoever and would not go to confession. If I got sterilized, then at least I could go to confession afterward. I would be honest with the priest that it is “imperfect contrition,” and I would explain to him the situation and how I was backed into a corner.

Would it be better for me to just go ahead and do it than for him to do it?
 
I don’t think this is a good place to ask the question. I know I feel uncomfortable with the question. If this comes from a situation where it was considered “impossible” to get pregnant, then something may have gone wrong. Has NFP been tried? I think I’d be tempted to talk it over with my priest. Ok, so I’m all over the place here. I guess this is one reason that large families were so common a long time ago. I know I wouldn’t want one. ( a large family, I mean) I think a look into regular birth control would be my first option. That’s a bit less drastic than the other. Look into all possibilities. The least drastic one that works should be tried.
 
Congratulations on your new child! Another great gift!

To answer your question, no it would not be better for either of you to proceed with the act of sterilization (that word just sounds wrong, how it can be thought of as a good, is beyond me).

You might want to talk to a priest BEFORE you try and pull off your plan.

It wouldn’t hurt to learn how to manage your gift of fertility (and good health?) with NFP, if you haven’t tried it. You have 9 months to learn it.

You don’t see the fact that you are pregnant when “it just doesn’t happen” with the situation you’ve been through as a sign?

Maybe a sign for your husband to get back into the Catholic game? For the both of you to understand who you are to God? The purpose of marriage? (hint: Children)

A story I love -

My brother-in-law asked his mom if he was an accident because he came so much longer after his next oldest sibling.

His mom’s response - “Oh Steve, you were all accidents”

We have had 7 pregnancies, raising 6 Children currently. Were any of them planned? The only plan was that if we got to 3, to try and have #4 quickly to not look like an “oops” family.

We do understand they are gifts and that we are doing something good in raising God’s kids.
 
Just as a word of warning, commiting a sin with the presumption that you “will just go to confession afterwards so it doesn’t matter” is actually another sin called the sin of presumption.

Honestly, the best scenario would be for neither of you to be sterilized and for you both to follow God’s will in this whole matter. If this is impossible, then the only other moral option for you is to both refuse to be sterilized and discourage your husband from being sterilized. If he sterilizes himself anyway even though you let him know you disaprove then you will in no way be culpable for that.

I really hope I am not coming across too harshly because this sounds like a terribly stressful position to be in and I know that I cannot fully understand what exactly you are going through right now. I will be sure to say some prayers for you and your family in this hard situation. :console:
 
God loves your children and He created them on purpose, even though they were a surprise to you. Each of them has a purpose in God’s plan of salvation for the whole world.
 
thewanderer said:
Just as a word of warning, commiting a sin with the presumption that you “will just go to confession afterwards so it doesn’t matter” is actually another sin called the sin of presumption.
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You are 100% correct with this.

I had a gentleman from our parish tell me that our pastor would not grant him absolution because he and his girlfriend were living together outside of wedlock, along with all that one can imagine goes along with it.

He went on to say that he had confessed this sin numerous times, and always told the priest there was a timeline for them to get married etc, but due to financial reasons, it wasn’t going to happen soon.

So, after a few times, our pastor stopped granting absolution.

There is no guarantee that absolution will be granted. Then what’s going to happen?

I would just like to state that the priest did not break the seal of the confessional. This information came directly from the penitent.
 
Your confession would be invalid due to your presumption that you can sin and “just go to confession afterward”. You will not be in a state of grace. Your husband, already spiritually endangered by not upholding the precepts of the Church, will again encounter grave matter by seeking sterilization. It is a shame that you and he are willing to endanger your souls for such worldly matters as this. We are now celebrating Easter, and we have seen first-hand how the Risen Lord can conquer death itself and come among us in the Eucharist, and you want to deny that precious gift to yourself for such selfish reasons? Christians are prepared to die for love of Jesus, persecuted greatly in far reaches of the world, and you are going to take immoral so-called “health care” benefits in order to “cure” yourself of fertility? There is soon going to be a Mass for the infertile in my diocese, would you care to come speak after this Mass to couples who have never been able to have a child and tell them how you are going to snuff out any chance of ever conceiving again? What if the procedure fails and you get another “surprise” pregnancy, what can you tell that precious child when he is a teenager about his parents’ love for each other and for God that they didn’t really want him after all?
 
