Would the Church Accept Me?

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bluestarsneyes

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I’m a non-catholic interested in joining the church, however I’m not sure I’d be accepted.

My history…I was married to my first husband who committed adultery on me numerous times. I attempted counseling and trying to get him help and work out the marriage. Turns out he had a drug problem and was doing drugs and cheating with other IV drug users…so I got a divorce.

I married again three years later to a man that eventually became an alcoholic and began having relationships with men behind my back. I had fear that he was using drugs as well, so instead of sticking around I left him and got another divorce.

I abused in my childhood in many ways and I now realize that as a result it had a large hand in my choices in spouses. I wanted stability and a loving home that I didn’t have growing up, and sought it out in relationships.

So that is the long soap opera story…talk about relating to the story of the woman at the Well!!!

I now have dedicated my life to God. I am back in college and studying to be a Biblical Scholar…I always loved God and church just feel that although I’ve not been the brightest person with men…I’ve also had some extreme circumstances.

I have a love for the Catholic Church. I’ve attended Mass and would love to join but from what I’m reading I’d have to get annulments. What if I’m already divorced? Would the church even allow me to join?

What if one day God blessed me to be married to a man that WOULDN’T leave me, could I ever marry in the church?

Lots of questions, but any help would be fine…I’m willing to stay back and not join the church, but I feel a strong connection to the church and thought I’d at least ask.
 
Welcome bluestarsneyes! 👋

I’m definitely not an expert, but the first thing you need to do is contact a priest - ASAP! Explain your situation as you have here, and see what he has to offer. He will most likely want to set you up with an RCIA leader, and during that process they will teach you everything you will need to know and do. 👍

As far as if the Church will accept you, that is resounding YES! We are all sinners and Jesus loves you just as much as anyone else. He wouldn’t turn anyone away.

Congratulations on taking the first step and Welcome Home! :extrahappy:
 
Okay now I’m crying…sorry…just so emotional. It is so hard to tell my history because I read it and I’m so horrified that the person on paper is actually ME!

It seems so unreal. I’ve asked forgiveness from God for my sins. I’ve raised a beautiful little boy on my own despite all of the abuse we’ve endured.

I guess I’m just very nervous to go walking into a church…I’ve been afraid of getting the most Orthodox Priest that runs me out of the Church with a book full of Penance…lol!
Not to make light…but sometimes it seems a little intimidating.

I attended the Catholic Church with a family for three years when I was a teenager…and have since attended Mass in some of the most beautiful places on earth…St. Patrick’s in NYC, St. Paul’s in London and am set to visit Scotland and Rome in the next year.

I SO much want to be apart and feel that I can pray and participate when I attend these services…and after visiting St. Paul’s last year it sort of set me on this journey. I began studying scriptures, early teachings, enrolled in Theology school…and every day really have a riot learning so much about God, history of the church, and life.

I was raised by non-denominational parents…lovers of God and good people and they aren’t too upset about my choice…so really I’m just I guess now looking for a good Parish.

I’m off too google. Thank you so much for the welcome! It means so much it really does!
 
Please make an appointment to talk to a priest in your local parish. Lay out all the facts. Since you are not currently living wiht a spouse, I do not believe you have an impediment to joining the Church. Your marriage(s) will need to be examined for nullity in order for you to marry in the future. The priest can guide you through everything.

Don’t be afraid, he won’t whack you on the head with the Catechism! I promise!
 
bluestarsneyes said:
Okay now I’m crying…sorry…just so emotional. It is so hard to tell my history because I read it and I’m so horrified that the person on paper is actually ME!

It seems so unreal. I’ve asked forgiveness from God for my sins. I’ve raised a beautiful little boy on my own despite all of the abuse we’ve endured.

I guess I’m just very nervous to go walking into a church…I’ve been afraid of getting the most Orthodox Priest that runs me out of the Church with a book full of Penance…lol!
Not to make light…but sometimes it seems a little intimidating.

I attended the Catholic Church with a family for three years when I was a teenager…and have since attended Mass in some of the most beautiful places on earth…St. Patrick’s in NYC, St. Paul’s in London and am set to visit Scotland and Rome in the next year.

I SO much want to be apart and feel that I can pray and participate when I attend these services…and after visiting St. Paul’s last year it sort of set me on this journey. I began studying scriptures, early teachings, enrolled in Theology school…and every day really have a riot learning so much about God, history of the church, and life.

I was raised by non-denominational parents…lovers of God and good people and they aren’t too upset about my choice…so really I’m just I guess now looking for a good Parish.

I’m off too google. Thank you so much for the welcome! It means so much it really does!
Click to expand...
I’m sorry to have made you cry :console: Don’t be ashamed of your past - it is in the past - and you are working on bettering yourself and your dear little one. Everyone has a past, and it is what makes us who we are. You know there are things about your past that you want to change and you are doing it!

