Would this be good or bad?

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Bulldawg

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I talked to my now ex gf and she really wants to start all over as friends and she said shes going to get counseling. And she said that shes going to get new email addresses and everything. Shes wanting to start totally over and see where God leads us. I want to but would that be a bad idea?
 
I think once people cross the line into a sexual realm, it can be very hard to go back to being ‘just friends,’ because you were never just friends to begin with. I think that she wants to stay in touch…she realizes that she needs help, which is very good. But, she needs to do this on her own…I think because you are in love with her, it will be very hard to just be friends. I have been there, it isn’t easy to be friends with someone you dated. Not impossible. It’s not impossible if you never loved the person, the relationship was casual, but it seems like your feelings were stronger for her, and her for you.

I find it odd that she won’t leave you alone, to be honest. I mean…that could be part of her problem, that she needs counseling for. She just isn’t accepting what you are saying, and seems to be adamant on maintaining some type of connection with you. If it were me, and I were in your place…I would probably tell her that it would be best to take a break from all contact for a little while. Doesn’t mean you can never talk again, but right now…it might be best.

That’s just me. If you both dated each other casually, I’d say it would be far easier to be friends, but you both sound like you’re in love…albeit, not right for each other…right now. If it is God’s will, He’ll make it happen. I dunno…what do you think, Bulldawg?

What do YOU want to do? What do you think you’d be comfortable doing?:o
 
Yes. Bad thing. Here’s why:

I just read your thread. Guy touched on the initial lie and it being a big red flag – but I am going to expound on it.

The fact of the matter is she’s capable of severe manipulation. She also seems to seek out extreme forms of attention. What I mean is this:

She LIED about being forced to perform sex acts with someone, and then come to find out, no not really, she was doing exactly what she wanted to do. She lied about being forced to do an online strip tease, or she would be killed. (OK what part of this is not screaming out to you “DRAMA!!!”) When in fact, she did exactly what she wanted to.

People have been killed over lies like this. Remember the teacher who seduced a student and then told the kid huge whopping lies about her husband abusing her so he would kill the man? Now I’m not saying she’ll seduce a kid and get him to kill you, but I am saying that what happens when you two end? What will she tell the next guy YOU forced her to do? “He made me take nude pictures and have phone sex with him or he would come cut off my toes! I HAD TO!”

I totally agree with Guy, if she would have just said: “Yes, I’ve been sexually active. I would like to be better, so I’ll take that to confession and act more properly in the future with you.” Then you could have forgiven and moved on. But that is NOT what happened, she made up huge, *dangerous *lies, and then went on to behave just as badly with you. Dragging a good Catholic man down to her level works as justification.

I don’t see this behavior coming to an end. I also don’t see the lies ending anytime soon. It might change, but the change might just manifest into something else that’s equally morally bankrupt. That’s great she wants to get counseling, but you’ll never know if it’s true. People who live lives such as this aren’t so quick to give up their debauchery. It’s inspiring to know she wants to be a better person, and that’s great if you inspired it, but you should admire any real changes from afar.

When trying to think of a way to respond to you I recalled a great line of Dr. Laura’s:

“If you rescue a damsel in distress you just end up with a distressed damsel.”

I think you should rethink this idea.

Hey did you meet her on the internet? Is that why this is long-distance?
 
Oh and PS: Anyway you can talk to the previous guy? Bet you’ll get ALL kinds of info to help you make this decision.

Including the fact he’s probably still seeing her.:cool:
 
KCtheMommy said:
Oh and PS: Anyway you can talk to the previous guy? Bet you’ll get ALL kinds of info to help you make this decision.

Including the fact he’s probably still seeing her.:cool:
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:eek:

I think KC makes great points! I also find her to be very manipulative, and unable to be without a guy, also red flag. To a young man, that might seem flattering, but it really means that she has no life outside men. Hopefully, the counseling will help. Hopefully, she isn’t lieing about that, also. :o (signing up for counseling)

Good luck Bulldawg–the fact that you are thinking about this so much, and it’s not positive…shows that she is draining your time and energy on like KC said…drama.
 
I agree with WG. Speaking as a woman, it’s extremely difficult for us to be just friends. Even if physical intimacy isn’t involved, I can be pretty sure she will have some strong feelings for you.

Also, from your posts, it sounds as if you have strong feelings for her as well. These two will cause a huge opportunity for sin. You’ve made the right decision ending things. I don’t know the situation (this is based on things you have said and some responses posters have made to you. I fear she would use you as a crutch to not get the help she needs.

Cutting all ties, at least for the near and intermediate future, seems like the correct course. Best of luck to you and God bless you both.
 
To add to my previous post –

A lot was posted while I was working on posting mine. I had no idea that this girl had done so many of these things. So, run far, far away. Sever all ties with her, change your e-mail, change your phone number, etc. She has many problems that she will need to work on.

As with any relationship, you will need time to “recover” yourself. You cannot process everything that happened, learn from it and move on while she is still in your life. Even if it is just phone and e-mail.
 
nicolep said:
Sever all ties with her, change your e-mail, change your phone number, etc. She has many problems that she will need to work on.

.
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Thats what I am going to do…I may change my name on here and the truck forum that I am on just to make it harder for her to find me.
 
KCtheMommy said:
OK did you actually iChat or video chat? Anything? Have you ever actually SEEN her – not in still photos, but IRL action mode?
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We both have digital cameras and sent video messages. Not bad ones. Just random stuff.
 
OK because you could be messing with someone who is NOT who they say they are. Just checking on your safety.

I do hope you cut all ties and change everything. This is just a bad situation that isn’t going to change much.

There are much better Catholic Singles out there.👍
 
KCtheMommy said:
OK because you could be messing with someone who is NOT who they say they are. Just checking on your safety.

I do hope you cut all ties and change everything. This is just a bad situation that isn’t going to change much.

There are much better Catholic Singles out there.👍
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Should I change my name on here also?
 
KCtheMommy said:
Does she know you are here? Do you use BullDawg other places?

If the answer is yes to either, then yes change your name.
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She knows me as bulldawg other places. so I will change it. what stinks is the truck forum that i am on also is connected to a horse forum that shes on. she never posts on the horse forum. and i am good friends with people on the truck forum so i would hate to stop posting on the truck forum…should i?
 
Bulldawg said:
She knows me as bulldawg other places. so I will change it. what stinks is the truck forum that i am on also is connected to a horse forum that shes on. she never posts on the horse forum. and i am good friends with people on the truck forum so i would hate to stop posting on the truck forum…should i?
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No you don’t have to, just utilize the ignore button. Then you can’t read anything she sends. Simple as that.
 
I know you already agreed to keep talking to her, so I think you should wait a day, not talk to her then send her an email along the lines of:

“I have reconsidered our agreement, and I apologize for any confusion this may cause. I can no longer speak to you. PLease do not contact me further. I wish you the best in your life and I will pray for much happiness and healing in your life. God Bless, Goodnight, and Good Luck.”

Man Dawg, don’t you find it interesting that she was on Catholic Singles? What in the world? 🤷
 
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