Would this be mortal sin?

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I’m becoming Catholic soon, and to make a long story short I have to hide this fact from a certain person for their own good. Now, I’m going to tell you about a situation that I’m very concerned about. If I were in a situation such as a barbecue around that person, where of course meat is the main dish, and it was a period during lent which I couldn’t eat meat, what would I do? 🤷 This person just couldn’t handle the fact that I’m becoming/became a Catholic. He’s VERY prejudice about our faith and sees it as heresy and betrayal of God and everything he stands for. So, if I were in this situation or something similar to it, would it be mortal sin to just eat the meat to prevent an unstoppable drama fest? :confused:
 
I don’t think there would be a sin in eating the meat as it is permitted to substitute another penance in most places, besides which it’s only on certain days of Lent that we’re asked to abstain from meat or fast.

Having said that I would be concerned about hiding your faith from someone based on what they might think about it or how they could react. To thine own self be true and all that, at the end of the day you need to be honest with yourself and, I think, with your friend as well.
 
On Fridays during Lent we are to abstain from meat. So if I was in your situation I would avoid going to anything on Fridays during Lent so that I would not have an issue with this.

Other wise I would just abstain from meat. It seems that this issue is the other persons issue, not yours. If they have a problem with your spiritual life then I say tough, it is your life, not theirs.

If this is something that you can not really avoid I would seek the spiritual direction of your pastor and/or get a spiritual director.
 
ByzCath said:
On Fridays during Lent we are to abstain from meat. So if I was in your situation I would avoid going to anything on Fridays during Lent so that I would not have an issue with this.

Other wise I would just abstain from meat. It seems that this issue is the other persons issue, not yours. If they have a problem with your spiritual life then I say tough, it is your life, not theirs.

If this is something that you can not really avoid I would seek the spiritual direction of your pastor and/or get a spiritual director.
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This most likely will be something unavoidable.
 
If it is during Lent, the above would not constitute a serious enough reason to forgo your obligation to abstain from meat. Awkward social situations do not dispense one from this obligation!

I agree with the previous poster who said that this is their problem, not yours. You should not have to hide your faith because of their prejudice.
 
snhs said:
I don’t think there would be a sin in eating the meat as it is permitted to substitute another penance in most places, besides which it’s only on certain days of Lent that we’re asked to abstain from meat or fast.

Having said that I would be concerned about hiding your faith from someone based on what they might think about it or how they could react. To thine own self be true and all that, at the end of the day you need to be honest with yourself and, I think, with your friend as well.
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I think this might be a sin of scandal because the person is setting you up to deny your faith. To deny what he believes you must do on pain of sin and asking you to sin for politeness.

I would handle it by eating the salad, the chips, the dessert. And forgo the main course.

Acts 21:25 As for the Gentile believers, we have written to them our decision that they should abstain from food sacrificed to idols, from blood, from the meat of strangled animals and from sexual immorality.

Here we have an example that they must refrain from food sacrificed to idols, NOT because the food is evil, but because it would give scandal to the non-believers AND those weak in their faith.
 
moo5009 said:
I’m becoming Catholic soon, and to make a long story short I have to hide this fact from a certain person for their own good. Now, I’m going to tell you about a situation that I’m very concerned about. If I were in a situation such as a barbecue around that person, where of course meat is the main dish, and it was a period during lent which I couldn’t eat meat, what would I do? 🤷 This person just couldn’t handle the fact that I’m becoming/became a Catholic. He’s VERY prejudice about our faith and sees it as heresy and betrayal of God and everything he stands for. So, if I were in this situation or something similar to it, would it be mortal sin to just eat the meat to prevent an unstoppable drama fest? :confused:
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The other posters have given you good advice, and BTW, welcome to the Church. I know it is a big step and sounds like you will be the “first” in your family.

There are two issues in your post, as has been brought out. You should be able to do a “work around” during Lenten Fridays and such by just choosing not to eat meat. Unless everyone you know is a committed carnivore, and the only food they serve is meat, you should be okay. People may be Catholic, they may be Vegans, they may be on a diet of some kind. It is no business of anyone else what you eat or why.

However, you can’t “hide” the fact of becoming Catholic from this person forever. If you are uncomfortable with being confronted by him you may want to think of how you can “soften” the blow. Perhaps having someone else tell him. But if you can handle it, the best way is a frontal assault. Just tell him that you have made this decision, and you understand how he feels, but you feel in your heart that you are making the right choice. Then say something like “I hope you can understand and respect my decision.”

Another way to approach it would be to write him a letter so he would have time to read it and “cool down” from his initial reaction. Also lining up support with others in the family or close frends ahead of time could help, since this type of person may not act belligerently if he is “alone” on the issue.