You said that you want to be part of the Church - someone else can correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that in your heart, you already are Catholic by desire (but you cannot receive the Sacraments of Holy Communion or Confession) - you just have to go through the initiation process, but don’t let it make you nervous, as there will be other people in your boat there, too. When I converted 11 years ago, I had to go through everything as I was mormon and so I had to be Baptized, get my First Communion and Confirmed.

As one who has been through it. it is the most beautiful experience I have ever had. There will be struggles as there are with every thing, but don’t let obstacles get in your way. Ask your Holy Mother Mary to be with you - she will lead you to her Son. 🙂

Don’t be nervous walking into a Church - Jesus is there waiting just for you and believe me, He will be SOO happy to have you come Home to Him. Find yourself a parish and priest that you are comfortable with and let God take it from there.

God Bless you. :signofcross:
 
Please do not worry about being accepted or not. Christ embraces anyone who is penitent.
You know you’ve some rough times and you fought through it. The Holy Spirit is guiding you into the Lord’s arms. Any priest will be compassionate and kind.
I remember when I left the church at 24 yrs and returned 1o yrs later
after a huge change of heart and soul. The priest I spoke to was so kind and embracing and opened the doors for my return.
No priest will reject a searching soul.
As for your marriages: Were they performed in a church or just legal justice of the peace services?
A priest knowlegable in Canon Law will clarify things for you.
My guess is you wouldn’t have any trouble working the annullments out.
I will pray for you on your journey. Entrust yourself to Jesus, he loves you and wants you to be his own.
God bless you!
Maria Rose
 
WELCOME HOME BLUESTARSNEYES!!!😃

May Our Lord Jesus and with the intercession of Mary Our Mother guide you in your journey and remember…

“Be not afraid!!!” :hug3:

You will be in my prayers!! Keep us posted!
 
bluestarsneyes said:
Okay now I’m crying…sorry…just so emotional. It is so hard to tell my history because I read it and I’m so horrified that the person on paper is actually ME!

It seems so unreal. I’ve asked forgiveness from God for my sins. I’ve raised a beautiful little boy on my own despite all of the abuse we’ve endured.

I guess I’m just very nervous to go walking into a church…I’ve been afraid of getting the most Orthodox Priest that runs me out of the Church with a book full of Penance…lol!
Not to make light…but sometimes it seems a little intimidating.

I attended the Catholic Church with a family for three years when I was a teenager…and have since attended Mass in some of the most beautiful places on earth…St. Patrick’s in NYC, St. Paul’s in London and am set to visit Scotland and Rome in the next year.

I SO much want to be apart and feel that I can pray and participate when I attend these services…and after visiting St. Paul’s last year it sort of set me on this journey. I began studying scriptures, early teachings, enrolled in Theology school…and every day really have a riot learning so much about God, history of the church, and life.

I was raised by non-denominational parents…lovers of God and good people and they aren’t too upset about my choice…so really I’m just I guess now looking for a good Parish.

I’m off too google. Thank you so much for the welcome! It means so much it really does!
Click to expand...
If I may make a somewhat unorthodox suggestion - - -
If you are concerned about talking to a priest face to face, why not go to confession behind a screen. Just enter, kneel and briefly explain your concerns. This will give the priest a chance to council you briefly and put you at ease about making an appointment. On the other hand, if the priest does not strike you as someone you are comfortable with, nothing is lost (he doesn’t know your identity) and you can try the same excersize at a different parish.
There certainly isn’t naything wrong with this as you aren’t asking for absolution, just advise on a difficult matter.

James
 
First, no one is too sinful for God’s mercy. God always forgives the contrite heart.

But there is more here. I think you are alluding to the Church’s stance on divorce and remarriage. As I am currently going through the annulment processes, I can give my very inexpert personal opinions.

The likely hood of you being granted an annulment for both of your marriages is high, in my humble opinion.

First keep in mind that, generally, the Church presumes any marriage to be valid.

Substance abuse often demonstrates that a person is not mature enough to make marriage vows or they lack the capacity to understand their full impact. A spouse who has affairs is rejecting the exclusivity of marriage. Either one of these can cause a marriage vow to be invalid. If the marriage vow is invalid, the marriage did not take place. If your first husband had been previously married that would also nullify the wedding vows.

As for your second marriage, it is invalid on the face because your first marriage is presumed valid, you were not in a position to be able to enter into marriage vows. More than that, homosexual activity invalidates a marriage for several different reasons (marital permanence, open to life, exclusivity of marriage, marital fidelity, mentally capable of entering a marriage.)

But these things are practical issues that can be dealt with in due course.