Technically, it’s against Church teaching to get sterilized, so I don’t feel comfortable answering your question. From a medical perspective, I believe male sterilization is easier and safer. I struggle with this Church teaching myself…Yes, children are wonderful gifts from God, but the human side of me doesn’t really believe that we are required to just keep having children.
 
WingsOfEagles said:
Technically, it’s against Church teaching to get sterilized, so I don’t feel comfortable answering your question. From a medical perspective, I believe male sterilization is easier and safer. I struggle with this Church teaching myself…Yes, children are wonderful gifts from God, but the human side of me doesn’t really believe that we are required to just keep having children.
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Just so you are aware the Catholic Church also has no such doctrine. There is no requirement that Catholics just keep having children either.
 
None of us here will tell you or your husband to get sterilized without incurring grave sin ourselves. Neither of you do it, for the sake of both your souls. Congratulations on the new baby.
 
sdeco,

As others have eloquently written: neither. However, it is possible to suggest faith-friendly alternatives, such as continence and NFP.

If other methods of NFP have been tried but haven’t worked out, you could try the Marquette model. Aside from Creighton-style CM, this uses a fertility monitor to track hormone levels. That kind of direct measurement of your fertility could make a significant difference.
 
I know sterilization is wrong…I am now on Prometrium myself to jump start my period and would love to be pregnant again instead of having to go through fertility treatments.

Maybe you just need to slow things down…sterilization is permanent and you are worth more than that.

There is a great reason for this little miracle. Please pray for me to conceive and I pray that you seek God’s way this scary time for you.
 
To get sterilized is to blatantly say, “NO!” to God. "No! I do not trust you! No! I will not co-create with you! No! I won’t be open to life! No! I will not submit to Your plan for my life! No! You are not my God, I am my own God. No! I will not love you more than my own life. No! I choose not to love you! No! I refuse to receive children as Your gift to me!

““Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter… And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’” Mathew 7:21
 
thewanderer said:
Just so you are aware the Catholic Church also has no such doctrine. There is no requirement that Catholics just keep having children either.
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I realize this is technically the case, but couple using NFP generally have more accidental pregnancies than those who use artificial methods.
 
sdeco said:
Would it be better for me to just go ahead and do it than for him to do it?
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Well neither of course. Sterilization is intrinsically evil and a grave sin. So, why would we encourage either of you to do this? It is always a grave thing to do.

I would suggest though, that you are in an emotional state right now and stressed out, so perhaps now is not the time for such thoughts.

Make an appointment to talk to your pastor. If you have serious reasons to avoid a pregnancy after this one, then look at your various NFP options-- not all methods are the same-- or you may need to use full abstinence for a period of time.

I am sorry that you are stressed and feel like you are at a breaking point, but sin is never the answer.
 
Neither of you should get sterilised. Sterilisation is classified as a mortal sin, a complete separation from God. Do you really want to risk the immortal soul of yourself or your husband?

And deliberately getting sterilised and then intending to confess afterwards would make the confession invalid. A valid confession requires genuine remorse for the sin. If you’re not genuinely sorry for what you’ve done, then your soul would remain forever separated from God. Would you really want that?
 
aspirant said:
Neither of you should do it.
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This.

Learn and practice NFP.

We as measly humans should not presume we will be forgiven. That is we shouldn’t do something grave and just “plan” on confessing it.
 
WingsOfEagles said:
I realize this is technically the case, but couple using NFP generally have more accidental pregnancies than those who use artificial methods.
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Even if it is true (I am not convinced) that in no way means that the Catholic Church’s position equals “you must always have more babies” and it is wrong to misrepresent it as such.
 
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