I know someone a little older than you who went through the same decision once, and worried about how his family would react. They were surprisingly understanding and ending up supporting his decision. Your situation may not be that simple, but it is often less “confrontational” than we think it will be.

Finally, I don’t think you are withholding this for the benefit of the other person, but more out of fear about how he will react. It is not easy to take a step like this, when someone close to you is opposed to what you believe. Imagine what it was like for the first disciples, and use their faith and determination to strengthen you.

Good luck, and God Bless.
 
Why the concern with whether or not this is a mortal sin? It is not as if “mortal” is code for “avoid at all costs simply because I am afraid of burning in Hell” while “venial” is more or less some shade of “OK”. Mortal/venial are very broad categories in a very wide range of seriousness of and culpability for sin. Planning ahead to give in to the “little sins” is a very bad habit, one that holds back a little of your soul to use at your own discretion. Let us instead discuss this with the end of pursuing as much virtue and avoid as much sin as possible.

Maybe it would be better to consider how you can reconcile the good of being willing to be a witness of the faith, even when you are persecuted for it, the good of observing our Lenten obligations, the good of prudently avoiding pointless conflicts, particularly when such conflict will ruin the gracious gathering of generous hosts, and the good of being as patient and polite as humanly possible, regardless of the rudeness with which you are treated.

First question: at what point were you planning on telling this person that you’re Catholic? Surely you don’t plan on hiding your faith from everyone whom you think will be tempted into a loss of self-control by the fact? From anyone who will simply approve of you less? From anyone who will make your life more difficult? You have to be willing to make some sacrifices in order to be openly Catholic in this world. You aren’t allowed to place your lamp under a basket, or to only let your light fall in places already illuminated. You have to be willing to shine in every direction. You won’t always be thanked or appauded for that. Expect that to be a personal sacrifice. Count the cost.

Second question: Do you think that it is your responsibility to avoid all behaviors that a person with poor self-control could use as an excuse to become abusive? In its more extreme forms, there is a word for that: co-dependent. You are not responsible for preventing other people from making bad choices. Even parents are only responsible to teach good behaviors and to enforce consequences when their children choose bad ones. They are not to blame for the fact that the Good Lord gave their kids free will and a mind of their own. Now, of course it is wrong to go around provoking abuse towards yourself on purpose, but turning down grilled chicken or a hamburger is hardly a provocation.

Third question: Do you realize that part of the penance of abstaining from certain foods during Lent is the possibility that it could be found out that you’re Catholic?

The so-called “dramafest” you predict is stoppable, even if you are not the person whose responsibility it is to stop it. You are contemplating sinning in order to prevent someone else from even being tempted? That doesn’t work. Besides, wouldn’t it be better to quit allowing other people to use drama to control you and prevent you even from making your own legitimate choices, let alone prevent you from virtue? Why give others that power over you? If you accept and reward childish behavior by capitulating to it in advance, you can thank yourself when the childishness doesn’t stop.

As far as meat being “of course the main dish”, be aware that it is becoming fairly common for people to make accomodations for vegetarians and those who avoid red meat. You don’t know for sure that you’re going to be accused of Catholicism if all you do is pass up the steaks. It may be that this won’t even be an issue.

It only takes one to have a meltdown, but a dramafest takes both an actor and an audience. You can excuse yourself from the role of audience, and from taking the stage yourself. You might do a little role-playing before the feared event, assuming that an invitation to this imagined barbecue during Lent ever materializes.

You can practice what you’ll say
a) if you are offered meat, even though you chose to quietly fill your plate with other stuff (“Oh, no thank you” would suffice.)
b) if someone decides to comment on it if you decline the blunt insistence that you have some,
c) what you’re going to say or do in response to replies or outbursts made in reaction to the above
d) at what point you’re going to politedly refuse to have any further discussion of your food or religious choices.

Could you ever eat the meat without incurring sin? If your intent was to prevent hurting someone else deeply, or to prevent making your penance a far bigger burden on others than on youself, if your insistence on observing abstinence is going to cause a scandal by in essence making it into a self-centered exercise where you put what you want ahead of the needs of others, then possibly…if even with ingenuity and self-sacrifice, you can’t find a way, then maybe. If it is not your own discomfort you’re trying to avoid, but on the insistence of your host that she feels just horrible that she didn’t plan that somebody couldn’t eat red meat, she is going to go out to the store that minute and drop money that you know she doesn’t have on a nice piece of swordfish just for you, and you want to keep her from impoverishing herself on your account without tackling her, then maybe.

