Would it be okay to see having a family as a part of my "personal redemption in life"?

[sidetrack]

The same way some people are firm agnostics being stuck in indesciveness on whether there is a God or not is how I feel about the chances of me being responsibly/satsifyingly married .

I feel like a big screw up/(by all other words)“loser” (as much as I despise that term ) for a **lot of things **I’ve done in life ussually b/c I took courses of inaction that caused a heck of a lot of internal turmoil.Add to that my psych problems like Aspergers and the number of points in questions regarding my identity that have to be resolved is an aggravating long list.

Still though ~…I wonder at times honestly if marriage* is right for me *:imsorry: .I mean I want to be married but I don’t know whether it’s the right thing to do b/c I don’t know if I’m being like selfish in thinking that doing so will remedy the huge isolationism I’ve lived through for most of my life and it’s just seems like such a blissful way to access the love life has in store for ppl.After all that’s kind of the reason why it’s such a common thing to do right ?.A few months ago my first real hopes of having a romantic relationship were dashed when I found out that the girl I liked wasn’t able to reciprocate.

In the contemplations I’ve had since then I’ve had ***really *painful realizations about how my lack of socialization throughout my life has by collary meant significant inexperience with romance and love :sad_yes:.For example in hindsight I think to myself HOW THE FLIP did it ever occur to me to have a girlfriend or wife without having a friend first?!.Their is an obvious friend in girlfriend >_<.Dx< How the flip did I not see the dang gap there! :bighanky::banghead: .

This isn’t even bringing in the obvious issues of practicality like domestic skills,money and knowing how to do red tape like paying bills,taxes,parenting,steady job prospects and I would not be surprised if by a grating demonstration I was crud at doing that stuff even more than most guys in their early 20’s -_- .

Okay my far-out hypothetical then;say I conceptually do resolve my internal problems and practicality issues becoming emotionally stable and developed and dang good marriage material in many respects.I get married and after a few years have a child or children of my own.Is it wrong to want to do all this if part of the reason you want to do is **along with **the personal blessing of having raised life into the world that’s your loving kin with a complementing significant other *also wanting to do this out of *the compelling feel to want to make sure your own children don’t have the wasted childhood that you have,redeeming your actions during your youth by doing this and be a better parent than your own was ?.

 

[Viki63]

Hi brother,
Well, you’re not alone in feeling inadequate in life skills in your early 20s.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to get married and have children, if God grants them, and try to give them a good childhood.
But getting married will not solve your feelings of isolation. Depending on what happens down the road, it may even increase them. Look at all the posts on here by men and women whose spouses have disappointed them one way or another. However, marriage is a good gamble providing you find the right person.
To overcome your feelings of isolation, it is essential to develop friendships, with God as well as with other people. It might help you to join a volunteer organization, or a church group, or a Bible study, or a hiking club- anything to get to know other people and become friends. You don’t need a ton of friends, but most people end up with at least 3 or 4 good friends and more acquaintances. Having friends will improve your social skills and increase your chances of happiness, whether married or not.
Meanwhile, you can work on life skills like making and saving money, making a budget, cleaning and cooking. Not knowing your circumstances I can’t guess at how or what you need to do, but you will know how to get started.
God bless.

 

[St_Francis]

You may be expecting a little too much from marriage, but it does seem like you are shifting a bit from wanting to get things from marriage to wanting to give… In addition to what the poster above said about the fact that some feel lonely in marriage, children can be raised very well and still mess up.

Other than that, I would say yes. The purpose of the family is for each member to help the others to get to Heaven! Being a husband and father will probably be the most challenging thing you do.

I also agree with the poster above about getting involved with some groups so you can get to know people and find friends.

 

[bsf]

….I mean I want to be married but I don’t know whether it’s the right thing to do b/c I don’t know if I’m being like selfish in thinking that doing so will remedy the huge isolationism I’ve lived through for most of my life and it’s just seems like such a blissful way to access the love life has in store for ppl….

….I’ve had ***really ***painful realizations about how my lack of socialization throughout my life has by collary meant significant inexperience with romance and love :sad_yes:.For example in hindsight I think to myself HOW THE FLIP did it ever occur to me to have a girlfriend or wife without having a friend first?

I do not have much figured out myself. Here are some of my thoughts, though. I hope they help you find and follow God’s will.

I do not think self-isolation is a characteristic of a good, potential, marriage partner, and believing marriage may help heal that in a person may be naïve. You seem to understand that.

Consider what John Powell, S.J. wrote.

Harry Stack Sullivan…has propounded the theory that all personal growth, all personal damage and regression, as well as all personal healing and growth, come through our relationships with others. There is a persistent, if uninformed, suspicion in most of us that we can solve our own problems and be the masters of our own ships of life. The fact of the matter is that by ourselves we can only be consumed by our problems and suffer shipwreck. What I am, at any given moment in the process of my becoming a person, will be determined by my relationships with those who love me or refuse to love me, with those whom I love or refuse to love.

Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? , 1969, p. 39.

I do not think you can “grow” if you remain isolated. When you open yourself to others, though, you will get hurt. God will be your perfect friend, though. Rely on him more than any human.

So, following your own advice, maybe you should try to develop some friendships first. There is considerable advice given in this forum concerning where to seek Christian fellowship. Good luck.