Believe me, there are people who have done far worse yet were welcomed into the Church. Are you familiar with the Apostle Paul, formerly Saul of Tarsus?

Welcome to the Church. Welcome home.

May God grant you His peace. 🙂
 
If you are single right now, and not dating anyone, then there are no obstacles to your becoming Catholic, once you’ve completed your Initiation requirements.

The process begins by making an appointment to see a priest, and explaining to him why you want to be a Catholic.

Don’t worry - even the most gruff old cranks turn to mush when they hear about someone wanting to convert. You will be just fine. 🙂

You can also ask him about the process for getting Declarations of Nullity for your previous marriages, but if you are not with anyone right now, there is no rush for that. (Mention to him that you have been married before, though, so that he can advise you on what the steps would be, in your case.)

The priest will set you up with a program or process that seems right for your situation, and he will let you know what the steps are that you will need to take. The majority of people go through some form of the RCIA process, which can take anywhere from six months to two years, depending on the resources available to the parish (the 2 year one is the superior one; it covers a lot more material, and way more in-depth than the six-month or one-year versions).
 
1ke’s right. You need to call your Pastor…if you’ve chosen which Parish. If you’re that nervous…make appointments with a Pastor in a parish until you find the parish in which you wish to register. But if you’ve already been going to mass, I suggest appraoching that pastor…calling is easier and non-commital in a passive kind of way…then set a time that you can meet to talk…you don’t have to get too into it. Then do a follow up if you’re comfortable. You can also contact the Adult Faith Formation Director /RCIA instructor…depends on the Parish.

The previous marriages will have to be look into of course. I’ve heard that this is a wonderful process and teaches you a lot. I’m not and expert on any level but my dad got an annulment from my mother and my aunt is in the process of doing the same with her husband. Makes you wonder what they were thinking.🤷 But I love both of them and really would never pick them to go together…

Welcome Home. For your own sake…you’ve waited this long…don’t let the wait discourage you. God loves you and will be with you on your journey all the way. He’s with you now.

Peace and Love of Christ be with you.

Welcome Home!

Mark
 
Welcome Home
call the parish office of the Catholic Church closest to you and ask for an appointment with the priest. Tell him what you said in your post. Yes, divorced people can become Catholic, happens all the time. There is no simple one size fits all answer to problems with marital history, so you need to talk to the priest about your personal situation. Even if it takes some time to iron out some issues, it will be worth the wait, as every good thing is worth waiting for.

bear in mind that the victim of abuse, whether a child, or a spouse, is not guilty of anything, that guilt is something the abuser uses to manipute his victim, and the victim has no sin to be ashamed of because of what he or she suffered.
 
No offense Puzzleann…but closets parish is not necessary…choose a parish that is following the teachings of the Church…and one you feel comfortable attending. Yes there are still knuckleheads out there doing their own thing… That’s why I suggested talking to the priests… Take a quick glance under Moral Theology posts and you will find all kinds of “leaders” doing all kinds of illicit and wrong stuff.

Emphasis…take your time. This isn’t a fundamentalist faith that you MUST repent and run to the nearest river… That’s where I came from. Take your time and learn the faith… You will be much more at peace and enjoy the journey.

Don’t be shy with the priests. You can tell them anything they don’t already know or haven’t heard. I spent a summer after my first year in seminary learning about sexual conduct between married couples…😊 But it was to prepare us to handle adult situations with real people. More …but enough.
 
The Nazarene is the church. Subsequently, you have only to ask him. However, before you do, ask yourself three questions: Do i genuinely regret my misdeeds. Am a truly remorsefull for them, and do i have the deep burning desire to never repeating them.

That’s it. it’s that simple. Good luck.

Remember, before the church came into existence, the Nazarene was, is and will be. Make peace with him.
 
I have a question for the OP - Have you been baptised yet?

My question for everyone else is… you know how baptism removes all sin? Our OP could be full received into the Church through the sacarements of initiation.

Annulment would then only be required on both previous marriages if she sought to marry again ( which I suppose would be advisable then to get the annulments ).
 
Oh and by the way,
I used to be soooo intimidated by priests when I was going through RCIA and even after converting. It takes awhile to get to know different priests but after awhile, you will feel like they are wonderful men to help you and guide you.
 
The Church will accept everyone who comes to Her. Praise be to God that you are interested in the Catholic Church! :extrahappy:
 
Actually that is true…and I already thought of that…but letting the OP walk the faith walk… If someone has not been validly baptised that person would be received through the sacrament of baptism… Pastor…talk to your pastor. But the sacrament of reconciliation is wonderful and much needed in the world. Better than therapy. It’s like talking to Christ…😉 wind for you Catholics that understand the presence of Christ in the sacrament.
 
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