It’s not something done lightly or flippantly, but I suppose the possibility is within the realm of imagination. But if the intent is simply to make things easier on yourself or to give in to a blowhard who threatens to make a scene, or to make Catholicism seem “cool” and “easy” and non-threatening and just not that binding, then no, you can’t. But don’t go the direction of “the venial sin out.” If mitigating circumstances don’t truly make eating the meat into a positively virtuous act, and if it really isn’t the only way you can see to go, don’t do it.
 
moo5009 said:
I’m becoming Catholic soon, and to make a long story short I have to hide this fact from a certain person for their own good. Now, I’m going to tell you about a situation that I’m very concerned about. If I were in a situation such as a barbecue around that person, where of course meat is the main dish, and it was a period during lent which I couldn’t eat meat, what would I do? 🤷 This person just couldn’t handle the fact that I’m becoming/became a Catholic. He’s VERY prejudice about our faith and sees it as heresy and betrayal of God and everything he stands for. So, if I were in this situation or something similar to it, would it be mortal sin to just eat the meat to prevent an unstoppable drama fest? :confused:
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How would hiding your faith from another person be for their own good? And, further, why would you be comfortable doing so? This person whoever and whatever they are to you obviously has no qualms whatsoever about putting the faith down and putting forth their viewpoint…

When I was younger, we were taught that one of our duties was to always be ready to offer a spirited defense of the faith no matter what the circumstances… In fact we were told that we should consider ourselves soldiers for Christ.

I guess that viewpoint isn’t taught anymore and I find that both sad and troubling.
 
moo – What is the relationship between you and this other person? Is he your father or boss? Is there some reason why you’re concerned about his reaction aside from just the drama?

.
 
Our Blessed Lord said that if we be ashamed of Him before others, He would be ashamed of us before His Heavenly Father and the angels.

If this person hates the Catholic faith, it is not your problem. It’s his/her.
 
It is hard sometimes confessing the faith. It was much harder in early years of the Church.

We all should pray to the multitude of Saints killed for their faith and to the many unknown martyrs who refused so much as to burn incense to Roman gods.

I am sure in a year you will be surprised just how much joy you feel professing faith in the Church!
 
Just as becoming Catholic is a process, dealing with anti-Catholic relatives is a process also. On the Evangelist thread is the story of how I told my Very Anti-Catholic mother about my being Catholic a couple days ago. Also, check with your priest, because our priest told us we were not obligated to Catholic law until we became Catholic. And, being a person who eats differently at different times, it is possible to just eat what you want and not have to discuss it (or your spiritual decisions).

That said, I know it is very difficult with certain family members or friends. I am the first in my family (dad was Baptist minister), they are all fundies and know more misinformation about the CC than truth. The first thing that helped me with my family is prayer, prayer, prayer, prayer prayer and then more prayer. Then I had it prepared what I would say and what I would not say (at the Holy Spirit’s direction and after tons of prayer of course).

I’m happy the word is out now. I will tell you because of family difficulties, my RCIA RE, deacon and wife, and other spiritual leaders did advise me to tuck my crucifix on that first visit home and wait for the Holy Spirit’s leading when to tell (didn’t want to disrupt a family event that first visit home). Sooooooo now the word is out, the crucifix is out forever until it’s on me in my casket some day, and the sign of the cross will be made at prayer now…and the Anti’s can just deal with it. When they have a question, I’ll have a simple answer and an applicable reading material (Hahn, Akins, Staples…etc.) with me to provide them.

God bless you on your journey. I’ll keep you in my prayers…and God bless catholic.com.🙂
 
If you aren’t yet ready to share your conversion, tell the host or hostess in advance that you decided to give up meat on Fridays during Lent. Ask if you can bring a few fish fillets, salmon steaks, or veggie burgers to add to the menu or perhaps offer to bring a big pot of macaroni and cheese, vegetarian baked beans or chili, or macaroni/tuna salad. If he/she wants you to make an exception ‘this once’ just say that you prefer to stick to your decision. Unless you are Jewish, the idea of giving up something for Lent is accepted by most people even if they think you are going to an extreme.

Or if you just happen to be at a barbeque with this person, just eat the side dishes. If you don’t make a big deal of it, you may be the only one who notices.

And do consider what the other posters have said.
 
i’ve had priests say in sermons during lent that abstaining from something else during lent is sometimes more preferrable that abstaining from meat. one example is yes, you don’t eat meat but you end up eating sushi instead or halibut or salmon or tuna (whatever fish is expensive in your area of the world) or even lobster, then where’s the sacrifice in that?

but if you give up things like TV, watching movies or other indulgences, then you make a better sacrifice that helps you grow spiritually. the purpose for abstaining from meat is because meat was a luxury item back in the Roman times and only rich people eat meat while poor people eat fish. of course today the opposite is true for most places in the world, where burgers and hotdogs are cheap and sushi and lobster are luxury food.

so don’t worry about eating meat. give something else up that would enrich you spiritually.
 
My prayers are with you. May you find that telling them about your Catholic Faith, and even if they backlash out at you, keep in mind all the Jesus went through for us. Many people went through so much more than we have because of our faith in the Catholic Church.

As time goes on you’ll find that this person will accept/respect your Catholic Faith, even if they don’t agree with you on it. I’m sure the “Mary Worship, or Praying to Mary will Come up” it normally does. Prepare youself in the knowledge that we don’t worship Mary.

We only worship God, (Jesus and the Holy Sprit) and be able to explain this to them. Of course, they may still tell you that you’re wrong, be ready for that. Smile and say, yes most people seem to think that about the Catholic Church, but if most people would take the time to learn more about the Catholic Church, then they’d understand." Or something on that order.

I hope my blundering helps. Welcome Home to the Church that Jesus started.
 
choy said:
i’ve had priests say in sermons during lent that abstaining from something else during lent is sometimes more preferrable that abstaining from meat.
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Of course, there is no option on the Friday’s in Lent without a dispensation from your Bishop. Meat is to be abstained from during the Friday’s of Lent in the US and most of the rest of the world (perhaps all, I know of no exceptions).

As to the other days of Lent, you can choose any penance (or none) as fulfills your spiritual needs. You can also lay them aside as needed.
 
choy said:
i’ve had priests say in sermons during lent that abstaining from something else during lent is sometimes more preferrable that abstaining from meat. one example is yes, you don’t eat meat but you end up eating sushi instead or halibut or salmon or tuna (whatever fish is expensive in your area of the world) or even lobster, then where’s the sacrifice in that?

but if you give up things like TV, watching movies or other indulgences, then you make a better sacrifice that helps you grow spiritually. the purpose for abstaining from meat is because meat was a luxury item back in the Roman times and only rich people eat meat while poor people eat fish. of course today the opposite is true for most places in the world, where burgers and hotdogs are cheap and sushi and lobster are luxury food.

so don’t worry about eating meat. give something else up that would enrich you spiritually.
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On Fridays during Lent, all Catholics (age 14 and older) are required to abstain from meat. You are free to offer other penances in addition to this (and encouraged to do so), but you still have to abstain from meat.

The requirement to abstain from meat is not only about making a personal sacrifice of something we like. There is theological significance to the practice as well. Friday is the day that Jesus gave up his flesh for us. By “giving up” meat (i.e. “flesh”), we are honoring Christ’s sacrifice and participating in it.
 
Evan said:
Of course, there is no option on the Friday’s in Lent without a dispensation from your Bishop. Meat is to be abstained from during the Friday’s of Lent in the US and most of the rest of the world (perhaps all, I know of no exceptions).

As to the other days of Lent, you can choose any penance (or none) as fulfills your spiritual needs. You can also lay them aside as needed.
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Yes. That is correct. According to Canon Law, every Friday is a day of penance, not just the Fridays during Lent, and we should abstain from meat. The provision is made for local bishop’s conferences to substitute other forms of penance in place of abstaining (can. 1253). In the U.S., our bishops have exercised this option by stating that we are free to do some other suitable penance on the Fridays outside of Lent, but that we still abstain from meat on the Fridays during Lent (unless a Solemnity falls on a Friday, such as the Solemnity of St. Joseph).
 
choy said:
i’ve had priests say in sermons during lent that abstaining from something else during lent is sometimes more preferrable that abstaining from meat. one example is yes, you don’t eat meat but you end up eating sushi instead or halibut or salmon or tuna (whatever fish is expensive in your area of the world) or even lobster, then where’s the sacrifice in that?

but if you give up things like TV, watching movies or other indulgences, then you make a better sacrifice that helps you grow spiritually. the purpose for abstaining from meat is because meat was a luxury item back in the Roman times and only rich people eat meat while poor people eat fish. of course today the opposite is true for most places in the world, where burgers and hotdogs are cheap and sushi and lobster are luxury food.

so don’t worry about eating meat. give something else up that would enrich you spiritually.
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You are talking about giving up something other than meat because the alternative would be harder. The OP is looking for an alternative that is easier, and easier because it is less obviously Catholic. I don’t think that is what the priests you are referring to were talking about.

Besides, there is nothing that says you have to have lobster or sushi-grade tuna on a Friday during Lent. People do it, but that doesn’t mean it is the only way to abstain. There are simple and low-cost alternatives that are meat-free, and a greater penance, as well.
 
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